Supernatural Fic - Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch...
Title: Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch... (The Less Epic of the Angel/Winchester Romances Simmers)
Rating: R for language and sexual themes
Word Count: 2,500 combined
Spoilers: Vague through 5.22
Pairing: Sam/Gabriel
Notes: Three separate short fics featuring Sam/Gabriel. They're not connected, except by Sam's pissiness and Gabriel's charming dickishness and my own perception of the ship. All were written for x_shorty1013_x over the past few weeks--two at comment_fic and one on Twitter.
Summary:
1) First Sam and Gabriel are creeping on a county fair and passive-aggressively eating ice cream.
2) Then there's sex. Sorta.
3) And then Sam meets the kids. Well, a kid. A really fucking huge sea-serpent of a kid.
--
Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch...
(The Less Epic of the Angel/Winchester Romances Simmers)
--
adams county fair at five-thirty in the afternoon
Prompt: Supernatural, Sam/Gabriel, melting ice cream and dripping chocolate sauce.
--
"Castiel doesn't eat unless Dean makes him," Sam says.
"That's because Cassy's a traditionalist," Gabriel replies, slurping at the edge of his sugar cone where melted ice cream has begun to pool. "Technically we're supposed to be able to subsist entirely on Heaven's inexhaustible Grace."
Sam thinks about this for a minute, watching screaming kids run by and the tilt-a-whirl finish a cycle. "What's that like?"
Gabriel shrugs. "It's okay. Like the way that having oatmeal for breakfast every day is okay. As long as you never have anything else, you think oatmeal's pretty great."
"But one day you found your way into some belgian waffles and never looked back?" Sam grins, stealing a glance at Gabriel out of the corner of his eye.
The archangel lathes his ice cream with his tongue and smirks. "Something like that."
A few yards away a boy who had been trying to steal his sister's midway prize trips over a suddenly-appearing cable, faceplants into the dirt, and lets out a wail. Gabriel's expression of delight leaves Sam pretty certain that he was behind the fall. Sam clears his throat disapprovingly. Gabe has the decency to look a little contrite.
"So..." Sam says after a few more minutes of people-watching at the tiny county fair, "I've yet to figure out why you drag me to the places you do."
Gabriel laughs. "No ulterior motive on this one, Sammy. I just like the homemade butter pecan. They've been making it this way since '48, and nothing else is quite like it."
"Oh," Sam says. He’d been a bit too suspicious to get any himself. He and Gabriel had reached some sort of uneasy truce not long after they'd both found themselves walking the earth once more, apparently the recipients of divine favor for what seemed to both of them to be the first time in forever. But Gabriel had seemed to take a liking to the younger Winchester, much to the chagrin of Dean and Castiel, and had of late begun whisking him away on various adventures. Sam was starting to find it fun, starting to believe this actually was Gabriel just being nice and not some elaborate trick that'd end in anger and hurt. Sometimes he just couldn't let go of all of that distrust, though, and when Gabe had offered to buy him some ice cream he'd refused on the principle of the thing.
Although he'd rather die than admit it, he's kind of ruing that decision now. It'd been forever since he'd had a treat that wasn’t produced in a crappy diner, and frankly, if there was anything he trusted Gabriel on, it was that the archangel knew where to find the good stuff. But to cave means to reveal that the reason he said no in the first place was because he'd been suspicious of Gabriel's motives, and for some reason that bothers him.
"You wanna try some?" Gabriel asks, as if on cue, holding out what's left of the cone.
Sam makes a face. "What? No. It's all...covered in your spit and all."
Gabe huffs out a laugh. "Oh, is that all?"
Before Sam has a chance to react, Gabriel's got the fingers of his free hand in Sam's hair and is pulling him down into a quick kiss. His mouth is cold and sweet and slightly sticky, and Sam should reasonably find it a hell of a lot grosser than he actually does.
