Fic: The Ring of Fire - Chapter 4
Title: The Ring of Fire - Chapter 4
Rating: R (for language)
Pairing: Danny Gokey/Adam Lambert
Summary: The evolution of Danny and Adam’s relationship as it unfolds under the Big Top that is American Idol.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. No disrespect is intended. No money is being made. It’s all done out of love.
Author's note: Here be angst. Consider yourself warned.
Chapter 3
================================
The following week the two were inseparable. From morning until night - through interviews, photo sessions, rehearsals - they were never more than a few feet away from each other. It became so common to see them together that more than once an associate producer asked, “Where’s Lamkey?”
Danny’s habit of touching hadn’t lessened at all. But Adam had gotten used to it and wrote it off, like he began to do with many things, as “that’s just Danny.” It was who he was. It didn’t mean any more than that. Nevertheless, Adam’s fondness for Danny hadn’t subsided. In fact, it grew as the two spent more and more time together, but he wasn’t going to jeopardize their friendship for some unrealistic romantic notion. They were going to be friends for a long time to come and he was content with that.
But for the moment their whole focus became preparing for their next performances that would bring them that last step to the finale. They infused that preparation into everything they did. Even while partaking in some sweet and sour chicken they would use their chopsticks as microphones to rehearse their next song.
When performance night finally came around, they were so polished and ready that Matt never stood a chance. It was all Danny and Adam, taking turns with a tender ballad here and a rock anthem there. Matt and his piano were just no match. It was difficult for Ryan to create any suspense as he read the results, no matter how far they dimmed the lights.
“Your two 2009 American Idol finalists are,” announced Ryan. “Adam Lambert and Danny Gokey.”
They breathed a sigh of relief but never really had any doubt that this would be the case. This was what they had worked so hard for.
But in all of their interactions with each other, there was one detail that they hadn’t yet discussed. After making it to the final two, what came next?
“So…” started Danny, dropping down onto the big fluffy couch Adam was stretched out on.
“So…” echoed Adam, bowing his head in a salute. “Congratulations.”
Danny smiled at the polite courtesy. They hadn’t really had a chance to talk since the results show earlier. It was a little after 2 a.m. and they were once again back at the mansion.
“Oh, thank you,” responded Danny. “You too, you too.”
“Thanks,” said Adam grinning wide. Danny smiled back even wider, until they both started to giggle a little madly.
It was insane. Look where they were. Living in a mansion - getting pedicures and having interviews and sporting wardrobes that most people would envy. All on someone else’s dime. And all while doing what they loved the most - singing. While millions of fans voted and fawned and speculated about what they’d sing or wear or date next. It was all a little insane. And they were having the times of their lives.
Their laughter slowly subsided and they sighed and sank deeper into the cushions.
“So…” Adam finally interrupted. “Now it’s just you and me.”
“Technically, now it’s you against me,” corrected Danny.
“We don’t have to look at it that way.”
“You’re right. And I’d prefer that we didn’t. I just wasn’t sure how you…”
“I’d like to keep things the way they are, rehearsing together. I think we make each other stronger and that’s what it should be about. We’ll just let the audience decide.”
“I agree,” said Danny. “Let the audience decide.”
It felt a little weird. They had been so focused on getting to the finale. Neither had wanted to think past that point. But there they were. One of them was going to be the next American Idol.
“Just promise me one thing,” said Adam in a very serious tone.
“What’s that?”
“I just…don’t want you to cry too hard when I win,” joked Adam.
“Ha!” laughed Danny. “Don’t you worry about me.”
“But I do,” continued Adam playfully. “I worry.”
“I’m worried about you. I hope your eyeliner is waterproof.”
“Good one,” responded Adam. “It is by the way.”
“Oh good,” smiled Danny. “I’ll cross that off my list of things to think about. Although, there is another thing.”
“Oh?”
“The bet. You never claimed your side of the bet.”
