(no subject)
so I feel like up-dating but I can tell you it's going to be a sad one.
I feel so crappy about graduation and all that. What's really making me feel bad is, I DON'T GET TO!!! Yea I graduate but not like everyone else. I don't get to participate in the BIG cermony or anything like that. Ball's coming and I feel totally out of it. Part of me doesn't want to go because it's not the way I've dreamed of it being. Yea I'm going with the guy I love and want to spend the rest of my life with but there's always the friend factor. I don't get to go to anyone's house before for a pre-prom and pics, no limo, no table full of friends, no post prom party or what not. To some this may not be alot but to me it is. I know I'll have a great time with Dan and the whole night will be fun but there's still that little emotion that says, "you didn't get to do it the way you've dreamed of all your life" I feel like alot of people have forgotten me, not kept promises to me over the years. Call it childish but I'm still hanging on to a promise a friend and I made years ago. A promise of going to prom together and all that. Now it's not happening, what was I thinking?!?! To hold on to a promise and emotion? I should of known it wasn't going to happen. DAMN YOU MIND!
To all of the people in my life I've been a bitch to lately, especially Dan, I'm sorry. I should know by now not to let little things like this piss me off. I let my dreams get ahold of my emotions and effect how I act. I'm sorry
I feel so crappy about graduation and all that. What's really making me feel bad is, I DON'T GET TO!!! Yea I graduate but not like everyone else. I don't get to participate in the BIG cermony or anything like that. Ball's coming and I feel totally out of it. Part of me doesn't want to go because it's not the way I've dreamed of it being. Yea I'm going with the guy I love and want to spend the rest of my life with but there's always the friend factor. I don't get to go to anyone's house before for a pre-prom and pics, no limo, no table full of friends, no post prom party or what not. To some this may not be alot but to me it is. I know I'll have a great time with Dan and the whole night will be fun but there's still that little emotion that says, "you didn't get to do it the way you've dreamed of all your life" I feel like alot of people have forgotten me, not kept promises to me over the years. Call it childish but I'm still hanging on to a promise a friend and I made years ago. A promise of going to prom together and all that. Now it's not happening, what was I thinking?!?! To hold on to a promise and emotion? I should of known it wasn't going to happen. DAMN YOU MIND!
To all of the people in my life I've been a bitch to lately, especially Dan, I'm sorry. I should know by now not to let little things like this piss me off. I let my dreams get ahold of my emotions and effect how I act. I'm sorry