When politics and fandom collide
“Pagans for Peace”
A crackfic for the political season
We have rhi_silverflame to thank blame for inspiring this.
Please to not read if you are offended by Republican skewering and/or copious amounts of Charmed and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If you are not now scared and agree to accept this as the completely satirical weirdness it is intended to be...
Leo whistled as he dunked teabags in steamy water and opened packages of Lorna Dunes.
“Daddy.” Chris tugged at his sleeve and beamed up at his father. “Why is Mommy having this lady over again?”
“Because,” Leo said, ruffling his son’s hair, “she’s going to help Mommy fight a super scary demon!”
“Can’t Aunt Paige and Aunt Phoebe do that? Can’t Wyatt?”
Leo chuckled. “Usually, yeah.” He crouched down to meet Chris at eye-level. “But this demon is different. Only this special lady can help vanquish it.”
“What’s different about this demon?”
Hoo boy, Leo thought. That was the question of the day, wasn’t it? How to explain to your son that if this demon didn’t get vanquished, it could very literally control the entire country?
“Don’t worry about it, son,” Leo told him. “Tell you what, you can have the leftover cookies if you promise not to worry.”
As Chris happily munched on shortbread, Leo’s brow furrowed. I hope this world will have a tomorrow where he can live unashamed, Leo fretted, Goddess help us all.
***
In the front parlor, Piper was hugging her guest and showing her to the couch. “I’m so glad you could come on such short notice!” she gushed. “It’s really an honor to have you here. You’re sort of famous in our circles.”
The redhead smiled back at her. “You and your sisters aren’t exactly nobodies in my neck of the woods either,” she grinned. “There’s a buttload of California demons who have all of us to thank for being dead.” She frowned slightly. “Or redeemed.”
“Or both,” Piper giggled. “No, but seriously, I think this time, we’re going to have our work cut out for us.” She sat down next to the other witch and opened a thick book bound in leather.
“These are the poppets,” she said, pointing to a photograph of two children.
The redhead gasped. “They’re real!”
Piper nodded sadly. “She gave them breath. Phoebe and I checked the Book of Shadows. It’s a dark magick spell, totally unethical.”
“But they’re kids! They’re, like, real kids!”
“They’re still in our likeness, honey, we have to destroy them before we can get to the demon herself.”
“Piper, no, I… I can’t kill children.” She shuddered.
Piper put her hand on the other witch’s shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze. “Willow, if we don’t destroy the poppets, the Palin Demon will have control over us. She has pieces of our hair, our names… and she’s going to be a heartbeat away from the presidency if we don’t stop her.”
Willow sighed heavily. “All right, all right,” she said. “But let the record show I’m gonna find this all kinds of squicky.”
“Fair enough,” Piper said. “Now, the talismen.” She withdrew two buttons from her pocket, both adorned with tiny red, white, and blue streamers.
“Pagans for Peace,” Willow read. “Nice idea, Piper, but I don’t think campaigning is going to help at this point.”
“I cast a protection spell on them,” Piper said.
“Nice one, Halliwell,” Willow said.
“And nobody will suspect if we wear them to the rally.”
“Are you sure your sisters can’t help us out today?” Willow asked as she took up her bag and pinned one of the buttons to her shawl. “I would think we could use all the mojo we can muster, you know?”
Piper shrugged. “Eh, I think you and I have earned this one as a duo mission,” she said. “After all, it’s us she’s targeted. Let Phoebs and Paige find their own demons to vanquish.”
“Think McCain’s a warlock?”
Piper laughed and opened the front door. “Worse,” she said. “I hear rumblings that he’s the new Source.”
A crackfic for the political season
We have rhi_silverflame to thank blame for inspiring this.
Please to not read if you are offended by Republican skewering and/or copious amounts of Charmed and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If you are not now scared and agree to accept this as the completely satirical weirdness it is intended to be...
Leo whistled as he dunked teabags in steamy water and opened packages of Lorna Dunes.
“Daddy.” Chris tugged at his sleeve and beamed up at his father. “Why is Mommy having this lady over again?”
“Because,” Leo said, ruffling his son’s hair, “she’s going to help Mommy fight a super scary demon!”
“Can’t Aunt Paige and Aunt Phoebe do that? Can’t Wyatt?”
Leo chuckled. “Usually, yeah.” He crouched down to meet Chris at eye-level. “But this demon is different. Only this special lady can help vanquish it.”
“What’s different about this demon?”
Hoo boy, Leo thought. That was the question of the day, wasn’t it? How to explain to your son that if this demon didn’t get vanquished, it could very literally control the entire country?
“Don’t worry about it, son,” Leo told him. “Tell you what, you can have the leftover cookies if you promise not to worry.”
As Chris happily munched on shortbread, Leo’s brow furrowed. I hope this world will have a tomorrow where he can live unashamed, Leo fretted, Goddess help us all.
***
In the front parlor, Piper was hugging her guest and showing her to the couch. “I’m so glad you could come on such short notice!” she gushed. “It’s really an honor to have you here. You’re sort of famous in our circles.”
The redhead smiled back at her. “You and your sisters aren’t exactly nobodies in my neck of the woods either,” she grinned. “There’s a buttload of California demons who have all of us to thank for being dead.” She frowned slightly. “Or redeemed.”
“Or both,” Piper giggled. “No, but seriously, I think this time, we’re going to have our work cut out for us.” She sat down next to the other witch and opened a thick book bound in leather.
“These are the poppets,” she said, pointing to a photograph of two children.
The redhead gasped. “They’re real!”
Piper nodded sadly. “She gave them breath. Phoebe and I checked the Book of Shadows. It’s a dark magick spell, totally unethical.”
“But they’re kids! They’re, like, real kids!”
“They’re still in our likeness, honey, we have to destroy them before we can get to the demon herself.”
“Piper, no, I… I can’t kill children.” She shuddered.
Piper put her hand on the other witch’s shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze. “Willow, if we don’t destroy the poppets, the Palin Demon will have control over us. She has pieces of our hair, our names… and she’s going to be a heartbeat away from the presidency if we don’t stop her.”
Willow sighed heavily. “All right, all right,” she said. “But let the record show I’m gonna find this all kinds of squicky.”
“Fair enough,” Piper said. “Now, the talismen.” She withdrew two buttons from her pocket, both adorned with tiny red, white, and blue streamers.
“Pagans for Peace,” Willow read. “Nice idea, Piper, but I don’t think campaigning is going to help at this point.”
“I cast a protection spell on them,” Piper said.
“Nice one, Halliwell,” Willow said.
“And nobody will suspect if we wear them to the rally.”
“Are you sure your sisters can’t help us out today?” Willow asked as she took up her bag and pinned one of the buttons to her shawl. “I would think we could use all the mojo we can muster, you know?”
Piper shrugged. “Eh, I think you and I have earned this one as a duo mission,” she said. “After all, it’s us she’s targeted. Let Phoebs and Paige find their own demons to vanquish.”
“Think McCain’s a warlock?”
Piper laughed and opened the front door. “Worse,” she said. “I hear rumblings that he’s the new Source.”