“Ah, the bet. You’re not going to let that go, are you?”
“I’m just trying to be fair,” said Danny. “I got what I wanted. Us in the final two. So, have you figured out what you want?”
Maybe it was due to the late hour and how comfortable he felt at that moment but Adam looked at the sincerity in Danny’s face and allowed himself to indulge in the thoughts he had come to push aside. He wanted so very much to say Kiss me. Just once. But he couldn’t say it, for a thousand different reasons. And, frankly, once wouldn’t be enough.
Danny noticed the strange expression in his eyes. “What?”
“Nothing,” replied Adam, shaking the thoughts from his head. “I’m just tired.”
“You still haven’t come up with anything?”
“Nope.”
“You’re hopeless.”
“You’re right about that.”
It wasn’t long before they both nodded off. It was a very big and comfortable couch. A blanket had a permanent place draped over its back since it had been a favorite place for the finalists to catch a catnap.
They both woke up at different points in the night with the opportunity to retreat to their own bedrooms to get what would probably be a more productive night of sleep. But neither did. They simply reorganized themselves until they found a comfortable position. There was no spontaneous cuddling. It was just two friends asleep, sharing a blanket, on the same big comfy couch.
========================================
The next week continued like the previous one but with more obligations relegated to the top two finalists. With only three days to go, an entire morning was spent taping segments that would later be used during the finale. Adam came out of his session to find Danny sitting pensively off to the side, which was a little unusual. But before he could think more about it they were rounded up and herded off to another wardrobe change and photo shoot. They were both tired so it wasn’t a surprise that their usual conversation was somewhat lacking, but when lunch rolled around and Danny, usually the one who was always talking and goofing around, quietly picked at his sandwich, Adam started to get an inkling that something was off.
“Are you not hungry?” asked Adam.
Danny’s eyes darted up to look at Adam. They held an expression that Adam hadn’t recalled seeing before.
“Yeah, I’m not really hungry.”
“Are you okay? Do you feel sick?”
“I don’t know,” said Danny, shrugging. “Maybe a little. I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should talk to someone. You don’t want to be getting sick.”
“I’m fine,” insisted Danny, and he smiled as if to give proof he was fine. It did make him look more like he usually did, but the smile quickly disappeared.
Throughout the rest of the day Danny became more and more withdrawn. It was downright odd. Adam tried to give him his space to work out whatever it was he needed to work out. Of course, that didn’t stop him from trying to draw Danny out of his funk.
“I think I may need a helper dog,” remarked Adam when they had finished for the day and were once again back at the mansion.
“A helper…what?” asked a baffled Danny.
“That shirt is blinding me,” chided Adam, referring to the orange, rhinestone encrusted button-up that Danny was wearing.
“You love it,” said Danny, finally showing something close to his usual smile.
“That’s true, but still…I’ve got my retinas to think about.”
Adam watched the smile slowly fall from Danny’s face. That was it. He couldn’t take it anymore.
“Danny… Seriously. Are you okay?” asked Adam.
He was even more confused when his words seemed to agitate Danny more than soothe him.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” replied Danny who, for lack of a better term, just looked…lost. “I’m gonna…”
Danny moved to walk by him but Adam stopped him by gently taking his arm.
“Hey,” said Adam, quietly. “I’m here if you…”
Adam didn’t finish his statement for the simple fact that Danny was suddenly kissing him. Adam was so stunned that it took him a minute to catch up to what was going on. But when he did, he did quite vehemently, taking the kiss from being somewhat awkward to holy mother of God. Adam was talented at a good many things and, not surprisingly, kissing was one of them. He found that Danny was no slouch himself. He pulled him closer and tilted his head for better access. When he dragged his tongue across the roof of Danny’s mouth, Danny moaned in response. A sound that made Adam’s knees buckle a little but no more so than when he Danny abruptly pushed him away.
They stood, both out of breath, staring at each other in shock.
