たぁの「2007年07月24日」日記翻訳2
勧誘を撃退②
いやホント、この台詞には頭きましたよ。
なんで僕が怒られているのか全く意味がわからない。
それどころか彼が何故こんなにも強気なのかさえミステリー。
アンタそんなに強気なら、営業所に帰って上司にその強気っぷりをいかんなく発揮すればいいのに。とさえ思わせる程。とにかく強気。
ジャイアンがあの性格のまま大人になったらおそらくこんな感じであろう。
で、こいつは文字通り、剛の者だなとか自分に座布団あげたくなるようなこと考えてたら、追い討ちをかけるような一言を発するのです。
「で、新聞とってくれるの？とってくれないの？」と。
コイツとは言語プログラムが違うのだろうか？結構です。と言っただろが。日本に居ながらにして言語の壁にぶちあたってしまった僕。困ってしまって泣き出したい気持ちを堪えもう一度言いました。
「いや、結構です」
それに対する大人ジャイアンの次の言葉は衝撃的なものでした。
「アンタ、結構ですじゃ分からねーよ。答えはYESかNOだろ。だから日本人はダメって言われるんだよ」
これには目眩を覚えたました。と同時に殺意すら覚えました。
次のライブの血糊の材料にしてやろうか。おい達郎、白衣持ってこい。
っていうか聞き捨てならないのは「だから日本人はダメ」発言。
僕は声を大にして言いたい。お前みたいなのがいるからダメなんだと。
「結構です」の意味を勉強してこい。テストにでるから。
とりあえず小３からやり直してこい。国語の教科書を愛しなさい。「走れメロス」を読め。泣けるから。
まぁそんな感じで流石に我が怒りもﾘﾐｯﾄﾌﾞﾚｲｸ。覇王丸もﾋﾞｯｸﾘする程の怒りｹﾞｰｼﾞMAX。
ﾊﾟﾄｶｰでﾍﾘを撃ち落とす勢いで猛り狂う僕。
さぁ反撃開始です。
玄関に転がるボロボロのスニーカー。こいつを手にして、取り引きを始めます。
「いいかよく聞け。このスニーカーを15万で買え。買わないなら新聞などいらん。いますぐ失せろ。」
これには流石の大人ジャイアンも意味が分からないといったご様子。
それもその筈、そのボロスニーカーには15万の価値はおろか15円の価値すらないことは誰の目にも明らか。
僕がいつもジョギングに愛用しているスニーカーで、年季は7年だ。
ジョギングで使うだけあって汗など凄く、見た目はボロボロ、匂いはムンムン。
このスニーカーの中に大豆を放置したなら３日で発酵、粘り豊かな納豆が完成するんじゃないだろうかっていうある意味至高の逸品だ。
そんな逸品を目の前に突き付けられ、更に15万円を要求される大人ジャイアン。
流石のゆとり教育が作り上げた日本の最終兵器も狼狽を隠せない。「結構です」の言葉すら出ない様子。
「結構です」の意味が理解できない貧相なジャイアン脳にもこのボロボロ腐臭スニーカーには15万の価値などないと理解出来たらしく
「い、いらないよ…こんなの…」と、やっと重い口を開く。
ほう、ハッキリNO！と言えるのか。なかなか見どころのある奴。
ならば更に攻めたてます。
効果的に攻める為にちょっとこの辺で温厚な態度を豹変させてみましょう。
「ウルァァ!!!!!!!!!!$%&%$#!!!!!俺の命のスニーカーをいらねぇだと!!!??親友の形見のスニーカーを馬鹿にしてんのか!!!!グラァァァッ!!!!!!?%$#!!」などと野人のような咆哮で威嚇、ヴォーカルとしての肺活量を悪用。ランボー怒りのアフガンと化した。
もはやジャイアン脳では何が起きているのか理解不能なご様子。
その後も、
「いま買わないと絶対に後悔する」
「これを履いて勧誘すれば営業成績が上がる」
「買わないと病気になる」
「買わないと結婚できない」
などなど、詐欺罪及び強迫罪での逮捕も辞さないといった覚悟で延々１０分くらいセールストークを続け、見事、新聞勧誘を撃退することに成功しました。
全くもって何が役に立つか分からないですね。
まぁとにかく俺は悪質勧誘に勝ったよ。エイドリアン。
Repelling the Solicitor (2)
No really, with these words, my mind is boggled.
