Opportunity Overdose?
Still feeling weird. Good and bad days are about even. Keep having to remind myself that it is not strange to feel yucky (physically and mentally) when it is 90+ degrees outside. Trying not to be too impatient or hard on myself.
I was getting stuff done this time last year, but I was already enrolled in classes last summmer. This year not a lot is going on, and my brain is too melty to put anything new together. Despite the feeling that "OMG YOU'RE WASTING TIME WORLD TO END OMG!!!" my logic-brain sez it would be prudent to relax, dangle my toes in whatever pools are convenient, and not go for a committed swim until September.
A recurring theme is "pruning the garden." I feel like I still have too many things/people/goings-on in my life, which is why I feel like I don't have time for any of them. And when I fall into a state of kersplat, of course people stop calling, I'm not around.
Ima try listing things out to get some perspective. The brain is all jumbly.
Improv
Yay:
-Always something going on. Always some place to go on a nightly basis, without having to run something for others (ala rpgs).
-Opportunities for teamwork and performance without a lot of overhead.
-People are really nice to me despite the fact that some of them are normies! Its a bit like high school, but with a humane level of respect for strangers.
-I am not at the brunt of any drama at all. (B/c I am not interested in being part of the 'establishment' ie house teams, and sexual disinterest with the males of the species is entirely mutual.)
Nay:
-Hard to pin down friends for fun/projects because there is always something going on. Large swaths of the population are busy and/or flaky.
-Its nice meeting more normies, but it's also not always fun to be the Yoda/Gandalf of the group. Sometimes you just want to make a WoD or Star Wars reference and have everyone get it. The self-loathing nerds there are also really sad to watch.
-Sho much boozing. Not so much fun when you're straightedge and everyone else has hit Gross O'Clock.
Jewelry
Yay:
-Army of one. Can perpetuate at my own pace via Etsy, or branch back out into craft fairs and cons. Don't need to wait on flaky folks.
-Art! Shininess! 15 years of experience and exploration!
-Taking a vacation is easy when I'm my own boss and total sum of employees.
-Attracts other nerdkine friends.
Nay:
-If I really want to make $$, I have to engage in online socializing that I hate (mindless Twittering).
-"Can I have free/cheap stuff?" (Hint- no.)
-"Can you tell me all your crafting techniques/secrets instead of me having to buy stuff from you or figure it out myself?" (Hint- F#$% NO)
-I've had a lot of trouble focusing on making teh shinies over the last few months. Probably due to improv overscheduling & burn out, followed by allergy season.
-I guess the fact that we're in a recession, but this isn't my main source of income, and I can budget, so that's not too bad.
-Have not had much help in signal boosting my work, despite all of the jewelry I've made in the past which helped promote my friends projects (books, mostly) for free. I guess that's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes.
Writing
Yay:
-Army of one (so far). Work at my own pace.
-Army of more than one. I'm interested in writing 'radio' plays, so once complete I can put a team together for more work on it. Can also ask friends for writing feedback.
-Cheap, b/c I've been more comfy writing "Shaman in the City" in notebooks than on computer so far.
-Lots of nerdkine in writing, socially speaking.
Nay:
-Socially speaking, I'm not a writer of something that can be published in novel or anthology format, so other writers may not quite know what to do with me.
-Some writers I know seem only interested in me as a person as long as I am buying their books, or helping promote them for free. Thus, not expecting much help in signal boosting this work either.
-Despite the existence of an Interstitial Arts Foundation, I doubt my work (assuming I finish it and it is decent) will find an audience. That's what I get for writing an urban fantasy radio sitcom...
Professional Tarot
Yay:
-Army of one.
-No overhead.
-Social.
Nay:
-I'm bad at promoting myself.
-Really don't like doing readings over the internet. I think I'm going to take that option down.
-My present brain melt is making it difficult to network with people that could help me promote.
Lightsaber stage combat
Yay:
-Swords!
-Geekiness!
-Physical activity makes Chrysillas happy!
-Several old friends involved.
Nay:
-Really badly organized, quite frustrating to try and work on anything.
-Classes are scattered and techniques unfocused.
-Drama llamas. I left before they had a chance to bite me, and the group had a drama-explosion a few months after I left.
Paganism:
... No real yay-or-nay here. I have a couple of friends who are Pagans, but no cohesive group or community that I like. A lot of people seem kinda flaky or burnt out. Not many with B.A's in magic & mysticism anymore, and I'm an intellectual snob. Solitary practice seems the way to go for me, but again due to the Gandalf factor of the improv scene it would be nice to have more pagan friends to dish with more often.
