Because LJ-cuts don't like me
I don't know what it is. Even without the colors and the strikethrough and the htmls it wouldn't cut.
First, our special bonus feature.
War in Warcraft by SonicBoom999 http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5832865/1/War_in_Warcraft
Summary: Dude is about to die on the guillotines that we know all Hordies have totally got in their cities. He sees his completely nonsensical teenage life, in which he is a loser and his friend is a human/draenei mixie with the totally culturally significant name of Hayley, flash before his eyes. Two brief chapters, presumably unfinished.
Name: Deon
Species: Human/night elf cross.
Hair: Black
Eyes: Not stated
Canon Connections: Gets beat up by Gamon in gym class. Whoops, never mind, that's Ganon. Wait what?! Well, anyway, he's going to be executed by the Horde, or something?
Special Abilities: Magic, performed in a similar manner to the Will and the Word
Origin: Some weird magical cross-cultural school
Excerpts: Just read it. It's short enough.
And now, our feature presentation, as read by the draenei death knight Katyayani and her niece, the shaman Kamalatmika. (Note: No, Mika's accent is not trying to be Russian. I figure the draenei are such a weird amalgamation of cultures and complete fantasy that I could just do whatever, so I took the silly ingame Chekovesque accent, tossed in some Jagerkin, and played with it a little. Katya has none, having spent more time in society.)
Nightmare! by Wizzer85
Names: Asdaelf and Bridgette Aerith and Bob
Species: Night elf and draenei, resp. Vot kind Draenei name Bridgette be?
Hair: Not stated and golden
Eyes: Yellow and "soft blue"
Canon Connections: Arthas really doesn't like them
Special Abilities: Color-changing eyes, The Power of Love! (tm)
Origin: Kalimdor and Draenor. At least they got that right. This can't be too bad, can it? Not say! Ve now doomt be.
Here goes.
Asdaelf was wondering through the shattered remains of his once peaceful and beautiful village. Situated in Darnassus (the village or him?), Asdaelf looked around in horror. What had happened to his beautiful home? What had happened to Darnassus? Da-ra-na-susa willag be? But bik city be ven laset time I zere be! What had happened to…BRIDGETTE? Asdaelf ran as fast as his legs could carry him to his and his wife's home. Asdaelf skidded to a stop, and his heart sank. Their once beautiful home, once lined with flowers and trees now lay in devastation. Thus endeth the Beloved Peasant Village.
'Br…Bridgette?' Asdaelf stumbled with tears welding up in his eyes. Haha! Zis man wery silly be. Also wery schtupit. Silly man, eye zhut not velt! Hyu selluf hurt do! Considering that, perhaps it's for th' better.
'Bridgette!' Asdaelf screamed as he charged into the house smashing the remains of the front door.
'NO!' Asdaelf squeaked as he fell to his knees letting the tears fall. Their house was completely destroyed. Well, yeah. You just destroyed the last remaining part of it. Blood smeared the walls of the home, showing the horror that took place here. Asdaelf looked around the large room with eyes full of tears. He then spotted something sparkling in the light. Immediately he rushed over! Maybe it's money! Asdaelf's heart sank even more and fell out the bottom of 'is shoes.
He leant over and with a shaking hand picked up his wife's cherished Sword. Vy zere capital be? Wery imaportanut svort be? What idiot takes the trouble to give a sword a name and just calls it "Sword"? Who does that?! The very sword they both fought together with over the years. I'd like to see how that worked. Asdaelf held the sword to his heart and cried hard. And then 'e slipped. Oops. End of story. Szh, zere more be. He remembered the memories of them together. From the first moment they met eyes with one another on Azuremyst Isle. To the moment they gained each other's trust. Fighting together all the way, from West falls all the way to Ice Crown. I vons fell down zose vest falls of Da-ra-na-susa. Ouch. Zat tchree less tall neet be. I think 'e means Westfall, kid. Oh. They had done everything together. The most recent event between them was their marriage, how happy both of them were to be finally as one. Asdaelf was on his way home to see her tonight after having an important meeting the Druid Council. I didn't know the druids had got themselves a council. D'you think 'e means the Circle? Not that it mattered now. He wanted to know what had happened to his wife! Well I should hope so!
