walking in the snow (drabble)
This is one of the last drabbles for my Yen-J lyrics challenge! There are two more F.Cuz drabbles coming, but this one was long enough I felt it appropriate to post it by itself.
walking in the snow
f.cuz, seunghyun/younghak, pg, 980w
We go for a walk, we're being cruel, our hearts had already guessed it
Who will say it? Who will be the murderer? You or me?
Our everything, all of everything, there's only one step left
We can only free ourselves, we can only take our own freedoms
-- "Thanks Your Greatness"
Younghak sits in the coffee shop and plays with his phone. He scrolls through the headlines of a gossip site with his thumb and holds his hot cup of coffee with his free hand. A waitress comes by to ask if he needs anything and he gives her a kind smile. "I'm fine. My friend should be along soon," he says. She blushes and reluctantly moves to the next table.
Snow lazily drifts to the ground outside the shop's window. As he stares at the nearly empty street, Younghak breath fogs the glass. Thirty minutes late, a familiar figure hurries past the window and through the door.
Seunghyun knocks the snow off his coat and designer boots as he steps inside, smiling at anyone who looks his way. It takes him a moment to spy Younghak sitting near the back. Younghak doesn't turn around to greet him because he doubts Seunghyun is looking his way.
"Just coffee for me, thanks. Black."
The chair scrapes against the tile floor as Seunghyun sits down. "Terrible weather," he mutters by way of an excuse. "Lucky I didn't die on the way here."
"I'm glad you didn't die," Younghak says, a smile sneaking onto his face as he watches Seunghyun's red, raw face slowly return to its normal color. He glances up and smiles a little, too. When he coffee arrives, he wraps both hands around the mug and holds it against his cheek. "How's the new album coming along?"
Seunghyun rolls his eyes. "Torturous as usual. Everyone's saying I should go for a cute concept, but damn it I just got these abs. I'd like to show them."
"You know, most idols complain about being forced to go shirtless," Younghak chuckles.
"Most idols don't have to read fan accounts describing in gooey detail how chubby they've gotten. For years."
"You're eating well, right?"
A shrug. "As well as an idol can."
Younghak frowns and takes a sip of his now cold coffee. "Just be careful, hyung."
"You're one to talk," Seunghyun sneers. "You look way thinner than the last time we..." Seunghyun's eyes flicker up to meet Younghak's again and then move to the window beside them.
The last time they met up was two months ago at a little nondescript hotel on the outskirts of Seoul where no paparazzi could find them. They'd stayed only three hours, just long enough to tumble into bed and see what had changed. Seunghyun hadn't been so skinny then, and he certainly hadn't had any abs to speak of. He'd been soft, warm and eager like the first time, hushed in the middle of the night in their dorm.
The waitress stops by to see if they need anything and it's Seunghyun turn to send her away with a smile. "Anyway," he says, "how are the others?"
"Well enough," Younghak replies with a slight shrug. He pauses and stares into his coffee, his mouth suddenly dry as he tries to form the words he really needs to say. "Hyung, the reason I asked you out today is that I really need to tell you something."
Seunghyun blinks his tired eyes. "Well I'd assumed you hadn't asked me here because of the great coffee." He smirks and shakes his head in disgust at his mug.
Younghak smiles, but it doesn't hold out for long. "We're going back to Japan."
"Oh?" Seunghyun doesn't look surprised but something dims in his eyes. "For how long?"
"Months, they say. There's no set timeframe."
He watches Seunghyun nod and sip his coffee. "I see." The mug moves from his lips to the table, pale fingers tapping against the ceramic. "So I guess it'll be longer than three months this time."
"Looks like it," Younghak says quietly. He slides his hand across the table and touches Seunghyun's fingers, but Seunghyun doesn't seem to notice. Seunghyun stares out the window, gaze pointed firmly over Younghak's shoulder. "Hey, want to take a walk?"
Seunghyun smiles this time, giving Younghak a chiding look. "In the middle of a blizzard?"
Younghak blushes, sheepish. "It could be fun."
"You want to break up, right?"
Younghak swallows and pulls away his hand. The glass table feels chilled beneath his palm. "I don't want to make you wait anymore."
"I'm not the only one waiting. I make you wait sometimes, too." Seunghyun bites his lip and continues to drum his fingers against his mug. "We've been doing this for two years now. I'd say we've given it a good try."
Younghak can't bring himself to look up.
"It's actally impressive we've made it this long." The words are cold, bitten off one by one. Younghak feels each word strike him in the chest and grits his teeth as Seunghyun keeps talking. "It was much easier when we could live together. Waiting for month after month has been hard on both of us."
Younghak grabs Seunghyun's hand across the table and ignores how Seunghyun's recoils. Seunghyun's glaring when Younghak finally meets his eyes, desperate. "I just want you to be happy. If you want me to quit, I will."
The ice melts in Seunghyun's eyes. His mouth opens, but no sound comes out. The cold fingers in Younghak's hand squeeze back momentarily before carefully removing themselves from his grasp. Smiling in a way that makes Younghak's heart ache, Seunghyun shakes his head. "I'm not worth that."
The waitress comes by a third time and takes their abandoned cups. Seunghyun hands her a few bills and tells her to keep the change. She looks confused, but Seunghyun's polite smile chases her away.
"Tell the others I say hello," he says quietly as he rises from his seat. A bell above the door chimes cheerfully when Seunghyun leaves.
