Class 3-Z Ginpachi-sensei! OMG translation! That was quick!
The Gintama novel makes me feel like a genius. You mean I won't have to spend hours hunting down a bazillion puns? WHAT. THAT IS INSANE. LIKE, INSANELY EASY. (Granted, I probably don't have to hunt down all the puns in KKM, but I'm obsessive like that. And also, there was a pop culture reference in this Gintama snippet that I totally missed, but whatever! I'm going to pass on that one because I'm lazy and I don't know where to start looking. It's going to nag at me forever, though. God.)
Anyway, this is all I have so far. It's a pretty sizable chunk, so I thought I'd post it. (So many paragraphs...and only one footnote! I'm so happy I could cry! Unlike you, KKM. You make me cry tears of pain.)
Ginpachi-sensei doesn't even show up yet, and I sort of cut off right where Otae beats the crap out of Kondo, but... OKITA. HIJIKATA. THEIR EPIC CONVERSATION OF EPIC-NESS. IT IS EPIC.
(The beginning of) Volume 1, Lesson 1: The cram school teacher said, "It's okay if you don't get 100%. 70% is good enough."
If I were God, I would put youth at the end of a human's lifespan. (A. Franz)
If I were God, I would add chocolate popsicles to the school cafeteria's menu. (Sakata Ginpachi)
*****
Gintama High School.
Although it seems strange, it is in fact the name of the school, so what can you do? Besides, somewhere in the world there's got to be a school that's weirder than this one...probably.
Year 3, class Z.
This "Z" is not read as "Zetto", but rather as "Zui~". Why? "Because it sounds cooler that way." It's not known if it was the founders of the school or the principle who said this. Actually, it's not clear whether this was ever said at all. But even if there's no hard evidence, the "Z" is read this way. "Are there really that many students in the school?" If someone asks this question, just respond with, "The person in charge isn't here right now, so I can't respond."
Here's the classroom.
This isn't a particularly strange place. There are sliding doors at the front and back of the room, a podium, and a bunch of desks and chairs for the students, all normal stuff. Just imagine it as one of those classrooms you see in TV dramas and it'll be okay. However, if you really want to find something strange, then at the front wall of the room, above the blackboard, there hangs a horizontal scroll. Although it can't be considered beautiful, it is with bold, confident strokes that the two characters "sugar content" are written. Why "sugar content"? If asked again, then just say, "Because the homeroom teacher has a sweet tooth, aha ha". This kind of cute reply should suffice. By the way, the back wall also has a scroll that says "sugar content". If asked about it, please use the same response to the one in front.
In short, compared to a so-called "normal school", the difference is a world1 away.
In 3-Z's classroom, the second desk in the front row, counting from the side near the hallway, is Shimura Shinpachi's seat.
1) Written with the character for "ball/sphere"... so, yes, the difference is a testicle away.
*****
It's 8:40 in the morning. Classes will begin in about five minutes. Shinpachi is sitting at his desk, one hand on his cheek, silently looking at the other students. Most of the students have left their own seats, and are chattering away loudly. A classroom without a teacher belongs to the students, so it's also natural that they would be noisy...
But our class... Shinpachi thought. Doesn't it have a few too many weirdos?
For example, to Shinpachi's left, separated by one row, that seat--
"Hey, you! What the hell-- Why did you eat my little Octopus-sama wiener? You bastard!"
The foreign exchange student from China, Kagura-chan, is already angry this early in the morning. Although she looks like a cute girl, right now she's transformed into a barbarian from the wilderness. It looks like it's already lunch break for her, and a classmate has eaten one of her wieners.
But, Kagura... Shinpachi stares blankly at her. Isn't it way too early to start eating lunch now? Also, it's not even "Octopus-san", but "Octopus-sama"? That kind of name is too confusing!
Shimura Shinpachi, he's the straight man. Though it may seem like a hasty conclusion, in this environment, considering the eccentricity of his classmates, even if he didn't want to, he would become the straight man. This is Shinpachi's sad position.
"It's only a little wiener. 'Wah! Wah!' You're so noisy. In my country, there's a saying that goes, 'Octopus-san wieners belong to everyone, so don't sign your name on them!'"
This is also an exchange student. Catherine refutes Kagura's accusations in this way. She has an amazingly stern and intense face, with heavy eyebrows and thick lips. It's unknown why she has a pair of cat ears. If she's rough-looking, then she's rough-looking.
"Don't give me that kind of meaningless saying! I can make one up, too. Where I come from, there's a saying that goes, 'Cat-eared girls must be executed. Yellow is a good color, yo!' Also, it's not 'Octopus-san'. It's 'Octopus-sama'!" Kagura-chan barks back at her.
What is this persevering intensity over the octopus? It's not right. They should be focusing on the wiener...which is also unimportant.
