CREATIVE WRITING ASSIGNMENT
**Warning**- this is very.. dark.. read at your own risk lol
Failed Commitment
Monday:
Today went well
I woke up early and felt good
I did some laundry
I got to work early
At work, I tried to talk to this woman
She didn’t seem to want to talk
Or maybe she was just preoccupied
Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow
Anyways, the rest of the day went well too
My boss let me go home early
I ate dinner with a friend
Then came home
I’m so tired though
Tuesday:
Today was great
At work, Bill was sick, so I took his place at the front desk
It felt good to be at the front desk
I hate being in the back rooms all day
I saw her smile at me
She must have noticed how important I looked
I hope I can work at the front desk again soon
It makes me feel important
It makes me feel like people respect me
Wednesday:
This week is dragging on forever
I already wish it was Friday
I got really mad at Pete today
He told my boss I took a 40 minute break
Our breaks are only a half hour
At least I think it was him that told
I’m not quite sure- but I didn’t care
I threatened to fight him
He wimped out, which made me even angrier
I told him if he ever did something like that again
I’d kill him
Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me
I need to keep myself calm
Thursday:
Her name is Susan
She’s gorgeous
She has long blonde hair
Bright blue eyes
And a smile to die for
I hope she noticed me today
I tried talking to her again
I even asked where she lives
Draton- only 20 minutes away
I feel like she hates me
She never seems to smile back at me
I hope she doesn’t hate me
Friday:
You know, I really hate doing these diaries
I was never good at writing
Why does my doctor make me write in this once a day?
To help, of course
To help myself
Of course everything with doctors is to help
Isn’t taking the medication enough?
I mean, between antidepressants and therapy
I’m completely normal, aren’t I?
I guess help isn’t all that bad
I feel great
And all I want is her
Saturday:
I hate being away from her
I wonder if she feels the same way too
No, otherwise she would return my smiles
Or talk to me longer
This weekend is going by so slowly
I can’t wait to get back to work
Isn’t that funny?
I can’t wait to get back to work
Never thought I would say that before
I wonder why my friends haven’t called
I guess they forgot about me
Just like her
Sunday:
Today I went to church
I’m not quite sure why
I haven’t since my… incident
I guess they don’t like people like myself
It was probably a mistake
I felt like everyone was looking at me
Like they knew what I had done
They could see through me
Through my eyes, into my deepest thoughts
They knew it
Knew what I had tried to do
I wonder if she goes to church
I hope she doesn’t know
She’s different then them
Monday:
Finally, I got to see her again
It made me feel great
I felt like the room was glowing when she was there
Again, I tried talking to her
We talked about childhood
And how it was so simple
Carefree, and innocent
But mine wasn’t
I had to lie
I told her stories
Stories I thought she would believe
That would make me seem normal
I hope she couldn’t tell
She can’t see through me like others
Like those people at church
Into my past
Can she?
Tuesday:
I feel old thoughts coming back again
The pills don’t seem to be working
I don’t feel happy any more
That feeling of emptiness has started returning
I wish I hadn’t failed
If I had just succeeded
I wouldn’t be in this situation
Suicide
Another thing I failed at
One more thing to add to the list
And everyone knows it
That I’m a failure
Except she doesn’t know
I hope she doesn’t
I wouldn’t fail with her
I could be happy
Couldn’t I?
Wednesday:
I feel better today
She smiled at me
A smile only we shared
It was amazing
Nothing else mattered
But us- and only us
I hope this continues
I forget what happiness feels like sometimes
And then something brings me back
Something as amazing as this
My friend Jimmy called today too
I haven’t talked to him in months
People care about me
Sometimes I need to remember that
I wish I always could
Sometimes it’s hard though
Do I care about myself?
Thursday:
I’m relieved
This feeling is still here
The light is still on- happiness
I did something crazy today
I asked her out on a date
She told me she would think about it
For what seemed like forever, I waited
Waited for her answer
I felt the old feelings coming back
Laughing at me, waiting
But she saved me
She said yes
Saturday night
At the movies
I can succeed
Friday:
She caught me
She saw me
At lunch, I…
I took my pills
And she saw me
She knows I’m on meds
She doesn’t know what kind
Maybe she thinks I’m sick
Don’t be silly
I guess I am sick though
I’ve been called sick too many times
For what I did
What do I do now?
