One day I'll fly away...leave all this to yesterday
I couldn't stop crying tonight. Seriously. For about two whole hours I was just crying. Still kinda am, just not as bad. It was full out sobbing, everything hurts crying. Now it's just tears. I don't know what's wrong with me. I kinda have a hunch, but...
Anyways, my mom ended up calming me down a lot. She just did the motherly hold and back rub and the just letting me cry dealy. I love my mom. She just understands that when I start crying I just need to cry and she's just there making sure I feel loved and tries to just calm me down so I can still cry, just not the body-wracking sobs that I had.
I understand why Allie quit. I feel it too. I would love to quit drumline because I don't love it. It took me a while to realize that, but halftime Friday, I didn't get the same rush of excitement I normally do when we perform. It was just like "Halftime...blah.". And I know it wasn't about me being angry about Mat's tatoo or that it was the first football game...I just don't love it. And I dread every tuesday, thursday, friday and I'm dreading all of the saturday practices and competitions. I don't know if I can do it anymore. This is my hell. It's why I'm so hesitent to do indoor. I don't like to drum. Pit is okay...but I still don't know if I'm even going to do it next year...