(no subject)
So I find myself in a very strange place now… I felt like I was just starting to sink into a good groove and had a handle on things but now I see that is not the case. I feel something different now, and its as blatantly obvious as possible. I feel that I am not only expected but required by both myself and my peers to perform at a higher level. I feel like overnight I need to be faster, to know more, to have more snap, better balance, better technique, better understanding and more humility. I feel like everything I’ve accomplished, shown and been able to do no longer counts for much and that it was just all ante` to come to the new table and play the new game. The Irony is that I don’t feel this pressure so much from other people as much I feel it from myself. I almost subconsciously demand that I pick it up a notch and that I ascend to play at this new higher standard. And I will, somehow I’ll do whatever it takes to become better overnight, I’ll transcend and rise to the occasion if it kills me to do so. I believe the seeds have already been planted and have been growing for some time and now its just time to let the crop ripen and see what’s really there.
It’s so strange though, because I haven’t even been promoted yet, yet I feel like everything that I do now all of a sudden isn’t good enough anymore. The same punches, the same kicks, forms and moves are no longer up to par. The bar has been raised and everything else has to rise to meet it… I don’t think the transition is supposed to be such a bid deal or that its supposed to hit so hard and evoke such a reaction from me, but I feel it physically every bit as I’ve ever felt anything and I know I can play at this new level, I’ve just got to pull it all together. I started getting this feeling early this week and yesterday it really started to mature. I’m not longer expected to just be learning something, I’m expected to really have something as well to now. And those are some big shoes to fill.
In Haidong Gumdo it was a bit different, I never felt this sort of pressure to fill shoes, to become something, to transcend. In Haidong thing just slowly built and built and one day they just clicked and everything came together and I realized that I did have something, It was when I was practicing Shimsang dozens of times per day getting ready for the test a month in advance. Things just clicked, my feelings, my movements, my understanding, all of it. Though there was no pressure for it, there was no dire need, there was only my Ernest desire to train and hunger to learn everything possible coupled with the time and work put in. But with Tang Soo Do, its different. There are all of those same driving forces and factors but it feels as if there is much more at steak, mainly in principle but also because of other things. Honestly though I am thankful for the pressure, I am thankful that all of this has happened, because I was improving before but now I’m Striving to improve to meet this new standard and I am very confident it will help me exponentially in the long run.
And talking about something that isn’t Karate related, haha... Something really awesome is happening in my life, something that feels quite legitimate. I only hope that it continues to progress and really leads somewhere. It’d be really nice if this thing ended up being and meaning more than just a passing whim, though I already think it has the potential to go somewhere : )
It’s so strange though, because I haven’t even been promoted yet, yet I feel like everything that I do now all of a sudden isn’t good enough anymore. The same punches, the same kicks, forms and moves are no longer up to par. The bar has been raised and everything else has to rise to meet it… I don’t think the transition is supposed to be such a bid deal or that its supposed to hit so hard and evoke such a reaction from me, but I feel it physically every bit as I’ve ever felt anything and I know I can play at this new level, I’ve just got to pull it all together. I started getting this feeling early this week and yesterday it really started to mature. I’m not longer expected to just be learning something, I’m expected to really have something as well to now. And those are some big shoes to fill.
In Haidong Gumdo it was a bit different, I never felt this sort of pressure to fill shoes, to become something, to transcend. In Haidong thing just slowly built and built and one day they just clicked and everything came together and I realized that I did have something, It was when I was practicing Shimsang dozens of times per day getting ready for the test a month in advance. Things just clicked, my feelings, my movements, my understanding, all of it. Though there was no pressure for it, there was no dire need, there was only my Ernest desire to train and hunger to learn everything possible coupled with the time and work put in. But with Tang Soo Do, its different. There are all of those same driving forces and factors but it feels as if there is much more at steak, mainly in principle but also because of other things. Honestly though I am thankful for the pressure, I am thankful that all of this has happened, because I was improving before but now I’m Striving to improve to meet this new standard and I am very confident it will help me exponentially in the long run.
And talking about something that isn’t Karate related, haha... Something really awesome is happening in my life, something that feels quite legitimate. I only hope that it continues to progress and really leads somewhere. It’d be really nice if this thing ended up being and meaning more than just a passing whim, though I already think it has the potential to go somewhere : )