Can't Help Falling in Love with You
Can't Help Falling in Love with You
Lay/Luhan/Tao, PG-13, 11k WC
Prompt: "I had a dream where every person, at exactly midnight on new years following their 22nd birthday, they possessed the body of their soulmate and people ran around trying to figure out who they were so that they could find each other, and they left notes for the body’s owner to find with their address. And there were some language gaps so people had to translate it and travel to different countries carrying the notes they were left, and it was great"
Originally posted here. Thank you to endonucleases and K for all the help!
Lu Han brings it up the day before.
"Hey, let's spend New Year’s Eve on your roof."
Yixing mentioned it years ago, back before he knew about Lu Han's fear of heights. It’s good for spending some time alone in busy Beijing, to rise up above everything for once and clear your head, even if the air up there is just as polluted as it is down below. Lu Han’s house isn’t really an option because it’s a two-story house in a closed-off villa, and Lu Han’s parents will have a house-full of distant relatives to entertain come New Year’s. Lu Han is supposed to be there, of course, but then Yixing is supposed to be home in Changsha spending time with his parents and grandparents, too. He doesn’t have reason to stay away like Lu Han does, but since hanging around the older boy he's been picking up some of his bad habits too. This time around, he asked Yixing to stay in Beijing for their New Year’s break, shamelessly casual at first and then when he realized Yixing was mistaking it as another one of his jokes, reluctantly added an, “I mean it,” and then, the part that settled it, “please.” Lu Han didn’t like asking for much, at least nothing more than a bite of your lunch or your favorite set of earphones (and even then he didn’t like to ask, he just took). It was only hours later, after he’d already agreed, that he realized why Lu Han was asking.
It’s Lu Han’s 21st New Year, or the day he’ll have the chance to meet his soulmate. Or, rather, the day Yixing gets to meet Lu Han’s soulmate. Yixing suspects that’s part of why Lu Han is asking him to stay. There’s something that happens every New Year’s - a myth of sorts from generations past, outdated really, except that it’s not a myth. On the 21st New Year of a person’s life, he swaps bodies with his soulmate. Swap souls? Yixing could never quite remember which way it worked. His mother used to tell him that New Year’s is a time to return to your family, but starting the 21st is when you return to your new family, the one you’ll be with ten, fifty years down the road even after the current one is gone. Back when people still communicated by snail mail and phones were a thing of the future, this swap was the only way you could find your soulmate. Every New Year, people parading around in their soulmates’ bodies, trying to commit where they lived to memory and leave notes about where to find them too. Gangnam, Seoul, I’ll come to find you! one would say, and the other would unknowingly write back, Guangzhou, China, stay right where you are, I’m coming for you and they’d both wonder, when they returned and found each other’s notes, if it was a better bet to stay there or go like they said. It wasn’t a very efficient system, really, but since then it’s still been a custom to leave notes and avoid “cheating” by using text or phone after the switch. The tradition’s faded a bit in recent years, as has the younger population’s faith in soulmates, but it’s still widespread enough and lack of faith alone won’t stop the swaps from happening in any years to come.
"New Year's Eve?” Yixing murmurs back slowly, snapping back to attention. They were spending the afternoon in his apartment, gnawing on various snacks his mom mailed up for the New Year when she heard he wasn’t coming home. Yixing was distracted by the way Lu Han's cheeks hollowed prettily around a tang hu lu, his lips slick with sugar. From the smug look on the other boy's face he knows he's been caught staring. "I thought you didn't like heights,” Yixing mutters into his own snack, averting his gaze. The last time he tried to bring Lu Han up, he froze right at the door and crouched down, refusing to budge. It was funny how he was fine in the apartment, which was really just below the rooftop, the view from the windows reaching nearly as far. Well, that was Lu Han for you, always contradictory even to Yixing who claimed to know him best.
"I can't always let you tease me about being a scaredy-cat, can I?" Lu Han is saying, "Besides, it'll be romantic." He's grinning like it’s a joke again as he flops over into Yixing's lap, hair splaying out messily as he looks up at him. Yixing reaches a hand down to tickle under Lu Han’s chin, resisting the urge to grin back as he pretends to mull it over. Lu Han’s always been the more romantic one of the two, even if Yixing wrote dumb love songs to sing to him, and even if he didn't like admitting it, at least not seriously, he did like when Yixing went along with his ideas. And Yixing always did.
"What if your soulmate trips off the roof?" Yixing asks, looking back down at Lu Han, who's idly tapping the stick of his finished snack against his nose as he waits. He stops at the question, letting the stick rest on his face as he uncrosses his eyes to meet Yixing's gaze, and he looks a bit surprised. He wasn’t expecting Yixing to mention his soulmate, even if his question was nothing but a roundabout way of bringing it up. But to be honest, Yixing wasn’t planning to either. They hadn’t talked about it, not when Lu Han had asked him to stay, and not since. He’s sure Lu Han would have brought it up eventually, but for once he doesn’t feel like waiting for Lu Han to sort through all the possibilities before bringing it up with him.
“I hope you wouldn’t let my body trip off a roof,” Lu Han responds once their momentary staring contest passes, rolling up to deliver a soft punch to Yixing’s belly.
“When have I been able to stop you from anything?” Yixing asks, belatedly remembering to clutch at his stomach and feign hurt.
“You should be glad it’s not me you’re dealing with then.” Lu Han still hasn’t rolled back down into his lap, curled into Yixing now and talking into shirt rather than at his face. When Yixing smooths his fingers down Lu Han’s neck, he finds the muscles there tensed.
They fall into silence as Yixing continues to stroke Lu Han’s neck. There are a lot of things Yixing could say now, if he wants. He could talk about how irresponsible it is of Lu Han to be welcoming the New Year away from his family, and how selfish it is to ask Yixing to do so too. He could tell him not to be so worried, that they’ll survive this if Lu Han wants them to, that Yixing wants them to. He could question why Lu Han wants him there, too, even if he has an idea.
Soulmates-- every person grouped off in neat pairs, and on one or two New Year's in their lives the world reminds you that this is where you're meant to be, this is who you're meant to love. Yixing kind of thinks it's a nice idea, that you have some direction to head towards; no matter what, an end goal to reach, even though not since he was very young has he ever felt that tug a red string supposedly provides. But Lu Han thinks it's a load of bull. He’s told Yixing more than once that he doesn’t believe in soulmates. He doesn’t wanted to be shepherded into loving someone he doesn’t, just because of some fanciful idea like fate, and besides, he loves Yixing, he knows that. He always looks embarrassed after saying it, which makes Yixing laugh and tease him and forget that they’re not really soulmates, and both he and Lu Han can feel it. In a sense, it’s an act of defiance. Lu Han meeting his fears head on with Yixing by his side.
"You better not back out at the last moment,” Yixing says with an exaggeratedly weary sigh, “I don’t want to be stuck coaxing you back down the stairs if you get stuck there again.”
"I won’t!” Lu Han protests, huffing air out against Yixing’s stomach before settling back down on his legs, facing him, "Manly men don't take back their word." He’s back to grinning.
"And you're so manly.” A smile pulls at his lips as he threads fingers through Lu Han's hair, the fine threads snaring at his fingertips as if resisting the motion.
--
He can see how tense Lu Han is from the way he holds himself when they climb up to the rooftop, but he doesn’t say anything. It was Lu Han’s idea to do this; it’ll be Lu Han’s too to back out if he wants.
But he doesn’t-- he grabs Yixing’s hand to pull them over to the edge facing the rest of the city, clambering down to sit a little away from the edge. He doesn’t let go either, even after Yixing sits down. Yixing squeezes back lightly and lets himself relax against Lu Han’s side, head against his shoulder. Maybe if he relaxes enough it’ll seep into Lu Han as well.
“It’s really pretty.” Lu Han is gazing out at the lights of Beijing, sparks going off here and there in the streets as people set off firecrackers, the sound they make against concrete walls resonating even up here.
Now would be one of those romantic movie moments where he stares back at Lu Han and agrees, and even though he’s talking about the city what he’s really talking about is Lu Han. But Lu Han would probably miss the hint, or he’d think Yixing was cracking a joke and get offended. He hums his agreement instead and stays quiet because he can feel the rise of breath that tells him Lu Han is about to start talking again.
“I should have come up with you here sooner,” he says, and Yixing laughs because even saying it like this Lu Han sounds kind of reluctant.
“Not if you don’t like it, you don’t have to pretend.”
“I like it, I like it,” Lu Han insists, and Yixing makes a noncommittal sound.
“Let’s go sit closer to the edge then,” he says, already tugging forward, and laughs when Lu Han immediately jerks back with a, “No!” pulling his hand away as if it’s been scalded. He immediately looks regretful after, but his expression quickly slips into a pout as he scoots a few more inches back. “Yixing, I’m not lying. Give me time okay?”
Yixing’s still chuckling but he relents and returns to his side, now a little farther from the edge, “Okay, you like it.”
“I do.”
It’s a familiar scene. The first time Yixing tried to cook for Lu Han -- back in the first year of college when he was still trying out dishes and often forgot some ingredient or other -- Lu Han insisted with wide eyes that he liked the food even after Yixing tasted it himself and nearly spat it back out. Nowadays Lu Han has no problem whining when Yixing feeds him food he doesn’t like, but he still ends up putting up a front some of the time, like he’s afraid to offend him.
Yixing finds himself grinning softly at the thought and doesn’t realize Lu Han’s noticed until the other boy shrugs the shoulder Yixing’s resting on to catch his attention, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” Yixing says, and then to piss him off, “you’re just too cute.”
He gets the reaction he was expecting, Lu Han shoving him off in annoyance, “Don’t make fun of me.”
Already accustomed to Lu Han’s ways, he catches the first fist, and the second halfhearted swing Lu Han throws in his direction. With his hands caught, Lu Han goes in for the headbutt, knocking his head against Yixing’s with a dull clunk, and then laughs at the sound and probably also at the cross-eyed way Yixing is looking at him too. Zoomed in this close, Lu Han’s wrinkles crease into impressive valleys as he laughs.
Yixing finds himself laughing with him too, and then, on a whim, tugging Lu Han forward by his captured hands so he can peck him on the lips. Yixing starts laughing again just as Lu Han starts responding to the kiss, which gets Lu Han started again until they’re both just giggling into each other’s mouths. It’s not so uncommon for them to get stuck laughing mid-makeout to the point that neither of them can continue until they’ve already lost the mood. It’s not so bad this time, Lu Han settling his chuckles into a fond grin as he presses another kiss, slower this time, to Yixing’s lips. Slipping his fingers through Lu Han’s, Yixing responds in kind. He can feel the upturn of Lu Han’s lips against his, the way it slowly relaxes as he grants Yixing entrance to his mouth.
They make out for a while, Lu Han moving forward until he’s halfway straddling Yixing’s lap, and Yixing ponders idly the possibility of having sex on his roof. Get over Lu Han’s fear of heights and sprinkle some exhibitionism over their typically vanilla love life maybe. Two birds, one stone. But actually Yixing isn’t really thinking, at least not about this, not about anything other than the way Lu Han feels against his his lips, the way his fingers tighten around Yixing’s own and then, when he lets go of his hands, the way they stroke gently over the back of his neck, where Lu Han knows he’s sensitive.
The sound of Lu Han’s phone giving off beeps makes them pause their motions, the noises of a calendar alert freezing Lu Han on the spot. When he moves again, it’s to chuckle nervously and duck his head, embarrassed. He climbs off of Yixing’s lap like nothing happened, flinging his legs to the other side and pillowing his head on Yixing’s shoulder now.
“Sorry,” he says, “I guess we didn’t get to spend much time enjoying the view after all.” He’s messing with his phone now, and over his shoulder Yixing can see him pull open Yixing’s contact in his phone book, close it, and open again, restless. He’d left his own phone downstairs by accident so he can’t check the time for himself, but from the tiny numbers at the top of Lu Han’s he can figure out that it’s almost midnight.
“You know I… like you a lot, right?” Lu Han asks, reluctantly, eyes still glued to his phone screen as he pretends to busy himself with it. “I don’t want to leave.”
“It’s only a day,” Yixing soothes, even though he knows that isn’t what Lu Han meant. He feels like he should have a better reaction to Lu Han admitting his feelings, but it’s too late, Lu Han is already pulling himself together, lifting himself off Yixing’s shoulder so he can look at him.