Then, during Kagura-chan and Catherine's international dispute, the disciplinary committee member Okita Sougo approached from the left and sat behind them, talking to his fellow disciplinary committee member, Hijikata Toshiro.
Under the clean, chestnut colored hair are a pair of big, round eyes. He's always wearing a blank façade. Compared to Okita-kun, who looks relaxed and innocent, Hijikata-kun has messy hair and sharp eyes. These two students look like could get really good grades, but since they're in class 3-Z, they can only produce dialogue at this level.
"Hey, Sougo." Hijikata, arms crossed over his chest, calls out in his deep voice.
"What is it, Hijikata-san," Okita replies softly. His legs are on top of the desk, and he's playing with his cell phone.
Then Hijikata says, "Sougo. Have you heard of mayonnaise rice?"
"Isn't it that thing where you put mayonnaise on rice?"
"Shut up! It was a rhetorical question! Anyway, not a day goes by where I don't eat that."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. So what? What about the mayonnaise rice?" While saying that, Okita-kun never stops playing with the cell phone.
Hijikata quirks his lips up in a smirk, then continues on, "Actually, last night, I finally succeeded in improving mayonnaise rice!"
"Nobody asked you to do that," Okita monotones.
"All right, just listen. I added something to the mayonnaise rice, and then it became very, very delicious. What was it? Do you want to know?"
"Ah, return text message. --Yeah, I really want to know."
"It looks like you're not interested at all, bastard! --Hmph! Whatever, I'll tell you anyway."
"That 'something' was..." Hijikata suddenly pauses, as if trying to build suspense, then he continues, "...a can of tuna...'s oil."
Shinpachi, who has been listening in on their conversation all along, can't help but to shut his eyes. H-how can that be... But what is that? A can of tuna...'s oil? Deep inside, he thought that whatever it was, it didn't matter.
"Not the tuna from a can of tuna. It's the oil from a can of tuna. I added this to the mayonnaise rice."
So, why was there a pause between "a can of tuna" and "its oil"? Why.
"You're wearing your indifferent 'it has nothing to do with me' face, Sougo." Hijikata unhappily narrows his eyes into two small cracks.
"It's not like that at all. Next time I'm possessed by a demon, I'll go try it out."
"You have the worst social skills ever." After Hijikata-kun says this, he moves his line of sight to Okita-kun's hand. "Anyway, Sougo. Who have you been texting all this time?"
"Ah, this? This is an online dating site. Actually, only idiots are into this, so it's natural that I don't really know what I'm doing. It's only because we have time to waste that I'm playing around here."
"So that's how it is. But there's still one thing I don't get. That, isn't that my cell phone?"
"Yeah. Because it's a dating site. You can't use your own cell phone for this type of thing."
"So that's how it is. It makes a lot of sense. --You are so dead!"
Hijikata-kun suddenly stands up, walking around the desk to viciously wrap his arm around Okita-kun's neck.
It's pointless... Shinpachi, who's always seeing people fight, can't help but think so. It's completely pointless. As he was thinking this, the back door was violently shoved open.
"Otae-san!"
The idiot shouting with his loud idiot voice is Kondo Isao, who looks like a gorilla. He has an appearance which completely lacks elegance, but he's actually rather popular. Both Okita-kun and Hijikata-kun are willing to follow him, as he is the chairman of the disciplinary committee.
Upon entering the classroom, Kondo-kun runs straight toward Shimura Tae's seat. By the way, this Shimura Tae is, like her surname implies, Shinpachi's older sister.
"Aaaaah--! Otae-san, you're beautiful today as well. Even the plain uniform looks like a skirt made of pure gold when you wear it, ahahaha."
Kondo-kun loudly speaks flattering words which he thinks would get full points. However, Otae is looking at a fashion magazine ("Introduction to killer techniques! How to pickpocket dirty old men.") as she gives her cold reply.
"So early in the morning and you're already confused, Kondo-kun. And, I've already said this many times. Could you drop the 'Otae-san'? Here, we're third years in high school."
No, "here"...? Shinpachi couldn't help but cover his face with his hands. Sis, please don't blurt out the kind of speech that exposes our backgrounds. Although we know there will be a lot of problems, it'll gradually sink in that this is Gintama High School class 3-Z.
"Ah, sorry, sorry. It seems like I'm still in the habit of thinking like our origins in 'Gintama'. Ahahaha."
...Hey, why are you speaking like that, too?! A word like "origins" you don't need to say out loud!
Disregarding Shinpachi, who's holding his head, Kondo continues his conversation with Otae.
"Well, for a high school student, 'Otae-san' is a bit much. Then what should I do? Can I call you 'TaeTae'?"
"Don't joke. Do you want me to kill you?" Otae reads the magazine. Her head doesn't even lift as she replies.
"No? Then how about 'Tae-chan'?"
"Sounds like the name of an energy drink. Do you want me to kill you?"