I don't at all know the reason as to why I got angry.
On the contrary, if just why this guy was so stubborn, is even more of a mystery.
If you (referring to that guy) are this stubborn, it would've been better if you went back to your office and fully display that stubbornness of your's to your superiors...enough to consider it. Anyways, stubbornness.
If Gian (Doraemon character) were to grow up with that kind of personality, I'd think he'd probably be like this guy.
So, this guy is literally, one brave soul, after thinking about giving myself a cushion (to sit on), he uttered the final blow.
"So, gonna take it? Not gonna take it?" he said.
Is this guy's language program different? No thanks. Is what I said, but (he seems not to compute). Me, who ran into a language barrier that's not stirring/getting affected (meaning that guy is a meat-head...who is somehow not understanding Japanese) in Japan. Bothered by this, holding back the feelings of wanting to scream (at him), I said once more.
"No, thank you"
Contrarily, adult-form Gian's next words were shocking ones.
"You, if it's no thanks, I don't get it, ya know. Answers should be YES or NO, right. That's why Japanese people are said to be hopeless"
This, instilled in me giddiness/dizziness. At the same time, instilled even murderous intent.
Shall I make you the blood material for the next live? Hey, Tatsurou, bring some white clothes.
What was inexcusable was the utterance of "that's why Japanese people are hopeless".
I want to say this with a loud voice. I wanted to say, it's hopeless because we have people like you!
Study the meaning of "No thanks". Cuz it'll be on a test.
First of all, start all over from 3rd grade elementary onwards. Love your (native) language textbook. Read "Run, Meros". Cuz you'll cry.
Ah well, like that, as expected, my anger was also at it's limit break. Anger gage MAX to a level that even Haoumaru/Sabomaru would be surprised at.
Me, who is raging mad with enough force to knock down a helicopter with a patrol car.
Well then, commencement of retaliation/counterattack.
Worn-out sneakers tossed on the floor at the entrance. I took ahold of these, and started to make a deal.
"Alright, listen up. Buy these sneakers at 150,000 (yen). If you don't buy, then I don't want the stinkin' newspaper. Beat it now!"
It appears that adult-form Gian, as expected, didn't get what this meant either.
To no wonder, it's obvious in anyone's eyes that those worn-out sneakers weren't worth 15 yen let alone 150,000 yen.
Being my favorite pair of sneakers to go jogging in, it's serviced me for 7 years.
Just using it for jogging, there's a huge amount of sweat, etc, has an appearance of being worn-out, and reeks.
If you leave soybeans in these sneakers, it'd ferment in 3 days, a rarity with high value as something that makes you wonder if it doesn't make sticky & rich natto.
Adult-form Gian, with that rarity thrust in his face, furthermore was demanded to pay 150,000 yen for it.
As expected, even the last weapon based upon education of Japan, wouldn't be able to hide its confusion. It appears that "No thanks" is not going to come out.
Shady-looking Gian who can't comprehend the meaning of "no thanks", somewhere even in his brain, it seems he is able to comprehend that these worn-out stinking sneakers weren't worth 150,000 yen and
"Don't, don't want it...this crap..." he said, finally opening that heavy-set mouth.
Oo, so you're able to right-out say NO! huh?! A very promising fellow.
In that case, I'll attack again.
In order to attack effectively, let's just have a complete change from this gentle attitude at this point.
"Uryaaa!!!!!!!!!!$%&%$#!!!!! (swears) You're saying you don't want my life sneakers!!!?? Are looking down on these sneakers, my best friend's memento?!!!! Guaaa!!!!!!?%$#!! (swears)" and the like, I roared menacingly like a yeti, misuse of the lung capacity of a vocalist. I changed into a violently angry Afghan.
I'm in a state where I can't tell what the heck is going on in Gian's head now.
Even after that,
"If you don't buy it now, you're definitely gonna regret it"
"If you subscribe & invite others to subscribe, it'll raise business"
"If you don't buy it, you'll get sick"
"If you don't buy it, you can't get married" (major WTF moment, even if the salesman was talking about himself)
Etc etc, I said if you're not prepared for being arrested for fraud and coercion charges, continue your sales talk for about 10 minutes and be prepared, splendid, repelling the newspaper solicitor was a success.
There's no telling what is helpful, huh.
