(no subject)

Oct 10, 2004 21:57

I hope it's my birth control that's making me crazy. It probably is. I'm happy for once. Stupid thing fucking with my horomones. It was weird. When I was on it (I have to be off of it for a month), I had this thing that I had to absolutely see/talk to Mat and if he left for something other than sleep or work, then I'd just feel really abandoned and start crying. Now it's like "You're gonna see Allie/Go to the Brass Mug? Go ahead, I've got other things I need to do.". This is a lot better than how I was acting. Which was crazy. I'd cry for no reason, get migraines/horrible stomach problems, really violent mood swings... I still get all of that, just not as often and not as bad. Mainly after football games when I get really stressed. Stress triggers it but it got worse once I had more horomones in my body.

Stupid stress. That's what I think is mainly wrong with me now. I've never been one to handle stress well and now that band is uber stressful (read: I hate being on the drum which makes it worse), and it's my most important year, I'm tired constantly and don't want to do anything. I have a D in APUSH and probably just as bad if not worse is AP Lang. If I didn't do band I'd probably have A's. Because now it's to the point to where whatever free time I have, I will use it how I want to, not how I need to. If I used it for school work, I'd have no free time...Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
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