He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.
That's Samuel Johnson, as quoted by the noble Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, in "Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas."
Our society ideates people who don't give a fuck. We idolize the characteristics of people who project this aura of confident, arrogant, voluntary rejection of norms and values. The other side to this coin is the ignorance of it, the total selfishness of what it does. You flip on a television, you turn on the radio. Songs, fiction about characters who look out for themselves, and we love that.
But we're neglecting things about those characters that deviate from reality.
Those characters Still save the day in the end, and those characters still have free reign over their own lives. They choose to be defiant, and what we embrace is not that defiance, it is that choice...our culture is too ignorant to see it.
At the end of the day, the normal, well adjusted person, who has not confronted that adversity can only look at the heroism of fiction, but does not have to live with the horrifying reality of day to day misery, caused by the turmoils that confront people who are put in this position involuntarily. The heroism is the fiction.
There are people in this world who don't live up to their potential, who choose to do something else with their lives. They're not to be admired. There's nothing romantic about sticking metal in your face, dying your hair, and spending half your life wasted. There's nothing good about this. If you had a choice, you wouldn't choose it, unless you could turn away from it when you got grounded, or when you ran out of money for drugs and booze, and ran back to your parents, or whoever the hell takes care of you.
I can't believe that this is my life.
People need a lense to see through before they can begin to stab at distinctions between succumbing to adversity, and suffering through it.
I need help. I ALSO can't believe no one cares enough to help me through this. It's simple things I want. THINGS YOU CAN HELP WITH IF YOU REALLY CARE. Opportunities. Chances. This is not hard. You all had them. If it's funny for you to watch me suffer, I'm not making any moral judgements, but, shame on you for pretending to give a shit.
But I wasn't always like this. Okay, you got me. I ideated fictional icons that stood for things I thought were romantic. now I'm fucked. I have no love life, I have no friends, I have a dead end job, I can't pay my bills, and I'm unsuccessfully drinking myself to sleep at 5:30 AM on a Saturday because I'm too miserable to sleep.
Crap. It's not Saturday, is it? Fuck
I don't fit in, but I want to.
I know I haven't really lived on the streets. I'm not at the depths of depraivity. I have a beer to drink, and a keyboard under my fingers. I have access to food, if I need it. I have a wardrobe full of clothing I'm proud to wear...and I guess I have a family that, no matter how insane they are, will at least feed me.
At the end of the day, I have these things....but they are crawling from under my fingertips as I type this. I have tried so hard to be both one and the other, to be myself, and be what people expect of me, but it may be the case that people eventually come to a crossroads, where they must choose one, or the other, if they have not already made a compromise in my youth.
I never did. I was never a fan of compromise.
So now I can slowly be swept under as an individual, or I can successfully fake normality with a 9-5 job I MIGHT be able to get, and therapy the rest of my life.
I need one of two things, or I go totally nuts.
drugs or women
Money and therapy isn't gonna cut it. I'm afraid Jack Daniels and Jenna Jameson did far more for mankind than Jesus Christ ever did.
I'm wasted right now, or I wouldn't be coherent enough to punctuate. Every second of the day spent sober is a second spent utterly miserable. I thought I needed a girlfriend, but I might be wrong. I might just be able to successfullly choose a life of alcoholism and drug abuse, a short life....still, a short, oblivious life beats a long, miserable one, and it beats a short, miserable one by a long shot.
Anyway. This is getting kind of morbid. Jesus.
Watch some goddamn youtube, and cheer up, or something. god.
Our society ideates people who don't give a fuck. We idolize the characteristics of people who project this aura of confident, arrogant, voluntary rejection of norms and values. The other side to this coin is the ignorance of it, the total selfishness of what it does. You flip on a television, you turn on the radio. Songs, fiction about characters who look out for themselves, and we love that.
But we're neglecting things about those characters that deviate from reality.
Those characters Still save the day in the end, and those characters still have free reign over their own lives. They choose to be defiant, and what we embrace is not that defiance, it is that choice...our culture is too ignorant to see it.
At the end of the day, the normal, well adjusted person, who has not confronted that adversity can only look at the heroism of fiction, but does not have to live with the horrifying reality of day to day misery, caused by the turmoils that confront people who are put in this position involuntarily. The heroism is the fiction.
There are people in this world who don't live up to their potential, who choose to do something else with their lives. They're not to be admired. There's nothing romantic about sticking metal in your face, dying your hair, and spending half your life wasted. There's nothing good about this. If you had a choice, you wouldn't choose it, unless you could turn away from it when you got grounded, or when you ran out of money for drugs and booze, and ran back to your parents, or whoever the hell takes care of you.
I can't believe that this is my life.
People need a lense to see through before they can begin to stab at distinctions between succumbing to adversity, and suffering through it.
I need help. I ALSO can't believe no one cares enough to help me through this. It's simple things I want. THINGS YOU CAN HELP WITH IF YOU REALLY CARE. Opportunities. Chances. This is not hard. You all had them. If it's funny for you to watch me suffer, I'm not making any moral judgements, but, shame on you for pretending to give a shit.
But I wasn't always like this. Okay, you got me. I ideated fictional icons that stood for things I thought were romantic. now I'm fucked. I have no love life, I have no friends, I have a dead end job, I can't pay my bills, and I'm unsuccessfully drinking myself to sleep at 5:30 AM on a Saturday because I'm too miserable to sleep.
Crap. It's not Saturday, is it? Fuck
I don't fit in, but I want to.
I know I haven't really lived on the streets. I'm not at the depths of depraivity. I have a beer to drink, and a keyboard under my fingers. I have access to food, if I need it. I have a wardrobe full of clothing I'm proud to wear...and I guess I have a family that, no matter how insane they are, will at least feed me.
At the end of the day, I have these things....but they are crawling from under my fingertips as I type this. I have tried so hard to be both one and the other, to be myself, and be what people expect of me, but it may be the case that people eventually come to a crossroads, where they must choose one, or the other, if they have not already made a compromise in my youth.
I never did. I was never a fan of compromise.
So now I can slowly be swept under as an individual, or I can successfully fake normality with a 9-5 job I MIGHT be able to get, and therapy the rest of my life.
I need one of two things, or I go totally nuts.
drugs or women
Money and therapy isn't gonna cut it. I'm afraid Jack Daniels and Jenna Jameson did far more for mankind than Jesus Christ ever did.
I'm wasted right now, or I wouldn't be coherent enough to punctuate. Every second of the day spent sober is a second spent utterly miserable. I thought I needed a girlfriend, but I might be wrong. I might just be able to successfullly choose a life of alcoholism and drug abuse, a short life....still, a short, oblivious life beats a long, miserable one, and it beats a short, miserable one by a long shot.
Anyway. This is getting kind of morbid. Jesus.
Watch some goddamn youtube, and cheer up, or something. god.