It's the wonders that I'm after/ Even if I have to fight...
So last week was pretty mixed.
Tuesday night I went to a book/music Fairyland event, and it wuz AWESOME.
It was a CMV/S00j event, so it was a wonderful combo of the new book and new album, and I picked up the previous book that I missed, and got to gabble with lots of new and old friends and YAY! Not really sure what else needs to be described. Yay! Unbridled awesomeness!
By the end of the late evening with friends, I was very wired, and already due to be late for bedtime. But I felt more like myself that I have for... months? Years? So it was a little bittersweet. A) I haven't been myself in so long, B) I couldn't tell how long it would last.
Last week's tarot indicated that there'd be a hammer launched at my CFS problems, so *hopefully* this is more helpful data on what wakes up teh Chrysilla. I am a social creature, despite my upbringing, and those batteries need to be recharged by the presence of other people.
And Wednesday I was a bit strung out, but no where near as bad as I would have expected based on getting to bed an hour late, and then having more trouble falling asleep. Furthermore, stressful dreams of "Its high school finals and I don't remember going to class in the first place. D-:"
Today in therapy I talked about how when I *was* in h.s., I had a whole bunch of apocalypse dreams. But they weren't nightmares, b/c me and my dream-friends would always survive and go on. I figured it was about how college was looming as a wonderful escape from the life I didn't like. The other day I reflected about how much I miss those dreams. Give me an apocalypse over high school any day :-P
By comparison, I think the h.s. test dreams are also an expression of "Ugh, I hate my life" but I don't have a clear path out of this one. HS-to-college is a very clear path to escape, or at least it was for me. And there's the additional element that there's something wrong with me and I don't know what it is. I didn't get to take a CFS class, I don't know how to pass the test. I don't know how to fix the problem, and I have very little to go on.
Wednesday was OK, but I was too tired in the evening for creative work. I was also trying a new dietary thing- instead of my big one-pound lunches, I was splitting my lunch & breaktime in half to spread out my meals a bit. I didn't see any obvious improvments, and Thursday I could only do one break & lunch anyway. After work I felt good enough to take a nice walk thru the West Village before getting on the train home. Once home, I completely crashed out into zombie mode. So no creative work again. But I'm not sure if it was lunch, or walking, or late-onset sleep dep.
Friday nite I wore myself out at CostCo, b/c it was not as under-populated as it was the last time I went on Friday nite. In November, may try a non-weekend night, since I get out at 5pm anyway. I also forgot to eat the Kind bar I brought with me, so that added to post-grocery crash. But I managed to stick to my shopping list, and when some items were unavailable or unsuitable I was able to pick up some gf hand lotions for winter (I'd been worried about that for a few weeks). Or autumn, whenever it decides to show up :-P. I was more or less on budget, may try to buy as few groceries as possible for the rest of the month to see what happens. I could not resist the super cheap bananas, and they weren't freaky eternally green this time, so I just made double the banana bread over the weekend. Less work next weekend, w00t.
But yay, plotting out noms for the month is helping me not overspend on groceries while buying in bulk. I have learned another grownup thing.
Wanted to wait until after possibly f'ing up my budget at CC before putting in a BPAL order for limited edition Halloween stuff. Um, a lot of it, b/c I'm silly. I was going to split in in half since they're available until December, half this month and half next. But if I get it all *now* I save $$ on shipping, and will have fewer expenses in November when I have a far-ish away wedding to attend. On the other hand, I could order it all in Nov when I have an extra paycheck coming in that month. But still, that extra wiggle room could go towards wedding expenses instead. And I don't know what next month's *other* big purchases will be. I also want to order more wand caps, b/c they make life easier. Maybe I'll do *that* next month?
Speaking of WeddingCon, I finally have more work done on my costume. Cut out the outside-fabric, and when it only took 90 mins to cut out I decided to do a few 1hour sewing sessions. Gave up at the sleeves, b/c it was Sunday evening and SLEEVES. Am having to take some liberties with the instructions, and the material is tricker to work with than I expected, b/c its turned out to be a slightly-heavier lining fabric. For the outside. Um, kay? I also considered cutting out the dress fabric (its really just a few bodice bits and a bunch of rectangles), but didn't want to deal with the knit unraveling before I could work on it. I've used that pattern before, so at least I don't have to cut that out as well.
