I learned something of me today
A couple of hours ago my mom and I had an interesting conversation. She was talking about how she had lost contact with this man, that was friends of my father. The man right now is in a far off country (a country I hold no like, let alone love for, I consider it a den of vipers, rightly or wrongly). This man has helped my mom deal with my fathers passing, and so I am grateful to him and if something more is to come of it, then I am happy. From what I know he is a good man, just is involved in what I consider a crooked business (oil).
Well anyway. Because he has not contacted her in several days, she thinks she may have upset him. I ask her what makes her think that. Well she just says "I always think like that, I am a very guilty person".
OH MY GOD. That's where I get it.
Any time something odd happens with my friends I am the one that I blame. There are times I sound and act like C-3PO. "She (he) never mentioned anything about being up set with me, what could have I done" Then if nothing changes I got on a mad search to find out what I did.
The past adventure of insanity demonstrated in the last post illustrates how crazy I can get.
It is the not knowing that does the damage.
A sane person would just shunt it aside, which I have gotten better at, but it feels like I am being uncaring.
A prime example is when I send out a message to a friend, either by E-mail, or phone message, or tweet, or what ever means. If I don't get a response, then I will try contract again, failing that I make a final attempt several days later. If still no contact, I go into standby mode with the individual, all the while concerned for their safety, and running through my mind the past events with said person, trying to discern what I could have done wrong to offend.
It's nuts
It's self indulgent in a way, and very egocentric
It's me.
Now I know where it comes from.
Me mother (not my pop as I had previously thought)
Now that I know, I should do something about it.
Or should I.
Well anyway. Because he has not contacted her in several days, she thinks she may have upset him. I ask her what makes her think that. Well she just says "I always think like that, I am a very guilty person".
OH MY GOD. That's where I get it.
Any time something odd happens with my friends I am the one that I blame. There are times I sound and act like C-3PO. "She (he) never mentioned anything about being up set with me, what could have I done" Then if nothing changes I got on a mad search to find out what I did.
The past adventure of insanity demonstrated in the last post illustrates how crazy I can get.
It is the not knowing that does the damage.
A sane person would just shunt it aside, which I have gotten better at, but it feels like I am being uncaring.
A prime example is when I send out a message to a friend, either by E-mail, or phone message, or tweet, or what ever means. If I don't get a response, then I will try contract again, failing that I make a final attempt several days later. If still no contact, I go into standby mode with the individual, all the while concerned for their safety, and running through my mind the past events with said person, trying to discern what I could have done wrong to offend.
It's nuts
It's self indulgent in a way, and very egocentric
It's me.
Now I know where it comes from.
Me mother (not my pop as I had previously thought)
Now that I know, I should do something about it.
Or should I.