rant
General Notice to the Tri-State area, especially Westchester, Fairfield, and Putnam County residents:
You are hopelessly incapable of driving properly. Therefore, your rights as drivers should be rescinded immediately. The list of grievances is as follows:
- The left lane of a highway is for going somewhat fast. If you are not going to go fast, then do not sit in the left lane holding up traffic and wondering why people are beeping at you and flashing their lights at you as you stare around in bewildered confusion.
- Long ago there was this thing invented for automobiles known as a "turn-signal" or "blinker" as known in common vernacular. I know that it is QUITE a terrible excess of energy to have to flick your wrist up or down half an entire centimeter to make use of this contraption, but it will likely save you from being hit by someone else. Learn to use it.
- It is not okay to hover back and forth between two lanes, that was the reason lanes were created in the first place.
- Merging. It's not so difficult. With a bit of practice, I'm sure even you could manage.
- Yellow lights actually don't mean speed up as fast as possible to make the light, despite popular belief. In fact, it means slow down and prepare to stop.
- The speed limit is the maximum speed you are allowed to go. Although there isn't really a minimum speed, going half the speed limit is not acceptable (except in inclement weather.)
- Speaking of inclement weather, if you have snow/ice on your car, remove it before driving at high speeds, especially large chunks on the roof that can be propelled at other cars. People actually have been sent to jail for reckless homicide for this reason.
- If you are going to make a turn, don't put your turn signal on a second before you are about to turn and suddenly stop to wait to turn. If you do, you deserve to be hit from behind.
- When parking, we don't care how nice your splendid car is, you receive one parking spot just like everyone else. Parking sideways in vertical spots and taking up 3 spots is not okay. Generally, when people do this to protect their car, it just makes others want to throw rocks at it.
- Another word on parking. Parallel parking is not, I repeat not, to be accomplished by the "parking by sound" method, where you hit the cars in front of you and behind you repeatedly to fit into a space that you clearly can not fit into. Also, if you simply can't do it, then don't bother trying. You just provide a source of amusement for onlookers (this is especially true for soccer moms in huge SUV's that can not park worth a damn.)
- If you do not have EZPass, then you do not belong in the EZPass-only lane. This is often clearly marked enough for you to figure it out well BEFORE entering the toll and then trying to back out into a cash lane. You will still get a ticket anyway.
- Yield signs.. please look up the definition of yield. Ask a friend for assistance with looking up the word in the dictionary first, as I know this might be an arduously difficult task for some.
- In New York State, talking on a cell phone while driving is no longer legal. This law does not only apply only to some. Texting while driving is not a loophole to this law. Yes, bluetooth headsets look ridiculous (especially when you are in a grocery store?), but they come in handy. Invest in one.
In conclusion, driving an automobile is a privilege that only those capable of doing so should be able to enjoy. Please either figure out how to drive properly or turn your driver's license in to the nearest DMV location. Thank you for your time.
You are hopelessly incapable of driving properly. Therefore, your rights as drivers should be rescinded immediately. The list of grievances is as follows:
- The left lane of a highway is for going somewhat fast. If you are not going to go fast, then do not sit in the left lane holding up traffic and wondering why people are beeping at you and flashing their lights at you as you stare around in bewildered confusion.
- Long ago there was this thing invented for automobiles known as a "turn-signal" or "blinker" as known in common vernacular. I know that it is QUITE a terrible excess of energy to have to flick your wrist up or down half an entire centimeter to make use of this contraption, but it will likely save you from being hit by someone else. Learn to use it.
- It is not okay to hover back and forth between two lanes, that was the reason lanes were created in the first place.
- Merging. It's not so difficult. With a bit of practice, I'm sure even you could manage.
- Yellow lights actually don't mean speed up as fast as possible to make the light, despite popular belief. In fact, it means slow down and prepare to stop.
- The speed limit is the maximum speed you are allowed to go. Although there isn't really a minimum speed, going half the speed limit is not acceptable (except in inclement weather.)
- Speaking of inclement weather, if you have snow/ice on your car, remove it before driving at high speeds, especially large chunks on the roof that can be propelled at other cars. People actually have been sent to jail for reckless homicide for this reason.
- If you are going to make a turn, don't put your turn signal on a second before you are about to turn and suddenly stop to wait to turn. If you do, you deserve to be hit from behind.
- When parking, we don't care how nice your splendid car is, you receive one parking spot just like everyone else. Parking sideways in vertical spots and taking up 3 spots is not okay. Generally, when people do this to protect their car, it just makes others want to throw rocks at it.
- Another word on parking. Parallel parking is not, I repeat not, to be accomplished by the "parking by sound" method, where you hit the cars in front of you and behind you repeatedly to fit into a space that you clearly can not fit into. Also, if you simply can't do it, then don't bother trying. You just provide a source of amusement for onlookers (this is especially true for soccer moms in huge SUV's that can not park worth a damn.)
- If you do not have EZPass, then you do not belong in the EZPass-only lane. This is often clearly marked enough for you to figure it out well BEFORE entering the toll and then trying to back out into a cash lane. You will still get a ticket anyway.
- Yield signs.. please look up the definition of yield. Ask a friend for assistance with looking up the word in the dictionary first, as I know this might be an arduously difficult task for some.
- In New York State, talking on a cell phone while driving is no longer legal. This law does not only apply only to some. Texting while driving is not a loophole to this law. Yes, bluetooth headsets look ridiculous (especially when you are in a grocery store?), but they come in handy. Invest in one.
In conclusion, driving an automobile is a privilege that only those capable of doing so should be able to enjoy. Please either figure out how to drive properly or turn your driver's license in to the nearest DMV location. Thank you for your time.