What will she think?
Will she cancel on me?
I hope not
I can’t let her know my secret
Saturday:
Tonight is the date
She called to confirm
She didn’t cancel!
I am beyond happy
I made a decision today
To not do something I do every day
That is supposed to help me
But now I don’t need that help
I can be happy on my own
I want to be myself
The real me
Not the medicated me
Sunday:
I picked her up
The theater was crowded
At first, I was worried
Everyone was talking about us
Or about me
They talked so loud
About how I would fail
But I didn’t
I beat their expectations
The date went great
I was funny and charming
I did everything right
Made all the right moves
It was perfect
I’m committed to being with her- I love her
She came over after the movie
Everything with her, is just- perfect
Even me, I’m better
So much better
I guess I can be happy without help
Just myself
Me
And her of course
Monday:
I wish I could just kiss her every second of the day
Work seemed unbearable with her so close
And at the same time so far away
We can’t let other’s know about us
Not yet anyway
Are we an us?
She did smile at me all day
But I felt like
Somehow everyone knew
I could see it on people’s faces
They were laughing at me with their smirks
They knew something was going on
They thought I would fail
They were laughing at me for failing in the past
Maybe I will fail
No, that’s the old me
The new me doesn’t fail
Or does he?
Tuesday:
I felt different today
People are talking
All day long, I heard it
They were mocking me
Did she hear them?
Did she believe their lies?
Did they tell her my past?
They wouldn’t stop talking
Nothing but lies
So loud I couldn’t think
I can still feel happiness though
Somewhere inside me
Because of her
Please don’t let the old feelings return
The feelings of sadness, helplessness,
Emptiness
Those horrible feelings
I can’t feel that way again
Maybe this was a bad idea
The natural me
Just me
Wednesday:
I destroyed the medication
They represent failure
The failure of me not being able to control myself
And I can control myself
I’m not crazy
I don’t need them
I just need her
Only her
Only her
Only her
Why hasn’t she called?
Does she hate me?
Did I do something wrong?
Did she listen to those liars?
When I look at her,
She looks away
The smiles are gone
My happiness is disappearing
The new me is fading away
I can hear everyone talking
About my failures
My past
Thursday:
I went up to her
And asked her on a second date
She said she couldn’t
She made a sad face
She said she was already committed
Committed
Committed to what?
What does she know about commitment?
Commitment can change
It can fail
I was committed to something
It failed
My suicide failed
The old feelings are back
They scare me
I left work early
I can’t sleep
Why is she doing this to me?
This can’t be happening
Now she smiles at him
At Pete, the jerk with the big mouth
I told him I would kill him
I might fail at things,
But I’m certainly not a liar
Friday:
I went to her house when I knew she would be back from work
I practiced what I was going to say
I was going to be me
The happy me
The me with everything going for him
But that me died
That part of me died when all I wanted to do was to stop living
But it didn’t work
Another failure
Maybe it died a long time ago
Why did she do this to me?
He answered the door- Pete
I went crazy, I completely lost it
I couldn’t control myself
I descended into hell
The old me took over, except worse
And I was committed-
It wasn’t hard
They screamed
They were weak
Weak like me I guess
They weren’t hard to kill
After a few minutes they were motionless
I succeeded in making them like me
Devoid of a soul
Lifeless and empty
Cold
Nothing
SHE did this to me
She destroyed me
Susan brought back the OLD ME
The me I promised to never let back in
I hate her
I could have been fine
I could have been happy
I feel nothing
Nothing except this emptiness
I won’t fail this time
I won’t fail
DOUBLE HOMICIDE TURNED SUICIDE
A young man who committed a double homicide early last night ended up taking his own life less than three hours later. This man, Matt Braxton, had reportedly been discharged from the hospital a few weeks prior, after an attempted suicide. An old friend of the man said he had “emotional issues since adolescence, and had been put on medication to help him.” The victims, Susan Markel, and Peter Bringly, worked with Mr. Braxton. They had all been working at a health club that said it had “never received any notification of Matt’s condition, or any indications of conflict between the three employees.” Attempts to reach the family of the man failed. Recovered at the scene was Mr. Braxton’s private journal, which an anonymous person told the paper was “extremely disturbing.”