It was a surprise, and at the same time, not a surprise for Adam because it was something he had desired for so long. It made sense. And Danny had kissed him so, obviously, he had desired it as well. Adam just didn’t understand why they had stopped.
“I…” whispered Danny. “I don’t know…”
Adam could understand his confusion, his trepidation. Neither had ever been in such a situation before. Hell, this whole crazy experience had born such a surreal and fantastical quality that it was often difficult to accept and embrace all of it. But this…this was so perfect. It was just the next inevitable step in their friendship. A natural evolution. The two of them. It made sense. His heart swelled at the thought.
But when he took a step toward Danny, Danny stepped back out of his reach, his eyes refusing to meet Adam’s.
In that slight movement, the situation tilted.
“I’m sorry,” rasped Danny.
It felt like the air had gone out of the room.
The fantasy, because that’s what it was, came to an immediate, head-on collision sort of halt. And reality abruptly took its rightful place.
This man in front of him was a friend. A straight friend. Who would never be anything more than that.
“You’re sor…” Adam couldn’t even finish his sentence. “Of course you are.”
His emotions hit him like a tidal wave. They had been twisted around so quickly, it was difficult to unscramble them into anything but frustration. And the longer Danny remained mute, the faster that frustration turned into anger. To have a door, this particular door, opened and shut so quickly in his face…it was too much.
“I can’t believe I…” Adam chuckled bitterly, shaking his head at himself.
“Adam…”
His eyes flashed up to Danny.
“You know the bet? That stupid bet of yours? Do you really want to know what I wanted?” growled Adam. He watched the distress on Danny’s face and it stopped him cold. He couldn’t tell him. No matter how upset he was he still found that he didn’t want to cause him pain. Which pissed him off all the more. “It doesn’t matter,” he gritted out. “What I want now is for you to leave me the fuck alone.”
Adam brushed past him and disappeared into the mansion.
==============================
Author’s postscript: The next part deals with the finale and, in all likelihood, will be the finale to the story.
Chapter 5
Rating: R (for language)
Pairing: Danny Gokey/Adam Lambert
Summary: The evolution of Danny and Adam’s relationship as it unfolds under the Big Top that is American Idol.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. No disrespect is intended. No money is being made. It’s all done out of love.
Author's note: Here be angst. Consider yourself warned.
Chapter 3
================================
The following week the two were inseparable. From morning until night - through interviews, photo sessions, rehearsals - they were never more than a few feet away from each other. It became so common to see them together that more than once an associate producer asked, “Where’s Lamkey?”
Danny’s habit of touching hadn’t lessened at all. But Adam had gotten used to it and wrote it off, like he began to do with many things, as “that’s just Danny.” It was who he was. It didn’t mean any more than that. Nevertheless, Adam’s fondness for Danny hadn’t subsided. In fact, it grew as the two spent more and more time together, but he wasn’t going to jeopardize their friendship for some unrealistic romantic notion. They were going to be friends for a long time to come and he was content with that.
But for the moment their whole focus became preparing for their next performances that would bring them that last step to the finale. They infused that preparation into everything they did. Even while partaking in some sweet and sour chicken they would use their chopsticks as microphones to rehearse their next song.
When performance night finally came around, they were so polished and ready that Matt never stood a chance. It was all Danny and Adam, taking turns with a tender ballad here and a rock anthem there. Matt and his piano were just no match. It was difficult for Ryan to create any suspense as he read the results, no matter how far they dimmed the lights.
“Your two 2009 American Idol finalists are,” announced Ryan. “Adam Lambert and Danny Gokey.”
They breathed a sigh of relief but never really had any doubt that this would be the case. This was what they had worked so hard for.
But in all of their interactions with each other, there was one detail that they hadn’t yet discussed. After making it to the final two, what came next?
“So…” started Danny, dropping down onto the big fluffy couch Adam was stretched out on.
