The Ultimate Internet Mind Virus
I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man,
was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was
full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS
KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but
he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a
virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an email entitled
"Join the crew!"
He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer
programmer who was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls
around. His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together
and distribute the $600 Nieman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates
(It's true--I read it all last week in a mass email from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also
promising me a free Disneyworld Vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the email to
everyone I know).
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to
report his missing kidney, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an
HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said "Welcome to the world
of AIDS."
Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital--the very
one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for
everyone in the world to send him an email and the American Cancer Society has agreed to
pay him a nickel for every email he receives. I sent him two emails and one of them was a
bunch of X's and O's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to twenty
people you will have good luck but ten people only will give you OK luck and if you send
it to less than ten people you will have bad luck FOR SEVEN YEARS!)
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the
hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along without its lights on. To be
helpful, he flashed his lights and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
And it's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the
Dark Ages.
(author unknown)