My First Fic!
Title: The Intrinsic Happiness Quotient
Spoilers: Everything up to and including 2 X 23
Rating: R (if I’m encouraged to go there)
Word Count: 2,382
Disclaimer: Not mine... although I wish I had my own Sheldon *sigh*
ONE: THE PENNY PREDICAMENT
Someone was knocking on her door. Penny, dosing on the couch, thought for a moment that it was the familiar rat-a-tat-tat trifecta that was Sheldon’s signature knock - then she remembered that Sheldon, and the rest of the boys, were currently freezing their hineys off in the Arctic.
“Hey Penny!”
“Leonard!” Penny squealed upon opening the door to her apartment, and throwing her arms around the man whose sudden departure to the frigid north just a mere month ago left her feeling almost shockingly lost and lonely. She was so thrilled to see his friendly face that she grabbed it and kissed him, square on the mouth. “What are you guys doing back so soon? I thought you were coming back in September... Oh my God - did Howard kill Sheldon?”
Leonard, looking a little dazed but extraordinarily pleased, cleared his throat and smiled at her. “No - Sheldon still lives, although it was a close thing. Howard kept trying to build a crossbow but Raj kept sabotaging it - in an effort to keep the peace. Hah.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear it,” she smirked at him, and then shut the door to her apartment behind her. “I know now that I would miss him! Is he in his room? Are the guys here too? You can’t imagine how boring life has been without all of you!” She practically skipped across the hall to their apartment and threw open the door. “Hey, moonpie!”
“Hey, hotstuff,” Howard’s smarmy tones greeted her.
“Hello, Howard,” Penny shot him a reproachful look, mostly by force of habit, but then grinned and actually hugged him. Briefly.
“Where are Sheldon and Raj?” she asked excitedly.
“Didn’t you tell her?” Howard directed the question at Leonard.
“I didn’t really get a chance yet...” he started, and Penny’s heart almost stopped.
“Tell me what? Did something happen?”
“Well, Howard got a bad case of frostbite,” Leonard explained, and then mumbled something about indecent exposure at which Penny rolled her eyes impatiently. “He couldn’t really walk, so I volunteered to come back with him. Sheldon refused to leave of course, and surprisingly Raj decided to stay too.”
“You say ‘surprisingly’ - I say Sheldon brain-washed him,” Howard pouted, obviously still upset that his partner-in-crime had not returned too.
“I’m pretty sure he stayed because he wanted to,” Leonard reassured him.
“Well, whatever,” Penny stated happily, “I’m glad you’re back. It’s been pretty lonely without you guys.”
Penny stayed for pizza (on a night that was not Pizza night), seated in Sheldon’s spot (she couldn’t help but spare a wicked little grin at that thought), and snuggled closer to Leonard as they watched TV together later that night. It was really great having him back, without having to contend with Sheldon too (bonus!), and it just felt so damn wonderful not to be alone anymore.
****
A long, tiring week later - summer and cheesecake went really well together apparently - she found herself in much the same position. She enjoyed Leonard's warmth as they watched a rerun of CSI. Leonard smelled so familiar. It was really weird that he (and Howard) wore the same cologne as Kurt had (some "hot" drug store brand that half the guys of her acquaintance wore) - come to think of it - she was pretty sure Stuart had used it too. Boys were so prone to falling for those silly commercials where guys wearing this particular brand of cologne had scantily clad women fawning all over them. Penny smiled; at least when it came to Leonard, she was still fully clothed.
The thought was oddly sobering. It was now a week since Leonard had returned, and she could sense a subtle change in him. She didn't think snuggling on the couch was doing it for him anymore; her intuition told her that he was working up the courage to ask her out on a date again. She closed her eyes and thought about starting a relationship with him; would that be such a bad thing? She adored Leonard, so why did she feel invisible strings holding her back? She had a sudden, absurd image of herself, caught up in a web of strings, trying to fight her way free. Perhaps Sheldon would come along with his string theories and free her. She snorted; instead of grabbing scissors, he'd probably have to go scribble on his whiteboard first. Whackadoodle.
"I know," Leonard commented. "Scanning electron microscopy is great, but it's certainly not capable of that degree of analysis."
"Hmmm..." Penny agreed noncommittally, and smiled up at him.
"Penny?"
