Eating disorders...
So being a sophomore in college of course I am going to feel an incredible amount of pressure to be thin. I started my journey about three months ago with weight loss. I knew in the beginning I wanted to lose weight the healthy way, so I began working out 1-2 hours, 7 days a week. I also became extremely aware of what I was eating, at this time I never would go without eating I knew it wouldn't help in the long run. After losing about 30 pounds I was exactly where I had originally wanted to be, but when I got there...it wasn't good enough. I was getting compliments everywhere I went and that felt great, but I would go home every day and spend over an hour standing in front of the mirror telling myself how fat I still was. Being in college I have easy access to every drug you can think of, keeping in mind that I have never done drugs and never in my wildest dreams thought I would try them. When studying one evening with a group for an upcoming test, a guy offered my adderall which is for ADHD..almost everyone I know in college takes it when trying to cram. I figured it wouldn't hurt so I took it. I felt jittery and my heart was racing for over 10 hours, but one thing I did notice is that I didn't feel hungry the entire time while I was on the medicine. I soon bought multiple cialis to take and began right away noticing how good I thought it made me feel. I was only sleeping 3-5 hours a night, and as for food well that's the entire point I want to stress. I started with only eating one extremely small meal a day but that soon led to me skipping days, then I was soon going without food for 4-5 days at a time then I would take one day and eat a piece of toast and half an orange followed by another 4-5 days without food. I kept taking the pills every day and since it made me not hungry I figured my body would tell me when it was hungry...but it never did. Today was the first time I went to eat in months with my friends, I ordered the smallest turkey wrap and only ate 1/4 of it. Immediately after I got home I had to throw up, I did not do this intentionally and I still feel sick. I know that what I am doing is unhealthy but it is not that easy to get back into the real world, I have been doing this for almost two months now and I know I am not the only girl going through something like this, and knowing that I am not alone is something I lean on as I try and figure out how to get my life back.