“When my soulmate comes over, don’t be too nice, okay? If they ask you something… just tell the truth. I don’t want to lead them on.”
“You aren’t going to give it a chance?” He already knows the answer to that one, and almost regrets it from the way Lu Han’s expression falters.
“Do you want me to?”
“No…” Yixing admits, and is surprised at how quickly he can respond to that.
“Good,” Lu Han says, and then reaches over Yixing to pat at his pants pockets, making him yelp and squirm away. He frowns when he finds them both empty, but gives up and returns his hands to himself, Yixing warily returning to his original position as well. “Keep your phone on you tomorrow too, okay?”
“My phone?”
“Who knows, maybe you’ll get a call from an anonymous admirer.” Lu Han yawns, and then snuggles back up against Yixing’s neck, at first just cuddling but then nuzzling his hair against him to tickle him, coaxing another bout of giggles out of Yixing until he gets tired. When he finally settles, eyes fluttering shut and a contented hum vibrating through his chest, Yixing wraps an around his shoulders to keep him warm. Within a few moments, he’s asleep.
Actually Lu Han doesn’t usually fall asleep that quickly. Yixing reaches over him to the cellphone still held slack in his hands, and sure enough it’s past midnight. It’s no longer Lu Han asleep beside him, then, but someone else entirely.
Not that it doesn’t look like Lu Han right now. Even the way he snores, lips slightly parted, and the curl of his body as he sleeps are familiar. Yixing can feel affection for him well up in his chest. He thinks about kissing him because right now he can pretend it’s still Lu Han and nothing has changed. If he’s quite honest with himself, he had entered into this relationship expecting it to end by this point. Somewhat still does, even if he isn’t as scared about it as Lu Han is, but he’s allowed to be a little reluctant to let go.
But he doesn’t. Even with this person asleep, in Lu Han’s body, it still seems wrong. Instead, he contemplates how he’s going to get them down into bed. Lu Han’s light, but the easiest way is probably just to wake the boy up. He probably should have thought this out before agreeing to Lu Han’s suggestion…
The boy snuffles in his sleep, and he looks so content in his sleep Yixing feels bad waking him up. Well, drag him down it is. Yixing slowly eases himself out from under Lu Han, one hand supporting his back and the other slipping underneath his knees so that he can lift Lu Han’s body bridal style. For now, Lu Han feels no different in his arms.
The next day Yixing wakes up to a shriek from the other room. It takes him a while to rouse himself, work the cricks out from his neck and open his eyes to the faint light peeking in through the windows. The couch never treats his back well when he spends nights there.
When he hears more noises pitched several octaves above Lu Han’s usual voice, Yixing starts to wonder if maybe his soulmate is female, even if Lu Han has never really gone for girls. When he opens the door to his bedroom he’s met with the sight of a bug-eyed Lu Han in front of the mirror, silent now. He -- she? -- must have realized what’s happening and is now giving his body a once-over, twisting this way and that.
“Good morning,” Yixing says, and immediately regrets it when not-Lu Han freezes and turns his wide-eyed stare on him. Maybe he should have just escaped his apartment for the day, let them figure it out for themself. When he doesn’t get a response, he adds an uncertain, “I’m Zhang Yixing, nice to meet you.” It sounds too stiff and he mentally groans.
Not-Lu Han blinks slowly, once, twice, and then replies cheerfully, as if Yixing’s introduction were a prompt, “I’m Huang Zitao” (it’s a boy’s name, and his voice comes out normal now, although still different from Lu Han’s own), “this is my soulmate?” He sounds a little bit confused, but also a little bit excited, like he’s holding it back as it grows.
Yixing nods, and then remembers moments after to add, “His name is Lu Han.”
Zitao grins a familiar grin, breathing a breathless little, “cool,” as he turns back to the mirror, adjusting his hair and then holding hands to his cheeks to see how they move, and as weirded out as Yixing is by this he’s also kind of charmed by the kid’s excitement. Maybe him hanging around Lu Han has made them both a little dull sometimes, while Zitao stands on the other end of the spectrum, as flashy as he can get. He’s guessing Zitao must be younger than Lu Han as well, to not have expected the swap. He seems younger than Lu Han, too, even if Lu Han himself is no more than a kid plenty of the time.
When he’s done with Lu Han’s face he rounds on Yixing, unabashedly giving him the same once over as Yixing shifts uncomfortably. “So you two are roommates?”
That’s one way of putting it, he supposes. He remembers what Lu Han says, but something holds him back from telling him. Maybe it’s the eagerness Zitao gives off in waves, or maybe it’s because Yixing has never really thought himself a good enough match for Lu Han, and now that he’s come face to face with someone who supposedly is, he’d feel selfish turning him away.
“He stays over sometimes,” Yixing says, which is honest enough. He stays over a lot, actually, because Yixing’s apartment is just blocks away from their university while Lu Han’s house is a good twenty minute drive away, sans traffic. Lu Han has chauffeurs, so it isn’t a problem, but then again the reason he stayed over was never really because of the distance either.
“This is your house?” Zitao asks, now, and Yixing’s thankful that’s the question, instead of why.
Nodding, he answers, “Sorry it’s kind of shabby. I wasn’t thinking about having a guest.”
Zitao’s laugh is distinctly different from Lu Han’s, more breathless and high-pitched. “Well, I wasn’t expecting to be one either.” He ambles about the room look around, and even not quite used to the body he’s in, his movements seems more liquid than Lu Han’s, his steps smooth. Yixing isn’t used to seeing Lu Han’s body move like this, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
He pulls to a stop in front of Yixing and peers at him more closely, eyes still spiked with curiosity. It’s really strange having what looks like Lu Han look at him with unfamiliar eyes. He can imagine it as a scene out of a k-drama, Lu Han walking out of the hospital after a recent car crash stole his memory away. “Who are you?” he asks Yixing, his long-time lover, when he sees him. When Yixing replies, not wanting to scare him with the truth, “A friend,” Lu Han smiles and says, “Okay. This is my boyfriend, Zitao,” gesturing at the handsome doctor that had saved his life.
He’s expecting Zitao to have more questions about Lu Han’s life-- why is he here, what is he like? -- but is caught off guard when Zitao surprisingly asks about him.
“You’re not spending New Year’s with your family?” he asks, focused on Yixing. His eyes have an intensity to them that makes Yixing feel under constant scrutiny. He feels like Zitao can read the truth in his face, even though the boy seems like the type to be oblivious about these things.
“They’re in Changsha.” He realizes Zitao probably doesn’t know where they are at the same time Zitao seems to. “We’re in Beijing,” he adds quickly.
“We’re in Beijing?!” Zitao asks, quickly looking around as if the interior of the room will give him a hint. When it doesn’t, he rushes over the small window to check, leaning out to see the street below.
“Have you been before?” Zitao speaks with a distinctive regional dialect, so Yixing isn’t expecting it when he nods eagerly, pulling his head back inside.
“Yeah, I just moved here a few months ago actually!” Yixing is surprised, he’d thought from his excitement it’d be the first time, but Zitao is back to looking out the window. What’s more surprising is the timing of it all, but maybe that’s just fate at work. Outside, the street is more quiet than usual for the New Year, but there’s still a good number of people milling about simply because it’s Beijing. Lu Han probably isn’t up yet, at this hour.
He received a message from him, actually, last night when he’d already gotten Zitao into bed and settled down on the couch himself. Yixing wasn’t expecting it at that hour-- shouldn’t Lu Han be in bed already? Shouldn’t the phone be locked? But he didn’t know a thing about Lu Han’s soulmate yet, so maybe it wasn’t even nighttime there. He tried to imagine it, Lu Han in Paris or London, but Lu Han has never really had an urge to travel too far, so and he thinks a red string probably has a tendency to pull you at least a city or two closer to your soulmate rather than leaving you safely in Beijing. Just as he was drifting off, his phone, in hand again by Lu Han’s request, buzzed on the living room table. It was an unknown number, and the preview said something like Hey babe wanna see my- Yixing didn’t have to open it to guess that it was Lu Han being gross as usual.
Sorry, you must have the wrong number. he sent back, pausing just long enough for Lu Han to be surprised but not long enough for him to worry, My boyfriend’s dick isn’t really the kind of thing he’d want to make first impressions with.
Fuck off TTTT is the reply, and Yixing chuckles, idly hoping that Lu Han will have the tact to delete these off the phone later.
And then, Although my dick right now is not bad.
Wanna see?
They sent a few more meaningless messages before Yixing properly dozed off, phone still in hand and running on low battery by the time morning rolls round. Lu Han didn’t tell him much about his soulmate, so Yixing could only guess where Lu Han was then, what he was doing. By the end of the night, the only thing he got out of Lu Han was a barely illuminated picture. Bold eyes with equally bold eyebags, a distinctive looking nose, sharper features than Lu Han’s own softer ones.
He tries to imagine them now on the boy in front of him but all he sees is Lu Han when Zitao turns to face him. “Are you free today?” he is asking.
“Am I free?” he echoes, and Zitao nods, speaking quicker now, “Since you’re here and you’re close with Lu Han, I thought maybe you could show me around.” It’s funny how his request almost mirrors Lu Han’s, even if he doesn’t know it, “I don’t even know where to start, and Beijing is so big, and if you and Lu Han are friends then we’ll be friends in the future too, right?”
Yixing’s a bit taken aback by the outright request, but Zitao asks in a way that seems hard to say no to. And even without that, and without Lu Han’s request hanging at the back of his mind too, he isn’t sure he’d want to say no. Zitao’s an interesting kid. He reminds Yixing of Lu Han, somewhat, and yet he’s the complete opposite.
“Sure,” Yixing agrees, walking over so he can stand by Zitao and peer down into the streets with him. There aren’t any breakfast stalls out today because nobody wants to work on New Year’s, but the smell of food wafts up from people cooking in apartments down below. “Breakfast?” he asks, figuring he could start with a tour of their typical day. This is honest, too, if in a mundane, safe way.
Zitao nods, hair falling into his eyes from his overeager movements, “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.” Yixing pulls away from the window and Zitao follows, chatting after him, “Do you usually make it? Oh, can you make that dish that…”
It turns out Zitao really could eat a horse. He had originally planned to let Zitao check out the rest of the apartment while he made breakfast, but the other boy had insisted on staying in the kitchen to watch him. Normally, he would be buying from the stalls out below, and Lu Han wouldn’t even up by this hour (still isn’t, today as well) so it throws him off his schedule a bit, especially when Zitao looks at what he’s started on and helps throw in two or three times as many ingredients, though he does help set up the plates and keeps his promise to eat all of them too.
It’s endearing how he eats like Lu Han, even, stuffing food in his mouth without paying attention to how he looks or how there’s food hanging halfway out of his mouth when he looks up to talk to Yixing. While he’s stuffing his mouth Yixing takes the opportunity to speak uninterrupted.
“Normally we’d be going to school soon but since it’s break…” he trails off, and he can see Zitao try to swallow quickly and nearly choke on his food in order to try to get words out. “Maybe we’ll just head to some of his usual hangouts,” he decides for them, a few places already in mind. He has a feeling of where Lu Han doesn’t want them to be, and it’s easier to say where he thinks they can be than decline what Zitao suggests.
Before he goes, he snaps a picture of Zitao still eating. He wasn’t meaning to be caught in the act, but of course he’d forgotten to turn off the sound and his phone makes a loud clicking noise to indicate that the photo’s been taken. Zitao looks up in surprise and Yixing feels himself freeze, caught without an explanation. But Zitao simply swallows the food and holds up a peace sign, and Yixing laughs, taking another picture. “Normally I wouldn’t be letting you take such ugly pictures of me but since it isn’t me it’s okay,” Zitao explains after, looking them over after he’s grabbed hold of Yixing’s food. While Zitao finishes eating he sends the pictures off to Lu Han, not really expecting a reply just yet.
That’s fine because he needs all the energy he has to keep up with Zitao when they go out. Zitao lives on the other side of the city so all their usual haunts are still new to him, and he follows along curiously as Yixing takes them through their school, some of the sights, the shopping districts he and Lu Han (mostly Lu Han) frequent. Zitao is eager to look around, and the more excited he gets the more Yixing starts to really feel bad about it, the actuality of what he’s doing settling in. He really is leading Zitao on, like this. And even if he isn’t-- if he and Lu Han really do have a chance together, does Yixing want that?