'Wouldn't you like to know…Asdaelf?' A deep echoing voice emitted from behind him. Asdaelf shot around immediately to his intruder. Stood before him…was the Lich King! What?! WHAT?!! HE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! Hyu down callum neet, Katya. That is not how the man operates! AUGH!
'So pathetic you are, crying over a loved one' The Lich King snarled with sarcasm in his voice. NONONONO! I vot saracasm amonk zese human mean not know, bot I zat vay it vork not tink.
'She is better off without you!' The Lich King snarled. *fumbles for her worry stone* Asdaelf's eyes lit up a bright yellow in rage. Ooh, color! All night elf zis like be? *begins rubbing worry stone*
'YOU SON OF A BITCH!' Asdaelf screamed as he threw out his hand emitting a powerful Typhoon spell, sending the Lich King flying through several walls. HOW THE HELL - *nearly crushes worry stone* Zis time, I hyu tink right be. I zis no belieff can. Asdaelf immediately transformed into his Moonkin form, charging to the Lich King.
'THIS IS FOR MY DEAR BELOVED WIFE YOU BASTARD' Asdaelf charged with his wife's sword held above his head ready to deliver a killing blow. *falls on floor sobbing* But just as he was inches away a swarm of Death Knights appeared and beat Asdaelf to the ground. No, I nobotty zis belieff can tink. He lay in agonising pain, his Antlers snapped, deep gashes all over his body. He anuteller haff? Vy? Asdaelf…was dying. Goot.
The Death Knights then snapped Asdaelf holding him before the Lich King. The Lich King held his Sword, Frostmourne to his throat. Katya, hyu now op get! Kink Litch not more schtupit be! *no response*
'This sword is ready to take your soul, but it shall not be by my hands' The Lich King then said moving aside. Asdaelf's eyes widened in horror. Stood before him was his wife Bridgette! Vot?
But this was not the woman he knew, the beautiful soft blue skin she had, was now a pale grey. The once beautiful soft blue eyes she had was no a plain eerie white. He once golden hair, now pale and matted. His wife was a Death Knight! Like hyu! Bot I zhe schtill bat be tink.
'No' Asdaelf stuttered as tears fell from his eyes. The pain in his body no longer mattered. The pain in his heart was now unbearable. Bridgette held her proud sword in her hands; she held it high above her head. Asdaelf looked at her straight in the eyes, a glimmer of hope that she could break the evil control in her mind.
To Asdaelf's surprise, Bridgette stopped suddenly. Her gaze meeting his, her eyes…softened. A single tear fell from Bridgette's eyes. Zat not how to hyu it happen, ya? I zat it not how vork tink. Asdaelf was beginning to think she was fighting, winning! But sadly, he was wrong. Bridgette suddenly brought down the sword to Asdaelf's skull. Krak! Poor schtupit man.
'NOOOOO!' Asdaelf screamed as he watched the blade come towards his head, and then…blackness.
Asdaelf awoke screaming. His wife awoke immediately concern showing in her face. Vot?
'My husband, what is wrong' Bridgette held him hoping he was ok. Asdaelf looked into his wife's eyes, realising it was all a dream. Katya, hyu now op get can. All dream be. No. He then threw his arms around her and began crying hard.
'I thought I lost you forever' Asdaelf stuttered through sobs and tears. Bridgette let tears of her own fall. Holding him she whispered.
'You will never lose me' 'I will never lose you' Bridgette began soothingly. Zis sappy schtory be. Ewen for me it too sveet be.
'You will never lose us!' Bridgette said lovingly taking his hand and laying it gently on her swollen stomach. Eeeew! Vit night elf? Yuck! Zat von veirt babby be.
'We will always be one' 'A family' Bridgette said kissing her husband on the lips. Asdaelf returned the kiss.
Together they went back to bed, in each other's arms!
As one!
*regains composure* Well that was disgusting. Zat schtory point somevere haff? No, I don't think it did. Schtupit sappy schtory. It me sick feel make.
