I want to feel you from the inside...
I was looking at Nikki's journal, and I saw a link to a personality disorder test. I was bored, so I clicked and filled it out. Below are the results.
Paranoid- High
Schizoid- High
Schizotypal- Very High
Antisocial- Moderate
Borderline- Very High
Histrionic- Moderate
Narcissistic- High
Avoidant- High
Dependent- Low
Obsessive-Compulsive- Moderate
I read through the descriptions of these and honestly I was shocked. It really opened my eyes to how I am. Most of the things I scored High and Very High on, describe me perfectly. I honestly am *somewhat* worried. I have never been REALLY worried before, so only somewhat. I told mim about it and she just started laughing. That was probably the closest thing to asking for help because I have a problem, and she FUCKING LAUGHED! She said that it's all in my head, said that I can change, said that I am like this on purpose. DAMMIT! THere is something fucking wrong with me and she is not helping one mother fucking bit! I think I'm just going to break down soon. Even though people read this, I still feel like it's private, and something for me. I think I put up a happiness font a lot, when deep down I am miserable. I should have gone to my mother, but she would just freak. Don't they fucking know this stems from emotional damage?! My fucking childhood royally screwed me up. I will be the first to admit that. I can't talk to anyone about it. They'll just laugh. I need help...*sigh*
They don't realise that in the past I have been suicidal. All those pills I take? I don't have that many headaches. The small scars on my arms? My dog isn't that violent. I am. This is my wake-up call, but I just can't answer it. My happiness front has been around for so long that no one believes me when I say that I am depressed. They think it is a thing for attention. I don't want their fucking attention. I want their help. I want their support. I need their support...
Paranoid- High
Schizoid- High
Schizotypal- Very High
Antisocial- Moderate
Borderline- Very High
Histrionic- Moderate
Narcissistic- High
Avoidant- High
Dependent- Low
Obsessive-Compulsive- Moderate
I read through the descriptions of these and honestly I was shocked. It really opened my eyes to how I am. Most of the things I scored High and Very High on, describe me perfectly. I honestly am *somewhat* worried. I have never been REALLY worried before, so only somewhat. I told mim about it and she just started laughing. That was probably the closest thing to asking for help because I have a problem, and she FUCKING LAUGHED! She said that it's all in my head, said that I can change, said that I am like this on purpose. DAMMIT! THere is something fucking wrong with me and she is not helping one mother fucking bit! I think I'm just going to break down soon. Even though people read this, I still feel like it's private, and something for me. I think I put up a happiness font a lot, when deep down I am miserable. I should have gone to my mother, but she would just freak. Don't they fucking know this stems from emotional damage?! My fucking childhood royally screwed me up. I will be the first to admit that. I can't talk to anyone about it. They'll just laugh. I need help...*sigh*
They don't realise that in the past I have been suicidal. All those pills I take? I don't have that many headaches. The small scars on my arms? My dog isn't that violent. I am. This is my wake-up call, but I just can't answer it. My happiness front has been around for so long that no one believes me when I say that I am depressed. They think it is a thing for attention. I don't want their fucking attention. I want their help. I want their support. I need their support...