I have a ride worked out, but not finalized, b/c both of us are being slow to reply. I have no excuse for it tho. Not exactly sure where I'll be roomming, it seems my ride is staying at the fancy hotel, but I would need to get my own separate room. I have a (car-less) friend at the cheap hotel who wouldn't mind a roommate. And I completely forget all of the rates, will look them over again this week.
My ride to PA will also leave early on Saturday, b/c they want to wander around 'Amish country'. I think I can do that. I'll just bring my cane, and a big bag of GF noms. Hopefully I can get some nice fresh apples while traveling. I think they're coming back right after the wedding on Sunday instead of staying over until Monday, so at least that's less snacks I need to pack. Its nice to hang out after the wedding, but my life is stupidly more complicated now than it was for my last wedding-trip. May still take Monday off for recuperation (and in case plans change), but I could also save the vacation day.
In other good-but-boring news, finally tried out the new crock pot. It works! Saturday I was still too out of it to leave the house and get veggies, so I just went straight to the 11-hour pork shoulder recipe. I knew CC would have them, but I didn't realize they came in 12 pound double packs. When I realized that, I felt silly for also getting ground beef *and* sausages for the month, but the sausages will keep until January. Less to get next month. Dunked one roast in the crock pot and put the other in the freezer. This recipe was just a dry rub, and then straight into cooking, so while it smelled really nice it didn't absorb a lot of flavor. Next time I may try a marinade, so let *that* go overnight and start the cp in the morning?
Also, nice to have stopped HATING cooking so much. Tho I will still treasure the shortcuts I figured out for busy weekends. Assuming they happen.
When I realized it would be a 10-12 hour process it was too late in the day, so I figured I'd just start it a little while before bedtime, make sure the thing *worked*, and then when I woke up Sunday morning it would be food. It mostly worked out, but apparently even good smells make it hard for me to fall asleep. Tho there was also some worry about leaving an appliance on overnight (OMG IS SOMETHING ON FIRE? NO? zzzzz). So next time I just have to get up early to start the cooking process, tho in that case I also dislike cooking late at night, b/c it keys me up before bed. And Sunday I woke up, started the rest of my lunchables, and had all of my half-lunches packed before it was even noon.
That's another thing I tried this weekend- maintaining sleep schedule. I seem to wake out of REM sleep around 7 or 8 even when I don't go to work. Trying to fall back into deep sleep after that is always futile, but it still upsets my sleep cycle. And then I'm exhausted on Monday & Tuesday b/c my circadian rhythm is off. So I decided to get up at almost my regular time each morning (I think it was 8 or 9am, but not noon) to see what happened. Results pending. I feel pretty normal-brainfoggy today, but Tuesday is usually the worst day for sleep dep. But it meant I got a ton of my boring-work done before noon on Sunday, so that was kinda nice. And I wasn't super wired at bedtime that night, and got to bed at almost normal time.
If this works, it may help my health probs more. Tho the downside is that I really won't be able to do goth clubs anymore as long as I work at the library. So that sux. But this weekend is NYCC after parties (tho I'm not doing the con itself) so I might be tempted. Or I might work out a way to get my regularly intended 16 hours of sleep over the course of a weekend, albeit split up into odd 4 hour chunks in some places, with dark wave music in between. *shrugs*
Trying my split-lunch schedule again this week, and while it still won't work on Thursdays I figured out a way to make it work on Mondays too. Last week I had one container with teh meats and a second containing the rice & veg, did not really feel any different. I felt oddly confused that I wasn't eating all-the-things at once. This week they're all mixed together in cute little mini-meals. They certainly heat up in the microwave a lot faster than they used to. But I may have to add some BBQ sauce to the pork, its pretty bland.
Last week was payday, and because my week-of-sick hadn't been processed in time it was a bit light. They put down the paid sick time automatically, but if I run out and need to use vacation days after that it needs to get called into the insurance company that handles our FMLA stuff.
I emailed HR b/c while I was sick I forgot about the "must report within 48 hours" rule, they said to report it to the insurance company anyway, which meant I had to call my specific rep. And that led to a few days of phone tag, b/c when I tell them to call my cel number they make sure to call my home phone instead, and that department is only open 9-4pm. Eventually I got a hold of her to find out what the procedure was, and she told me "Oh, our policy with your company is to have your HR person email us to apply the days you were sick to your intermittent leave claim. That's how its been since we started, you don't have to call it into us. They do." With the subtext of "Um, wth is wrong with your hr person?"