But then Lu Han was never meant to be his to begin with. Zitao isn’t taking Lu Han away from him, he’s the one taking Lu Han away from Zitao, and he can start to see it now in the way their similarities seep into Zitao’s movements. He’d always been pulled along by Lu Han and even showing Zitao around it’s the same, perhaps even more than with Lu Han. Zitao is proactive; he’s naturally friendly with people; he’s stubborn. The set of his jaw is ridiculously familiar, even if he doesn’t realize it, as he whines for Yixing to stay at a store a few minutes longer, he just needs to try on a few more hats.
He doesn’t quite understand why Zitao would want to continue shopping when these clothes aren’t even for his own body, but when Zitao stands in front of the mirror, Lu Han’s body dressed nicely in a dress shirt and tie or tight leather pants and a spiked jacket Lu Han would never have chosen for himself, there’s approval in his eyes, fondness even, even though Zitao doesn’t know a thing about him yet. Yixing can’t blame him. Lu Han does look good, and he thinks his gaze must be just as intent as Zitao’s as he looks at the body before him. He snaps a few more pictures along the way, and Zitao has probably come to the conclusion that Yixing is just a weirdo that takes too many pictures by now. Each one he sends off to Lu Han. This kid is pretty cute he adds at the end of one, Zitao winking at the cam with a peace sign held over one eye.
It isn’t until after noon that Lu Han responds. I’m not used to waking up without you. the first text says, and then, seconds later, My face is pretty cute, pushing the first text aside. Lu Han was never one to dwell long on romantic comments like that after all. He sends a few pictures of the breakfast he’s having - it looks nice, western and as fancy as the ones his parents push onto him at home, and then another picture of Zitao’s face, clearer now. It’s as handsome as when Yixing had seen it last night, though now he can make out the details like the feline curl of his mouth and the slight bump in his nose.
Our Marilyn Monlu is the cutest ^_^ he sends back, But I think you might look better like this? His phone buzzes with angry emoticons in reply.
When Zitao comes back to find him, tugging at his sleeve to get him to check his outfit, Yixing gets another idea.
“Hey, pose like this for me?” he asks, and maneuvers him into a cute pose Lu Han would hate. Don’t miss up on the opportunity when you have it, right?
“Lu Han doesn’t like to be called cute,” he explains as he puts Zitao in place and then backs up to take a picture. “But he is cute, isn’t he?”
“I guess…” Zitao says slowly, holding the pose, but when something catches his eye he straightens up, a grin slowly spreads across his face. “If we’re going to do it, we should go all the way. That’s a nice dress, isn’t it?”
Half an hour of stuffing Lu Han’s thighs into a skirt, a barrage of angry texts, and a very discouraging salesclerk that very nearly chases them out later, they find themselves sitting outside on the stairs of the mall, still laughing as they come down from the high of a quick escape.
Yixing thinks that Lu Han looks the best like this, crow’s feet wrinkles spreading gently from the corners of his eyes and his entire body brimming with his energy. It’s not his own energy, now, but he can’t stop himself from staring as Zitao’s chest heaves when he catches his breath. Zitao catching him staring is inevitable, and as he slowly evens his breaths he asks, turning his eyes away. “Can you introduce me to Lu Han’s family?”
It pulls him out of his good cheer in moments. Of course he’d anticipated that question but-- “I can’t,” Yixing says flatly. He thinks about lying-- they’re dead, they’re far away, he doesn’t know who they are. But he feels bad lying to Zitao, even if he already has been, kind of, indirectly. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he corrects his own words, trying to sound more casual about it.
“Why? I’m good with parents, promise. They always like me.”
Yixing could see that, but at the same time being good with parents doesn’t necessarily mean being good with Lu Han’s parents, who are a whole other category entirely.
“I don’t think I should be the one to introduce you to them,” he tries.
“You can just drop me off!” Zitao cuts in, “I’ll meet up with you afterwards.
“And they’re actually really busy…”
“They should be expecting me, shouldn’t they?”
“--And Lu Han isn’t really on good terms with them, I can’t just bring you in like this,” Yixing finally says in a breath, continuing before Zitao can come up with a rebuttal, “We shouldn’t interfere.”
Zitao falls silent for a bit. “They can’t be on such bad terms that they wouldn’t make an exception, right?”
Yixing shakes his head. He hasn’t met them more than two or three times himself, even if he’s heard plenty about them from Lu Han. Even when Yixing used to be in a cramped four-person dorm and they spent plenty of time in Lu Han’s room, Lu Han would sneak them in through the back door and then keep the door to his room stubbornly shut.
“Why don’t we stay here a while longer?”
“Yixing,” Zitao whines. “He’s probably already met my family, it’s only fair if I get to meet his.”
That’s true. Lu Han’s earlier pictures from breakfast came with the caption they’re as filthy rich as my parents are, but also reluctantly admitted that they weren’t so bad. He’d admitted that mama Huang had been excited to hear about his life, and hadn’t even blinked an eye when he told her he was a boy. It took forever for him to escape, and even if all he’s sent are complaints Yixing can read the guilt in his tone. He hasn’t had updates from Lu Han since, and he can only wonder where he’s gone since then.
“If he’d been at home last night, I would have met them already.” Zitao continues to prod, and even though he doesn’t mean it as one there’s definitely an accusation in there. It’s your fault, it says, and Yixing will admit, that it is his fault-- if he weren’t dating Lu Han, then they wouldn’t have to go through this elaborate charade. If only he’d lied less, hadn’t led him on, or lied more, kept the curtain thrown over Zitao’s eyes. If only, if only. Instead he’s stuck with this in between, and although Zitao hasn’t blamed him for anything-- how could he? He’s only a child, he doesn’t know a thing - he should be, really.
“I’ll show you his house,” Yixing finally gives in. He’s stubborn about some things, but this isn’t something that he’s sure about, that he can commit to being stubborn for. “That’s it. You have to promise me you won’t try to go in.”
Zitao looks like he’s about to argue further, mouth open with a complaint ready but after reconsidering closes his mouth and nods, smiles. “Okay. Thanks Yixing.”
--
Lu Han doesn’t really want to-- he can’t take this whole soulmate thing seriously. If he takes it seriously, then isn’t he not taking Yixing seriously? He doesn’t believe in half-ways, if he’s going in then he’s going in a hundred percent. And Yixing is his hundred percent, he’s sure of that. When they first met as first-years at college, he’d thought Yixing was nothing special. The unassuming, artsy student with stubby legs. But it’s strange how suddenly they clicked, how weeks into their friendship when Lu Han had gotten himself locked out of the house for a week he had no problem moving into Yixing’s apartment and melding right into his lifestyle. How even when nobody else got Yixing’s jokes, Lu Han could never stop laughing around him. He was sure that at least fifty percent of his wrinkles were from Yixing.
Briefly, he considers slipping away in the middle of the night, as soon as he’s blinking his way into the view of an unfamiliar room. That way, he doesn’t have to meet anyone’s concerned parents, be a good and proper soulmate and talk about his hopeful future life. He doesn’t have to disappoint anyone either, and he’s sure there’s be plenty to be disappointed about.
He’s thought a lot about what he doesn’t want to do today. He doesn’t want his soulmate to find out too much about him, to become attached and expect something out of him. He doesn’t want to know about his soulmate. He doesn’t want to be here at all, but there isn’t much he has thought about wanting to do today.
The room he’s in now is large, almost like his own at home. Unlike his, it’s much more cluttered and lived in, clothes filling the closet and a few more items scattered on the ground, and photos and a painting are hung on the walls. His own room at home, ever since he’s halfway moved into Yixing’s flat, has contained only the necessities and older things. The majority of his clothes are still there, but newer items go into, or come from, Yixing’s closet.
It’s quiet, and he could sneak out, or maybe he could hide in bed the entire day and pretend to be sick. But that would be irresponsible, Yixing would say, and it might worry this kid’s parents, if they’re anything unlike his own. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with him, and he supposes that includes owing him for any trouble. So he stays where he is, in this unfamiliar skin on an unfamiliar bed, reminded an awful lot of childhood nights spent up awake alone in his own home.
Morning is even worse. It’s sickeningly nostalgic, being woken up by a housekeeper. She doesn’t give him much information, just lets him know that Zitao’s parents are waiting downstairs for breakfast with him. He feels better-rested than usual, but still he drags his feet and takes his time putting together out of the wardrobe (skin-tight, leather, and leopard print are the only options that appear to be available), before heading downstairs.
The worst thing is not how Zitao’s parents are like Lu Han’s-- well-off and busy-- but how they’re entirely different. Disarmingly friendly, they make Lu Han feel welcome within moments and it’s the worst thing they could possibly do. They’re a bit show-offish, pulling out all the stops to show to Lu Han, but they’re goodnatured at heart and Lu Han is kind of touched, or something.
Maybe if they didn’t want him here, he wouldn’t feel so bad, but they treat him like the best of guests and it makes him feel a little bad for how he is treating Zitao, indirectly. He might be showing Zitao the best of his world too, but in a much more selfish way. This is mine, not this is ours.
The earliest opportunity he gets, Lu Han books it out of there with the excuse that he wants to see the rest of Zitao’s life. Before he has a chance to really think it through, he’s called up a cab and given the address to his house. Normally he wouldn’t want to be anywhere near there but even parents are not so bad now as running into Zitao, memories of his life, someone who could recognize and greet him and bring him closer to Zitao. Home, he thinks, is the safest bet, the farthest from where Yixing should be taking him.
That was the decision an hour or so ago. Zitao’s family lives all the way across the city, which he’s glad for, though not as glad as if they had stayed at their hometown in Qingdao. Apparently they had moved here just recently, and Lu Han wonders if it’s a trick of fate bringing them together, tugging them closer to tie them into a dead knot.
He thinks that must be it, when he gets a text from Yixing saying We’re going to stop by your house. Sorry! He insisted ^^;
The first thing that settles in is disbelief, and then dread, and then maybe a little bit of anger, because it feels like fate is betraying him. Or maybe he feels betrayed because it’s Yixing. He should know better than to be bringing here, but Lu Han can’t blame him entirely because he hadn’t told him that he would be here, either.
It’s a strange sight, seeing what looks like himself and Yixing standing in front of his house. He wonders how often this scene has happened in the past, the two of them side-by-side, backpacks on their backs or shopping bags in hand as they walk up to the house. But this time it isn’t him next to Yixing and he feels a twinge of panic in his chest. He could still hide in his room and hope they don’t come, or he could slip out through the back door, but that still leaves the potential issue of Zitao meeting his parents.
He sees himself tug Yixing forward by a hand, only to use the momentum to drag him forward so he can wrap an arm around his shoulders to lean on, and the scene looks almost right or familiar except that it isn’t him. It’s unbelievably frustrating, seeing the two of them be all buddy buddy like this when Yixing should have just told him the truth, that he doesn’t have a chance at all, he shouldn’t try to find Lu Han, he should just go back to his life and leave him, and Yixing, alone.
It’s a bit of that frustration and a bit of fear too that spurs him on as he steps outside, because he knows he can’t run and hide forever. Zitao’s much taller than him, his shoulders broader too, and he thinks it’s surprising how the height advantage over Yixing and him now makes the space between them feel so different. The realization dawns in Zitao’s eyes first when he sees Lu Han’s approaching figure, and then slowly in Yixing’s as the 2d figures from two photos only piece together.
“What are you doing here?” he asks Yixing, not stopping in front of him but barging in between them to grab Yixing by the wrist, pull him away from Zitao and from the house too so that his housekeepers won’t get an eyeful of them arguing on his front porch. He doesn’t need them scolding him about his bad choices in company in spending time with Yixing yet again.
“What are you doing here?” Yixing asks, his voice cracking mid-sentence in his surprise. In the corner of his vision he can see Zitao follow hesitantly, confused but still wanting to hear what’s going on. At this point Lu Han doesn’t care what Zitao thinks, he’s sick of thinking about him, taking him into consideration when all he should have to care about is him and Yixing.
“I can’t come home?” Lu Han asks, challenging, and he can see Yixing’s eyes flick down and then back up, taking him in, taking half a step back because he doesn’t look like himself anymore and from the way he’s acting he doesn’t feel like himself either. It’s all Zitao’s fault, Lu Han thinks miserably.
