(no subject)
Kind of a long day yesterday, didn't get much time to sleep after work. Had to get up at 8 am, take N and E to Kuakini for a baby checkup. M was good to go get & drop off the car for us, though I was a little tweaked that she was running late and didn't call. Anyway, drove them over there & I took a much needed nap in the car while they had their short appointment.
Then got back to the apartment and took a nap 'til midday. Had lunch at Ruby Tuesday's with M. That was nice, but I sure wish we had more common ground other than work to talk about. I just get so tired of hearing about the same old subjects all of the time. Don't ask me to try to talk to her about it; I've tried, and it doesn't work.
Took M back to her place and lifted weights after that, then came back to the apartment. We all needed to do some grocery shopping, so after the fairly prolonged process of getting the baby ready :) we headed to Foodland and bought some stuff. Came back here and I made dinner, hung out with N and E, and talked to Jen on Yahoo before Salsa class. N told me some fun stories about how he and L cut school in 8th grade and would watch Airwolf and other shows. LOL!
I debated just hanging out at the apartment with them, but realized that I need to keep busy and get on with my life, like I have been doing. I'm still hoping for something that may---or may not happen, and no-matter-what it's not healthy to just be sitting around. So I went to Salsa class--there was not a lot of people there, but that gave us a chance to work on a particular step that we needed to practice.
Afterwards I went to Rumors to check out their Salsa night. M called me while I was there, wondering if we were still going out. I was kind of confused. I'd asked her before and she sounded very wishy-washy on it, so I hadn't brought it up again. I think she was disappointed, but I told her she didn't sound very excited about it, and there were other Salsa nights to go to if she wanted. Anyway, I only stayed about an hour, by 10 o'clock I was pretty well exhausted and came back to crash.
Today marks 3 months that L and D have been together. You could use May 15th as their "official" date, but I choose to use the first time, which I think is April 21st. I don't think we've gone more than about 5 days without talking to each other during this--or really since we met. Usually she will call, sometimes I've called or N has gotten something set up. She'll say she misses me, she still talks to me, she still sees possibilities for the future. But she's still sleeping and living over there with him. And it still hurts a lot, sometimes. Other times I can just lock it away and not think about it (or I feel relieved, or glad for at least a break from it while she figures things out). Because I don't understand what happened (or even what is happening), and I guess I may never understand. Every time it seems like I might have a chance to get her back, it fades again. The worst part is not knowing anything. Will she call again? When? Do I answer? How will she feel? What do I say? Does she still (claim to) be thinking of getting back together with me?
What can you say to someone that you want back into your life, who holds out that possibility, but will not tell you anything more?
Time to get back to keeping busy.
Then got back to the apartment and took a nap 'til midday. Had lunch at Ruby Tuesday's with M. That was nice, but I sure wish we had more common ground other than work to talk about. I just get so tired of hearing about the same old subjects all of the time. Don't ask me to try to talk to her about it; I've tried, and it doesn't work.
Took M back to her place and lifted weights after that, then came back to the apartment. We all needed to do some grocery shopping, so after the fairly prolonged process of getting the baby ready :) we headed to Foodland and bought some stuff. Came back here and I made dinner, hung out with N and E, and talked to Jen on Yahoo before Salsa class. N told me some fun stories about how he and L cut school in 8th grade and would watch Airwolf and other shows. LOL!
I debated just hanging out at the apartment with them, but realized that I need to keep busy and get on with my life, like I have been doing. I'm still hoping for something that may---or may not happen, and no-matter-what it's not healthy to just be sitting around. So I went to Salsa class--there was not a lot of people there, but that gave us a chance to work on a particular step that we needed to practice.
Afterwards I went to Rumors to check out their Salsa night. M called me while I was there, wondering if we were still going out. I was kind of confused. I'd asked her before and she sounded very wishy-washy on it, so I hadn't brought it up again. I think she was disappointed, but I told her she didn't sound very excited about it, and there were other Salsa nights to go to if she wanted. Anyway, I only stayed about an hour, by 10 o'clock I was pretty well exhausted and came back to crash.
Today marks 3 months that L and D have been together. You could use May 15th as their "official" date, but I choose to use the first time, which I think is April 21st. I don't think we've gone more than about 5 days without talking to each other during this--or really since we met. Usually she will call, sometimes I've called or N has gotten something set up. She'll say she misses me, she still talks to me, she still sees possibilities for the future. But she's still sleeping and living over there with him. And it still hurts a lot, sometimes. Other times I can just lock it away and not think about it (or I feel relieved, or glad for at least a break from it while she figures things out). Because I don't understand what happened (or even what is happening), and I guess I may never understand. Every time it seems like I might have a chance to get her back, it fades again. The worst part is not knowing anything. Will she call again? When? Do I answer? How will she feel? What do I say? Does she still (claim to) be thinking of getting back together with me?
What can you say to someone that you want back into your life, who holds out that possibility, but will not tell you anything more?
Time to get back to keeping busy.