So I emailed my HR rep *again* and they finally started processing it. Ugh. On the upside, by Friday they had the vacation time processed for the week I was sick, so I should get it tacked onto my next paycheck. Before I pay my bills at the end of the month. But this is why it is awesome and VERY IMPORTANT to have a budget and an 'emergency' savings account. Even if you are gainfully employed by others.
So I was productive last week, but not really *creative*. If I go out I have great fun and feel awesome, if I stay home I crash out and turn into a zombie. In neither scenario do I get any writing done, and this is very frustrating.
Wondering if I also need to give up pattern sewing for a while (post wedding), until its time to get ready for DCon. Or maybe put those two costumes on hold too. What's more important, realizing my long term goals or having people maybe take my picture at con?
It couldn't hurt to put sewing aside for November (or earlier, depending on when I finish the costume, and the Doom Coat, and a couple other UFOs), leave the jewelry aside, and see where that leaves me in terms of creative energy. Like beads, fabric doesn't spoil. And I have such a nice system of storage for it. Tidy apartment, messy desk :-)
This week, I'm meeting up with a friend for dinner & BPAL geekery on Tuesday. We did a combined order to save on shipping, and it's just come in. Yaay for friends and BPAL :-)
Wednesday I have my allergy shot, but also the pneumonia vaccine. I do OK with the yearly flu vaccines, but this one is an every-few-years deal so... not sure what's going to happen to me. But will not forget the 48 hour reporting window for my "sinuses suck" claim if it makes me sick again.
Leaving Thursday open in case of bodily fail, the rest of the week is pretty much up in the air. Friday there's another bookish event, by an author friend who's in town again for NYCC, but it depends on whether or not my body works. Would be nice to see yet another group of writers I like. Not doing NYCC itself, but there are several parties going on over the weekend that I might try if I'm healthy. Sho glad I'm not hosting any of them this year :-P
<3 Chrysilla
Crossposted from Dreamwidth, http://chrysilla.dreamwidth.org/
Tuesday night I went to a book/music Fairyland event, and it wuz AWESOME.
It was a CMV/S00j event, so it was a wonderful combo of the new book and new album, and I picked up the previous book that I missed, and got to gabble with lots of new and old friends and YAY! Not really sure what else needs to be described. Yay! Unbridled awesomeness!
By the end of the late evening with friends, I was very wired, and already due to be late for bedtime. But I felt more like myself that I have for... months? Years? So it was a little bittersweet. A) I haven't been myself in so long, B) I couldn't tell how long it would last.
Last week's tarot indicated that there'd be a hammer launched at my CFS problems, so *hopefully* this is more helpful data on what wakes up teh Chrysilla. I am a social creature, despite my upbringing, and those batteries need to be recharged by the presence of other people.
And Wednesday I was a bit strung out, but no where near as bad as I would have expected based on getting to bed an hour late, and then having more trouble falling asleep. Furthermore, stressful dreams of "Its high school finals and I don't remember going to class in the first place. D-:"
Today in therapy I talked about how when I *was* in h.s., I had a whole bunch of apocalypse dreams. But they weren't nightmares, b/c me and my dream-friends would always survive and go on. I figured it was about how college was looming as a wonderful escape from the life I didn't like. The other day I reflected about how much I miss those dreams. Give me an apocalypse over high school any day :-P
By comparison, I think the h.s. test dreams are also an expression of "Ugh, I hate my life" but I don't have a clear path out of this one. HS-to-college is a very clear path to escape, or at least it was for me. And there's the additional element that there's something wrong with me and I don't know what it is. I didn't get to take a CFS class, I don't know how to pass the test. I don't know how to fix the problem, and I have very little to go on.
Wednesday was OK, but I was too tired in the evening for creative work. I was also trying a new dietary thing- instead of my big one-pound lunches, I was splitting my lunch & breaktime in half to spread out my meals a bit. I didn't see any obvious improvments, and Thursday I could only do one break & lunch anyway. After work I felt good enough to take a nice walk thru the West Village before getting on the train home. Once home, I completely crashed out into zombie mode. So no creative work again. But I'm not sure if it was lunch, or walking, or late-onset sleep dep.
