Bliss
where to begin? heaven only knows, i hate this feeling. I really hate it. Not knowing what to expect not knowing when the phone is going to ring or even where i stand. And it makes me happy and it makes me fucking insane. And i wanna just say "screw it" and leave it at that. But i cant and i dont know why. Maybe because it was different then it ever has been, maybe because you only want the things that you shouldnt have, or maybe because i have laughed more than i have in a long time. But i hate being vulnerable, i hate not knowing what to say, i hate not knowing what to reveal, and i hate resisting and i hate giving in. No one needs to know what i am talking about beacause i dont want them to.
And thats the thing! I dont want anyone to know, just stay out of it because for once this is my story and i am only gonna publish it if i want to. so leave me alone!
But ask me! pry and scratch for details like a chicken in the yard. (chickens do matter) Because i want people to know, i want to feel justified and i want advise. but in end it only matters if i tell you, and if you even give a shit.
How much does fate really control you? it scares me that these signs could mean something more than just some coincidence. What if the cards i am being delt actually are predicitng whats going to happen or how i am going to react to life. I want to have control but i dont want to be completely detached from the strings of life. Everyone is telling me to live a more composed, successful blissful life. To do the work and then sit back and smile at the accomplishments. But what if i want to be wild? what if bliss is too much? what if i want to make major mistakes and pick myself up again? What if i just want to be human? because being human is beautiful, to have the option to fail or win, to screw up and then learn from it.
so take me as i am. adore me or despise me. but be straight with me, because i dont want to live a lie, and i dont want to settle for a big waste of time. cus honestly folks, i know i am worth more than that.
and even if this turns out to be something completely hurtful, at least i can say i have the experience, its something to add on to the list of failures and look back and laugh.
so what am i trying to say to you? ....fuck me...if i know...
; )
And thats the thing! I dont want anyone to know, just stay out of it because for once this is my story and i am only gonna publish it if i want to. so leave me alone!
But ask me! pry and scratch for details like a chicken in the yard. (chickens do matter) Because i want people to know, i want to feel justified and i want advise. but in end it only matters if i tell you, and if you even give a shit.
How much does fate really control you? it scares me that these signs could mean something more than just some coincidence. What if the cards i am being delt actually are predicitng whats going to happen or how i am going to react to life. I want to have control but i dont want to be completely detached from the strings of life. Everyone is telling me to live a more composed, successful blissful life. To do the work and then sit back and smile at the accomplishments. But what if i want to be wild? what if bliss is too much? what if i want to make major mistakes and pick myself up again? What if i just want to be human? because being human is beautiful, to have the option to fail or win, to screw up and then learn from it.
so take me as i am. adore me or despise me. but be straight with me, because i dont want to live a lie, and i dont want to settle for a big waste of time. cus honestly folks, i know i am worth more than that.
and even if this turns out to be something completely hurtful, at least i can say i have the experience, its something to add on to the list of failures and look back and laugh.
so what am i trying to say to you? ....fuck me...if i know...
; )