"This also doesn't fit you. How about I call you 'Taeko' then?"
"When Doomsday arrives. Do you want me to kill you?"
"That won't do. I'll call you 'My Sweet Tae, Tae Honey'..."
Otae has finally reached her limit.
Anyway, this is all I have so far. It's a pretty sizable chunk, so I thought I'd post it. (So many paragraphs...and only one footnote! I'm so happy I could cry! Unlike you, KKM. You make me cry tears of pain.)
Ginpachi-sensei doesn't even show up yet, and I sort of cut off right where Otae beats the crap out of Kondo, but... OKITA. HIJIKATA. THEIR EPIC CONVERSATION OF EPIC-NESS. IT IS EPIC.
(The beginning of) Volume 1, Lesson 1: The cram school teacher said, "It's okay if you don't get 100%. 70% is good enough."
If I were God, I would put youth at the end of a human's lifespan. (A. Franz)
If I were God, I would add chocolate popsicles to the school cafeteria's menu. (Sakata Ginpachi)
*****
Gintama High School.
Although it seems strange, it is in fact the name of the school, so what can you do? Besides, somewhere in the world there's got to be a school that's weirder than this one...probably.
Year 3, class Z.
This "Z" is not read as "Zetto", but rather as "Zui~". Why? "Because it sounds cooler that way." It's not known if it was the founders of the school or the principle who said this. Actually, it's not clear whether this was ever said at all. But even if there's no hard evidence, the "Z" is read this way. "Are there really that many students in the school?" If someone asks this question, just respond with, "The person in charge isn't here right now, so I can't respond."
Here's the classroom.
This isn't a particularly strange place. There are sliding doors at the front and back of the room, a podium, and a bunch of desks and chairs for the students, all normal stuff. Just imagine it as one of those classrooms you see in TV dramas and it'll be okay. However, if you really want to find something strange, then at the front wall of the room, above the blackboard, there hangs a horizontal scroll. Although it can't be considered beautiful, it is with bold, confident strokes that the two characters "sugar content" are written. Why "sugar content"? If asked again, then just say, "Because the homeroom teacher has a sweet tooth, aha ha". This kind of cute reply should suffice. By the way, the back wall also has a scroll that says "sugar content". If asked about it, please use the same response to the one in front.
In short, compared to a so-called "normal school", the difference is a world1 away.
In 3-Z's classroom, the second desk in the front row, counting from the side near the hallway, is Shimura Shinpachi's seat.
1) Written with the character for "ball/sphere"... so, yes, the difference is a testicle away.
*****
It's 8:40 in the morning. Classes will begin in about five minutes. Shinpachi is sitting at his desk, one hand on his cheek, silently looking at the other students. Most of the students have left their own seats, and are chattering away loudly. A classroom without a teacher belongs to the students, so it's also natural that they would be noisy...
But our class... Shinpachi thought. Doesn't it have a few too many weirdos?
For example, to Shinpachi's left, separated by one row, that seat--
"Hey, you! What the hell-- Why did you eat my little Octopus-sama wiener? You bastard!"
The foreign exchange student from China, Kagura-chan, is already angry this early in the morning. Although she looks like a cute girl, right now she's transformed into a barbarian from the wilderness. It looks like it's already lunch break for her, and a classmate has eaten one of her wieners.
But, Kagura... Shinpachi stares blankly at her. Isn't it way too early to start eating lunch now? Also, it's not even "Octopus-san", but "Octopus-sama"? That kind of name is too confusing!
Shimura Shinpachi, he's the straight man. Though it may seem like a hasty conclusion, in this environment, considering the eccentricity of his classmates, even if he didn't want to, he would become the straight man. This is Shinpachi's sad position.
"It's only a little wiener. 'Wah! Wah!' You're so noisy. In my country, there's a saying that goes, 'Octopus-san wieners belong to everyone, so don't sign your name on them!'"
This is also an exchange student. Catherine refutes Kagura's accusations in this way. She has an amazingly stern and intense face, with heavy eyebrows and thick lips. It's unknown why she has a pair of cat ears. If she's rough-looking, then she's rough-looking.
"Don't give me that kind of meaningless saying! I can make one up, too. Where I come from, there's a saying that goes, 'Cat-eared girls must be executed. Yellow is a good color, yo!' Also, it's not 'Octopus-san'. It's 'Octopus-sama'!" Kagura-chan barks back at her.
What is this persevering intensity over the octopus? It's not right. They should be focusing on the wiener...which is also unimportant.
Then, during Kagura-chan and Catherine's international dispute, the disciplinary committee member Okita Sougo approached from the left and sat behind them, talking to his fellow disciplinary committee member, Hijikata Toshiro.
