Satisfaction
Slow day today at work. I recently got back from NorCal and going to AOD which will be my last social con I go to in... Maybe forever.
There were a lot of reasons I shouldn't have gone up. Money, though it wasn't that bad(250$ total after flight food etc). Te maid cafe tryouts, high probability of running into jun and drama and being attacked and yelled at. This didn't actually happen, I think she knew I was there and didn't step foot in the con. Tiffany who I was bound to see. This didn't actually bother me, my worry was I would make her uncomfortable though. I shouldn't care, but I don't like causing problems for people I care about.
I think just seeing Tiffany was healthy for me. I'm a physical type of closure person, ideas just creat more ideas and possibilities. I saw her no more than 5 minutes walking out of t hotel room. She awkwardly waved at me. I smiled and waved back and said hi, then continued talking to my friends. That was are only real interaction the entire weekend though we saw each other multiple times. It was a satisfactory conclusion for me to accept hey, this is how things are... Keep pushing on with the rest of your life.
The rest of the weekend was filled with seeing friends, talking and hanging out, keeping a consistently awesome buzz, and genuinely having fun with the people I care about.
Angeline, Chris and I got to hang out most of Saturday and this is the first time they've seen me since I've gotten over my depression. I'm the same person just better. And I think they saw that. I've also re-established that I'm the terrible insightful being of fate, except human. Okay... Maybe a Demi-god. Hahahaha that was the joke and angeline kept calling me kami-sama. In the end I was right about the results of everything, and a lot of things were confirmed by them. Does any of that matter? Not a fucking bit. But I just find it amusing that despite people trying to go against and prove my words wrong, they can't.
Had a bunch of fun with karaoke staff, hanging out with dacidbro pauo and team white people of the NorCal fgc. Getting to see stu since my bday, sitting in the bath with a beer. Having about a dozen of the maids talk to me about the cafe only to learn I'm no longer staff to all come to the same conclusion of worry.
This was a good way to end this. Encouragement and well wishes from all the maids, confirmation that I'm heading in the right direction and its physically visible, but really not giving up who I am. I'm still me... I'm just growing. I'm leaving behind the past but I will never forget it, nor all the amazing people I met along the way.
As I told Linda... It's really not hard to smile anymore. Yeah I'm still in love with Tiffany, yes I care deeply and worry about jun. I'm worried the cafe will fail, and part of me wishes I could play bigger parts in a number of things, but I'm not letting any of that keep me down or bother me. I know I can't change these things so I'm not letting them hurt me. I acknowledge existence but I am not sacrificing myself to it.
I have amazing friends... So thank you to the people that have done so much for me. Even though you've doubted me at times, you've had to out up with my bull shit, a lot of you have done so much to pull me out of this depression and to discover life for myself.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.