only one day left of play...
I wonder, I pray, I sleep alone, I cry alone, and its so hard livin here on my own, so please...
Tomorrow is the last day of the play, and that makes me happy and sad at the same time. I can't wait to have the free time to myself, and at the same time I will really miss the people.
I love the geology people, though, and they make for a good replacement! Structure took my ass's virginity today with the exam I took. Thats ok, because Kirk's cast party tomorrow will make up for it. And the geology boys, john and jordan, came to see me, which made me happy.
On the subject of Structure and Jordan, quality quote from him today regarding hte hell of structure. "And they wonder why geology majors are alcoholics." Amen brother. Of course feeling better now...wink wink.
Jami IMed me today and yelled at me for not calling when I was home. Do I ever yell at her about not calling me for the 8 months I am away at college, or the 4 months that I am home??? No, I accept what friendship I can get from her, our lives have changed a lot, and we have very little in common. But to bring Serena into it, too??? I hope Serena never thinks I hate her. Serena, if you ever read this, I love you. I love Jami, too. But she has said some hurtful things, and it hurts a lot. If you guys move away, maybe you'll handle it better than me, but I'll wait for then to see. Coming home and trying to hang out with high schoolers is so hard because I don';t know the stories, I haven't lived any parts of their lives, and its just hard. And I am not connected. And if that means that I am not a good friend, then I am sorry, but that is who I am, and I love you, and your pictures are hanging in my dorm room. I can do no more.
In other news, everyone has left for the GSA conference. I should be there now, minus Metamorphoses. There will be many more GSA's, but only one performance like this. Rockin' out the Black Box Theatre, sold out every night! (even standing room)
I remember last year, and the year before, and the excitement I used to feel about coming home. And I just don't feel that way anymore. My life is here now, and all that is left, besides Katie Lombardo (because if i didn;t mention her she'd kill me)...is memories. My home isn't Michigan. At least, not right now. Maybe someday it will be again...but right now, my activities, teh people I live with, my friends, and my life is here. It hurts to go home, because its not the same. I don't have the numerous, longstanding relationships, the backstories, the relationships, or the connection that I used to have. The connections that take years of daily interaction to create. And it doesn't feel like home. People who haven't left dont know. And people who have left, but have boys back home, understand both sides. In some ways it is worse because they have to live bay city and school. That's hard. Props to you. But never, never, accuse a person who has moved away of not keeping in touch...distance is a horrible thing to overcome, and sometimes it is just stronger than the ties that bind.
I am okay with all of this. I have home life, or the remnants of it. But that girl who conducted a band and rowed a boat, and swam, and for a small, mistaken part of her life, had a Bay City boy, and who wanted to represent Munger, and who wanted desperately to see all of her high school teachers and tell them what was up in her life...she doesn't really exist anymore. She was, and when she was, she was happy. But now she is a geology major, interested in naming drinks after geological terms, hangs out on the weekends with the single goal of getting money for beer and gettin up to go geology or theatre. She gets 5 hours of sleep, plays the field, goes on dates, and drinks Guiness. She sings for fun, and for the free vacation where the Laurentian singers become the Draurentian singers, for it is college, and you party just as hard as you study.
This is me. I love me. You should love me too. And if you don't, I'm sorry. But I'm not fake, I'm just different. We are shaped by our experiences, and the ones I have experienced have changed me.
Love to you all!!!
Tomorrow is the last day of the play, and that makes me happy and sad at the same time. I can't wait to have the free time to myself, and at the same time I will really miss the people.
I love the geology people, though, and they make for a good replacement! Structure took my ass's virginity today with the exam I took. Thats ok, because Kirk's cast party tomorrow will make up for it. And the geology boys, john and jordan, came to see me, which made me happy.
On the subject of Structure and Jordan, quality quote from him today regarding hte hell of structure. "And they wonder why geology majors are alcoholics." Amen brother. Of course feeling better now...wink wink.
Jami IMed me today and yelled at me for not calling when I was home. Do I ever yell at her about not calling me for the 8 months I am away at college, or the 4 months that I am home??? No, I accept what friendship I can get from her, our lives have changed a lot, and we have very little in common. But to bring Serena into it, too??? I hope Serena never thinks I hate her. Serena, if you ever read this, I love you. I love Jami, too. But she has said some hurtful things, and it hurts a lot. If you guys move away, maybe you'll handle it better than me, but I'll wait for then to see. Coming home and trying to hang out with high schoolers is so hard because I don';t know the stories, I haven't lived any parts of their lives, and its just hard. And I am not connected. And if that means that I am not a good friend, then I am sorry, but that is who I am, and I love you, and your pictures are hanging in my dorm room. I can do no more.
In other news, everyone has left for the GSA conference. I should be there now, minus Metamorphoses. There will be many more GSA's, but only one performance like this. Rockin' out the Black Box Theatre, sold out every night! (even standing room)
I remember last year, and the year before, and the excitement I used to feel about coming home. And I just don't feel that way anymore. My life is here now, and all that is left, besides Katie Lombardo (because if i didn;t mention her she'd kill me)...is memories. My home isn't Michigan. At least, not right now. Maybe someday it will be again...but right now, my activities, teh people I live with, my friends, and my life is here. It hurts to go home, because its not the same. I don't have the numerous, longstanding relationships, the backstories, the relationships, or the connection that I used to have. The connections that take years of daily interaction to create. And it doesn't feel like home. People who haven't left dont know. And people who have left, but have boys back home, understand both sides. In some ways it is worse because they have to live bay city and school. That's hard. Props to you. But never, never, accuse a person who has moved away of not keeping in touch...distance is a horrible thing to overcome, and sometimes it is just stronger than the ties that bind.
I am okay with all of this. I have home life, or the remnants of it. But that girl who conducted a band and rowed a boat, and swam, and for a small, mistaken part of her life, had a Bay City boy, and who wanted to represent Munger, and who wanted desperately to see all of her high school teachers and tell them what was up in her life...she doesn't really exist anymore. She was, and when she was, she was happy. But now she is a geology major, interested in naming drinks after geological terms, hangs out on the weekends with the single goal of getting money for beer and gettin up to go geology or theatre. She gets 5 hours of sleep, plays the field, goes on dates, and drinks Guiness. She sings for fun, and for the free vacation where the Laurentian singers become the Draurentian singers, for it is college, and you party just as hard as you study.
This is me. I love me. You should love me too. And if you don't, I'm sorry. But I'm not fake, I'm just different. We are shaped by our experiences, and the ones I have experienced have changed me.
Love to you all!!!