Ah well, anyways, I won the awful solicitor. Adrian.
いやホント、この台詞には頭きましたよ。
なんで僕が怒られているのか全く意味がわからない。
それどころか彼が何故こんなにも強気なのかさえミステリー。
アンタそんなに強気なら、営業所に帰って上司にその強気っぷりをいかんなく発揮すればいいのに。とさえ思わせる程。とにかく強気。
ジャイアンがあの性格のまま大人になったらおそらくこんな感じであろう。
で、こいつは文字通り、剛の者だなとか自分に座布団あげたくなるようなこと考えてたら、追い討ちをかけるような一言を発するのです。
「で、新聞とってくれるの？とってくれないの？」と。
コイツとは言語プログラムが違うのだろうか？結構です。と言っただろが。日本に居ながらにして言語の壁にぶちあたってしまった僕。困ってしまって泣き出したい気持ちを堪えもう一度言いました。
「いや、結構です」
それに対する大人ジャイアンの次の言葉は衝撃的なものでした。
「アンタ、結構ですじゃ分からねーよ。答えはYESかNOだろ。だから日本人はダメって言われるんだよ」
これには目眩を覚えたました。と同時に殺意すら覚えました。
次のライブの血糊の材料にしてやろうか。おい達郎、白衣持ってこい。
っていうか聞き捨てならないのは「だから日本人はダメ」発言。
僕は声を大にして言いたい。お前みたいなのがいるからダメなんだと。
「結構です」の意味を勉強してこい。テストにでるから。
とりあえず小３からやり直してこい。国語の教科書を愛しなさい。「走れメロス」を読め。泣けるから。
まぁそんな感じで流石に我が怒りもﾘﾐｯﾄﾌﾞﾚｲｸ。覇王丸もﾋﾞｯｸﾘする程の怒りｹﾞｰｼﾞMAX。
ﾊﾟﾄｶｰでﾍﾘを撃ち落とす勢いで猛り狂う僕。
さぁ反撃開始です。
玄関に転がるボロボロのスニーカー。こいつを手にして、取り引きを始めます。
「いいかよく聞け。このスニーカーを15万で買え。買わないなら新聞などいらん。いますぐ失せろ。」
これには流石の大人ジャイアンも意味が分からないといったご様子。
それもその筈、そのボロスニーカーには15万の価値はおろか15円の価値すらないことは誰の目にも明らか。
僕がいつもジョギングに愛用しているスニーカーで、年季は7年だ。
ジョギングで使うだけあって汗など凄く、見た目はボロボロ、匂いはムンムン。
このスニーカーの中に大豆を放置したなら３日で発酵、粘り豊かな納豆が完成するんじゃないだろうかっていうある意味至高の逸品だ。
そんな逸品を目の前に突き付けられ、更に15万円を要求される大人ジャイアン。
流石のゆとり教育が作り上げた日本の最終兵器も狼狽を隠せない。「結構です」の言葉すら出ない様子。
「結構です」の意味が理解できない貧相なジャイアン脳にもこのボロボロ腐臭スニーカーには15万の価値などないと理解出来たらしく
「い、いらないよ…こんなの…」と、やっと重い口を開く。
ほう、ハッキリNO！と言えるのか。なかなか見どころのある奴。
ならば更に攻めたてます。
効果的に攻める為にちょっとこの辺で温厚な態度を豹変させてみましょう。
「ウルァァ!!!!!!!!!!$%&%$#!!!!!俺の命のスニーカーをいらねぇだと!!!??親友の形見のスニーカーを馬鹿にしてんのか!!!!グラァァァッ!!!!!!?%$#!!」などと野人のような咆哮で威嚇、ヴォーカルとしての肺活量を悪用。ランボー怒りのアフガンと化した。
もはやジャイアン脳では何が起きているのか理解不能なご様子。
その後も、
「いま買わないと絶対に後悔する」
「これを履いて勧誘すれば営業成績が上がる」
「買わないと病気になる」
「買わないと結婚できない」
などなど、詐欺罪及び強迫罪での逮捕も辞さないといった覚悟で延々１０分くらいセールストークを続け、見事、新聞勧誘を撃退することに成功しました。
全くもって何が役に立つか分からないですね。
まぁとにかく俺は悪質勧誘に勝ったよ。エイドリアン。
Repelling the Solicitor (2)
No really, with these words, my mind is boggled.