"Mmmm?"
"Do you... er," he hesitated, and cleared his throat. "Do you maybe wanna go out after work tomorrow? Nothing major," he was quick to reassure her, "maybe a movie and we can grab a bite to eat if you like."
"That sounds nice, Leonard - what movie were you thinking of seeing?" she asked, ignoring the tugging of invisible strings, and a weird sinking feeling in her stomach.
"Well, Star Trek came out a couple of weeks ago. I've already seen it, of course, but I really wanted to see it again."
"I thought you and Howard already saw it twice."
"Three times, actually, but it was really, really cool," he flashed a boyish grin at her.
"I don't know, Leonard, I'm not such a big fan of Star Trek."
"I know - but trust me, Penny. Watch this movie and it'll make a trekkie out of you."
"I really doubt that, sweetie."
"Well, I guess we could see something else..." Leonard looked so dejected that Penny laughed.
"All right, all right - Star Trek it is. I have an early shift, so I'll be off by five. You wanna come get me by six and we can have dinner first?"
"Sounds good," he smiled joyfully at her, and it was impossible not to respond. She kissed him on the cheek and stood up. "Where are you going? CSI isn't done yet."
"Early shift, remember? I'm really beat, too - Leonard. I'll see you tomorrow, and don't worry," she said, pushing him back down as he was about to stand, "I'll let myself out. Goodnight, sweetie."
"G'nite, Penny. Can't wait for tomorrow!"
****
"Leonard!" Penny called as she strode into the apartment the next evening. "Hurry or we won't be done with dinner before the movie starts!"
"Sorry, Penny - I got side-tracked by Sheldon."
"Sheldon?"
"He and Raj are online," Leonard tried to sound enthused about that fact but was failing miserably.
"Leonard, I wish you would pay attention," the unmistakeable voice of his roommate complained. "It is of the utmost importance that you execute my instructions meticulously and in their entirety."
"I've written it down, Sheldon, quit worrying. Your new comic books will retain their mint condition - I even wore the gloves. Besides, when have I ever let you down?"
"I sincerely hope that was a rhetorical question, Leonard; otherwise, I can categorically state several examples..."
"No!" Penny yelled, fearing that they would be spending the rest of the night arguing with Sheldon.
"Leonard - why don't you go take care of Sheldon’s comics - quickly - and I'll take care of... I mean, I’ll talk to him?"
"Good idea,” Leonard responded with a sly smile. “Sheldon, say goodbye to Raj for me - I'll talk to you in a couple of days."
"Affirmative," came the clipped response. Penny slid into the seat vacated by Leonard and saw Sheldon for the first time in almost two months.
"Hiya moopie," she grinned, inordinately pleased to see his face. He glared at her briefly before responding.
"Hello, neighbour," Sheldon intoned, the tiniest of smiles playing about his mouth. She could have sworn he was happy to see her too. "I trust you are well?"
"I'm great! How are you, sweetie? And how's Raj?"
"Raj is as well as can be expected, now that he's somewhat adapted to the extreme climatic conditions we are facing here," he shot a derisive look off-camera. "I on the other hand, have taken to these arctic climes with both gusto and fortitude - like the proverbial fish to water, or luminous fish to water reflecting the aurora borealis.” He chuckled and Penny rolled her eyes. “It is like my personal Fortress of Solitude."
"Your Superman ice thingy again - figures," she smirked at his grimace. "How's your theorizing about strings going out there, soft kitty?" Sheldon winced at that.
"Penny, I really don't appreciate your insinuation that I work at unravelling a ball of string as is the feline proclivity."
"I know, sweetie, but the mental image of you playing with a ball of string for a living is hilarious."
"Be that as it may..."
"Ready to go in 5 minutes, Penny," Leonard called from Sheldon’s room. "Could you shut down my laptop, please?"
"Sure, Leonard," Penny yelled back. "Sheldon, sweetie, we have to go soon. Can I just say hello to Raj?" Raj appeared onscreen, just behind Sheldon. He smiled shyly and waved. "Hi Raj!" She waved back, still grinning. He waved faster and then looked at the floor. Penny chuckled. "Hey, when in September are you guys coming back?"
"Actually Penny, we may extend our stay here - I'm waiting to hear back from...”
