Good day Sunshine
I am so ready for my room to be finished. There is no where for me to relax in the house anymore. My room looks like the scene of a very messy crime. Its not even near completion and its starting to make me crazy. I never realized before how much i loved my room. It was the only place for me to recoup and all my stuff was in one place at easy access. Now if i even want to get dressed i have to go in the garage. I find myself going to bed later and later because my bed isnt sacred or comforting. (I know strange words to describe a bed but it is like my holy shrine or temple almost, think about it, you reach beyond physical reality when you are dreaming its the place where your soul can really discover ultimate truth. and where does that take place? In your bed; your vessel to beyond.) (Plus my bed is sooo cushy and soft and wonderful) I have decided that i am never going to have sex in my own bed. I may someday but only until i have found a person who is truly worthy. If my virginity cant be sacred then my bed will. Do i sound like a psycho?
Life is ok. My purse was defenently stolen and along with it alot of my dignity. My parents are freaking beacause they dont think i am responsible about important stuff. I think more now because i am reaching "adulthood," whatever that is supposed to mean. I doubt i ever will feel like a mature adult, let alone now. But i am trying, because despite everything i still need to please my parents. I think everyone spends a big portion of their lives trying to live up to their parents expectations. Trying to be worthy somehow. even people who claim to hate their parents and even go far enough to disown them, want some sort of acceptance from them. It makes sense, they give us life so a part of us needs to make them feel like it was all worth while. maybe by living the way they want us to we give a part of the life we stole from them back.
Its funny how none of my thoughts ever come out complete when i type them here. Thats my problem my brain moves to quickly for me to catch everything in words. If i became fluent in chinese would my thoughts flow in and out of chinese and english? Or would they always remain in english? anyway i am through for tonight. bye.
Life is ok. My purse was defenently stolen and along with it alot of my dignity. My parents are freaking beacause they dont think i am responsible about important stuff. I think more now because i am reaching "adulthood," whatever that is supposed to mean. I doubt i ever will feel like a mature adult, let alone now. But i am trying, because despite everything i still need to please my parents. I think everyone spends a big portion of their lives trying to live up to their parents expectations. Trying to be worthy somehow. even people who claim to hate their parents and even go far enough to disown them, want some sort of acceptance from them. It makes sense, they give us life so a part of us needs to make them feel like it was all worth while. maybe by living the way they want us to we give a part of the life we stole from them back.
Its funny how none of my thoughts ever come out complete when i type them here. Thats my problem my brain moves to quickly for me to catch everything in words. If i became fluent in chinese would my thoughts flow in and out of chinese and english? Or would they always remain in english? anyway i am through for tonight. bye.