“I thought you were-“ Yixing starts, just as Zitao cuts in, “You’re not supposed to, on this New Year’s. You’re supposed to be at my home, with my family, finding out about me.” He starts off a bit uncertain, not sure if he should be challenging Lu Han like this, but gains momentum until he talks until he’s close to shouting.
Lu Han turns on him, and he’s tired of being nice. “I’m supposed to be?” he asks, using his temporary height to stand over him. “I should just get ready to give over my life to a stranger, after I’ve spent so long building it up. I’m perfectly happy where I am right now, without you, and I don’t need some trick like fate or soulmates to tell me where my life is supposed to go.”
Zitao looks taken aback. Actually he looks like he’s about to cry, or yell at him again. Geez, Lu Han doesn’t want either of those things, he doesn’t want to see himself cry and he doesn’t want all his neighbors to gossip about the Lu family’s rebellious child and his delinquent-looking soulmate arguing in the streets, but Zitao ends up doing a combo of both. “It’s you and Yixing, isn’t it? I know you two aren’t just friends, I can tell, you know.”
Yixing’s back straightens with a jolt at the accusation. Lu Han turns on him too, because he’d asked Yixing to tell him already, but Yixing doesn’t look at him. He looks at Zitao, and he looks so sorry, as he admits, “We’re not.”
“So why are you doing this?” Zitao demands, and he’s still looking at Yixing, “Why are you bothering with me? Are you just playing around, do you think it’s fun?”
“I don’t know,” Yixing admits. “But I thought that you and Lu Han would be good with each other.”
Zitao scoffs, “It’s obvious now we aren’t good for each other.” He finally turns back to Lu Han, tears still brimming at his eyes - and to be honest, Lu Han feels bad. He feels really bad, letting Yixing take charge of telling him like this, and for doing this to him. He doesn’t want to feel any responsibility toward Zitao, but it’s true that most people go into their lives expecting a soulmate there waiting for them to join them. He knows how it’s like to not be wanted, and he thinks, after meeting Zitao’s family, getting texts from this friends, Zitao must not be used to it at all.
“I’m sorry,” Lu Han admits, the words tasting bitter in his mouth. He hates it, but he knows he’s done wrong. “I’m just happy with where I am, and I don’t have space in my life for someone else, and I’m sorry you got caught up in this. …You should just go home.”
“You’re not sorry,” Zitao says to the ground, “or you would be giving me a chance.”
Lu Han is willing to apologize, but he’s not willing to give in on this. Before he has a chance to rise to the challenge and start them arguing again, though, Yixing butts in.
“Why doesn’t he do that now? You two can go on a date.”
“I’m not-“
“I told you, I think you two are a good match. Trust me,” Yixing cuts him off, and it’s an unfair request. Yixing knows it’s an unfair request, but he can’t say no to when Yixing is saying it like that.
“…Fine,” he says, because it isn’t just his decision to make. It’s Yixing’s, and Zitao’s too, the other boy agreeing with a hum and a nod. “But you’re coming with us.”
Yixing is about to argue that as well, but Zitao stops him with a hand to his shoulder. “Agreed. Xing ge’s much nicer than Lu Han will ever be.”
Lu Han frowns, “Watch it,” but Yixing just laughs and nudges Lu Han closer to Zitao.
-
After a bout of whispering, Yixing and Lu Han decide on the location and lead them on. Night is already setting into the city, people pouring into the streets as they get off work and head home, or out to restaurants for dinner. The day’s almost at its end, and Zitao feels more exhausted than ever. He’s normally a people person. Being around people energizes him, but Lu Han and Yixing and their complex relationship have had the opposite effect. Maybe Lu Han’s right, maybe this fate thing is all a sham and they aren’t meant for each other after all, even if the long lashes framing his vision and the new body he resides in for today says that they are.
They end up at a series of lakeside markets and bars, the night freshly started as Lu Han and Yixing separate to flank him. Zitao knows the place because he’d been once or so since he’d moved here, but it’s not his usual destination. The nightmarkets have just started up, and Yixing chatters by his side, “We come here pretty often so I thought it’d be fun to visit.” Lu Han’d gone off to buy some food from the street carts, and hands Yixing and Zitao each several yang rou chuan before biting into his own, mumbling into his food. “Actually Yixing and I’s first date was here, so I’m not sure what he’s trying to get at.”
Oh. It’s hard to not think of himself like an intruder when he puts it like that, but Zitao isn’t one to let himself get defeated easily by things like that. “You took him to a nightmarket for your first date? I thought you were supposed to be trying to prove yourself a good boyfriend.”
Yixing snickers to the side and Lu Han rises to the challenge, “I’m a great boyfriend. Yixing can tell- hey!” he cuts himself off when he sees Yixing with his arms crossed forming a large X, a mischievous look in his eyes. Zitao laughs at Lu Han’s look of outrage, and Lu Han shoves them both away, “You’re horrible, why do I even try?”
Actually despite what Zitao had said earlier, it’s actually a pretty fun place to be. He gets caught up in the trinkets being sold on the streets, and wheedling his way into lower prices with Lu Han’s pretty face is surprisingly fun.
“Ugh, this is so weird,” Lu Han complains, as Zitao puts on a pair of kitty ears and makes a cute face at him through his own body. Lu Han lightens up a little as the day goes on too, even if he still sticks to Yixing like glue. When Yixing so much as looks too long at something, Lu Han will jump in and offer to buy it, when he nearly stumbles over the unpaved streets Lu Han’s there to steady him. They laugh at the same things, the things that seem silly to Zitao. He doesn’t get it. Yet he can see why Yixing likes him a lot, even though Lu Han is much more closed off around him. Yixing tells him that he’s normally worse even, that the arguing and banter between them is better than the usual way Lu Han seals his mouth and does his best imitation of a life-size doll around others.
They eat as they go, picking up okonomiyaki, rou chuan, baozi, porridge to eat along the way. Lu Han tries to feed Yixing one of the okonomiyaki off his stick but Yixing pushes him toward Zitao instead. Zitao notices this, but he pretends he doesn’t, and opens his mouth to accept when Lu Han reluctantly offers it to him.
By the end of the route, they find themselves at a bar by the lakeside, tables out in the open and cold breeze blowing past. Lu Han orders them drinks while Yixing goes to chat up the singer with a guitar seated at the middle, presumably to order a song.
It’s the first time they’ve been left alone, he realizes, and Lu Han fidgets uncomfortably once the waiter is gone, rapping his knuckles against the table in a steady rhythm.
“Did you bring Yixing here on your first date too?” Zitao asks, to get the conversation started. He thinks Lu Han doesn’t hear him, because he keeps watching Yixing where he’s talking to the guitarist, before he turns back to Zitao, dark eyes unreadable.
“He brought me here. He used to work here, did you know?” As if on cue, there’s the slide of a chair as the singer backs out of his seat and passes his guitar over to Yixing. Zitao watches, fascinated, as he strums a few chords, testing out the feel of the borrowed guitar, before launching straight into the chords of a familiar song. Zitao’s thrown off when the first verse is supposed to start but it doesn’t, and he notices Yixing watching the two of them expectantly. He’s too focused on Yixing so it catches him completely off guard when Lu Han begins to sing next to him, his voice sweet and low as he joins in halfway through the second verse, the two of them coordinating. He’s using Zitao’s vocal chords, but the level of control he has over the notes is more than Zitao could manage himself. Zitao’s left with the feeling that he’s being left out again, as he watches them, but Lu Han stops singing at Yixing, sings with his eyes closed, and then turns them onto him.
He’s rooted into his seat by that gaze, unable to look away as Lu Han stares back into his eyes tentatively, until Yixing finishes off the last chords and Lu Han’s voice tapers off. He clears it awkwardly once it’s over and drops his gaze into the newly arrived glass of champagne, taking a large gulp that he doesn’t finish swallowing until Yixing returns.
“What was that for?” Lu Han complains to Yixing when he gets back, and Yixing shrugs, sheepishly, “I wanted to show you off a bit.”
“My feet hurt,” Zitao complains by the end of the day, “Why is your body so fragile?” He punches Lu Han in the side and then winces because really his own body is more toned than Lu Han’s is and now his fist hurts, too.
“Hey, watch it,” Lu Han complains. “My body isn’t even fragile, just look at Yixing’s.”
“Do I need to beat you at arm wrestling again?” Yixing asks without missing a beat. Lu Han’s reply is cut off by another whine from Zitao.
“Do you want me to carry you then, brat?” he asks, and before Zitao can respond he’s kneeling on the floor in front of Zitao, waiting for him to climb onto his back. Zitao could point out that this is his body he’s using, so really he shouldn’t sound so confident in it, but he’s tired and he supposes that he trusts Lu Han enough not to drop him off in the middle of a lake, or anything like that. (Right? Lu Han could’ve dropped his body off anywhere while he was in it, but he didn’t, so he should be at least a little bit okay.)
Zitao can feel the steady thud of his heartbeat against Lu Han’s back as they walk, and the steady pace of it as well as Lu Han’s steps slowly lulls him to sleep. He really is tired, but at the end of the day, comfortable and with Yixing and Lu Han softly murmuring with each other like this, he doesn’t feel so bad.
When he wakes up again, he’s back in his own room, the light of day slowly filtering in, as if it had all been a dream.
--
Once they’ve safely dropped Zitao back off at home and book a taxi back to Yixing’s apartment, Lu Han is unusually quiet. Yixing is a bit unnerved, but he doesn’t have to wait for long. When they’re back inside, Lu Han rounds on him, cornering him back into the door. “What were you doing?” he says, “You’re so annoying, what were you trying to pull?”
Yixing doesn’t get a chance to respond, Lu Han cutting off his breath with an urgent kiss, pressing his body up against him with both hands against the door on both sides of him. Slowly they slip down to fist at the front of his shirt, as Lu Han kisses over his face, down his neck, not meeting his eyes. His movements are choppy, like he’s holding back tears, and Yixing wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case. Slowly he reaches up and cradles Lu Han’s face in a hand, forcing him to look at him, and like he’d expected the other boy looks just moments away from crying.
“I’m sorry,” he says, and kisses him back, slowly, slowly, savoring the moment. “Nothing has to change, if you don’t want it to.” But he knows that, even if Lu Han doesn’t know it yet, that he’ll definitely want it.
--
They don’t hear back from Zitao in the days after that, and even though Lu Han tries to continue with his life as if nothing has changed-- waking up late in the mornings, clinging onto Yixing as he works on his compositions and occasionally belting out notes alongside him-- there’s a restlessness that he knows they’ve both noticed.
It’s the fifth day when someone knocks on their door and Lu Han nearly jolts out of his seat. Yixing is about to stand to let them in when the door swings open itself, and there is Zitao.
Lu Han stands up, about to ask him, “What are you doing here?!” but Zitao comes up to him and grabs him by the collar and pulls him in for a kiss. It’s angry and passionate, Zitao’s teeth clacking harshly against Lu Han’s before he even has chance to react with equal vigor. They’re both breathless by the time they part, Lu Han’s chest heaving and cheeks tinged pink and Yixing thinks, it’s probably time for him to leave. This is the ending to their story, where Lu Han was headed all along, and he doesn’t have a place in the epilogue. He begins to back away from the table, thinking he’ll leave them to sort everything out while he heads outside for a while (never mind that it’s his home), but Zitao calls out, “Wait, stop!”
“You’re not allowed to leave either, I’m only here because of you y’know,” he protests, letting go of Lu Han to pull Yixing back.
“Then it looks like I did my job well,” Yixing shrugs, and gives him a small smile.
“Yixing…” Lu Han interjects, and there’s definitely guilt shining in his eyes now, but Zitao is faster to form the words than him.
“I want you here, too.” Zitao says, and pulls him close into a hug, nuzzling into Yixing’s neck. It has him giggling at a very inopportune moment, but when Zitao notices he just does it again, nuzzling into Yixing’s neck and kissing it, trailing kisses down his collarbone and wow, this wasn’t what he was expecting at all.
When he manages to pull away from a smirking Zitao he can see Lu Han’s body language more relaxed too, surprisingly. He isn’t sure what to expect when Lu Han strides over and pulls Zitao down into another kiss, biting down hard enough on his lip that Zitao yelps.
“For getting started without me,” he deciding, wrapping strong arms around Yixing’s midsection and leaning over his shoulder to continue to kiss Zitao.