Other thingies:
Cons: Big and fun! But expensive and far away. With other people that live far away from NYC. *sigh*
Sewing: New hobby. Not sure where its going, but it is potentially dangerous for its time and space consuming nature. Like an Eldergod? An Eldergod named "Brother". On the other hand, would rather spend 3 hours cutting fabric at home than trying on clothes in a store that don't fit.
Yoga/other martial arts: Potential replacement for Lightsabers, more focused but less geeky. Also, I have no idea *where* to go for it in NYC. Actually, no, I know where to of find Yoga but not Tai Chi or swordy arts. I miss swords so much, I don't mind "Hundred days Dao, Thousand days sword," to get back to them.
Puppets: Many opportunities in NYC, or so I've heard. But due to the 2011 crash'n'burn was unable to chase the leads. But now the Puppet Kitchen is open, and I can use my home sewing machine with confidence. Maybe in September? There *was* some drama with puppets last year that hit me indirectly (yay for being left out of the Special People Club?), but I'm willing to check out the world beyond to see if other folks are less lame.
Dances of Vice/Wits End/Etc.: I used to really like the costumed, vintage neo-ball scene, despite getting screwed as a vendor by a promoter. And $10-$30 for cover isn't so bad compared to $30 for a normie nite at Crobar so many moons ago. Lately it comes down to "Do I feel up to it tonight? Do I have something else I'd rather be doing?"
RPGs: Always sound like a good idea, but rarely does anybody want to run them for me. This may change in the autumn tho. Yaaaay.
Goth clubbing: I'm a terrible self concious dancer, and I don't have the look of a goth-lifestylist, but I don't think the local clubs don't mind us 'tourists' so long as we pay the cover and don't get in the way. Again, exercise makes me feel teh good. If only they weren't so f'ing late at night. Have had no time/energy for it for years but I yearn for the downbeat. However, I don't like going alone, and its hard motivating other people to posse-up with me.
Ballroom dancing: Another temptation towards exercise. Have no leads yet. Might go to Big Apple Waltz on Friday, at a venue near work, and see what happens.
Browncoats: Geeks geeking out in a bar. Its there if I need it, but not a very active activity. Also, an icky guy in particular gets on my nerves there, and may get the whole group kicked out of the bar they usually hang out in b/c he has no social filter, skills, or awareness :-P
NYU sci fi club: I just feel old. And I work at the college now, so I need time off campus. And most of my best friends of that era have also graduated and moved on/away to other stuff.
I guess LARP can get a mention on this list, but I'm spared a dilemma because it seems the NYC indie LARP scene collapsed like a flan in a cupboard late last year. From what I've put together from other people's reports, I think the clique that worked so hard to drive me out of town on a rail continued to alienate other of players and STs, and anyone they didn't alienate they wore down to exhaustion by pressuring them to play/run the games constantly. Apparently nobody could just turn this clique out of games b/c of the decreasing larper population ... which was their fault for driving people away? And the scene hasn't crashed like this since a 2 year hiatus after 9/11. WTH. There's still Cam Club, but its hard to get to do anything in your local chapter game if you are not also constantly monitoring the state/regional/national/global boards, and that's just not how I roll anymore (and another reason not to court the indie LARPs).
Yikes. That's a big frigging list of stuff. And that is definitely why I feel overloaded, and then too tired to do anything. Opportunity overdose.
Back when I was in the LARP and stage-combat groups, it was pretty easy to see what to cut due to the drama llamas making me (directly and indirectly, respectively) miserable.
Another thing I've noticed about my socializing is that I feel most comfortable going to an event-thing where other folks will also be. LARPs, improv shows, readings, etc. Rather than trying to organize going out to a movie or coming over for a party. Maybe I should focus on the event-based groups? Tho some events I end up attending alone, and that is also not fun.
There are lots of friends I haven't seen much of in the past ... year or so? But I don't think people are holding it against me that I've been busy *doing* stuff (or trying to). Maybe I just need to let go of the guilt of not seeing some friends beyond their Facebook statuses. If people want to hang out, they have my contact info. And more often than not I'll be busy doing something social that they can come along for.
Tho on the other hand, most of the friends that actually came to my b'day party don't really do any events/scenes. The guilt is back. Argh.
