I Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…..n’t?
So I’m at work, and earlier, the 4 ops currently working in the room (including myself) were having a discussion. The discussion was initiated by Joe, aged 48. Also involved was Dan; age 34, Teresa; age 22, and myself…well we know how old I am.
This discussion (and it’s not the first time its come up here) was on marriage. Joe spends a lot of time ragging on the other guys that work here about their marital “status” and insisting that they all “find girls and settle down” I can’t count how many times I’ve heard him offer to set someone up, or tell someone they’ll be so much happier with a wife and family. He isn’t as pushy with the girls but that’s probably because there are only three women that work here…one of whom is older and married…and then there’s me and Teresa, who are respectively; a couple months, and a year out of school, and therefore young enough to be unmarried as far as he is concerned.
So to give you a picture…Joe is married, Dan is also married, Teresa’s single…and I’m…as Joe calls it “coupled”. Joe met his wife on eharmony.com, she was apparently living and working in Hong Kong at the time and he actually flew out there to meet her initially. Six months later, as he tells it…they were engaged. And that’s where today’s conversation really took off. He was saying that when you meet someone, you’ve got to head towards marriage right away…why waste time? That’s what a pre-nup is for.
Dan disagreed and agreed that marriage is great, he loves his wife and kids and never saw himself this happy…but 6 months is way too fast, you need to be friends first, and not start out with the concept of marriage….because it should take more than 6 months to get there. And maybe it’s because we’re young, but Teresa and I were both real adamant that you should take a decent amount of time (a few years at least) to really get to know someone…and be ABSOLUTELY certain you want to spend the rest of your life with them…because the divorce rate in this country is already way too high as it is.
On the subject of a pre-nup, Teresa said she just plain wouldn’t marry somebody that wanted one because you’re setting yourself up for failure. And while I’m not sure I’d say that, I certainly see her point, and I really don’t like the basis of a pre-nup…because you are placing doubt in your decision. I was arguing that if there’s ANY doubt whatsoever that this will last forever before the wedding…then you’re doing the wrong thing...or the right thing at the wrong time. Dan agreed you need to take some time and feel sure…but that there will always be new things that you learn about a person later on. Joe chimed in that “everything changes after marriage” a statement I really resented…some things will obviously, but EVERYTHING shouldn’t.
Put it this way (and this is what I told my coworkers) I’ll use Eli’s words, but mean them differently. I don’t want to be a statistic. People take marriage much too lightly these days, and that’s where the skyrocketing divorce rate comes from. People do change over time…and sometimes life paths need to separate, and I accept that…but if there’s any doubt BEFORE you begin…better to stop there and be certain. Just because I CAN see myself with someone way down the road…doesn’t mean I’m ready to successfully make that commitment. There are a whole lot of things I would need to discuss and know about my significant other to make such a decision…and the only thing that will clear all that up is time. I’m in no hurry, I’ve got a long life ahead of me, and when the time is right I’ll know….I’m not shying away from anything…in fact I look forward to it, but that’s all the more reason to make sure it’s right… no one can tell you when, and you should never expect them too.
Besides, that would ruin the surprise. How do we get started on these discussions at work?
Selah.
This discussion (and it’s not the first time its come up here) was on marriage. Joe spends a lot of time ragging on the other guys that work here about their marital “status” and insisting that they all “find girls and settle down” I can’t count how many times I’ve heard him offer to set someone up, or tell someone they’ll be so much happier with a wife and family. He isn’t as pushy with the girls but that’s probably because there are only three women that work here…one of whom is older and married…and then there’s me and Teresa, who are respectively; a couple months, and a year out of school, and therefore young enough to be unmarried as far as he is concerned.
So to give you a picture…Joe is married, Dan is also married, Teresa’s single…and I’m…as Joe calls it “coupled”. Joe met his wife on eharmony.com, she was apparently living and working in Hong Kong at the time and he actually flew out there to meet her initially. Six months later, as he tells it…they were engaged. And that’s where today’s conversation really took off. He was saying that when you meet someone, you’ve got to head towards marriage right away…why waste time? That’s what a pre-nup is for.
Dan disagreed and agreed that marriage is great, he loves his wife and kids and never saw himself this happy…but 6 months is way too fast, you need to be friends first, and not start out with the concept of marriage….because it should take more than 6 months to get there. And maybe it’s because we’re young, but Teresa and I were both real adamant that you should take a decent amount of time (a few years at least) to really get to know someone…and be ABSOLUTELY certain you want to spend the rest of your life with them…because the divorce rate in this country is already way too high as it is.
On the subject of a pre-nup, Teresa said she just plain wouldn’t marry somebody that wanted one because you’re setting yourself up for failure. And while I’m not sure I’d say that, I certainly see her point, and I really don’t like the basis of a pre-nup…because you are placing doubt in your decision. I was arguing that if there’s ANY doubt whatsoever that this will last forever before the wedding…then you’re doing the wrong thing...or the right thing at the wrong time. Dan agreed you need to take some time and feel sure…but that there will always be new things that you learn about a person later on. Joe chimed in that “everything changes after marriage” a statement I really resented…some things will obviously, but EVERYTHING shouldn’t.
Put it this way (and this is what I told my coworkers) I’ll use Eli’s words, but mean them differently. I don’t want to be a statistic. People take marriage much too lightly these days, and that’s where the skyrocketing divorce rate comes from. People do change over time…and sometimes life paths need to separate, and I accept that…but if there’s any doubt BEFORE you begin…better to stop there and be certain. Just because I CAN see myself with someone way down the road…doesn’t mean I’m ready to successfully make that commitment. There are a whole lot of things I would need to discuss and know about my significant other to make such a decision…and the only thing that will clear all that up is time. I’m in no hurry, I’ve got a long life ahead of me, and when the time is right I’ll know….I’m not shying away from anything…in fact I look forward to it, but that’s all the more reason to make sure it’s right… no one can tell you when, and you should never expect them too.
Besides, that would ruin the surprise. How do we get started on these discussions at work?
Selah.