Lay/Luhan/Tao, PG-13, 11k WC
Prompt: "I had a dream where every person, at exactly midnight on new years following their 22nd birthday, they possessed the body of their soulmate and people ran around trying to figure out who they were so that they could find each other, and they left notes for the body’s owner to find with their address. And there were some language gaps so people had to translate it and travel to different countries carrying the notes they were left, and it was great"
Originally posted here. Thank you to endonucleases and K for all the help!
Lu Han brings it up the day before.
"Hey, let's spend New Year’s Eve on your roof."
Yixing mentioned it years ago, back before he knew about Lu Han's fear of heights. It’s good for spending some time alone in busy Beijing, to rise up above everything for once and clear your head, even if the air up there is just as polluted as it is down below. Lu Han’s house isn’t really an option because it’s a two-story house in a closed-off villa, and Lu Han’s parents will have a house-full of distant relatives to entertain come New Year’s. Lu Han is supposed to be there, of course, but then Yixing is supposed to be home in Changsha spending time with his parents and grandparents, too. He doesn’t have reason to stay away like Lu Han does, but since hanging around the older boy he's been picking up some of his bad habits too. This time around, he asked Yixing to stay in Beijing for their New Year’s break, shamelessly casual at first and then when he realized Yixing was mistaking it as another one of his jokes, reluctantly added an, “I mean it,” and then, the part that settled it, “please.” Lu Han didn’t like asking for much, at least nothing more than a bite of your lunch or your favorite set of earphones (and even then he didn’t like to ask, he just took). It was only hours later, after he’d already agreed, that he realized why Lu Han was asking.
It’s Lu Han’s 21st New Year, or the day he’ll have the chance to meet his soulmate. Or, rather, the day Yixing gets to meet Lu Han’s soulmate. Yixing suspects that’s part of why Lu Han is asking him to stay. There’s something that happens every New Year’s - a myth of sorts from generations past, outdated really, except that it’s not a myth. On the 21st New Year of a person’s life, he swaps bodies with his soulmate. Swap souls? Yixing could never quite remember which way it worked. His mother used to tell him that New Year’s is a time to return to your family, but starting the 21st is when you return to your new family, the one you’ll be with ten, fifty years down the road even after the current one is gone. Back when people still communicated by snail mail and phones were a thing of the future, this swap was the only way you could find your soulmate. Every New Year, people parading around in their soulmates’ bodies, trying to commit where they lived to memory and leave notes about where to find them too. Gangnam, Seoul, I’ll come to find you! one would say, and the other would unknowingly write back, Guangzhou, China, stay right where you are, I’m coming for you and they’d both wonder, when they returned and found each other’s notes, if it was a better bet to stay there or go like they said. It wasn’t a very efficient system, really, but since then it’s still been a custom to leave notes and avoid “cheating” by using text or phone after the switch. The tradition’s faded a bit in recent years, as has the younger population’s faith in soulmates, but it’s still widespread enough and lack of faith alone won’t stop the swaps from happening in any years to come.
"New Year's Eve?” Yixing murmurs back slowly, snapping back to attention. They were spending the afternoon in his apartment, gnawing on various snacks his mom mailed up for the New Year when she heard he wasn’t coming home. Yixing was distracted by the way Lu Han's cheeks hollowed prettily around a tang hu lu, his lips slick with sugar. From the smug look on the other boy's face he knows he's been caught staring. "I thought you didn't like heights,” Yixing mutters into his own snack, averting his gaze. The last time he tried to bring Lu Han up, he froze right at the door and crouched down, refusing to budge. It was funny how he was fine in the apartment, which was really just below the rooftop, the view from the windows reaching nearly as far. Well, that was Lu Han for you, always contradictory even to Yixing who claimed to know him best.
"I can't always let you tease me about being a scaredy-cat, can I?" Lu Han is saying, "Besides, it'll be romantic." He's grinning like it’s a joke again as he flops over into Yixing's lap, hair splaying out messily as he looks up at him. Yixing reaches a hand down to tickle under Lu Han’s chin, resisting the urge to grin back as he pretends to mull it over. Lu Han’s always been the more romantic one of the two, even if Yixing wrote dumb love songs to sing to him, and even if he didn't like admitting it, at least not seriously, he did like when Yixing went along with his ideas. And Yixing always did.
"What if your soulmate trips off the roof?" Yixing asks, looking back down at Lu Han, who's idly tapping the stick of his finished snack against his nose as he waits. He stops at the question, letting the stick rest on his face as he uncrosses his eyes to meet Yixing's gaze, and he looks a bit surprised. He wasn’t expecting Yixing to mention his soulmate, even if his question was nothing but a roundabout way of bringing it up. But to be honest, Yixing wasn’t planning to either. They hadn’t talked about it, not when Lu Han had asked him to stay, and not since. He’s sure Lu Han would have brought it up eventually, but for once he doesn’t feel like waiting for Lu Han to sort through all the possibilities before bringing it up with him.
“I hope you wouldn’t let my body trip off a roof,” Lu Han responds once their momentary staring contest passes, rolling up to deliver a soft punch to Yixing’s belly.
“When have I been able to stop you from anything?” Yixing asks, belatedly remembering to clutch at his stomach and feign hurt.
“You should be glad it’s not me you’re dealing with then.” Lu Han still hasn’t rolled back down into his lap, curled into Yixing now and talking into shirt rather than at his face. When Yixing smooths his fingers down Lu Han’s neck, he finds the muscles there tensed.
They fall into silence as Yixing continues to stroke Lu Han’s neck. There are a lot of things Yixing could say now, if he wants. He could talk about how irresponsible it is of Lu Han to be welcoming the New Year away from his family, and how selfish it is to ask Yixing to do so too. He could tell him not to be so worried, that they’ll survive this if Lu Han wants them to, that Yixing wants them to. He could question why Lu Han wants him there, too, even if he has an idea.
Soulmates-- every person grouped off in neat pairs, and on one or two New Year's in their lives the world reminds you that this is where you're meant to be, this is who you're meant to love. Yixing kind of thinks it's a nice idea, that you have some direction to head towards; no matter what, an end goal to reach, even though not since he was very young has he ever felt that tug a red string supposedly provides. But Lu Han thinks it's a load of bull. He’s told Yixing more than once that he doesn’t believe in soulmates. He doesn’t wanted to be shepherded into loving someone he doesn’t, just because of some fanciful idea like fate, and besides, he loves Yixing, he knows that. He always looks embarrassed after saying it, which makes Yixing laugh and tease him and forget that they’re not really soulmates, and both he and Lu Han can feel it. In a sense, it’s an act of defiance. Lu Han meeting his fears head on with Yixing by his side.
"You better not back out at the last moment,” Yixing says with an exaggeratedly weary sigh, “I don’t want to be stuck coaxing you back down the stairs if you get stuck there again.”
"I won’t!” Lu Han protests, huffing air out against Yixing’s stomach before settling back down on his legs, facing him, "Manly men don't take back their word." He’s back to grinning.
"And you're so manly.” A smile pulls at his lips as he threads fingers through Lu Han's hair, the fine threads snaring at his fingertips as if resisting the motion.
--
He can see how tense Lu Han is from the way he holds himself when they climb up to the rooftop, but he doesn’t say anything. It was Lu Han’s idea to do this; it’ll be Lu Han’s too to back out if he wants.
But he doesn’t-- he grabs Yixing’s hand to pull them over to the edge facing the rest of the city, clambering down to sit a little away from the edge. He doesn’t let go either, even after Yixing sits down. Yixing squeezes back lightly and lets himself relax against Lu Han’s side, head against his shoulder. Maybe if he relaxes enough it’ll seep into Lu Han as well.
“It’s really pretty.” Lu Han is gazing out at the lights of Beijing, sparks going off here and there in the streets as people set off firecrackers, the sound they make against concrete walls resonating even up here.
Now would be one of those romantic movie moments where he stares back at Lu Han and agrees, and even though he’s talking about the city what he’s really talking about is Lu Han. But Lu Han would probably miss the hint, or he’d think Yixing was cracking a joke and get offended. He hums his agreement instead and stays quiet because he can feel the rise of breath that tells him Lu Han is about to start talking again.
“I should have come up with you here sooner,” he says, and Yixing laughs because even saying it like this Lu Han sounds kind of reluctant.
“Not if you don’t like it, you don’t have to pretend.”
“I like it, I like it,” Lu Han insists, and Yixing makes a noncommittal sound.
“Let’s go sit closer to the edge then,” he says, already tugging forward, and laughs when Lu Han immediately jerks back with a, “No!” pulling his hand away as if it’s been scalded. He immediately looks regretful after, but his expression quickly slips into a pout as he scoots a few more inches back. “Yixing, I’m not lying. Give me time okay?”
Yixing’s still chuckling but he relents and returns to his side, now a little farther from the edge, “Okay, you like it.”
“I do.”
It’s a familiar scene. The first time Yixing tried to cook for Lu Han -- back in the first year of college when he was still trying out dishes and often forgot some ingredient or other -- Lu Han insisted with wide eyes that he liked the food even after Yixing tasted it himself and nearly spat it back out. Nowadays Lu Han has no problem whining when Yixing feeds him food he doesn’t like, but he still ends up putting up a front some of the time, like he’s afraid to offend him.
Yixing finds himself grinning softly at the thought and doesn’t realize Lu Han’s noticed until the other boy shrugs the shoulder Yixing’s resting on to catch his attention, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” Yixing says, and then to piss him off, “you’re just too cute.”
He gets the reaction he was expecting, Lu Han shoving him off in annoyance, “Don’t make fun of me.”
Already accustomed to Lu Han’s ways, he catches the first fist, and the second halfhearted swing Lu Han throws in his direction. With his hands caught, Lu Han goes in for the headbutt, knocking his head against Yixing’s with a dull clunk, and then laughs at the sound and probably also at the cross-eyed way Yixing is looking at him too. Zoomed in this close, Lu Han’s wrinkles crease into impressive valleys as he laughs.
Yixing finds himself laughing with him too, and then, on a whim, tugging Lu Han forward by his captured hands so he can peck him on the lips. Yixing starts laughing again just as Lu Han starts responding to the kiss, which gets Lu Han started again until they’re both just giggling into each other’s mouths. It’s not so uncommon for them to get stuck laughing mid-makeout to the point that neither of them can continue until they’ve already lost the mood. It’s not so bad this time, Lu Han settling his chuckles into a fond grin as he presses another kiss, slower this time, to Yixing’s lips. Slipping his fingers through Lu Han’s, Yixing responds in kind. He can feel the upturn of Lu Han’s lips against his, the way it slowly relaxes as he grants Yixing entrance to his mouth.
They make out for a while, Lu Han moving forward until he’s halfway straddling Yixing’s lap, and Yixing ponders idly the possibility of having sex on his roof. Get over Lu Han’s fear of heights and sprinkle some exhibitionism over their typically vanilla love life maybe. Two birds, one stone. But actually Yixing isn’t really thinking, at least not about this, not about anything other than the way Lu Han feels against his his lips, the way his fingers tighten around Yixing’s own and then, when he lets go of his hands, the way they stroke gently over the back of his neck, where Lu Han knows he’s sensitive.
The sound of Lu Han’s phone giving off beeps makes them pause their motions, the noises of a calendar alert freezing Lu Han on the spot. When he moves again, it’s to chuckle nervously and duck his head, embarrassed. He climbs off of Yixing’s lap like nothing happened, flinging his legs to the other side and pillowing his head on Yixing’s shoulder now.
“Sorry,” he says, “I guess we didn’t get to spend much time enjoying the view after all.” He’s messing with his phone now, and over his shoulder Yixing can see him pull open Yixing’s contact in his phone book, close it, and open again, restless. He’d left his own phone downstairs by accident so he can’t check the time for himself, but from the tiny numbers at the top of Lu Han’s he can figure out that it’s almost midnight.
“You know I… like you a lot, right?” Lu Han asks, reluctantly, eyes still glued to his phone screen as he pretends to busy himself with it. “I don’t want to leave.”
“It’s only a day,” Yixing soothes, even though he knows that isn’t what Lu Han meant. He feels like he should have a better reaction to Lu Han admitting his feelings, but it’s too late, Lu Han is already pulling himself together, lifting himself off Yixing’s shoulder so he can look at him.
