Urgh.
I don't know if I should be posting any of this, but maybe there really is something wrong with me. I sincerely believe I have this internal dilemma that I am not satisfied with anything I have. I honestly believe I am not to be happy, not because life hates me and I never get what I want and all that other emo bull crap, but because I do get everything I want and it just does not fill me. I suppose not being happy with it is not truly the whole reason, it's more like I am happy with it...but after a while I just don't know what happens. Maybe I get bored, maybe I just need a different feeling. Maybe not so much that I don't appreciate it, I just need a different feeling. I do feel like I am right, and he is wrong. Everything was just great in the beginning, it always is. And now, I don't even know. He just doesn't get it, and he never will. To be quite honest, every single thing that has happened to him, he had it coming, and he always complains that it is everyone else's fault. There is nothing that can be done about that. People will never change. I can't help the way I feel, but can you blame me? All we do is argue about everything. Then he rants on how I don't want the relationship to work, but in reality he seems to instigate everything against it. I refuse to keep pretending everything is honkie dory. But every time I try to explain it to other people they always side with them. Why do they always side with them? Same thing happened in all my other relationships. Why do they always make feel like I'm the best person in the whole wide world and then turn around and make me sound like the evil bitch in front of everyone else. I swear it's just guys in general. I don't deserve any of this. Maybe that's what it is, I feel like I deserve better, therefore I think nothing will ever be enough. I mean, I am a prisoner in my own home, not allowed to do anything but just sit and do chores. Of course he can do anything he wants to do. And then when I talk to him about anything I feel, he turns it around on me and talks about how I do the same...REALLY?! FUCK I am so sick of the same invalid argument every single time! are you pulling me up are you pushing me down or are you slowly drowning me? Tell me, I would love to know. Everyone that knows us, thinks we are this perfect couple that never has any problems. Oh if only that were true. There are so many things I wish I could say to him but..
This conversation always ends with goodbye.
You're standing here behind the door,
you're waiting with your rope.
Maybe you just have to sleep
in someone else's bed.
Maybe you just have to keep
searching for something
better than perfect, which you know will never exist.
It's cut and dried.
There's no defense like a good offense, you know this.
The clock is running down on me,
there's no way I can win.
Maybe you just have to sleep
in someone else's bed.
Maybe you just have to keep
searching for something
better than perfect, which you know will never exist.
It's cut and dried.
I've known this all along.
I loved you anyways,
despite all your deceit.
Think about if you had been faithful,
how I would have felt.
Now all we have left are bodies and words.
I can't be a boy forever!
Maybe you just have to sleep
in someone else's bed.
Maybe you just have to keep
searching for something
better than perfect, which you know will never exist.
It's cut and dried.