Just to reiterate....
Forgive me, dear one....
I am still a child in so many ways, and I can't begin to imagine how I could make it without him here, as bad as it is. Convenience, of course, but also blatant need. I need the help, physically, financially.... mentally and emotionally don't really seem to matter all that much right now.
God, I wish I weren't such a screw-up.
Right now, my GPA has gone to absolute shit
I have an F in class RIGHT NOW
I am a failure there
I can't support my kids without a loser like him here.
I am a failure as a parent.
I can't move ahead in my job because of my lack of education.
I am a failure in my job.
I can't maintain vows I took.
I am a failure as a wife.
I can't manage to keep the only good thing (other than my kids) that I have in my life, within tangible reach.
I am a failure here as well.
It is my failing because I had control over the situation, and because I failed to maintain control of emotions and circumstances in which I should have, this is what it is.
My intuition was screaming at me, and I chose to ignore it. I have found that every time I have ignored my instincts, I have made a grave mistake.
I knew there was something there, but I chose to brush it off as paranoia.
Stupid me.
I fail again.
I am beginning to see a pattern.
Each time I have done what I instinctively known I should, I have always been right.
Each time I have failed to heed the .... warning...sign...whatever term you put on it.... I have been wrong.
I do mean EVERY time.
I don't claim to have control over everything...far from it.
But in certain situations, I do have control, and I know it. Sometimes I try to blow it off, but I am finding more and more that it is the wrong thing to do because something is telling me otherwise.
In reflection, I can see clearly that it was in my control, and I was weak or stupid or both, and I failed.
I failed myself and any that were involved.
Whether or not you choose to acknowledge it is beyond my control, obviously, but the fact is, I have failed you.
Hell, I was born a disgrace and failure, wasn't I?
Enough with the pity party.
I am a screw-up.
The End.
I am still a child in so many ways, and I can't begin to imagine how I could make it without him here, as bad as it is. Convenience, of course, but also blatant need. I need the help, physically, financially.... mentally and emotionally don't really seem to matter all that much right now.
God, I wish I weren't such a screw-up.
Right now, my GPA has gone to absolute shit
I have an F in class RIGHT NOW
I am a failure there
I can't support my kids without a loser like him here.
I am a failure as a parent.
I can't move ahead in my job because of my lack of education.
I am a failure in my job.
I can't maintain vows I took.
I am a failure as a wife.
I can't manage to keep the only good thing (other than my kids) that I have in my life, within tangible reach.
I am a failure here as well.
It is my failing because I had control over the situation, and because I failed to maintain control of emotions and circumstances in which I should have, this is what it is.
My intuition was screaming at me, and I chose to ignore it. I have found that every time I have ignored my instincts, I have made a grave mistake.
I knew there was something there, but I chose to brush it off as paranoia.
Stupid me.
I fail again.
I am beginning to see a pattern.
Each time I have done what I instinctively known I should, I have always been right.
Each time I have failed to heed the .... warning...sign...whatever term you put on it.... I have been wrong.
I do mean EVERY time.
I don't claim to have control over everything...far from it.
But in certain situations, I do have control, and I know it. Sometimes I try to blow it off, but I am finding more and more that it is the wrong thing to do because something is telling me otherwise.
In reflection, I can see clearly that it was in my control, and I was weak or stupid or both, and I failed.
I failed myself and any that were involved.
Whether or not you choose to acknowledge it is beyond my control, obviously, but the fact is, I have failed you.
Hell, I was born a disgrace and failure, wasn't I?
Enough with the pity party.
I am a screw-up.
The End.