Under the clean, chestnut colored hair are a pair of big, round eyes. He's always wearing a blank façade. Compared to Okita-kun, who looks relaxed and innocent, Hijikata-kun has messy hair and sharp eyes. These two students look like could get really good grades, but since they're in class 3-Z, they can only produce dialogue at this level.
"Hey, Sougo." Hijikata, arms crossed over his chest, calls out in his deep voice.
"What is it, Hijikata-san," Okita replies softly. His legs are on top of the desk, and he's playing with his cell phone.
Then Hijikata says, "Sougo. Have you heard of mayonnaise rice?"
"Isn't it that thing where you put mayonnaise on rice?"
"Shut up! It was a rhetorical question! Anyway, not a day goes by where I don't eat that."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. So what? What about the mayonnaise rice?" While saying that, Okita-kun never stops playing with the cell phone.
Hijikata quirks his lips up in a smirk, then continues on, "Actually, last night, I finally succeeded in improving mayonnaise rice!"
"Nobody asked you to do that," Okita monotones.
"All right, just listen. I added something to the mayonnaise rice, and then it became very, very delicious. What was it? Do you want to know?"
"Ah, return text message. --Yeah, I really want to know."
"It looks like you're not interested at all, bastard! --Hmph! Whatever, I'll tell you anyway."
"That 'something' was..." Hijikata suddenly pauses, as if trying to build suspense, then he continues, "...a can of tuna...'s oil."
Shinpachi, who has been listening in on their conversation all along, can't help but to shut his eyes. H-how can that be... But what is that? A can of tuna...'s oil? Deep inside, he thought that whatever it was, it didn't matter.
"Not the tuna from a can of tuna. It's the oil from a can of tuna. I added this to the mayonnaise rice."
So, why was there a pause between "a can of tuna" and "its oil"? Why.
"You're wearing your indifferent 'it has nothing to do with me' face, Sougo." Hijikata unhappily narrows his eyes into two small cracks.
"It's not like that at all. Next time I'm possessed by a demon, I'll go try it out."
"You have the worst social skills ever." After Hijikata-kun says this, he moves his line of sight to Okita-kun's hand. "Anyway, Sougo. Who have you been texting all this time?"
"Ah, this? This is an online dating site. Actually, only idiots are into this, so it's natural that I don't really know what I'm doing. It's only because we have time to waste that I'm playing around here."
"So that's how it is. But there's still one thing I don't get. That, isn't that my cell phone?"
"Yeah. Because it's a dating site. You can't use your own cell phone for this type of thing."
"So that's how it is. It makes a lot of sense. --You are so dead!"
Hijikata-kun suddenly stands up, walking around the desk to viciously wrap his arm around Okita-kun's neck.
It's pointless... Shinpachi, who's always seeing people fight, can't help but think so. It's completely pointless. As he was thinking this, the back door was violently shoved open.
"Otae-san!"
The idiot shouting with his loud idiot voice is Kondo Isao, who looks like a gorilla. He has an appearance which completely lacks elegance, but he's actually rather popular. Both Okita-kun and Hijikata-kun are willing to follow him, as he is the chairman of the disciplinary committee.
Upon entering the classroom, Kondo-kun runs straight toward Shimura Tae's seat. By the way, this Shimura Tae is, like her surname implies, Shinpachi's older sister.
"Aaaaah--! Otae-san, you're beautiful today as well. Even the plain uniform looks like a skirt made of pure gold when you wear it, ahahaha."
Kondo-kun loudly speaks flattering words which he thinks would get full points. However, Otae is looking at a fashion magazine ("Introduction to killer techniques! How to pickpocket dirty old men.") as she gives her cold reply.
"So early in the morning and you're already confused, Kondo-kun. And, I've already said this many times. Could you drop the 'Otae-san'? Here, we're third years in high school."
No, "here"...? Shinpachi couldn't help but cover his face with his hands. Sis, please don't blurt out the kind of speech that exposes our backgrounds. Although we know there will be a lot of problems, it'll gradually sink in that this is Gintama High School class 3-Z.
"Ah, sorry, sorry. It seems like I'm still in the habit of thinking like our origins in 'Gintama'. Ahahaha."
...Hey, why are you speaking like that, too?! A word like "origins" you don't need to say out loud!
Disregarding Shinpachi, who's holding his head, Kondo continues his conversation with Otae.
"Well, for a high school student, 'Otae-san' is a bit much. Then what should I do? Can I call you 'TaeTae'?"
"Don't joke. Do you want me to kill you?" Otae reads the magazine. Her head doesn't even lift as she replies.
"No? Then how about 'Tae-chan'?"
"Sounds like the name of an energy drink. Do you want me to kill you?"
"This also doesn't fit you. How about I call you 'Taeko' then?"
"When Doomsday arrives. Do you want me to kill you?"
"That won't do. I'll call you 'My Sweet Tae, Tae Honey'..."
Otae has finally reached her limit.