Friday nite I wore myself out at CostCo, b/c it was not as under-populated as it was the last time I went on Friday nite. In November, may try a non-weekend night, since I get out at 5pm anyway. I also forgot to eat the Kind bar I brought with me, so that added to post-grocery crash. But I managed to stick to my shopping list, and when some items were unavailable or unsuitable I was able to pick up some gf hand lotions for winter (I'd been worried about that for a few weeks). Or autumn, whenever it decides to show up :-P. I was more or less on budget, may try to buy as few groceries as possible for the rest of the month to see what happens. I could not resist the super cheap bananas, and they weren't freaky eternally green this time, so I just made double the banana bread over the weekend. Less work next weekend, w00t.
But yay, plotting out noms for the month is helping me not overspend on groceries while buying in bulk. I have learned another grownup thing.
Wanted to wait until after possibly f'ing up my budget at CC before putting in a BPAL order for limited edition Halloween stuff. Um, a lot of it, b/c I'm silly. I was going to split in in half since they're available until December, half this month and half next. But if I get it all *now* I save $$ on shipping, and will have fewer expenses in November when I have a far-ish away wedding to attend. On the other hand, I could order it all in Nov when I have an extra paycheck coming in that month. But still, that extra wiggle room could go towards wedding expenses instead. And I don't know what next month's *other* big purchases will be. I also want to order more wand caps, b/c they make life easier. Maybe I'll do *that* next month?
Speaking of WeddingCon, I finally have more work done on my costume. Cut out the outside-fabric, and when it only took 90 mins to cut out I decided to do a few 1hour sewing sessions. Gave up at the sleeves, b/c it was Sunday evening and SLEEVES. Am having to take some liberties with the instructions, and the material is tricker to work with than I expected, b/c its turned out to be a slightly-heavier lining fabric. For the outside. Um, kay? I also considered cutting out the dress fabric (its really just a few bodice bits and a bunch of rectangles), but didn't want to deal with the knit unraveling before I could work on it. I've used that pattern before, so at least I don't have to cut that out as well.
I have a ride worked out, but not finalized, b/c both of us are being slow to reply. I have no excuse for it tho. Not exactly sure where I'll be roomming, it seems my ride is staying at the fancy hotel, but I would need to get my own separate room. I have a (car-less) friend at the cheap hotel who wouldn't mind a roommate. And I completely forget all of the rates, will look them over again this week.
My ride to PA will also leave early on Saturday, b/c they want to wander around 'Amish country'. I think I can do that. I'll just bring my cane, and a big bag of GF noms. Hopefully I can get some nice fresh apples while traveling. I think they're coming back right after the wedding on Sunday instead of staying over until Monday, so at least that's less snacks I need to pack. Its nice to hang out after the wedding, but my life is stupidly more complicated now than it was for my last wedding-trip. May still take Monday off for recuperation (and in case plans change), but I could also save the vacation day.
In other good-but-boring news, finally tried out the new crock pot. It works! Saturday I was still too out of it to leave the house and get veggies, so I just went straight to the 11-hour pork shoulder recipe. I knew CC would have them, but I didn't realize they came in 12 pound double packs. When I realized that, I felt silly for also getting ground beef *and* sausages for the month, but the sausages will keep until January. Less to get next month. Dunked one roast in the crock pot and put the other in the freezer. This recipe was just a dry rub, and then straight into cooking, so while it smelled really nice it didn't absorb a lot of flavor. Next time I may try a marinade, so let *that* go overnight and start the cp in the morning?
Also, nice to have stopped HATING cooking so much. Tho I will still treasure the shortcuts I figured out for busy weekends. Assuming they happen.
When I realized it would be a 10-12 hour process it was too late in the day, so I figured I'd just start it a little while before bedtime, make sure the thing *worked*, and then when I woke up Sunday morning it would be food. It mostly worked out, but apparently even good smells make it hard for me to fall asleep. Tho there was also some worry about leaving an appliance on overnight (OMG IS SOMETHING ON FIRE? NO? zzzzz). So next time I just have to get up early to start the cooking process, tho in that case I also dislike cooking late at night, b/c it keys me up before bed. And Sunday I woke up, started the rest of my lunchables, and had all of my half-lunches packed before it was even noon.