“What? You want to stay there longer than you have to? Sheldon! That’s crazy - come back home!”
“Penny - you can have no concept of the importance of my work here. If my request for funding is approved - and it will be based on our preliminary data - we would likely remain here for a further 2 months.” Raj nodded sagely in agreement before leaning down to whisper in Sheldon’s ear. “Yes, I agree. Raj says it would be complete and utter folly to leave in September.”
“Well,” Penny replied, feeling oddly petulant at the news, “that’s just too bad, guys. You even missed Star Trek. In fact - I’m going to see it before you do, so take that Sheldon!”
“Penny, Penny, Penny,” Sheldon intoned condescendingly, as Raj smirked in the background. “NASA, one of the key co-sponsors of this National Science Foundation expedition, arranged a private screening of Star Trek for the research team here before it was released to the general public,” he finished smugly, the smile on his face was a picture in condescension. Raj sported an almost identical smile, but no one did smug like Sheldon.
“What?” Leonard squeaked indignantly, having materialized behind Penny. “You guys never mentioned that!”
“We could not really divulge that information before due to...” Sheldon paused as Raj leaned down to whisper in his ear. “I don’t see how that is any of our business,” Sheldon stated, and Raj whispered his response. Sheldon huffed. “I suppose that is a valid point.” He turned back to face them. “Are you and Penny going on a date?”
“Yes,” Leonard said excitedly, just as Penny said, “No.”
They stopped to look at each other, and then looked back at the boys.
“No,” Leonard mumbled, as Penny said, “Yeah.”
“Fascinating,” Sheldon responded dryly, as Raj whispered in his ear again. Just then, the phone rang and Leonard went to answer it, preventing any further discussion on the subject.
“We’re gonna be late for the movie, guys...”
“We too have to return to our data analysis,” Sheldon informed her, as Raj waved goodbye and presumably went to another room. Sheldon’s direct blue gaze settled on her again. It was somewhat unsettling.
“It was... nice talking to you, Sheldon, and even though it would be nice to have you and Raj back - I hope you get your funding.”
“Thank you, Penny.” He appeared to hesitate before speaking again. “Have you been ill in the recent past?”
“Me? No - why do you ask?”
“It appears to me that, in spite of the cosmetic coverage you are currently sporting, I see a faint tint of lavender around your eyes. Also, the pallor of your skin is more alabaster today, quite lacking the healthy glow you usually have. Frankly, you look... well, not like you usually do. If your health has not been recently compromised, then I can only presume that you are psychologically troubled.”
Penny blinked several times. “Sheldon - was that your way of telling me that I look pasty and have raccoon eyes?” She was outraged. “I’ve been working really hard and I’m exhausted, Sheldon!”
“But Penny, you always work hard, and yet - in the past - you have not looked so poorly, with the exception of the time you developed that unhealthy addiction to the Age of Conan. In fact, I believe we have often commented on your attractiveness. I can only assume that something is wrong. I mentally debated whether or not to bring it up, but I think that considering our friendship, tenuous as it may be, social convention dictates that I ask.”
Penny was stunned into silence. She slammed the laptop shut, just as Leonard came out of his room, still on the phone.
“All right, Howard - See you tomorrow.” Leonard hung up the phone and grabbed his jacket from the couch. “Shall we?”
“Yeah.” She forced her expression into a semblance of a smile. She felt a twinge of regret at her rudeness to Sheldon, but dammit - he had been rude too. Okay, concerned for Sheldon, rude otherwise. He was so maddening, so irritating, so... observant, and so - right. She wasn’t herself; she hadn’t been for a long time now. “Leonard?”
“Mmmm?”
“Do I look all right to you?” she asked in a small voice.
“You look beautiful, Penny - same as usual,” he said, his smile broad and sincere. Penny smiled back, blinking a few times to dissipate the prickling of her eyes. If there had been a slight hesitation in his response, she chose to ignore it, and leaned over to give him a grateful peck on the cheek. She tried to dismiss Sheldon’s comments from her mind as they walked down the stairs and out of the apartment building.
It didn’t work.
She tried again as they drove to the restaurant, and then as they ate dinner, as they bought the movie tickets, and as they sat through the previews. Nothing worked; his voice, that annoying little speech - played over and over in her head.
And then the movie started and she forgot her troubles for the next two hours.