rambles...

[pythonicprosy]

i appreciate people. i love how everyone does and thinks differently yet all connect and it really inspires me. i love how snow comes down and piles up, how it bogs down every tree in sight and makes people frustrated with carrying out their daily lives, but in the end its all just so beautiful. being back home is amazing i never thought id say that and i dont think it ever even felt like home until now, not so much because anything here has changed, more so just because my perspective of it has. andrew is always such a teacher and its a great cycle that he lives to make others happy and in turn it makes him happy. i dont think i can ever feel completely happy with myself unless im not living for myself. its unfortunate that the one you care for the most, the one you try the hardest to please is selfish and lost in his own body, how does that happen? more importantly what do i do, can i even do anything? why do people dwell so much instead of live more. andrew is right, if i assure myself that i will be happy every day of the rest of my life, i am the only one who has the power to make that happen. and i am super pumped to make it a reality.
i watched Bicentennial Man it was on the tube. i cried. i always cry. i wonder if anyone is as emotional about everything as i am... last night was new years eve, it was a strange sequence of events. people do too many substances and i dont really understand it. i dont enjoy my mind and body be clouded and crapped in. it feels like im the only one. life is distracting yourself into living, i need more things to do with my hands and my brain that are substantial. i want happy sober productive people to surround me wherever i am. seems impossible. but im not about to give up. take care-