“So…” echoed Adam, bowing his head in a salute. “Congratulations.”
Danny smiled at the polite courtesy. They hadn’t really had a chance to talk since the results show earlier. It was a little after 2 a.m. and they were once again back at the mansion.
“Oh, thank you,” responded Danny. “You too, you too.”
“Thanks,” said Adam grinning wide. Danny smiled back even wider, until they both started to giggle a little madly.
It was insane. Look where they were. Living in a mansion - getting pedicures and having interviews and sporting wardrobes that most people would envy. All on someone else’s dime. And all while doing what they loved the most - singing. While millions of fans voted and fawned and speculated about what they’d sing or wear or date next. It was all a little insane. And they were having the times of their lives.
Their laughter slowly subsided and they sighed and sank deeper into the cushions.
“So…” Adam finally interrupted. “Now it’s just you and me.”
“Technically, now it’s you against me,” corrected Danny.
“We don’t have to look at it that way.”
“You’re right. And I’d prefer that we didn’t. I just wasn’t sure how you…”
“I’d like to keep things the way they are, rehearsing together. I think we make each other stronger and that’s what it should be about. We’ll just let the audience decide.”
“I agree,” said Danny. “Let the audience decide.”
It felt a little weird. They had been so focused on getting to the finale. Neither had wanted to think past that point. But there they were. One of them was going to be the next American Idol.
“Just promise me one thing,” said Adam in a very serious tone.
“What’s that?”
“I just…don’t want you to cry too hard when I win,” joked Adam.
“Ha!” laughed Danny. “Don’t you worry about me.”
“But I do,” continued Adam playfully. “I worry.”
“I’m worried about you. I hope your eyeliner is waterproof.”
“Good one,” responded Adam. “It is by the way.”
“Oh good,” smiled Danny. “I’ll cross that off my list of things to think about. Although, there is another thing.”
“Oh?”
“The bet. You never claimed your side of the bet.”
“Ah, the bet. You’re not going to let that go, are you?”
“I’m just trying to be fair,” said Danny. “I got what I wanted. Us in the final two. So, have you figured out what you want?”
Maybe it was due to the late hour and how comfortable he felt at that moment but Adam looked at the sincerity in Danny’s face and allowed himself to indulge in the thoughts he had come to push aside. He wanted so very much to say Kiss me. Just once. But he couldn’t say it, for a thousand different reasons. And, frankly, once wouldn’t be enough.
Danny noticed the strange expression in his eyes. “What?”
“Nothing,” replied Adam, shaking the thoughts from his head. “I’m just tired.”
“You still haven’t come up with anything?”
“Nope.”
“You’re hopeless.”
“You’re right about that.”
It wasn’t long before they both nodded off. It was a very big and comfortable couch. A blanket had a permanent place draped over its back since it had been a favorite place for the finalists to catch a catnap.
They both woke up at different points in the night with the opportunity to retreat to their own bedrooms to get what would probably be a more productive night of sleep. But neither did. They simply reorganized themselves until they found a comfortable position. There was no spontaneous cuddling. It was just two friends asleep, sharing a blanket, on the same big comfy couch.
========================================
The next week continued like the previous one but with more obligations relegated to the top two finalists. With only three days to go, an entire morning was spent taping segments that would later be used during the finale. Adam came out of his session to find Danny sitting pensively off to the side, which was a little unusual. But before he could think more about it they were rounded up and herded off to another wardrobe change and photo shoot. They were both tired so it wasn’t a surprise that their usual conversation was somewhat lacking, but when lunch rolled around and Danny, usually the one who was always talking and goofing around, quietly picked at his sandwich, Adam started to get an inkling that something was off.
“Are you not hungry?” asked Adam.
Danny’s eyes darted up to look at Adam. They held an expression that Adam hadn’t recalled seeing before.
“Yeah, I’m not really hungry.”
“Are you okay? Do you feel sick?”
