Verra Bad Girl! :x
Oh lord! I'm being such a bad, bad girl tonight... ;.; I'm restless... I think it must be a full moon outside or something.. cause damn! xD Or maybe its cause I haven't been laid in a while.. blah! I dunno. That's never really bothered me before. :x Maybe I'm just restless and horny cause I've finally released that stressful breath I had been holding. Could say I have gotten tired of be a 'good girl' when that's not me at all... YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! xD My beloved friends.. :x You guys know I'm not Little Miss Do-Good. Lately I have been though... for reasons that most all you know.. but hey!! I'm tired of it. I got back into contact with an old friend... he's a wonderful person. I won't name names. All I will say it that he's a goofy, silly over grown lizard to whom I adore. Lol! I stayed away from him for the most part, cause I guess I was a little afraid.... His reputation isn't really one to admire, but the real him is so great. xD Although... I haven't really talked to him in a long time.. like.. about a year or so long time.. o.O I didn't really realize how long it had been... but oh well.. Lmao! I'm talking to him now, so its all good.
Yes. I'm more then just a little irritated about a current soldier. Granted, I love him.. but I'm getting REALLY freaking tired of the way he treats me. I realize he's in the military... and I realize that its sometimes hard to contact others... but damn! When the little fucker can't even send me a simple 'I love you, babe. Sorry I can't talk but I'll try to contact you later.'. What takes all of what... 2 seconds to type out?? Seriously.. and I know he gets on... but that's okay. He wants to play 'tag' and act like I don't exist when he's not right in front of me... we can play that game. As childish and stupid as it is! Why is it... that most guys seem to think that its all right to just set their girl to the side when they don't feel like dealing with the situation or them? Or even the relationship for that matter. No offence to the guys out there that actually know how to treat their women right. Y'know... perhaps that is exactly what I need to get. -.- A man! Instead of playing 'baby sitter' to these... well.. kids. Yea. He's only a year and some odd months younger then me... but we're vastly different when it comes to the age of our minds. I know!! I need a 27 year old! Lmao! Least... I think he's 27... -clucks tongue- I'll have to ask him. >.> At any rate.... I just felt like ranting a little... and some of you might not understand where I'm coming from... but one: He's still in the states. Two: He has time to keep in contact with others... I bet you anything that he's playing away on R.O.S.E Online and has completely forgotten that he even has a girlfriend till he happens to actually get on MySpace or something. Which I deleted mine... -shrug- I've no real use for it besides sending him comments. However! I'm tired of carrying this relationship on my own, so he either needs to step up or I'm stepping out.... I've already got my foot out the door. xD Which is why I don't mind flirting with anyone now. -sigh- Granted, I do feel bad if I stop to think about it... but once I look back over the year and a half that he's pushed me aside for one reason or another... the pain over rides the guilt and the will to protect the little pieces of my heart that I have left goes into over drive. I'm a loving, caring, devoted, understanding, loyal girl... Don't I deserve to be treated like I'm something to someone!? And I've fought for this till I couldn't anymore. Yea... I'm strong. All you know I am... I've proven that time and time again... Fighting off the demons of my past, having the will to still be able to smile even when I feel so bad... Some of you have gotten worried about me because of the depressive spells I have been going through the last few days... Hell! Last few weeks actually. I'm sorry that I've worried you... I really am. <333 I try to stay strong cause I know what is that I need to be... but its starting to get to me and I can't keep fighting for and nourishing this alone and he doesn't seem to be all that eager to stand up to the plate. So for the last good while now, actually, through most of the relationship... I have been swinging at balls without a bat and my body is now bruised. My heart aches and I would give anything to just have someone to hold me. Thing is.. if it doesn't work out with him and I... and it does all come crashing down. It will be final... and the next guy is going to have to work hard to get me. I'm never again to to tax myself on a lost cause. It'll either be 50-50 or none at all! Those of you that know from start till know about mine and his relationship are probably hoping, in some small part of your mind, that we will end. What is meant to be, will be... and I strongly believe that. Least I will have a better appreciation for a good guy, now. Blah!
Moving on! ........
I realized today, while talking to one of my friends.. Shazz.<3 That I have a 'fantasy', as it were... Least that is what I like to refer to him as anymore... That I seem to run to when things are at their worse cause I know he can build me back up.. and he doesn't even realize he's doing it. Actually... I didn't even realize he was doing it till I really started to think about it tonight. He wonderful, has always been wonderful... He's always treated me like I was the sweetest piece of candy imaginable and he's a little boy who hasn't had something sweet in a very long time. Lol! Kinda of an ironic way to put it, but oh well... He treats me like heaven and he'd just spend years in hell. Whether he actually feels that way about me or not... I don't really know. He's told me before that he really cares a lot about me, I think he even said the word 'love'... but silly, childish me... Believed the rumors flying around about him and it scared me. See... I don't like to share and a lot of girls want him. I don't know if he'd ever cheat, honestly, I don't think he could... but I'm a simple girl and when I see the types of girls that flock around him. That he's dated... I feel so small and pathetic. These girls are gorgeous! Simply gorgeous and he's a dream. A voice of a fallen angel set on earth to torment silly little girls like me.. Lol! Actually... he likes to call me his 'little girl'.. but that doesn't bother me. I don't really feel as if I have to prove myself to him.. but then again I do. Its kinda hard to explain. Half the time, I don't know how I really feel about that blasted man. Hell! I don't even know how he feels about me, to be honest. I know what he use to say... but I dunno about now.