There's this moment afterward, when Gabriel is looking up at him like he can't believe he just did that, that Sam realizes is a forked path. He's never sure later if he took the easy way or not when he snorts and snags the cone from Gabriel, saying "Well then! I guess it doesn't matter now," and taking a huge lick. (It really is quite good, he realizes.)
Gabriel lights up like it's Christmas. He lets Sam finish the entire cone and doesn't even balk. They walk around the fair for a while longer, and Sam is surprised by how okay he is with this whole thing.
"Hey, Sam, let's go on the tilt-a-whirl!"
"Absolutely not."
"Ferris wheel?"
"No."
"...fun house?"
"Like hell."
Gabriel facepalms. "Oh my god, how did I end up with the most boring human ever?"
Sam pops the last bite of Gabriel's cone into his mouth and smirks.
(They're still a work in progress, that's for sure.)
-------------
good karma, baby
Prompt: @pyrebi - Oh lord, my mind went to all sorts of naughty places related to lip biting. *headcouch* Gabriel biting Sam's lip, Dean biting Cas... (4:59 AM Jun 14th via web in reply to pyrebi)
--
To be fair, Sam puts out pretty easy most of the time. But it's Gabriel--the Trickster--and Sam'd learned his lesson about sleeping with the enemy after Ruby, so it takes a hell of a long time before Gabriel proves himself enough of a good guy to earn Sam's trust.
Straddling the kid in the passenger seat of the Impala, he remarks upon this with a half-bitter, "So if I collect enough brownie points, can I redeem 'em for a blowjob?"
"Something like that," Sam agrees, putting those huge mitts of his on either side of Gabriel's head and kissing him quick and dirty. Sam likes it rough, which is not something Gabriel would've guessed outta the bleeding heart, but hey, he likes surprises.
And the way Sam's lifting his hips to grind against Gabriel's ass? Definitely a surprise.
Then the kid goes in to kiss him again, and it's hot and mean, Sam's tongue forcing its way into Gabriel's mouth, doing whatever the hell it wants to before Gabriel himself is even able to think about mounting a defense. Then Sam's pulling back, pulling away, but Gabriel's not done yet. He catches Sam's bottom lip between his teeth, bites hard enough to remind Sam that, uh, hey, archangel here, this isn't just the Sam Winchester Is Horny Show.
Sam groans sharply, pulls a bit to feel Gabriel's teeth more. Gabriel takes the opportunity to suck Sam's lip into his mouth a little, lick at the marks he just made on it, press against the sensitive flesh. Sam rocks up against him, hands sliding down to slip under Gabriel's shirt, fingertips clutching hard enough at the soft skin there to bruise anybody who didn't happen to be divine.
Gabriel gives one last good nip as he wriggles down onto Sam, eliciting the most delicious grunt he's ever heard, then releases the kid's lip. Sam leans back, caged by Gabriel's arms where the archangel has been clutching the back of the seat for support, and his expression is a small part surprise and a huge part absolute lust.
"That's gonna cost you a couple points," he says, voice dark and heated.
"Oh damn," Gabriel retorts, and he will deny forever that he totally also sounds strung-out on desire. "Do I still have enough for that blowjob?"
Sam's hips keep up their staccato rhythm against Gabriel as he smirks, the action drawing Gabriel's attention straight back to his red and swollen lower lip. "Dunno, you might have to do me a favor first."
Oh yeah, and just to show you how much of a good guy Gabriel's really becoming, he finds he doesn't really mind that prospect.
------------
sam gets fun kennings like angel-bedder and serpent-insulter
Prompt: Supernatural, Sam/Gabriel + Jörmungandr, Sam doesn't speak sea-serpent, but he does his best.
--
Really, it's Sam's own fault that he ends up in the middle of the ocean in a distinctly unseaworthy dinghy. He had never learned to just leave things well enough alone. Thus, when he'd decided that he wanted to know more about the dude he'd been sleeping with (ridiculously often, in really fun and creative ways...), and Gabriel'd said "I really don't think you do," Sam had raised the banner and charged off into war.