“When my soulmate comes over, don’t be too nice, okay? If they ask you something… just tell the truth. I don’t want to lead them on.”
“You aren’t going to give it a chance?” He already knows the answer to that one, and almost regrets it from the way Lu Han’s expression falters.
“Do you want me to?”
“No…” Yixing admits, and is surprised at how quickly he can respond to that.
“Good,” Lu Han says, and then reaches over Yixing to pat at his pants pockets, making him yelp and squirm away. He frowns when he finds them both empty, but gives up and returns his hands to himself, Yixing warily returning to his original position as well. “Keep your phone on you tomorrow too, okay?”
“My phone?”
“Who knows, maybe you’ll get a call from an anonymous admirer.” Lu Han yawns, and then snuggles back up against Yixing’s neck, at first just cuddling but then nuzzling his hair against him to tickle him, coaxing another bout of giggles out of Yixing until he gets tired. When he finally settles, eyes fluttering shut and a contented hum vibrating through his chest, Yixing wraps an around his shoulders to keep him warm. Within a few moments, he’s asleep.
Actually Lu Han doesn’t usually fall asleep that quickly. Yixing reaches over him to the cellphone still held slack in his hands, and sure enough it’s past midnight. It’s no longer Lu Han asleep beside him, then, but someone else entirely.
Not that it doesn’t look like Lu Han right now. Even the way he snores, lips slightly parted, and the curl of his body as he sleeps are familiar. Yixing can feel affection for him well up in his chest. He thinks about kissing him because right now he can pretend it’s still Lu Han and nothing has changed. If he’s quite honest with himself, he had entered into this relationship expecting it to end by this point. Somewhat still does, even if he isn’t as scared about it as Lu Han is, but he’s allowed to be a little reluctant to let go.
But he doesn’t. Even with this person asleep, in Lu Han’s body, it still seems wrong. Instead, he contemplates how he’s going to get them down into bed. Lu Han’s light, but the easiest way is probably just to wake the boy up. He probably should have thought this out before agreeing to Lu Han’s suggestion…
The boy snuffles in his sleep, and he looks so content in his sleep Yixing feels bad waking him up. Well, drag him down it is. Yixing slowly eases himself out from under Lu Han, one hand supporting his back and the other slipping underneath his knees so that he can lift Lu Han’s body bridal style. For now, Lu Han feels no different in his arms.
The next day Yixing wakes up to a shriek from the other room. It takes him a while to rouse himself, work the cricks out from his neck and open his eyes to the faint light peeking in through the windows. The couch never treats his back well when he spends nights there.
When he hears more noises pitched several octaves above Lu Han’s usual voice, Yixing starts to wonder if maybe his soulmate is female, even if Lu Han has never really gone for girls. When he opens the door to his bedroom he’s met with the sight of a bug-eyed Lu Han in front of the mirror, silent now. He -- she? -- must have realized what’s happening and is now giving his body a once-over, twisting this way and that.
“Good morning,” Yixing says, and immediately regrets it when not-Lu Han freezes and turns his wide-eyed stare on him. Maybe he should have just escaped his apartment for the day, let them figure it out for themself. When he doesn’t get a response, he adds an uncertain, “I’m Zhang Yixing, nice to meet you.” It sounds too stiff and he mentally groans.
Not-Lu Han blinks slowly, once, twice, and then replies cheerfully, as if Yixing’s introduction were a prompt, “I’m Huang Zitao” (it’s a boy’s name, and his voice comes out normal now, although still different from Lu Han’s own), “this is my soulmate?” He sounds a little bit confused, but also a little bit excited, like he’s holding it back as it grows.
Yixing nods, and then remembers moments after to add, “His name is Lu Han.”
Zitao grins a familiar grin, breathing a breathless little, “cool,” as he turns back to the mirror, adjusting his hair and then holding hands to his cheeks to see how they move, and as weirded out as Yixing is by this he’s also kind of charmed by the kid’s excitement. Maybe him hanging around Lu Han has made them both a little dull sometimes, while Zitao stands on the other end of the spectrum, as flashy as he can get. He’s guessing Zitao must be younger than Lu Han as well, to not have expected the swap. He seems younger than Lu Han, too, even if Lu Han himself is no more than a kid plenty of the time.
When he’s done with Lu Han’s face he rounds on Yixing, unabashedly giving him the same once over as Yixing shifts uncomfortably. “So you two are roommates?”
That’s one way of putting it, he supposes. He remembers what Lu Han says, but something holds him back from telling him. Maybe it’s the eagerness Zitao gives off in waves, or maybe it’s because Yixing has never really thought himself a good enough match for Lu Han, and now that he’s come face to face with someone who supposedly is, he’d feel selfish turning him away.
“He stays over sometimes,” Yixing says, which is honest enough. He stays over a lot, actually, because Yixing’s apartment is just blocks away from their university while Lu Han’s house is a good twenty minute drive away, sans traffic. Lu Han has chauffeurs, so it isn’t a problem, but then again the reason he stayed over was never really because of the distance either.
“This is your house?” Zitao asks, now, and Yixing’s thankful that’s the question, instead of why.
Nodding, he answers, “Sorry it’s kind of shabby. I wasn’t thinking about having a guest.”
Zitao’s laugh is distinctly different from Lu Han’s, more breathless and high-pitched. “Well, I wasn’t expecting to be one either.” He ambles about the room look around, and even not quite used to the body he’s in, his movements seems more liquid than Lu Han’s, his steps smooth. Yixing isn’t used to seeing Lu Han’s body move like this, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
He pulls to a stop in front of Yixing and peers at him more closely, eyes still spiked with curiosity. It’s really strange having what looks like Lu Han look at him with unfamiliar eyes. He can imagine it as a scene out of a k-drama, Lu Han walking out of the hospital after a recent car crash stole his memory away. “Who are you?” he asks Yixing, his long-time lover, when he sees him. When Yixing replies, not wanting to scare him with the truth, “A friend,” Lu Han smiles and says, “Okay. This is my boyfriend, Zitao,” gesturing at the handsome doctor that had saved his life.
He’s expecting Zitao to have more questions about Lu Han’s life-- why is he here, what is he like? -- but is caught off guard when Zitao surprisingly asks about him.
“You’re not spending New Year’s with your family?” he asks, focused on Yixing. His eyes have an intensity to them that makes Yixing feel under constant scrutiny. He feels like Zitao can read the truth in his face, even though the boy seems like the type to be oblivious about these things.
“They’re in Changsha.” He realizes Zitao probably doesn’t know where they are at the same time Zitao seems to. “We’re in Beijing,” he adds quickly.
“We’re in Beijing?!” Zitao asks, quickly looking around as if the interior of the room will give him a hint. When it doesn’t, he rushes over the small window to check, leaning out to see the street below.
“Have you been before?” Zitao speaks with a distinctive regional dialect, so Yixing isn’t expecting it when he nods eagerly, pulling his head back inside.
“Yeah, I just moved here a few months ago actually!” Yixing is surprised, he’d thought from his excitement it’d be the first time, but Zitao is back to looking out the window. What’s more surprising is the timing of it all, but maybe that’s just fate at work. Outside, the street is more quiet than usual for the New Year, but there’s still a good number of people milling about simply because it’s Beijing. Lu Han probably isn’t up yet, at this hour.
He received a message from him, actually, last night when he’d already gotten Zitao into bed and settled down on the couch himself. Yixing wasn’t expecting it at that hour-- shouldn’t Lu Han be in bed already? Shouldn’t the phone be locked? But he didn’t know a thing about Lu Han’s soulmate yet, so maybe it wasn’t even nighttime there. He tried to imagine it, Lu Han in Paris or London, but Lu Han has never really had an urge to travel too far, so and he thinks a red string probably has a tendency to pull you at least a city or two closer to your soulmate rather than leaving you safely in Beijing. Just as he was drifting off, his phone, in hand again by Lu Han’s request, buzzed on the living room table. It was an unknown number, and the preview said something like Hey babe wanna see my- Yixing didn’t have to open it to guess that it was Lu Han being gross as usual.
Sorry, you must have the wrong number. he sent back, pausing just long enough for Lu Han to be surprised but not long enough for him to worry, My boyfriend’s dick isn’t really the kind of thing he’d want to make first impressions with.
Fuck off TTTT is the reply, and Yixing chuckles, idly hoping that Lu Han will have the tact to delete these off the phone later.
And then, Although my dick right now is not bad.
Wanna see?
They sent a few more meaningless messages before Yixing properly dozed off, phone still in hand and running on low battery by the time morning rolls round. Lu Han didn’t tell him much about his soulmate, so Yixing could only guess where Lu Han was then, what he was doing. By the end of the night, the only thing he got out of Lu Han was a barely illuminated picture. Bold eyes with equally bold eyebags, a distinctive looking nose, sharper features than Lu Han’s own softer ones.
He tries to imagine them now on the boy in front of him but all he sees is Lu Han when Zitao turns to face him. “Are you free today?” he is asking.
“Am I free?” he echoes, and Zitao nods, speaking quicker now, “Since you’re here and you’re close with Lu Han, I thought maybe you could show me around.” It’s funny how his request almost mirrors Lu Han’s, even if he doesn’t know it, “I don’t even know where to start, and Beijing is so big, and if you and Lu Han are friends then we’ll be friends in the future too, right?”
Yixing’s a bit taken aback by the outright request, but Zitao asks in a way that seems hard to say no to. And even without that, and without Lu Han’s request hanging at the back of his mind too, he isn’t sure he’d want to say no. Zitao’s an interesting kid. He reminds Yixing of Lu Han, somewhat, and yet he’s the complete opposite.
“Sure,” Yixing agrees, walking over so he can stand by Zitao and peer down into the streets with him. There aren’t any breakfast stalls out today because nobody wants to work on New Year’s, but the smell of food wafts up from people cooking in apartments down below. “Breakfast?” he asks, figuring he could start with a tour of their typical day. This is honest, too, if in a mundane, safe way.
Zitao nods, hair falling into his eyes from his overeager movements, “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.” Yixing pulls away from the window and Zitao follows, chatting after him, “Do you usually make it? Oh, can you make that dish that…”
It turns out Zitao really could eat a horse. He had originally planned to let Zitao check out the rest of the apartment while he made breakfast, but the other boy had insisted on staying in the kitchen to watch him. Normally, he would be buying from the stalls out below, and Lu Han wouldn’t even up by this hour (still isn’t, today as well) so it throws him off his schedule a bit, especially when Zitao looks at what he’s started on and helps throw in two or three times as many ingredients, though he does help set up the plates and keeps his promise to eat all of them too.
It’s endearing how he eats like Lu Han, even, stuffing food in his mouth without paying attention to how he looks or how there’s food hanging halfway out of his mouth when he looks up to talk to Yixing. While he’s stuffing his mouth Yixing takes the opportunity to speak uninterrupted.
“Normally we’d be going to school soon but since it’s break…” he trails off, and he can see Zitao try to swallow quickly and nearly choke on his food in order to try to get words out. “Maybe we’ll just head to some of his usual hangouts,” he decides for them, a few places already in mind. He has a feeling of where Lu Han doesn’t want them to be, and it’s easier to say where he thinks they can be than decline what Zitao suggests.
Before he goes, he snaps a picture of Zitao still eating. He wasn’t meaning to be caught in the act, but of course he’d forgotten to turn off the sound and his phone makes a loud clicking noise to indicate that the photo’s been taken. Zitao looks up in surprise and Yixing feels himself freeze, caught without an explanation. But Zitao simply swallows the food and holds up a peace sign, and Yixing laughs, taking another picture. “Normally I wouldn’t be letting you take such ugly pictures of me but since it isn’t me it’s okay,” Zitao explains after, looking them over after he’s grabbed hold of Yixing’s food. While Zitao finishes eating he sends the pictures off to Lu Han, not really expecting a reply just yet.
That’s fine because he needs all the energy he has to keep up with Zitao when they go out. Zitao lives on the other side of the city so all their usual haunts are still new to him, and he follows along curiously as Yixing takes them through their school, some of the sights, the shopping districts he and Lu Han (mostly Lu Han) frequent. Zitao is eager to look around, and the more excited he gets the more Yixing starts to really feel bad about it, the actuality of what he’s doing settling in. He really is leading Zitao on, like this. And even if he isn’t-- if he and Lu Han really do have a chance together, does Yixing want that?