Failed Commitment
Monday:
Today went well
I woke up early and felt good
I did some laundry
I got to work early
At work, I tried to talk to this woman
She didn’t seem to want to talk
Or maybe she was just preoccupied
Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow
Anyways, the rest of the day went well too
My boss let me go home early
I ate dinner with a friend
Then came home
I’m so tired though
Tuesday:
Today was great
At work, Bill was sick, so I took his place at the front desk
It felt good to be at the front desk
I hate being in the back rooms all day
I saw her smile at me
She must have noticed how important I looked
I hope I can work at the front desk again soon
It makes me feel important
It makes me feel like people respect me
Wednesday:
This week is dragging on forever
I already wish it was Friday
I got really mad at Pete today
He told my boss I took a 40 minute break
Our breaks are only a half hour
At least I think it was him that told
I’m not quite sure- but I didn’t care
I threatened to fight him
He wimped out, which made me even angrier
I told him if he ever did something like that again
I’d kill him
Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me
I need to keep myself calm
Thursday:
Her name is Susan
She’s gorgeous
She has long blonde hair
Bright blue eyes
And a smile to die for
I hope she noticed me today
I tried talking to her again
I even asked where she lives
Draton- only 20 minutes away
I feel like she hates me
She never seems to smile back at me
I hope she doesn’t hate me
Friday:
You know, I really hate doing these diaries
I was never good at writing
Why does my doctor make me write in this once a day?
To help, of course
To help myself
Of course everything with doctors is to help
Isn’t taking the medication enough?
I mean, between antidepressants and therapy
I’m completely normal, aren’t I?
I guess help isn’t all that bad
I feel great
And all I want is her
Saturday:
I hate being away from her
I wonder if she feels the same way too
No, otherwise she would return my smiles
Or talk to me longer
This weekend is going by so slowly
I can’t wait to get back to work
Isn’t that funny?
I can’t wait to get back to work
Never thought I would say that before
I wonder why my friends haven’t called
I guess they forgot about me
Just like her
Sunday:
Today I went to church
I’m not quite sure why
I haven’t since my… incident
I guess they don’t like people like myself
It was probably a mistake
I felt like everyone was looking at me
Like they knew what I had done
They could see through me
Through my eyes, into my deepest thoughts
They knew it
Knew what I had tried to do
I wonder if she goes to church
I hope she doesn’t know
She’s different then them
Monday:
Finally, I got to see her again
It made me feel great
I felt like the room was glowing when she was there
Again, I tried talking to her
We talked about childhood
And how it was so simple
Carefree, and innocent
But mine wasn’t
I had to lie
I told her stories
Stories I thought she would believe
That would make me seem normal
I hope she couldn’t tell
She can’t see through me like others
Like those people at church
Into my past
Can she?
Tuesday:
I feel old thoughts coming back again
The pills don’t seem to be working
I don’t feel happy any more
That feeling of emptiness has started returning
I wish I hadn’t failed
If I had just succeeded
I wouldn’t be in this situation
Suicide
Another thing I failed at
One more thing to add to the list
And everyone knows it
That I’m a failure
Except she doesn’t know
I hope she doesn’t
I wouldn’t fail with her
I could be happy
Couldn’t I?
Wednesday:
I feel better today
She smiled at me
A smile only we shared
It was amazing
Nothing else mattered
But us- and only us
I hope this continues
I forget what happiness feels like sometimes
And then something brings me back
Something as amazing as this
My friend Jimmy called today too
I haven’t talked to him in months
People care about me
Sometimes I need to remember that
I wish I always could
Sometimes it’s hard though
Do I care about myself?
Thursday:
I’m relieved
This feeling is still here
The light is still on- happiness
I did something crazy today
I asked her out on a date
She told me she would think about it
For what seemed like forever, I waited
Waited for her answer
I felt the old feelings coming back
Laughing at me, waiting
But she saved me
She said yes
Saturday night
At the movies
I can succeed
Friday:
She caught me
She saw me
At lunch, I…
I took my pills
And she saw me
She knows I’m on meds
She doesn’t know what kind
Maybe she thinks I’m sick
Don’t be silly
I guess I am sick though
I’ve been called sick too many times
For what I did
What do I do now?
