(no subject)
Christmas went really well. I somehow successfully managed to split my time between some of my various families and houses (including performing the annual tree liberation with Mom), and ended up at Viridian for late night Pandemic.
Thoughts hit through strange phrasings sometimes. One recently was (and the exact phrasing made sense at the time) "what do I want of myself as a man?" Which translates to "I'm holding an amount of space beside myself which I sometimes forget to be aware of, where by space I mean potential, roles, and tasks. The "why" is because it would be .. pleasing? satisfying? fulfilling, maybe? to have that sort of a counterpoint... but it's not clear how much of that is an assumption or an illusion, and if I were to retake those roles and tasks back onto my own self, that wouldn't actually be a loss. It's very likely that holding space is not useful and in fact only damaging." Most obviously, I tend to delay on starting projects on my own, because I very intensely /feel/ the empty space(s) beside me, but there are a lot of more subtle things. I'm really interested in experimenting with consciously trying to collapse that space.
I just picked up Paolo Cuehlo's "The Devil and Miss Prym", and am really enjoying it, particularly: "It doesn't take a devil much time to bring about destruction; they are like storms, hurricanes or avalanches, which, in a few short hours, can destroy trees planted two hundred years before. Suddenly, Berta realised that the mere fact that evil had just arrived in Viscos did not change anything: devils come and go all the time without necessarily affecting anything by their presence. They are constantly abroad in the world, sometimes simply to find out what's going on, at others to put some soul or other to the test. But they are fickle creatures, and there is no logic in their choice of target, being drawn merely by the pleasure of a battle worth fighting. Berta concluded that there was nothing sufficiently interesting or special about Viscos to attract the attention of anyone for more than a day, let alone someone as important and busy as a messenger from the dark."
Thoughts hit through strange phrasings sometimes. One recently was (and the exact phrasing made sense at the time) "what do I want of myself as a man?" Which translates to "I'm holding an amount of space beside myself which I sometimes forget to be aware of, where by space I mean potential, roles, and tasks. The "why" is because it would be .. pleasing? satisfying? fulfilling, maybe? to have that sort of a counterpoint... but it's not clear how much of that is an assumption or an illusion, and if I were to retake those roles and tasks back onto my own self, that wouldn't actually be a loss. It's very likely that holding space is not useful and in fact only damaging." Most obviously, I tend to delay on starting projects on my own, because I very intensely /feel/ the empty space(s) beside me, but there are a lot of more subtle things. I'm really interested in experimenting with consciously trying to collapse that space.
I just picked up Paolo Cuehlo's "The Devil and Miss Prym", and am really enjoying it, particularly: "It doesn't take a devil much time to bring about destruction; they are like storms, hurricanes or avalanches, which, in a few short hours, can destroy trees planted two hundred years before. Suddenly, Berta realised that the mere fact that evil had just arrived in Viscos did not change anything: devils come and go all the time without necessarily affecting anything by their presence. They are constantly abroad in the world, sometimes simply to find out what's going on, at others to put some soul or other to the test. But they are fickle creatures, and there is no logic in their choice of target, being drawn merely by the pleasure of a battle worth fighting. Berta concluded that there was nothing sufficiently interesting or special about Viscos to attract the attention of anyone for more than a day, let alone someone as important and busy as a messenger from the dark."