But then Lu Han was never meant to be his to begin with. Zitao isn’t taking Lu Han away from him, he’s the one taking Lu Han away from Zitao, and he can start to see it now in the way their similarities seep into Zitao’s movements. He’d always been pulled along by Lu Han and even showing Zitao around it’s the same, perhaps even more than with Lu Han. Zitao is proactive; he’s naturally friendly with people; he’s stubborn. The set of his jaw is ridiculously familiar, even if he doesn’t realize it, as he whines for Yixing to stay at a store a few minutes longer, he just needs to try on a few more hats.
He doesn’t quite understand why Zitao would want to continue shopping when these clothes aren’t even for his own body, but when Zitao stands in front of the mirror, Lu Han’s body dressed nicely in a dress shirt and tie or tight leather pants and a spiked jacket Lu Han would never have chosen for himself, there’s approval in his eyes, fondness even, even though Zitao doesn’t know a thing about him yet. Yixing can’t blame him. Lu Han does look good, and he thinks his gaze must be just as intent as Zitao’s as he looks at the body before him. He snaps a few more pictures along the way, and Zitao has probably come to the conclusion that Yixing is just a weirdo that takes too many pictures by now. Each one he sends off to Lu Han. This kid is pretty cute he adds at the end of one, Zitao winking at the cam with a peace sign held over one eye.
It isn’t until after noon that Lu Han responds. I’m not used to waking up without you. the first text says, and then, seconds later, My face is pretty cute, pushing the first text aside. Lu Han was never one to dwell long on romantic comments like that after all. He sends a few pictures of the breakfast he’s having - it looks nice, western and as fancy as the ones his parents push onto him at home, and then another picture of Zitao’s face, clearer now. It’s as handsome as when Yixing had seen it last night, though now he can make out the details like the feline curl of his mouth and the slight bump in his nose.
Our Marilyn Monlu is the cutest ^_^ he sends back, But I think you might look better like this? His phone buzzes with angry emoticons in reply.
When Zitao comes back to find him, tugging at his sleeve to get him to check his outfit, Yixing gets another idea.
“Hey, pose like this for me?” he asks, and maneuvers him into a cute pose Lu Han would hate. Don’t miss up on the opportunity when you have it, right?
“Lu Han doesn’t like to be called cute,” he explains as he puts Zitao in place and then backs up to take a picture. “But he is cute, isn’t he?”
“I guess…” Zitao says slowly, holding the pose, but when something catches his eye he straightens up, a grin slowly spreads across his face. “If we’re going to do it, we should go all the way. That’s a nice dress, isn’t it?”
Half an hour of stuffing Lu Han’s thighs into a skirt, a barrage of angry texts, and a very discouraging salesclerk that very nearly chases them out later, they find themselves sitting outside on the stairs of the mall, still laughing as they come down from the high of a quick escape.
Yixing thinks that Lu Han looks the best like this, crow’s feet wrinkles spreading gently from the corners of his eyes and his entire body brimming with his energy. It’s not his own energy, now, but he can’t stop himself from staring as Zitao’s chest heaves when he catches his breath. Zitao catching him staring is inevitable, and as he slowly evens his breaths he asks, turning his eyes away. “Can you introduce me to Lu Han’s family?”
It pulls him out of his good cheer in moments. Of course he’d anticipated that question but-- “I can’t,” Yixing says flatly. He thinks about lying-- they’re dead, they’re far away, he doesn’t know who they are. But he feels bad lying to Zitao, even if he already has been, kind of, indirectly. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he corrects his own words, trying to sound more casual about it.
“Why? I’m good with parents, promise. They always like me.”
Yixing could see that, but at the same time being good with parents doesn’t necessarily mean being good with Lu Han’s parents, who are a whole other category entirely.
“I don’t think I should be the one to introduce you to them,” he tries.
“You can just drop me off!” Zitao cuts in, “I’ll meet up with you afterwards.
“And they’re actually really busy…”
“They should be expecting me, shouldn’t they?”
“--And Lu Han isn’t really on good terms with them, I can’t just bring you in like this,” Yixing finally says in a breath, continuing before Zitao can come up with a rebuttal, “We shouldn’t interfere.”
Zitao falls silent for a bit. “They can’t be on such bad terms that they wouldn’t make an exception, right?”
Yixing shakes his head. He hasn’t met them more than two or three times himself, even if he’s heard plenty about them from Lu Han. Even when Yixing used to be in a cramped four-person dorm and they spent plenty of time in Lu Han’s room, Lu Han would sneak them in through the back door and then keep the door to his room stubbornly shut.
“Why don’t we stay here a while longer?”
“Yixing,” Zitao whines. “He’s probably already met my family, it’s only fair if I get to meet his.”
That’s true. Lu Han’s earlier pictures from breakfast came with the caption they’re as filthy rich as my parents are, but also reluctantly admitted that they weren’t so bad. He’d admitted that mama Huang had been excited to hear about his life, and hadn’t even blinked an eye when he told her he was a boy. It took forever for him to escape, and even if all he’s sent are complaints Yixing can read the guilt in his tone. He hasn’t had updates from Lu Han since, and he can only wonder where he’s gone since then.
“If he’d been at home last night, I would have met them already.” Zitao continues to prod, and even though he doesn’t mean it as one there’s definitely an accusation in there. It’s your fault, it says, and Yixing will admit, that it is his fault-- if he weren’t dating Lu Han, then they wouldn’t have to go through this elaborate charade. If only he’d lied less, hadn’t led him on, or lied more, kept the curtain thrown over Zitao’s eyes. If only, if only. Instead he’s stuck with this in between, and although Zitao hasn’t blamed him for anything-- how could he? He’s only a child, he doesn’t know a thing - he should be, really.
“I’ll show you his house,” Yixing finally gives in. He’s stubborn about some things, but this isn’t something that he’s sure about, that he can commit to being stubborn for. “That’s it. You have to promise me you won’t try to go in.”
Zitao looks like he’s about to argue further, mouth open with a complaint ready but after reconsidering closes his mouth and nods, smiles. “Okay. Thanks Yixing.”
--
Lu Han doesn’t really want to-- he can’t take this whole soulmate thing seriously. If he takes it seriously, then isn’t he not taking Yixing seriously? He doesn’t believe in half-ways, if he’s going in then he’s going in a hundred percent. And Yixing is his hundred percent, he’s sure of that. When they first met as first-years at college, he’d thought Yixing was nothing special. The unassuming, artsy student with stubby legs. But it’s strange how suddenly they clicked, how weeks into their friendship when Lu Han had gotten himself locked out of the house for a week he had no problem moving into Yixing’s apartment and melding right into his lifestyle. How even when nobody else got Yixing’s jokes, Lu Han could never stop laughing around him. He was sure that at least fifty percent of his wrinkles were from Yixing.
Briefly, he considers slipping away in the middle of the night, as soon as he’s blinking his way into the view of an unfamiliar room. That way, he doesn’t have to meet anyone’s concerned parents, be a good and proper soulmate and talk about his hopeful future life. He doesn’t have to disappoint anyone either, and he’s sure there’s be plenty to be disappointed about.
He’s thought a lot about what he doesn’t want to do today. He doesn’t want his soulmate to find out too much about him, to become attached and expect something out of him. He doesn’t want to know about his soulmate. He doesn’t want to be here at all, but there isn’t much he has thought about wanting to do today.
The room he’s in now is large, almost like his own at home. Unlike his, it’s much more cluttered and lived in, clothes filling the closet and a few more items scattered on the ground, and photos and a painting are hung on the walls. His own room at home, ever since he’s halfway moved into Yixing’s flat, has contained only the necessities and older things. The majority of his clothes are still there, but newer items go into, or come from, Yixing’s closet.
It’s quiet, and he could sneak out, or maybe he could hide in bed the entire day and pretend to be sick. But that would be irresponsible, Yixing would say, and it might worry this kid’s parents, if they’re anything unlike his own. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with him, and he supposes that includes owing him for any trouble. So he stays where he is, in this unfamiliar skin on an unfamiliar bed, reminded an awful lot of childhood nights spent up awake alone in his own home.
Morning is even worse. It’s sickeningly nostalgic, being woken up by a housekeeper. She doesn’t give him much information, just lets him know that Zitao’s parents are waiting downstairs for breakfast with him. He feels better-rested than usual, but still he drags his feet and takes his time putting together out of the wardrobe (skin-tight, leather, and leopard print are the only options that appear to be available), before heading downstairs.
The worst thing is not how Zitao’s parents are like Lu Han’s-- well-off and busy-- but how they’re entirely different. Disarmingly friendly, they make Lu Han feel welcome within moments and it’s the worst thing they could possibly do. They’re a bit show-offish, pulling out all the stops to show to Lu Han, but they’re goodnatured at heart and Lu Han is kind of touched, or something.
Maybe if they didn’t want him here, he wouldn’t feel so bad, but they treat him like the best of guests and it makes him feel a little bad for how he is treating Zitao, indirectly. He might be showing Zitao the best of his world too, but in a much more selfish way. This is mine, not this is ours.
The earliest opportunity he gets, Lu Han books it out of there with the excuse that he wants to see the rest of Zitao’s life. Before he has a chance to really think it through, he’s called up a cab and given the address to his house. Normally he wouldn’t want to be anywhere near there but even parents are not so bad now as running into Zitao, memories of his life, someone who could recognize and greet him and bring him closer to Zitao. Home, he thinks, is the safest bet, the farthest from where Yixing should be taking him.
That was the decision an hour or so ago. Zitao’s family lives all the way across the city, which he’s glad for, though not as glad as if they had stayed at their hometown in Qingdao. Apparently they had moved here just recently, and Lu Han wonders if it’s a trick of fate bringing them together, tugging them closer to tie them into a dead knot.
He thinks that must be it, when he gets a text from Yixing saying We’re going to stop by your house. Sorry! He insisted ^^;
The first thing that settles in is disbelief, and then dread, and then maybe a little bit of anger, because it feels like fate is betraying him. Or maybe he feels betrayed because it’s Yixing. He should know better than to be bringing here, but Lu Han can’t blame him entirely because he hadn’t told him that he would be here, either.
It’s a strange sight, seeing what looks like himself and Yixing standing in front of his house. He wonders how often this scene has happened in the past, the two of them side-by-side, backpacks on their backs or shopping bags in hand as they walk up to the house. But this time it isn’t him next to Yixing and he feels a twinge of panic in his chest. He could still hide in his room and hope they don’t come, or he could slip out through the back door, but that still leaves the potential issue of Zitao meeting his parents.
He sees himself tug Yixing forward by a hand, only to use the momentum to drag him forward so he can wrap an arm around his shoulders to lean on, and the scene looks almost right or familiar except that it isn’t him. It’s unbelievably frustrating, seeing the two of them be all buddy buddy like this when Yixing should have just told him the truth, that he doesn’t have a chance at all, he shouldn’t try to find Lu Han, he should just go back to his life and leave him, and Yixing, alone.
It’s a bit of that frustration and a bit of fear too that spurs him on as he steps outside, because he knows he can’t run and hide forever. Zitao’s much taller than him, his shoulders broader too, and he thinks it’s surprising how the height advantage over Yixing and him now makes the space between them feel so different. The realization dawns in Zitao’s eyes first when he sees Lu Han’s approaching figure, and then slowly in Yixing’s as the 2d figures from two photos only piece together.
“What are you doing here?” he asks Yixing, not stopping in front of him but barging in between them to grab Yixing by the wrist, pull him away from Zitao and from the house too so that his housekeepers won’t get an eyeful of them arguing on his front porch. He doesn’t need them scolding him about his bad choices in company in spending time with Yixing yet again.
“What are you doing here?” Yixing asks, his voice cracking mid-sentence in his surprise. In the corner of his vision he can see Zitao follow hesitantly, confused but still wanting to hear what’s going on. At this point Lu Han doesn’t care what Zitao thinks, he’s sick of thinking about him, taking him into consideration when all he should have to care about is him and Yixing.
“I can’t come home?” Lu Han asks, challenging, and he can see Yixing’s eyes flick down and then back up, taking him in, taking half a step back because he doesn’t look like himself anymore and from the way he’s acting he doesn’t feel like himself either. It’s all Zitao’s fault, Lu Han thinks miserably.