Me too, kiddo. Me too.
First, our special bonus feature.
War in Warcraft by SonicBoom999 http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5832865/1/War_in_Warcraft
Summary: Dude is about to die on the guillotines that we know all Hordies have totally got in their cities. He sees his completely nonsensical teenage life, in which he is a loser and his friend is a human/draenei mixie with the totally culturally significant name of Hayley, flash before his eyes. Two brief chapters, presumably unfinished.
Name: Deon
Species: Human/night elf cross.
Hair: Black
Eyes: Not stated
Canon Connections: Gets beat up by Gamon in gym class. Whoops, never mind, that's Ganon. Wait what?! Well, anyway, he's going to be executed by the Horde, or something?
Special Abilities: Magic, performed in a similar manner to the Will and the Word
Origin: Some weird magical cross-cultural school
Excerpts: Just read it. It's short enough.
And now, our feature presentation, as read by the draenei death knight Katyayani and her niece, the shaman Kamalatmika. (Note: No, Mika's accent is not trying to be Russian. I figure the draenei are such a weird amalgamation of cultures and complete fantasy that I could just do whatever, so I took the silly ingame Chekovesque accent, tossed in some Jagerkin, and played with it a little. Katya has none, having spent more time in society.)
Nightmare! by Wizzer85
Names: Asdaelf and Bridgette Aerith and Bob
Species: Night elf and draenei, resp. Vot kind Draenei name Bridgette be?
Hair: Not stated and golden
Eyes: Yellow and "soft blue"
Canon Connections: Arthas really doesn't like them
Special Abilities: Color-changing eyes, The Power of Love! (tm)
Origin: Kalimdor and Draenor. At least they got that right. This can't be too bad, can it? Not say! Ve now doomt be.
Here goes.
Asdaelf was wondering through the shattered remains of his once peaceful and beautiful village. Situated in Darnassus (the village or him?), Asdaelf looked around in horror. What had happened to his beautiful home? What had happened to Darnassus? Da-ra-na-susa willag be? But bik city be ven laset time I zere be! What had happened to…BRIDGETTE? Asdaelf ran as fast as his legs could carry him to his and his wife's home. Asdaelf skidded to a stop, and his heart sank. Their once beautiful home, once lined with flowers and trees now lay in devastation. Thus endeth the Beloved Peasant Village.
'Br…Bridgette?' Asdaelf stumbled with tears welding up in his eyes. Haha! Zis man wery silly be. Also wery schtupit. Silly man, eye zhut not velt! Hyu selluf hurt do! Considering that, perhaps it's for th' better.
'Bridgette!' Asdaelf screamed as he charged into the house smashing the remains of the front door.
'NO!' Asdaelf squeaked as he fell to his knees letting the tears fall. Their house was completely destroyed. Well, yeah. You just destroyed the last remaining part of it. Blood smeared the walls of the home, showing the horror that took place here. Asdaelf looked around the large room with eyes full of tears. He then spotted something sparkling in the light. Immediately he rushed over! Maybe it's money! Asdaelf's heart sank even more and fell out the bottom of 'is shoes.
He leant over and with a shaking hand picked up his wife's cherished Sword. Vy zere capital be? Wery imaportanut svort be? What idiot takes the trouble to give a sword a name and just calls it "Sword"? Who does that?! The very sword they both fought together with over the years. I'd like to see how that worked. Asdaelf held the sword to his heart and cried hard. And then 'e slipped. Oops. End of story. Szh, zere more be. He remembered the memories of them together. From the first moment they met eyes with one another on Azuremyst Isle. To the moment they gained each other's trust. Fighting together all the way, from West falls all the way to Ice Crown. I vons fell down zose vest falls of Da-ra-na-susa. Ouch. Zat tchree less tall neet be. I think 'e means Westfall, kid. Oh. They had done everything together. The most recent event between them was their marriage, how happy both of them were to be finally as one. Asdaelf was on his way home to see her tonight after having an important meeting the Druid Council. I didn't know the druids had got themselves a council. D'you think 'e means the Circle? Not that it mattered now. He wanted to know what had happened to his wife! Well I should hope so!