Dammit, why can't all of my friends just hang out in the same place in time/space like they used to? Everything would be so much easier.
I was getting stuff done this time last year, but I was already enrolled in classes last summmer. This year not a lot is going on, and my brain is too melty to put anything new together. Despite the feeling that "OMG YOU'RE WASTING TIME WORLD TO END OMG!!!" my logic-brain sez it would be prudent to relax, dangle my toes in whatever pools are convenient, and not go for a committed swim until September.
A recurring theme is "pruning the garden." I feel like I still have too many things/people/goings-on in my life, which is why I feel like I don't have time for any of them. And when I fall into a state of kersplat, of course people stop calling, I'm not around.
Ima try listing things out to get some perspective. The brain is all jumbly.
Improv
Yay:
-Always something going on. Always some place to go on a nightly basis, without having to run something for others (ala rpgs).
-Opportunities for teamwork and performance without a lot of overhead.
-People are really nice to me despite the fact that some of them are normies! Its a bit like high school, but with a humane level of respect for strangers.
-I am not at the brunt of any drama at all. (B/c I am not interested in being part of the 'establishment' ie house teams, and sexual disinterest with the males of the species is entirely mutual.)
Nay:
-Hard to pin down friends for fun/projects because there is always something going on. Large swaths of the population are busy and/or flaky.
-Its nice meeting more normies, but it's also not always fun to be the Yoda/Gandalf of the group. Sometimes you just want to make a WoD or Star Wars reference and have everyone get it. The self-loathing nerds there are also really sad to watch.
-Sho much boozing. Not so much fun when you're straightedge and everyone else has hit Gross O'Clock.
Jewelry
Yay:
-Army of one. Can perpetuate at my own pace via Etsy, or branch back out into craft fairs and cons. Don't need to wait on flaky folks.
-Art! Shininess! 15 years of experience and exploration!
-Taking a vacation is easy when I'm my own boss and total sum of employees.
-Attracts other nerdkine friends.
Nay:
-If I really want to make $$, I have to engage in online socializing that I hate (mindless Twittering).
-"Can I have free/cheap stuff?" (Hint- no.)
-"Can you tell me all your crafting techniques/secrets instead of me having to buy stuff from you or figure it out myself?" (Hint- F#$% NO)
-I've had a lot of trouble focusing on making teh shinies over the last few months. Probably due to improv overscheduling & burn out, followed by allergy season.
-I guess the fact that we're in a recession, but this isn't my main source of income, and I can budget, so that's not too bad.
-Have not had much help in signal boosting my work, despite all of the jewelry I've made in the past which helped promote my friends projects (books, mostly) for free. I guess that's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes.
Writing
Yay:
-Army of one (so far). Work at my own pace.
-Army of more than one. I'm interested in writing 'radio' plays, so once complete I can put a team together for more work on it. Can also ask friends for writing feedback.
-Cheap, b/c I've been more comfy writing "Shaman in the City" in notebooks than on computer so far.
-Lots of nerdkine in writing, socially speaking.
Nay:
-Socially speaking, I'm not a writer of something that can be published in novel or anthology format, so other writers may not quite know what to do with me.
-Some writers I know seem only interested in me as a person as long as I am buying their books, or helping promote them for free. Thus, not expecting much help in signal boosting this work either.
-Despite the existence of an Interstitial Arts Foundation, I doubt my work (assuming I finish it and it is decent) will find an audience. That's what I get for writing an urban fantasy radio sitcom...
Professional Tarot
Yay:
-Army of one.
-No overhead.
-Social.
Nay:
-I'm bad at promoting myself.
-Really don't like doing readings over the internet. I think I'm going to take that option down.
-My present brain melt is making it difficult to network with people that could help me promote.
Lightsaber stage combat
Yay:
-Swords!
-Geekiness!
-Physical activity makes Chrysillas happy!
-Several old friends involved.
Nay:
-Really badly organized, quite frustrating to try and work on anything.
-Classes are scattered and techniques unfocused.
-Drama llamas. I left before they had a chance to bite me, and the group had a drama-explosion a few months after I left.
Paganism:
... No real yay-or-nay here. I have a couple of friends who are Pagans, but no cohesive group or community that I like. A lot of people seem kinda flaky or burnt out. Not many with B.A's in magic & mysticism anymore, and I'm an intellectual snob. Solitary practice seems the way to go for me, but again due to the Gandalf factor of the improv scene it would be nice to have more pagan friends to dish with more often.