Anyway.. uh.. umm... I think I gave away a lot in this entry... o.O Damn me and my tiredness! Not to mention that I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN ONE OF THESE STUPID THINGS! :x When I have room to write... I really write.. and things come out that probably shouldn't... but that's okay, I guess. Joo are all my friends and I LUFFS JOO ALL! <333333
Yes. I'm more then just a little irritated about a current soldier. Granted, I love him.. but I'm getting REALLY freaking tired of the way he treats me. I realize he's in the military... and I realize that its sometimes hard to contact others... but damn! When the little fucker can't even send me a simple 'I love you, babe. Sorry I can't talk but I'll try to contact you later.'. What takes all of what... 2 seconds to type out?? Seriously.. and I know he gets on... but that's okay. He wants to play 'tag' and act like I don't exist when he's not right in front of me... we can play that game. As childish and stupid as it is! Why is it... that most guys seem to think that its all right to just set their girl to the side when they don't feel like dealing with the situation or them? Or even the relationship for that matter. No offence to the guys out there that actually know how to treat their women right. Y'know... perhaps that is exactly what I need to get. -.- A man! Instead of playing 'baby sitter' to these... well.. kids. Yea. He's only a year and some odd months younger then me... but we're vastly different when it comes to the age of our minds. I know!! I need a 27 year old! Lmao! Least... I think he's 27... -clucks tongue- I'll have to ask him. >.> At any rate.... I just felt like ranting a little... and some of you might not understand where I'm coming from... but one: He's still in the states. Two: He has time to keep in contact with others... I bet you anything that he's playing away on R.O.S.E Online and has completely forgotten that he even has a girlfriend till he happens to actually get on MySpace or something. Which I deleted mine... -shrug- I've no real use for it besides sending him comments. However! I'm tired of carrying this relationship on my own, so he either needs to step up or I'm stepping out.... I've already got my foot out the door. xD Which is why I don't mind flirting with anyone now. -sigh- Granted, I do feel bad if I stop to think about it... but once I look back over the year and a half that he's pushed me aside for one reason or another... the pain over rides the guilt and the will to protect the little pieces of my heart that I have left goes into over drive. I'm a loving, caring, devoted, understanding, loyal girl... Don't I deserve to be treated like I'm something to someone!? And I've fought for this till I couldn't anymore. Yea... I'm strong. All you know I am... I've proven that time and time again... Fighting off the demons of my past, having the will to still be able to smile even when I feel so bad... Some of you have gotten worried about me because of the depressive spells I have been going through the last few days... Hell! Last few weeks actually. I'm sorry that I've worried you... I really am. <333 I try to stay strong cause I know what is that I need to be... but its starting to get to me and I can't keep fighting for and nourishing this alone and he doesn't seem to be all that eager to stand up to the plate. So for the last good while now, actually, through most of the relationship... I have been swinging at balls without a bat and my body is now bruised. My heart aches and I would give anything to just have someone to hold me. Thing is.. if it doesn't work out with him and I... and it does all come crashing down. It will be final... and the next guy is going to have to work hard to get me. I'm never again to to tax myself on a lost cause. It'll either be 50-50 or none at all! Those of you that know from start till know about mine and his relationship are probably hoping, in some small part of your mind, that we will end. What is meant to be, will be... and I strongly believe that. Least I will have a better appreciation for a good guy, now. Blah!
Moving on! ........
I realized today, while talking to one of my friends.. Shazz.<3 That I have a 'fantasy', as it were... Least that is what I like to refer to him as anymore... That I seem to run to when things are at their worse cause I know he can build me back up.. and he doesn't even realize he's doing it. Actually... I didn't even realize he was doing it till I really started to think about it tonight. He wonderful, has always been wonderful... He's always treated me like I was the sweetest piece of candy imaginable and he's a little boy who hasn't had something sweet in a very long time. Lol! Kinda of an ironic way to put it, but oh well... He treats me like heaven and he'd just spend years in hell. Whether he actually feels that way about me or not... I don't really know. He's told me before that he really cares a lot about me, I think he even said the word 'love'... but silly, childish me... Believed the rumors flying around about him and it scared me. See... I don't like to share and a lot of girls want him. I don't know if he'd ever cheat, honestly, I don't think he could... but I'm a simple girl and when I see the types of girls that flock around him. That he's dated... I feel so small and pathetic. These girls are gorgeous! Simply gorgeous and he's a dream. A voice of a fallen angel set on earth to torment silly little girls like me.. Lol! Actually... he likes to call me his 'little girl'.. but that doesn't bother me. I don't really feel as if I have to prove myself to him.. but then again I do. Its kinda hard to explain. Half the time, I don't know how I really feel about that blasted man. Hell! I don't even know how he feels about me, to be honest. I know what he use to say... but I dunno about now.
Anyway.. uh.. umm... I think I gave away a lot in this entry... o.O Damn me and my tiredness! Not to mention that I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN ONE OF THESE STUPID THINGS! :x When I have room to write... I really write.. and things come out that probably shouldn't... but that's okay, I guess. Joo are all my friends and I LUFFS JOO ALL! <333333
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