“I thought you were-“ Yixing starts, just as Zitao cuts in, “You’re not supposed to, on this New Year’s. You’re supposed to be at my home, with my family, finding out about me.” He starts off a bit uncertain, not sure if he should be challenging Lu Han like this, but gains momentum until he talks until he’s close to shouting.
Lu Han turns on him, and he’s tired of being nice. “I’m supposed to be?” he asks, using his temporary height to stand over him. “I should just get ready to give over my life to a stranger, after I’ve spent so long building it up. I’m perfectly happy where I am right now, without you, and I don’t need some trick like fate or soulmates to tell me where my life is supposed to go.”
Zitao looks taken aback. Actually he looks like he’s about to cry, or yell at him again. Geez, Lu Han doesn’t want either of those things, he doesn’t want to see himself cry and he doesn’t want all his neighbors to gossip about the Lu family’s rebellious child and his delinquent-looking soulmate arguing in the streets, but Zitao ends up doing a combo of both. “It’s you and Yixing, isn’t it? I know you two aren’t just friends, I can tell, you know.”
Yixing’s back straightens with a jolt at the accusation. Lu Han turns on him too, because he’d asked Yixing to tell him already, but Yixing doesn’t look at him. He looks at Zitao, and he looks so sorry, as he admits, “We’re not.”
“So why are you doing this?” Zitao demands, and he’s still looking at Yixing, “Why are you bothering with me? Are you just playing around, do you think it’s fun?”
“I don’t know,” Yixing admits. “But I thought that you and Lu Han would be good with each other.”
Zitao scoffs, “It’s obvious now we aren’t good for each other.” He finally turns back to Lu Han, tears still brimming at his eyes - and to be honest, Lu Han feels bad. He feels really bad, letting Yixing take charge of telling him like this, and for doing this to him. He doesn’t want to feel any responsibility toward Zitao, but it’s true that most people go into their lives expecting a soulmate there waiting for them to join them. He knows how it’s like to not be wanted, and he thinks, after meeting Zitao’s family, getting texts from this friends, Zitao must not be used to it at all.
“I’m sorry,” Lu Han admits, the words tasting bitter in his mouth. He hates it, but he knows he’s done wrong. “I’m just happy with where I am, and I don’t have space in my life for someone else, and I’m sorry you got caught up in this. …You should just go home.”
“You’re not sorry,” Zitao says to the ground, “or you would be giving me a chance.”
Lu Han is willing to apologize, but he’s not willing to give in on this. Before he has a chance to rise to the challenge and start them arguing again, though, Yixing butts in.
“Why doesn’t he do that now? You two can go on a date.”
“I’m not-“
“I told you, I think you two are a good match. Trust me,” Yixing cuts him off, and it’s an unfair request. Yixing knows it’s an unfair request, but he can’t say no to when Yixing is saying it like that.
“…Fine,” he says, because it isn’t just his decision to make. It’s Yixing’s, and Zitao’s too, the other boy agreeing with a hum and a nod. “But you’re coming with us.”
Yixing is about to argue that as well, but Zitao stops him with a hand to his shoulder. “Agreed. Xing ge’s much nicer than Lu Han will ever be.”
Lu Han frowns, “Watch it,” but Yixing just laughs and nudges Lu Han closer to Zitao.
-
After a bout of whispering, Yixing and Lu Han decide on the location and lead them on. Night is already setting into the city, people pouring into the streets as they get off work and head home, or out to restaurants for dinner. The day’s almost at its end, and Zitao feels more exhausted than ever. He’s normally a people person. Being around people energizes him, but Lu Han and Yixing and their complex relationship have had the opposite effect. Maybe Lu Han’s right, maybe this fate thing is all a sham and they aren’t meant for each other after all, even if the long lashes framing his vision and the new body he resides in for today says that they are.
They end up at a series of lakeside markets and bars, the night freshly started as Lu Han and Yixing separate to flank him. Zitao knows the place because he’d been once or so since he’d moved here, but it’s not his usual destination. The nightmarkets have just started up, and Yixing chatters by his side, “We come here pretty often so I thought it’d be fun to visit.” Lu Han’d gone off to buy some food from the street carts, and hands Yixing and Zitao each several yang rou chuan before biting into his own, mumbling into his food. “Actually Yixing and I’s first date was here, so I’m not sure what he’s trying to get at.”
Oh. It’s hard to not think of himself like an intruder when he puts it like that, but Zitao isn’t one to let himself get defeated easily by things like that. “You took him to a nightmarket for your first date? I thought you were supposed to be trying to prove yourself a good boyfriend.”
Yixing snickers to the side and Lu Han rises to the challenge, “I’m a great boyfriend. Yixing can tell- hey!” he cuts himself off when he sees Yixing with his arms crossed forming a large X, a mischievous look in his eyes. Zitao laughs at Lu Han’s look of outrage, and Lu Han shoves them both away, “You’re horrible, why do I even try?”
Actually despite what Zitao had said earlier, it’s actually a pretty fun place to be. He gets caught up in the trinkets being sold on the streets, and wheedling his way into lower prices with Lu Han’s pretty face is surprisingly fun.
“Ugh, this is so weird,” Lu Han complains, as Zitao puts on a pair of kitty ears and makes a cute face at him through his own body. Lu Han lightens up a little as the day goes on too, even if he still sticks to Yixing like glue. When Yixing so much as looks too long at something, Lu Han will jump in and offer to buy it, when he nearly stumbles over the unpaved streets Lu Han’s there to steady him. They laugh at the same things, the things that seem silly to Zitao. He doesn’t get it. Yet he can see why Yixing likes him a lot, even though Lu Han is much more closed off around him. Yixing tells him that he’s normally worse even, that the arguing and banter between them is better than the usual way Lu Han seals his mouth and does his best imitation of a life-size doll around others.
They eat as they go, picking up okonomiyaki, rou chuan, baozi, porridge to eat along the way. Lu Han tries to feed Yixing one of the okonomiyaki off his stick but Yixing pushes him toward Zitao instead. Zitao notices this, but he pretends he doesn’t, and opens his mouth to accept when Lu Han reluctantly offers it to him.
By the end of the route, they find themselves at a bar by the lakeside, tables out in the open and cold breeze blowing past. Lu Han orders them drinks while Yixing goes to chat up the singer with a guitar seated at the middle, presumably to order a song.
It’s the first time they’ve been left alone, he realizes, and Lu Han fidgets uncomfortably once the waiter is gone, rapping his knuckles against the table in a steady rhythm.
“Did you bring Yixing here on your first date too?” Zitao asks, to get the conversation started. He thinks Lu Han doesn’t hear him, because he keeps watching Yixing where he’s talking to the guitarist, before he turns back to Zitao, dark eyes unreadable.
“He brought me here. He used to work here, did you know?” As if on cue, there’s the slide of a chair as the singer backs out of his seat and passes his guitar over to Yixing. Zitao watches, fascinated, as he strums a few chords, testing out the feel of the borrowed guitar, before launching straight into the chords of a familiar song. Zitao’s thrown off when the first verse is supposed to start but it doesn’t, and he notices Yixing watching the two of them expectantly. He’s too focused on Yixing so it catches him completely off guard when Lu Han begins to sing next to him, his voice sweet and low as he joins in halfway through the second verse, the two of them coordinating. He’s using Zitao’s vocal chords, but the level of control he has over the notes is more than Zitao could manage himself. Zitao’s left with the feeling that he’s being left out again, as he watches them, but Lu Han stops singing at Yixing, sings with his eyes closed, and then turns them onto him.
He’s rooted into his seat by that gaze, unable to look away as Lu Han stares back into his eyes tentatively, until Yixing finishes off the last chords and Lu Han’s voice tapers off. He clears it awkwardly once it’s over and drops his gaze into the newly arrived glass of champagne, taking a large gulp that he doesn’t finish swallowing until Yixing returns.
“What was that for?” Lu Han complains to Yixing when he gets back, and Yixing shrugs, sheepishly, “I wanted to show you off a bit.”
“My feet hurt,” Zitao complains by the end of the day, “Why is your body so fragile?” He punches Lu Han in the side and then winces because really his own body is more toned than Lu Han’s is and now his fist hurts, too.
“Hey, watch it,” Lu Han complains. “My body isn’t even fragile, just look at Yixing’s.”
“Do I need to beat you at arm wrestling again?” Yixing asks without missing a beat. Lu Han’s reply is cut off by another whine from Zitao.
“Do you want me to carry you then, brat?” he asks, and before Zitao can respond he’s kneeling on the floor in front of Zitao, waiting for him to climb onto his back. Zitao could point out that this is his body he’s using, so really he shouldn’t sound so confident in it, but he’s tired and he supposes that he trusts Lu Han enough not to drop him off in the middle of a lake, or anything like that. (Right? Lu Han could’ve dropped his body off anywhere while he was in it, but he didn’t, so he should be at least a little bit okay.)
Zitao can feel the steady thud of his heartbeat against Lu Han’s back as they walk, and the steady pace of it as well as Lu Han’s steps slowly lulls him to sleep. He really is tired, but at the end of the day, comfortable and with Yixing and Lu Han softly murmuring with each other like this, he doesn’t feel so bad.
When he wakes up again, he’s back in his own room, the light of day slowly filtering in, as if it had all been a dream.
--
Once they’ve safely dropped Zitao back off at home and book a taxi back to Yixing’s apartment, Lu Han is unusually quiet. Yixing is a bit unnerved, but he doesn’t have to wait for long. When they’re back inside, Lu Han rounds on him, cornering him back into the door. “What were you doing?” he says, “You’re so annoying, what were you trying to pull?”
Yixing doesn’t get a chance to respond, Lu Han cutting off his breath with an urgent kiss, pressing his body up against him with both hands against the door on both sides of him. Slowly they slip down to fist at the front of his shirt, as Lu Han kisses over his face, down his neck, not meeting his eyes. His movements are choppy, like he’s holding back tears, and Yixing wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case. Slowly he reaches up and cradles Lu Han’s face in a hand, forcing him to look at him, and like he’d expected the other boy looks just moments away from crying.
“I’m sorry,” he says, and kisses him back, slowly, slowly, savoring the moment. “Nothing has to change, if you don’t want it to.” But he knows that, even if Lu Han doesn’t know it yet, that he’ll definitely want it.
--
They don’t hear back from Zitao in the days after that, and even though Lu Han tries to continue with his life as if nothing has changed-- waking up late in the mornings, clinging onto Yixing as he works on his compositions and occasionally belting out notes alongside him-- there’s a restlessness that he knows they’ve both noticed.
It’s the fifth day when someone knocks on their door and Lu Han nearly jolts out of his seat. Yixing is about to stand to let them in when the door swings open itself, and there is Zitao.
Lu Han stands up, about to ask him, “What are you doing here?!” but Zitao comes up to him and grabs him by the collar and pulls him in for a kiss. It’s angry and passionate, Zitao’s teeth clacking harshly against Lu Han’s before he even has chance to react with equal vigor. They’re both breathless by the time they part, Lu Han’s chest heaving and cheeks tinged pink and Yixing thinks, it’s probably time for him to leave. This is the ending to their story, where Lu Han was headed all along, and he doesn’t have a place in the epilogue. He begins to back away from the table, thinking he’ll leave them to sort everything out while he heads outside for a while (never mind that it’s his home), but Zitao calls out, “Wait, stop!”
“You’re not allowed to leave either, I’m only here because of you y’know,” he protests, letting go of Lu Han to pull Yixing back.
“Then it looks like I did my job well,” Yixing shrugs, and gives him a small smile.
“Yixing…” Lu Han interjects, and there’s definitely guilt shining in his eyes now, but Zitao is faster to form the words than him.
“I want you here, too.” Zitao says, and pulls him close into a hug, nuzzling into Yixing’s neck. It has him giggling at a very inopportune moment, but when Zitao notices he just does it again, nuzzling into Yixing’s neck and kissing it, trailing kisses down his collarbone and wow, this wasn’t what he was expecting at all.
When he manages to pull away from a smirking Zitao he can see Lu Han’s body language more relaxed too, surprisingly. He isn’t sure what to expect when Lu Han strides over and pulls Zitao down into another kiss, biting down hard enough on his lip that Zitao yelps.
“For getting started without me,” he deciding, wrapping strong arms around Yixing’s midsection and leaning over his shoulder to continue to kiss Zitao.