"No, seriously," he'd frowned. "I think I deserve to know about your past."
Gabriel had given him a dubious look from where he was rooting through the room's minifridge, stark naked. That's the thing with Gabriel--he's pretty much entirely shameless, which is probably why he'd figured he could give Sam the runaround not ten minutes after fucking him six ways to Sunday. "That's awful funny coming from you, Sammy. Weren't you the one who had a live-in girlfriend you were gonna marry without ever mentioning that you used to waste Casper on a regular basis?"
"Yeah, and I learned my lesson from that experience," Sam had bitched.
"Right, sure, silly me. Aaaaanyway, I'm gonna pass on the heart-to-heart," Gabriel'd drawled, pulling out some of Dean's leftovers and sniffing them before wincing theatrically and shoving them back.
"Gabriel," Sam had glowered.
"Ah, time to make my great escape, it seems," the archangel had grimaced.
Sam had growled "this isn't over!" as Gabriel had snapped away. And it hadn't been. Every time Gabriel had deemed to reappear, Sam had managed to bring it up.
Sam Winchester is nothing if not tenacious.
Finally, Gabriel had thrown in the towel. "Fine! But we're doing this my way. And my way? Show and tell, kid."
Which is how Sam finds himself half-drenched in saltwater mere minutes later while Gabriel cheerfully rows between the swelling waves. Sam's busy clinging to his benchseat with white knuckles while the dinghy is buffeted to and fro.
"Here we are!" Gabriel chirps. How the hell he knows where here is escapes Sam, because everything looks exactly the same in every direction: gunmetal-grey water surging up to gunmetal-grey clouds infinitely. But this is apparently "the spot," because Gabriel puts two fingers in his mouth and whistles loudly.
For a long moment, nothing happens. Then the sea starts churning--and not that normal sort of churning it'd been doing up to this point, but the really awful sort that means something terrible is about to happen. A huge black shadow is growing bigger and bigger just under the murky surface of the water, and Sam feels that thrill of terror he usually gets when he's pretty sure he's gonna die.
Some ways away, a wave explodes into a massive dark serpentine head. The head is followed by a neck--a neck that keeps going and going and going and...oh shit. Shit shit shit. That thing is impossibly big and Sam doesn't even have a proper firearm on him, just a hunting knife, and he's not even sure that'd pierce its scales.
The ripples from the monster's rising rock the boat, and Sam's pretty much paralyzed.
"Hey, bud!" Gabriel calls over the distance, and if Sam had any control over his limbs at this point he'd smack him.
The sea serpent swivels to look in their general direction, water pouring down the great length of its head and neck. As it starts twisting closer to them, it opens its vast mouth and makes this shrieking gurgling noise that fills the entire sky.
Gabriel beams. "How's my big guy, huh? Oil spills not getting you down, I hope?"
The monster makes a deafening screeching sound. Gabriel shoots a glance at Sam, then turns back to the approaching serpent. "Oh, him? No, you don't get to eat him. That's my job. Regularly."
A high-pitched warble burbles out of the monstrous beast as it finally reaches their dinghy.
"Oh, you're very cute," Gabriel snorts. "No, you can't call him Daddy Two."
"Oh ha ha," Sam says weakly. Both Gabriel and the huge fucking snake look at him silently, and suddenly Sam realizes this might not actually be some sort of massive joke at his expense. "You're not serious. Gabriel, tell me you're not serious."
More the-world-is-ending noises from the serpent. Gabriel clucks disapprovingly. "Be nice, I'm kinda breaking his brain at the moment. He's not really in top form. I think you'd like him normally."
Sam hadn't known it was possible for sea monsters to look dubious, but hey, you learn something new every day.
"So wait. Wait, hold up. Back this right on up," Sam splutters, only half a shade from hysterical. "This is actually Jörmungandr, the Midgard Serpent, and he is actually your offspring, which would make you actually Loki?"