What will she think?
Will she cancel on me?
I hope not
I can’t let her know my secret
Saturday:
Tonight is the date
She called to confirm
She didn’t cancel!
I am beyond happy
I made a decision today
To not do something I do every day
That is supposed to help me
But now I don’t need that help
I can be happy on my own
I want to be myself
The real me
Not the medicated me
Sunday:
I picked her up
The theater was crowded
At first, I was worried
Everyone was talking about us
Or about me
They talked so loud
About how I would fail
But I didn’t
I beat their expectations
The date went great
I was funny and charming
I did everything right
Made all the right moves
It was perfect
I’m committed to being with her- I love her
She came over after the movie
Everything with her, is just- perfect
Even me, I’m better
So much better
I guess I can be happy without help
Just myself
Me
And her of course
Monday:
I wish I could just kiss her every second of the day
Work seemed unbearable with her so close
And at the same time so far away
We can’t let other’s know about us
Not yet anyway
Are we an us?
She did smile at me all day
But I felt like
Somehow everyone knew
I could see it on people’s faces
They were laughing at me with their smirks
They knew something was going on
They thought I would fail
They were laughing at me for failing in the past
Maybe I will fail
No, that’s the old me
The new me doesn’t fail
Or does he?
Tuesday:
I felt different today
People are talking
All day long, I heard it
They were mocking me
Did she hear them?
Did she believe their lies?
Did they tell her my past?
They wouldn’t stop talking
Nothing but lies
So loud I couldn’t think
I can still feel happiness though
Somewhere inside me
Because of her
Please don’t let the old feelings return
The feelings of sadness, helplessness,
Emptiness
Those horrible feelings
I can’t feel that way again
Maybe this was a bad idea
The natural me
Just me
Wednesday:
I destroyed the medication
They represent failure
The failure of me not being able to control myself
And I can control myself
I’m not crazy
I don’t need them
I just need her
Only her
Only her
Only her
Why hasn’t she called?
Does she hate me?
Did I do something wrong?
Did she listen to those liars?
When I look at her,
She looks away
The smiles are gone
My happiness is disappearing
The new me is fading away
I can hear everyone talking
About my failures
My past
Thursday:
I went up to her
And asked her on a second date
She said she couldn’t
She made a sad face
She said she was already committed
Committed
Committed to what?
What does she know about commitment?
Commitment can change
It can fail
I was committed to something
It failed
My suicide failed
The old feelings are back
They scare me
I left work early
I can’t sleep
Why is she doing this to me?
This can’t be happening
Now she smiles at him
At Pete, the jerk with the big mouth
I told him I would kill him
I might fail at things,
But I’m certainly not a liar
Friday:
I went to her house when I knew she would be back from work
I practiced what I was going to say
I was going to be me
The happy me
The me with everything going for him
But that me died
That part of me died when all I wanted to do was to stop living
But it didn’t work
Another failure
Maybe it died a long time ago
Why did she do this to me?
He answered the door- Pete
I went crazy, I completely lost it
I couldn’t control myself
I descended into hell
The old me took over, except worse
And I was committed-
It wasn’t hard
They screamed
They were weak
Weak like me I guess
They weren’t hard to kill
After a few minutes they were motionless
I succeeded in making them like me
Devoid of a soul
Lifeless and empty
Cold
Nothing
SHE did this to me
She destroyed me
Susan brought back the OLD ME
The me I promised to never let back in
I hate her
I could have been fine
I could have been happy
I feel nothing
Nothing except this emptiness
I won’t fail this time
I won’t fail
DOUBLE HOMICIDE TURNED SUICIDE
A young man who committed a double homicide early last night ended up taking his own life less than three hours later. This man, Matt Braxton, had reportedly been discharged from the hospital a few weeks prior, after an attempted suicide. An old friend of the man said he had “emotional issues since adolescence, and had been put on medication to help him.” The victims, Susan Markel, and Peter Bringly, worked with Mr. Braxton. They had all been working at a health club that said it had “never received any notification of Matt’s condition, or any indications of conflict between the three employees.” Attempts to reach the family of the man failed. Recovered at the scene was Mr. Braxton’s private journal, which an anonymous person told the paper was “extremely disturbing.”