Younghak stays for another five minutes, watching the pedestrians outside rush past. Snow is so much prettier when you have someone's hand to hold.
walking in the snow
f.cuz, seunghyun/younghak, pg, 980w
We go for a walk, we're being cruel, our hearts had already guessed it
Who will say it? Who will be the murderer? You or me?
Our everything, all of everything, there's only one step left
We can only free ourselves, we can only take our own freedoms
-- "Thanks Your Greatness"
Younghak sits in the coffee shop and plays with his phone. He scrolls through the headlines of a gossip site with his thumb and holds his hot cup of coffee with his free hand. A waitress comes by to ask if he needs anything and he gives her a kind smile. "I'm fine. My friend should be along soon," he says. She blushes and reluctantly moves to the next table.
Snow lazily drifts to the ground outside the shop's window. As he stares at the nearly empty street, Younghak breath fogs the glass. Thirty minutes late, a familiar figure hurries past the window and through the door.
Seunghyun knocks the snow off his coat and designer boots as he steps inside, smiling at anyone who looks his way. It takes him a moment to spy Younghak sitting near the back. Younghak doesn't turn around to greet him because he doubts Seunghyun is looking his way.
"Just coffee for me, thanks. Black."
The chair scrapes against the tile floor as Seunghyun sits down. "Terrible weather," he mutters by way of an excuse. "Lucky I didn't die on the way here."
"I'm glad you didn't die," Younghak says, a smile sneaking onto his face as he watches Seunghyun's red, raw face slowly return to its normal color. He glances up and smiles a little, too. When he coffee arrives, he wraps both hands around the mug and holds it against his cheek. "How's the new album coming along?"
Seunghyun rolls his eyes. "Torturous as usual. Everyone's saying I should go for a cute concept, but damn it I just got these abs. I'd like to show them."
"You know, most idols complain about being forced to go shirtless," Younghak chuckles.
"Most idols don't have to read fan accounts describing in gooey detail how chubby they've gotten. For years."
"You're eating well, right?"
A shrug. "As well as an idol can."
Younghak frowns and takes a sip of his now cold coffee. "Just be careful, hyung."
"You're one to talk," Seunghyun sneers. "You look way thinner than the last time we..." Seunghyun's eyes flicker up to meet Younghak's again and then move to the window beside them.
The last time they met up was two months ago at a little nondescript hotel on the outskirts of Seoul where no paparazzi could find them. They'd stayed only three hours, just long enough to tumble into bed and see what had changed. Seunghyun hadn't been so skinny then, and he certainly hadn't had any abs to speak of. He'd been soft, warm and eager like the first time, hushed in the middle of the night in their dorm.
The waitress stops by to see if they need anything and it's Seunghyun turn to send her away with a smile. "Anyway," he says, "how are the others?"
"Well enough," Younghak replies with a slight shrug. He pauses and stares into his coffee, his mouth suddenly dry as he tries to form the words he really needs to say. "Hyung, the reason I asked you out today is that I really need to tell you something."
Seunghyun blinks his tired eyes. "Well I'd assumed you hadn't asked me here because of the great coffee." He smirks and shakes his head in disgust at his mug.
Younghak smiles, but it doesn't hold out for long. "We're going back to Japan."
"Oh?" Seunghyun doesn't look surprised but something dims in his eyes. "For how long?"
"Months, they say. There's no set timeframe."
He watches Seunghyun nod and sip his coffee. "I see." The mug moves from his lips to the table, pale fingers tapping against the ceramic. "So I guess it'll be longer than three months this time."
"Looks like it," Younghak says quietly. He slides his hand across the table and touches Seunghyun's fingers, but Seunghyun doesn't seem to notice. Seunghyun stares out the window, gaze pointed firmly over Younghak's shoulder. "Hey, want to take a walk?"
Seunghyun smiles this time, giving Younghak a chiding look. "In the middle of a blizzard?"
Younghak blushes, sheepish. "It could be fun."
"You want to break up, right?"
Younghak swallows and pulls away his hand. The glass table feels chilled beneath his palm. "I don't want to make you wait anymore."
"I'm not the only one waiting. I make you wait sometimes, too." Seunghyun bites his lip and continues to drum his fingers against his mug. "We've been doing this for two years now. I'd say we've given it a good try."
Younghak can't bring himself to look up.
"It's actally impressive we've made it this long." The words are cold, bitten off one by one. Younghak feels each word strike him in the chest and grits his teeth as Seunghyun keeps talking. "It was much easier when we could live together. Waiting for month after month has been hard on both of us."
Younghak grabs Seunghyun's hand across the table and ignores how Seunghyun's recoils. Seunghyun's glaring when Younghak finally meets his eyes, desperate. "I just want you to be happy. If you want me to quit, I will."
The ice melts in Seunghyun's eyes. His mouth opens, but no sound comes out. The cold fingers in Younghak's hand squeeze back momentarily before carefully removing themselves from his grasp. Smiling in a way that makes Younghak's heart ache, Seunghyun shakes his head. "I'm not worth that."
The waitress comes by a third time and takes their abandoned cups. Seunghyun hands her a few bills and tells her to keep the change. She looks confused, but Seunghyun's polite smile chases her away.
"Tell the others I say hello," he says quietly as he rises from his seat. A bell above the door chimes cheerfully when Seunghyun leaves.
Younghak stays for another five minutes, watching the pedestrians outside rush past. Snow is so much prettier when you have someone's hand to hold.