“I don’t know,” said Danny, shrugging. “Maybe a little. I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should talk to someone. You don’t want to be getting sick.”
“I’m fine,” insisted Danny, and he smiled as if to give proof he was fine. It did make him look more like he usually did, but the smile quickly disappeared.
Throughout the rest of the day Danny became more and more withdrawn. It was downright odd. Adam tried to give him his space to work out whatever it was he needed to work out. Of course, that didn’t stop him from trying to draw Danny out of his funk.
“I think I may need a helper dog,” remarked Adam when they had finished for the day and were once again back at the mansion.
“A helper…what?” asked a baffled Danny.
“That shirt is blinding me,” chided Adam, referring to the orange, rhinestone encrusted button-up that Danny was wearing.
“You love it,” said Danny, finally showing something close to his usual smile.
“That’s true, but still…I’ve got my retinas to think about.”
Adam watched the smile slowly fall from Danny’s face. That was it. He couldn’t take it anymore.
“Danny… Seriously. Are you okay?” asked Adam.
He was even more confused when his words seemed to agitate Danny more than soothe him.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” replied Danny who, for lack of a better term, just looked…lost. “I’m gonna…”
Danny moved to walk by him but Adam stopped him by gently taking his arm.
“Hey,” said Adam, quietly. “I’m here if you…”
Adam didn’t finish his statement for the simple fact that Danny was suddenly kissing him. Adam was so stunned that it took him a minute to catch up to what was going on. But when he did, he did quite vehemently, taking the kiss from being somewhat awkward to holy mother of God. Adam was talented at a good many things and, not surprisingly, kissing was one of them. He found that Danny was no slouch himself. He pulled him closer and tilted his head for better access. When he dragged his tongue across the roof of Danny’s mouth, Danny moaned in response. A sound that made Adam’s knees buckle a little but no more so than when he Danny abruptly pushed him away.
They stood, both out of breath, staring at each other in shock.
It was a surprise, and at the same time, not a surprise for Adam because it was something he had desired for so long. It made sense. And Danny had kissed him so, obviously, he had desired it as well. Adam just didn’t understand why they had stopped.
“I…” whispered Danny. “I don’t know…”
Adam could understand his confusion, his trepidation. Neither had ever been in such a situation before. Hell, this whole crazy experience had born such a surreal and fantastical quality that it was often difficult to accept and embrace all of it. But this…this was so perfect. It was just the next inevitable step in their friendship. A natural evolution. The two of them. It made sense. His heart swelled at the thought.
But when he took a step toward Danny, Danny stepped back out of his reach, his eyes refusing to meet Adam’s.
In that slight movement, the situation tilted.
“I’m sorry,” rasped Danny.
It felt like the air had gone out of the room.
The fantasy, because that’s what it was, came to an immediate, head-on collision sort of halt. And reality abruptly took its rightful place.
This man in front of him was a friend. A straight friend. Who would never be anything more than that.
“You’re sor…” Adam couldn’t even finish his sentence. “Of course you are.”
His emotions hit him like a tidal wave. They had been twisted around so quickly, it was difficult to unscramble them into anything but frustration. And the longer Danny remained mute, the faster that frustration turned into anger. To have a door, this particular door, opened and shut so quickly in his face…it was too much.
“I can’t believe I…” Adam chuckled bitterly, shaking his head at himself.
“Adam…”
His eyes flashed up to Danny.
“You know the bet? That stupid bet of yours? Do you really want to know what I wanted?” growled Adam. He watched the distress on Danny’s face and it stopped him cold. He couldn’t tell him. No matter how upset he was he still found that he didn’t want to cause him pain. Which pissed him off all the more. “It doesn’t matter,” he gritted out. “What I want now is for you to leave me the fuck alone.”
Adam brushed past him and disappeared into the mansion.
==============================
Author’s postscript: The next part deals with the finale and, in all likelihood, will be the finale to the story.
Chapter 5