i miss her
i was feeling so low... yesterday was so hard and depressing...
there were a lot of family and friends there yesterday...
it was absolutely surreal, it almost seemed like a normal social event... and i just felt that if i turned around i would see my aunt just laughing and joking with everybody... but her absence was so piercingly obvious...
there were pictures of her all around the room... and she was glowing in all of them... like her daughter/my cousin Maria said, she lived a good life... i dont think she felt she accomplished everything she wanted to but she lived a good full life...
after it ended, around 8, me and my dad accompanied my uncle back to his house... and wow... i had to try hard to keep from crying... because once again it just didn't feel right her not being there... we talked about her most of the time, and when my uncle talked about her, he described her so vividly that you could picture exactly what he was talking about... we all miss her so much... one of her friends talked about how she always said that she didn't deserve a husband that was so awesome... but you could tell he felt the exact same way about her... wow.... that's love....
i really feel like i should stop talking about this... but it's so therapeutic for me...
and i think she's deserving of me spending this time writing about her...
we have a pretty huge family but she always said that she had 4 favorite nephews... and i was one of them... man i'm gonna miss her...
i didn't even think i was gonna go out last night...
anyway for the past couple of days i've been bordering on antisocial... so i felt like i really needed to get together with some friends... and kris was so freaking cool... he drove from emory back to snellville to pick me up and go over to james' and we all got together... and we all had a good time as brothers... im so glad i have such a hardcore base of friends... we had a stupid good time, but we also had some really good ideas, like the tshirt company me and ramiro are gonna start... it's actually a really good idea... anyway... i feel better today...
yeah... i'm glad i did go out... i feel a little refreshed... all this has kinda made me a little more aware of how fragile life is... and i can't waste my time, and other people's time here...
i need to reevaluate some things... set some new goals... i get to go Bolivia soon, i'll recharge energies... i gotta start working harder... and have my priorities straight...
Paul
it still hurts... there's still a void...
but i'm so chill right now... just gotta stay strong