AUDIO ][ LOST & FOUND.

[pyromatique]

I found these two in front of my doorstep this morning. If you think I'm the kind of guy who's capable of looking after anything or anyone other than, well, myself, you're sadly mistaken. Kindly take the fish off my hands or I'll flush 'em down the toilet by the end of the day.

Comments

[knifecushion]

Gosh, fish are so hard to take care of.

[pyromatique]

Don't need your sarcasm. Fish are all kinds of slimy and disgusting. They are hard to handle.

[knifecushion]

....If you try to pet them, I guess.

[pyromatique]

I wouldn't. But transferring them from container to plastic bag is no fun. They stink.

[knifecushion]

Cat poop stinks more.

[pyromatique]

Yeah, well, having any kind of a pet is a stupid idea.

[knifecushion]

If you are heartless. Or an idiot. Or allergic.

[pyromatique]

I'll go with heartless. And possibly allergic.

[knifecushion]

To fish?

[pyromatique]

I could be. But no, I meant, I'm allergic to the idea of having a pet. It's irksome.

[knifecushion]

Why?

[pyromatique]

When I was four, I saved a rat from a trap. My stepdad took a hammer and smashed its brains out. I learned that pets are a waste of time.

[knifecushion]

...

You learned your father thinks pets are a waste of time. And is a jerk and an animal hater.

[pyromatique]

Stepfather. Also, he only turned out to be my stepdad for a few months. I had several.

And I thought it was a valuable lesson. Animals are a waste of time.

[knifecushion]

Then his prejudices shouldn't have stuck around, either.

I'll bet they'd disagree. Just a hunch.

[pyromatique]

The best these animals can ever hope to be is a source of food to us.