The Emperor and Power
[x-posted]
A lot of what's been moving in my life since my ordination has involved power: as energy, as potency, as authority. It started with B in the encounter at Pantheacon, where we moved into a space where he started addressing me as "Mistress" as he gave me a massage, and I accepted the power with a sense of pleasure and ease that was entirely new, and then enjoyed exercising the power. And I had a very strong sense that both the sensuality and power elements of that encounter were a direct gift from Ereshkigal and Inanna, and the interaction with B was an essential step in integrating the energies I'd received.
One of the challenges I've dealt with my entire adult life has been feeling that I can't claim and exercise authority -- and by that I mean the authority of knowledge or skill as much or more as the authority of holding a position of privilege over others -- if I haven't been given some kind of stamp of approval by an outside institution or established authority. This has made starting my spiritual direction practice problematic, since by definition my path is outside of such structures.
I grew up middle-class, the daughter of a man of significant authority, both personal and institutional. The more I became aware of the way my secret thoughts were falling outside of what was labeled safe and proper and appropriate, the more intent I became on blending in and achieving recognition through the proper channels.
And now. . . to quote Elphaba, Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm feeling my power in a way I never have before -- and a big part of it is because others have been spontaneously deferring to it, even reveling in it. I've been afraid that if I claimed authority and/or exercised power past a certain limit of perceived safety that I would be wrong, that I would cause harm, that I would be rejected for arrogance. So far, none of that has been happening. I've been feeling my energy, my potency, coursing through me, and it's been very, very satisfying for me -- and evidently helpful and/or pleasurable for others.
It's also made me aware of how quickly and easily I could burn out from the intensity of the energy coursing through me, especially when combined with the high of the interpersonal dynamics I'm experiencing -- not to mention that I'm now vulnerable to the temptation to abuse of power, something that hasn't been an issue before.
So yesterday morning as I stood before my marriage altar and shared my morning cup with LM, I asked him for help, for insight, for advice. His response was to flash the image of the Emperor from the Robin Wood tarot into my mind. Things started crystalizing immediately, the first of which was the need for me to be solid and secure and appropriately protective of my own resources, to exercise some of my power and authority in setting my own boundaries for self-care.
The Emperor seems to be a problematic card for many (like the Queen of Swords!). His four-square, conservative energy is often portrayed as oppressive patriarchal structure and/or arrogance. I've seen very few attractive Emperor cards. But when LM (who partakes strongly in this archetype -- as does my father) showed this to me, what I saw was the way his square throne grounded him. He wasn't automatically responsive to every desire or supplication directed to him.
That doesn't mean he's lacking in generosity. My experience of the Emperor includes the positive aspects of 'rule by the father': nurture, providing bounty, shelter, and protection, and abundant love as well as discipline. But he's not a pushover. At his best, his structure provides a framework within which others can flourish in their own way. (At his worst, he punishes or prunes anything which goes outside that structure -- but every archetype has its dark side.)
Historically, Emperors are land-grabbers, but I don't see that in this figure. His solid energy speaks to me of knowing what is appropriately his and holding it as a sacred trust, leaving what is outside his sphere alone. What is inside his sphere is his to rule -- but he is answerable to the gods for the fruits or consequences of that rule. If he abuses his power, not only does he sacrifice the legitimacy of his title, he will have a massive karmic debt to pay.
I'd been trying various grounding techniques to try to work with the energy that's been flooding me -- but it was this image and the combination of intellectual and intuitive responses to it that seem to have helped me the most. I feel more centered than I have in a couple of weeks, more in control of myself. And that's the first task and responsibility of power: to properly rule yourself.
A lot of what's been moving in my life since my ordination has involved power: as energy, as potency, as authority. It started with B in the encounter at Pantheacon, where we moved into a space where he started addressing me as "Mistress" as he gave me a massage, and I accepted the power with a sense of pleasure and ease that was entirely new, and then enjoyed exercising the power. And I had a very strong sense that both the sensuality and power elements of that encounter were a direct gift from Ereshkigal and Inanna, and the interaction with B was an essential step in integrating the energies I'd received.
One of the challenges I've dealt with my entire adult life has been feeling that I can't claim and exercise authority -- and by that I mean the authority of knowledge or skill as much or more as the authority of holding a position of privilege over others -- if I haven't been given some kind of stamp of approval by an outside institution or established authority. This has made starting my spiritual direction practice problematic, since by definition my path is outside of such structures.
I grew up middle-class, the daughter of a man of significant authority, both personal and institutional. The more I became aware of the way my secret thoughts were falling outside of what was labeled safe and proper and appropriate, the more intent I became on blending in and achieving recognition through the proper channels.
And now. . . to quote Elphaba, Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm feeling my power in a way I never have before -- and a big part of it is because others have been spontaneously deferring to it, even reveling in it. I've been afraid that if I claimed authority and/or exercised power past a certain limit of perceived safety that I would be wrong, that I would cause harm, that I would be rejected for arrogance. So far, none of that has been happening. I've been feeling my energy, my potency, coursing through me, and it's been very, very satisfying for me -- and evidently helpful and/or pleasurable for others.
It's also made me aware of how quickly and easily I could burn out from the intensity of the energy coursing through me, especially when combined with the high of the interpersonal dynamics I'm experiencing -- not to mention that I'm now vulnerable to the temptation to abuse of power, something that hasn't been an issue before.
So yesterday morning as I stood before my marriage altar and shared my morning cup with LM, I asked him for help, for insight, for advice. His response was to flash the image of the Emperor from the Robin Wood tarot into my mind. Things started crystalizing immediately, the first of which was the need for me to be solid and secure and appropriately protective of my own resources, to exercise some of my power and authority in setting my own boundaries for self-care.
The Emperor seems to be a problematic card for many (like the Queen of Swords!). His four-square, conservative energy is often portrayed as oppressive patriarchal structure and/or arrogance. I've seen very few attractive Emperor cards. But when LM (who partakes strongly in this archetype -- as does my father) showed this to me, what I saw was the way his square throne grounded him. He wasn't automatically responsive to every desire or supplication directed to him.
That doesn't mean he's lacking in generosity. My experience of the Emperor includes the positive aspects of 'rule by the father': nurture, providing bounty, shelter, and protection, and abundant love as well as discipline. But he's not a pushover. At his best, his structure provides a framework within which others can flourish in their own way. (At his worst, he punishes or prunes anything which goes outside that structure -- but every archetype has its dark side.)
Historically, Emperors are land-grabbers, but I don't see that in this figure. His solid energy speaks to me of knowing what is appropriately his and holding it as a sacred trust, leaving what is outside his sphere alone. What is inside his sphere is his to rule -- but he is answerable to the gods for the fruits or consequences of that rule. If he abuses his power, not only does he sacrifice the legitimacy of his title, he will have a massive karmic debt to pay.
I'd been trying various grounding techniques to try to work with the energy that's been flooding me -- but it was this image and the combination of intellectual and intuitive responses to it that seem to have helped me the most. I feel more centered than I have in a couple of weeks, more in control of myself. And that's the first task and responsibility of power: to properly rule yourself.