"Well, he may not be particularly pretty or particularly clever, but you have to believe me when I tell you he's good in bed," Gabriel sighs to the serpent, who hisses in a way that sounds distinctly unimpressed.
Sam makes a distressed little sound. "Really?"
Gabriel rolls his eyes. "Yes, really. You're the one who wanted to know, Sam. So what better way to start off than meeting the kids?"
Sam lets this sink in for a moment. In the mean time, Gabriel and Jörmungandr squawk at each other affectionately and perhaps a little passive-aggressively about how often Gabriel actually visits. Then, swiftly, a realization falls on Sam.
"Oh my god, it's not biting its tail! Did we just inadvertently start Ragnarok so you could prove a point? Gabriel, I can't handle another apocalypse!"
Before the archangel can respond, Jörmungandr starts shrieking and thrashing around in a panic. Suddenly--a really disturbingly far ways away--a tail pokes up out of the water. The serpent arches itself over and grasps it in its mouth, then looks around at Gabriel for approval. When it sees the archangel laughing, it drops its tail and gurgles in a way that rather amazingly resembles a chuckle.
A few beats later, Sam hops on the clue bus. "Is it making fun of me?" he asks in something akin to awe.
"Yup," Gabriel replies simply. "Ragnarok's been off for a couple centuries now. Just like how the Judeo-Christian apocalypse just got nixed. You're welcome, by the way."
"Thanks?" Sam offers. "So, um. Huge sea-serpent. Your kid. That's...fascinating."
"Wait'll you meet the others," Gabe smirks. "Fenrir's been looking for a nice chewtoy, if you're not too attached to both of your hands."
"Oh, I've always gotten along pretty well with canines," Sam shrugs. "So at least I'll have a point of reference. Unlike, uh..." he makes a vague gesture toward Jörmungandr.
The serpent makes an angry clicking noise. Gabriel grimaces. "He didn't mean anything by it, champ, really. Nobody's saying Fenrir's bett--" he starts, but it's too late. Jörmungandr dives back below the sea, creating a wave that washes completely over the dinghy. The fact they don't capsize is likely one-hundred-percent due to archangel powers.
Sam spends the next few minutes hacking up saltwater. Gabriel is annoyingly dry, but sighs anyhow. "Drama queen," he tsks at the spot where Jörmungandr disappeared.
"I hate everything," Sam decides, shaking his head in a futile attempt to get his wet hair out of his face.
"Oh, Hel's gonna love you," Gabriel snorts.
Sam really can't decide if that's a good thing or not.
Rating: R for language and sexual themes
Word Count: 2,500 combined
Spoilers: Vague through 5.22
Pairing: Sam/Gabriel
Notes: Three separate short fics featuring Sam/Gabriel. They're not connected, except by Sam's pissiness and Gabriel's charming dickishness and my own perception of the ship. All were written for x_shorty1013_x over the past few weeks--two at comment_fic and one on Twitter.
Summary:
1) First Sam and Gabriel are creeping on a county fair and passive-aggressively eating ice cream.
2) Then there's sex. Sorta.
3) And then Sam meets the kids. Well, a kid. A really fucking huge sea-serpent of a kid.
--
Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch...
(The Less Epic of the Angel/Winchester Romances Simmers)
--
adams county fair at five-thirty in the afternoon
Prompt: Supernatural, Sam/Gabriel, melting ice cream and dripping chocolate sauce.
--
"Castiel doesn't eat unless Dean makes him," Sam says.
"That's because Cassy's a traditionalist," Gabriel replies, slurping at the edge of his sugar cone where melted ice cream has begun to pool. "Technically we're supposed to be able to subsist entirely on Heaven's inexhaustible Grace."
Sam thinks about this for a minute, watching screaming kids run by and the tilt-a-whirl finish a cycle. "What's that like?"
Gabriel shrugs. "It's okay. Like the way that having oatmeal for breakfast every day is okay. As long as you never have anything else, you think oatmeal's pretty great."