Other thingies:
Cons: Big and fun! But expensive and far away. With other people that live far away from NYC. *sigh*
Sewing: New hobby. Not sure where its going, but it is potentially dangerous for its time and space consuming nature. Like an Eldergod? An Eldergod named "Brother". On the other hand, would rather spend 3 hours cutting fabric at home than trying on clothes in a store that don't fit.
Yoga/other martial arts: Potential replacement for Lightsabers, more focused but less geeky. Also, I have no idea *where* to go for it in NYC. Actually, no, I know where to of find Yoga but not Tai Chi or swordy arts. I miss swords so much, I don't mind "Hundred days Dao, Thousand days sword," to get back to them.
Puppets: Many opportunities in NYC, or so I've heard. But due to the 2011 crash'n'burn was unable to chase the leads. But now the Puppet Kitchen is open, and I can use my home sewing machine with confidence. Maybe in September? There *was* some drama with puppets last year that hit me indirectly (yay for being left out of the Special People Club?), but I'm willing to check out the world beyond to see if other folks are less lame.
Dances of Vice/Wits End/Etc.: I used to really like the costumed, vintage neo-ball scene, despite getting screwed as a vendor by a promoter. And $10-$30 for cover isn't so bad compared to $30 for a normie nite at Crobar so many moons ago. Lately it comes down to "Do I feel up to it tonight? Do I have something else I'd rather be doing?"
RPGs: Always sound like a good idea, but rarely does anybody want to run them for me. This may change in the autumn tho. Yaaaay.
Goth clubbing: I'm a terrible self concious dancer, and I don't have the look of a goth-lifestylist, but I don't think the local clubs don't mind us 'tourists' so long as we pay the cover and don't get in the way. Again, exercise makes me feel teh good. If only they weren't so f'ing late at night. Have had no time/energy for it for years but I yearn for the downbeat. However, I don't like going alone, and its hard motivating other people to posse-up with me.
Ballroom dancing: Another temptation towards exercise. Have no leads yet. Might go to Big Apple Waltz on Friday, at a venue near work, and see what happens.
Browncoats: Geeks geeking out in a bar. Its there if I need it, but not a very active activity. Also, an icky guy in particular gets on my nerves there, and may get the whole group kicked out of the bar they usually hang out in b/c he has no social filter, skills, or awareness :-P
NYU sci fi club: I just feel old. And I work at the college now, so I need time off campus. And most of my best friends of that era have also graduated and moved on/away to other stuff.
I guess LARP can get a mention on this list, but I'm spared a dilemma because it seems the NYC indie LARP scene collapsed like a flan in a cupboard late last year. From what I've put together from other people's reports, I think the clique that worked so hard to drive me out of town on a rail continued to alienate other of players and STs, and anyone they didn't alienate they wore down to exhaustion by pressuring them to play/run the games constantly. Apparently nobody could just turn this clique out of games b/c of the decreasing larper population ... which was their fault for driving people away? And the scene hasn't crashed like this since a 2 year hiatus after 9/11. WTH. There's still Cam Club, but its hard to get to do anything in your local chapter game if you are not also constantly monitoring the state/regional/national/global boards, and that's just not how I roll anymore (and another reason not to court the indie LARPs).
Yikes. That's a big frigging list of stuff. And that is definitely why I feel overloaded, and then too tired to do anything. Opportunity overdose.
Back when I was in the LARP and stage-combat groups, it was pretty easy to see what to cut due to the drama llamas making me (directly and indirectly, respectively) miserable.
Another thing I've noticed about my socializing is that I feel most comfortable going to an event-thing where other folks will also be. LARPs, improv shows, readings, etc. Rather than trying to organize going out to a movie or coming over for a party. Maybe I should focus on the event-based groups? Tho some events I end up attending alone, and that is also not fun.
There are lots of friends I haven't seen much of in the past ... year or so? But I don't think people are holding it against me that I've been busy *doing* stuff (or trying to). Maybe I just need to let go of the guilt of not seeing some friends beyond their Facebook statuses. If people want to hang out, they have my contact info. And more often than not I'll be busy doing something social that they can come along for.
Tho on the other hand, most of the friends that actually came to my b'day party don't really do any events/scenes. The guilt is back. Argh.
Dammit, why can't all of my friends just hang out in the same place in time/space like they used to? Everything would be so much easier.