Proper Way to Celebrate the New Year.
Stay sober on New Year's eve, go to sleep at 12.20am. Wake up at six, drive to Rhode Island with Max and Sam, get drunk at the beach at 9am on New Year's day out in the rain with a few hundred people. Wait a few hours. Get junk fondled by woman born when Eisenhower was president, respond with "Nice to meet you, too!" Change into bathing suit, jump in the New England ocean at noon on New Year's day. Sacrifice flip-flops to Poseidon. Come home. Nap.