and the church folks say"God will make a way." i hope he's going to soon
last night another screaming fight with the parents. this divorce is horrible another night in a row we had to call the cops, another verbal abuse attack made on me, another reason cry, another reason to be upset and stressed, only an excuse not to succeed. My step dad backed me into a corner and smoked a cigarrette in my face and i tried to get away but he kept coming closer so i punched him in the mouth to get him out of my face and the cops cam. i came home form school and he decides to unhook the furnace therefore, leaving us with no heat on these cold nights lateley anad then he disconnected the phone so we couldn't try to call out and then when my mom tried to use her cell phone to call family members to come help he called sprint and shut her cell phone off. he's changed the locks on the house before and he hides food and only buys for him and my brother i haven't eaten since yesterday afternoon. need to start working i need some hours becausei need money to buy food. and i just can't take this anymore all of the stress the verbal and emotional abuse and the threatning....I'm a prisoner in my own home and I've learned you can't fight fire with fire it'll only spread and possibly create an explosion.....another sleepless night.
he told me last night that i was a sucker because i want to white and i told him i dont want to be white but i want to be one of the few decent black people left in this god forsaken world to make it and not live up to the stereotypes. u know i have no emotion left after thid i mean i've been going thru it since i was 12 when he first hit me and DCF was called and i gues I've built up a tolerance for it, i mean i guess that's why i stay in school and stay involved in so many things i mean the more i do the more i'm not home and that's the best thing in the world ... u kno to feel free from your problems and pretend for a while they don't exist but when i go home I go back to becoming a prisoner of emotinal lacking and a victim of solitude.... i just want to be normal and have a normal life with normal parents can life grant me that one thing i ask for and have asked for forever? but i guess that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger, i just wish i could find that strength because right now i feel like i'm already starting to die inside.
jim,jon,dan, and sam, i love u and i need u more than ever now..... i've got thru this much by myself but it wouldn't hurt to have a shoulder to cry on or an escape from all this madness u guys know more than anyonle else and i need u to keep me motivated because it's so easy to slip in the cracks...
he told me last night that i was a sucker because i want to white and i told him i dont want to be white but i want to be one of the few decent black people left in this god forsaken world to make it and not live up to the stereotypes. u know i have no emotion left after thid i mean i've been going thru it since i was 12 when he first hit me and DCF was called and i gues I've built up a tolerance for it, i mean i guess that's why i stay in school and stay involved in so many things i mean the more i do the more i'm not home and that's the best thing in the world ... u kno to feel free from your problems and pretend for a while they don't exist but when i go home I go back to becoming a prisoner of emotinal lacking and a victim of solitude.... i just want to be normal and have a normal life with normal parents can life grant me that one thing i ask for and have asked for forever? but i guess that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger, i just wish i could find that strength because right now i feel like i'm already starting to die inside.
jim,jon,dan, and sam, i love u and i need u more than ever now..... i've got thru this much by myself but it wouldn't hurt to have a shoulder to cry on or an escape from all this madness u guys know more than anyonle else and i need u to keep me motivated because it's so easy to slip in the cracks...