I don't at all know the reason as to why I got angry.
On the contrary, if just why this guy was so stubborn, is even more of a mystery.
If you (referring to that guy) are this stubborn, it would've been better if you went back to your office and fully display that stubbornness of your's to your superiors...enough to consider it. Anyways, stubbornness.
If Gian (Doraemon character) were to grow up with that kind of personality, I'd think he'd probably be like this guy.
So, this guy is literally, one brave soul, after thinking about giving myself a cushion (to sit on), he uttered the final blow.
"So, gonna take it? Not gonna take it?" he said.
Is this guy's language program different? No thanks. Is what I said, but (he seems not to compute). Me, who ran into a language barrier that's not stirring/getting affected (meaning that guy is a meat-head...who is somehow not understanding Japanese) in Japan. Bothered by this, holding back the feelings of wanting to scream (at him), I said once more.
"No, thank you"
Contrarily, adult-form Gian's next words were shocking ones.
"You, if it's no thanks, I don't get it, ya know. Answers should be YES or NO, right. That's why Japanese people are said to be hopeless"
This, instilled in me giddiness/dizziness. At the same time, instilled even murderous intent.
Shall I make you the blood material for the next live? Hey, Tatsurou, bring some white clothes.
What was inexcusable was the utterance of "that's why Japanese people are hopeless".
I want to say this with a loud voice. I wanted to say, it's hopeless because we have people like you!
Study the meaning of "No thanks". Cuz it'll be on a test.
First of all, start all over from 3rd grade elementary onwards. Love your (native) language textbook. Read "Run, Meros". Cuz you'll cry.
Ah well, like that, as expected, my anger was also at it's limit break. Anger gage MAX to a level that even Haoumaru/Sabomaru would be surprised at.
Me, who is raging mad with enough force to knock down a helicopter with a patrol car.
Well then, commencement of retaliation/counterattack.
Worn-out sneakers tossed on the floor at the entrance. I took ahold of these, and started to make a deal.
"Alright, listen up. Buy these sneakers at 150,000 (yen). If you don't buy, then I don't want the stinkin' newspaper. Beat it now!"
It appears that adult-form Gian, as expected, didn't get what this meant either.
To no wonder, it's obvious in anyone's eyes that those worn-out sneakers weren't worth 15 yen let alone 150,000 yen.
Being my favorite pair of sneakers to go jogging in, it's serviced me for 7 years.
Just using it for jogging, there's a huge amount of sweat, etc, has an appearance of being worn-out, and reeks.
If you leave soybeans in these sneakers, it'd ferment in 3 days, a rarity with high value as something that makes you wonder if it doesn't make sticky & rich natto.
Adult-form Gian, with that rarity thrust in his face, furthermore was demanded to pay 150,000 yen for it.
As expected, even the last weapon based upon education of Japan, wouldn't be able to hide its confusion. It appears that "No thanks" is not going to come out.
Shady-looking Gian who can't comprehend the meaning of "no thanks", somewhere even in his brain, it seems he is able to comprehend that these worn-out stinking sneakers weren't worth 150,000 yen and
"Don't, don't want it...this crap..." he said, finally opening that heavy-set mouth.
Oo, so you're able to right-out say NO! huh?! A very promising fellow.
In that case, I'll attack again.
In order to attack effectively, let's just have a complete change from this gentle attitude at this point.
"Uryaaa!!!!!!!!!!$%&%$#!!!!! (swears) You're saying you don't want my life sneakers!!!?? Are looking down on these sneakers, my best friend's memento?!!!! Guaaa!!!!!!?%$#!! (swears)" and the like, I roared menacingly like a yeti, misuse of the lung capacity of a vocalist. I changed into a violently angry Afghan.
I'm in a state where I can't tell what the heck is going on in Gian's head now.
Even after that,
"If you don't buy it now, you're definitely gonna regret it"
"If you subscribe & invite others to subscribe, it'll raise business"
"If you don't buy it, you'll get sick"
"If you don't buy it, you can't get married" (major WTF moment, even if the salesman was talking about himself)
Etc etc, I said if you're not prepared for being arrested for fraud and coercion charges, continue your sales talk for about 10 minutes and be prepared, splendid, repelling the newspaper solicitor was a success.
There's no telling what is helpful, huh.
Ah well, anyways, I won the awful solicitor. Adrian.