'Wouldn't you like to know…Asdaelf?' A deep echoing voice emitted from behind him. Asdaelf shot around immediately to his intruder. Stood before him…was the Lich King! What?! WHAT?!! HE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! Hyu down callum neet, Katya. That is not how the man operates! AUGH!
'So pathetic you are, crying over a loved one' The Lich King snarled with sarcasm in his voice. NONONONO! I vot saracasm amonk zese human mean not know, bot I zat vay it vork not tink.
'She is better off without you!' The Lich King snarled. *fumbles for her worry stone* Asdaelf's eyes lit up a bright yellow in rage. Ooh, color! All night elf zis like be? *begins rubbing worry stone*
'YOU SON OF A BITCH!' Asdaelf screamed as he threw out his hand emitting a powerful Typhoon spell, sending the Lich King flying through several walls. HOW THE HELL - *nearly crushes worry stone* Zis time, I hyu tink right be. I zis no belieff can. Asdaelf immediately transformed into his Moonkin form, charging to the Lich King.
'THIS IS FOR MY DEAR BELOVED WIFE YOU BASTARD' Asdaelf charged with his wife's sword held above his head ready to deliver a killing blow. *falls on floor sobbing* But just as he was inches away a swarm of Death Knights appeared and beat Asdaelf to the ground. No, I nobotty zis belieff can tink. He lay in agonising pain, his Antlers snapped, deep gashes all over his body. He anuteller haff? Vy? Asdaelf…was dying. Goot.
The Death Knights then snapped Asdaelf holding him before the Lich King. The Lich King held his Sword, Frostmourne to his throat. Katya, hyu now op get! Kink Litch not more schtupit be! *no response*
'This sword is ready to take your soul, but it shall not be by my hands' The Lich King then said moving aside. Asdaelf's eyes widened in horror. Stood before him was his wife Bridgette! Vot?
But this was not the woman he knew, the beautiful soft blue skin she had, was now a pale grey. The once beautiful soft blue eyes she had was no a plain eerie white. He once golden hair, now pale and matted. His wife was a Death Knight! Like hyu! Bot I zhe schtill bat be tink.
'No' Asdaelf stuttered as tears fell from his eyes. The pain in his body no longer mattered. The pain in his heart was now unbearable. Bridgette held her proud sword in her hands; she held it high above her head. Asdaelf looked at her straight in the eyes, a glimmer of hope that she could break the evil control in her mind.
To Asdaelf's surprise, Bridgette stopped suddenly. Her gaze meeting his, her eyes…softened. A single tear fell from Bridgette's eyes. Zat not how to hyu it happen, ya? I zat it not how vork tink. Asdaelf was beginning to think she was fighting, winning! But sadly, he was wrong. Bridgette suddenly brought down the sword to Asdaelf's skull. Krak! Poor schtupit man.
'NOOOOO!' Asdaelf screamed as he watched the blade come towards his head, and then…blackness.
Asdaelf awoke screaming. His wife awoke immediately concern showing in her face. Vot?
'My husband, what is wrong' Bridgette held him hoping he was ok. Asdaelf looked into his wife's eyes, realising it was all a dream. Katya, hyu now op get can. All dream be. No. He then threw his arms around her and began crying hard.
'I thought I lost you forever' Asdaelf stuttered through sobs and tears. Bridgette let tears of her own fall. Holding him she whispered.
'You will never lose me' 'I will never lose you' Bridgette began soothingly. Zis sappy schtory be. Ewen for me it too sveet be.
'You will never lose us!' Bridgette said lovingly taking his hand and laying it gently on her swollen stomach. Eeeew! Vit night elf? Yuck! Zat von veirt babby be.
'We will always be one' 'A family' Bridgette said kissing her husband on the lips. Asdaelf returned the kiss.
Together they went back to bed, in each other's arms!
As one!
*regains composure* Well that was disgusting. Zat schtory point somevere haff? No, I don't think it did. Schtupit sappy schtory. It me sick feel make.
Me too, kiddo. Me too.