That's another thing I tried this weekend- maintaining sleep schedule. I seem to wake out of REM sleep around 7 or 8 even when I don't go to work. Trying to fall back into deep sleep after that is always futile, but it still upsets my sleep cycle. And then I'm exhausted on Monday & Tuesday b/c my circadian rhythm is off. So I decided to get up at almost my regular time each morning (I think it was 8 or 9am, but not noon) to see what happened. Results pending. I feel pretty normal-brainfoggy today, but Tuesday is usually the worst day for sleep dep. But it meant I got a ton of my boring-work done before noon on Sunday, so that was kinda nice. And I wasn't super wired at bedtime that night, and got to bed at almost normal time.
If this works, it may help my health probs more. Tho the downside is that I really won't be able to do goth clubs anymore as long as I work at the library. So that sux. But this weekend is NYCC after parties (tho I'm not doing the con itself) so I might be tempted. Or I might work out a way to get my regularly intended 16 hours of sleep over the course of a weekend, albeit split up into odd 4 hour chunks in some places, with dark wave music in between. *shrugs*
Trying my split-lunch schedule again this week, and while it still won't work on Thursdays I figured out a way to make it work on Mondays too. Last week I had one container with teh meats and a second containing the rice & veg, did not really feel any different. I felt oddly confused that I wasn't eating all-the-things at once. This week they're all mixed together in cute little mini-meals. They certainly heat up in the microwave a lot faster than they used to. But I may have to add some BBQ sauce to the pork, its pretty bland.
Last week was payday, and because my week-of-sick hadn't been processed in time it was a bit light. They put down the paid sick time automatically, but if I run out and need to use vacation days after that it needs to get called into the insurance company that handles our FMLA stuff.
I emailed HR b/c while I was sick I forgot about the "must report within 48 hours" rule, they said to report it to the insurance company anyway, which meant I had to call my specific rep. And that led to a few days of phone tag, b/c when I tell them to call my cel number they make sure to call my home phone instead, and that department is only open 9-4pm. Eventually I got a hold of her to find out what the procedure was, and she told me "Oh, our policy with your company is to have your HR person email us to apply the days you were sick to your intermittent leave claim. That's how its been since we started, you don't have to call it into us. They do." With the subtext of "Um, wth is wrong with your hr person?"
So I emailed my HR rep *again* and they finally started processing it. Ugh. On the upside, by Friday they had the vacation time processed for the week I was sick, so I should get it tacked onto my next paycheck. Before I pay my bills at the end of the month. But this is why it is awesome and VERY IMPORTANT to have a budget and an 'emergency' savings account. Even if you are gainfully employed by others.
So I was productive last week, but not really *creative*. If I go out I have great fun and feel awesome, if I stay home I crash out and turn into a zombie. In neither scenario do I get any writing done, and this is very frustrating.
Wondering if I also need to give up pattern sewing for a while (post wedding), until its time to get ready for DCon. Or maybe put those two costumes on hold too. What's more important, realizing my long term goals or having people maybe take my picture at con?
It couldn't hurt to put sewing aside for November (or earlier, depending on when I finish the costume, and the Doom Coat, and a couple other UFOs), leave the jewelry aside, and see where that leaves me in terms of creative energy. Like beads, fabric doesn't spoil. And I have such a nice system of storage for it. Tidy apartment, messy desk :-)
This week, I'm meeting up with a friend for dinner & BPAL geekery on Tuesday. We did a combined order to save on shipping, and it's just come in. Yaay for friends and BPAL :-)
Wednesday I have my allergy shot, but also the pneumonia vaccine. I do OK with the yearly flu vaccines, but this one is an every-few-years deal so... not sure what's going to happen to me. But will not forget the 48 hour reporting window for my "sinuses suck" claim if it makes me sick again.
Leaving Thursday open in case of bodily fail, the rest of the week is pretty much up in the air. Friday there's another bookish event, by an author friend who's in town again for NYCC, but it depends on whether or not my body works. Would be nice to see yet another group of writers I like. Not doing NYCC itself, but there are several parties going on over the weekend that I might try if I'm healthy. Sho glad I'm not hosting any of them this year :-P
<3 Chrysilla
Crossposted from Dreamwidth, http://chrysilla.dreamwidth.org/