"But one day you found your way into some belgian waffles and never looked back?" Sam grins, stealing a glance at Gabriel out of the corner of his eye.
The archangel lathes his ice cream with his tongue and smirks. "Something like that."
A few yards away a boy who had been trying to steal his sister's midway prize trips over a suddenly-appearing cable, faceplants into the dirt, and lets out a wail. Gabriel's expression of delight leaves Sam pretty certain that he was behind the fall. Sam clears his throat disapprovingly. Gabe has the decency to look a little contrite.
"So..." Sam says after a few more minutes of people-watching at the tiny county fair, "I've yet to figure out why you drag me to the places you do."
Gabriel laughs. "No ulterior motive on this one, Sammy. I just like the homemade butter pecan. They've been making it this way since '48, and nothing else is quite like it."
"Oh," Sam says. He’d been a bit too suspicious to get any himself. He and Gabriel had reached some sort of uneasy truce not long after they'd both found themselves walking the earth once more, apparently the recipients of divine favor for what seemed to both of them to be the first time in forever. But Gabriel had seemed to take a liking to the younger Winchester, much to the chagrin of Dean and Castiel, and had of late begun whisking him away on various adventures. Sam was starting to find it fun, starting to believe this actually was Gabriel just being nice and not some elaborate trick that'd end in anger and hurt. Sometimes he just couldn't let go of all of that distrust, though, and when Gabe had offered to buy him some ice cream he'd refused on the principle of the thing.
Although he'd rather die than admit it, he's kind of ruing that decision now. It'd been forever since he'd had a treat that wasn’t produced in a crappy diner, and frankly, if there was anything he trusted Gabriel on, it was that the archangel knew where to find the good stuff. But to cave means to reveal that the reason he said no in the first place was because he'd been suspicious of Gabriel's motives, and for some reason that bothers him.
"You wanna try some?" Gabriel asks, as if on cue, holding out what's left of the cone.
Sam makes a face. "What? No. It's all...covered in your spit and all."
Gabe huffs out a laugh. "Oh, is that all?"
Before Sam has a chance to react, Gabriel's got the fingers of his free hand in Sam's hair and is pulling him down into a quick kiss. His mouth is cold and sweet and slightly sticky, and Sam should reasonably find it a hell of a lot grosser than he actually does.
There's this moment afterward, when Gabriel is looking up at him like he can't believe he just did that, that Sam realizes is a forked path. He's never sure later if he took the easy way or not when he snorts and snags the cone from Gabriel, saying "Well then! I guess it doesn't matter now," and taking a huge lick. (It really is quite good, he realizes.)
Gabriel lights up like it's Christmas. He lets Sam finish the entire cone and doesn't even balk. They walk around the fair for a while longer, and Sam is surprised by how okay he is with this whole thing.
"Hey, Sam, let's go on the tilt-a-whirl!"
"Absolutely not."
"Ferris wheel?"
"No."
"...fun house?"
"Like hell."
Gabriel facepalms. "Oh my god, how did I end up with the most boring human ever?"
Sam pops the last bite of Gabriel's cone into his mouth and smirks.
(They're still a work in progress, that's for sure.)
-------------
good karma, baby
Prompt: @pyrebi - Oh lord, my mind went to all sorts of naughty places related to lip biting. *headcouch* Gabriel biting Sam's lip, Dean biting Cas... (4:59 AM Jun 14th via web in reply to pyrebi)
--
To be fair, Sam puts out pretty easy most of the time. But it's Gabriel--the Trickster--and Sam'd learned his lesson about sleeping with the enemy after Ruby, so it takes a hell of a long time before Gabriel proves himself enough of a good guy to earn Sam's trust.
Straddling the kid in the passenger seat of the Impala, he remarks upon this with a half-bitter, "So if I collect enough brownie points, can I redeem 'em for a blowjob?"
"Something like that," Sam agrees, putting those huge mitts of his on either side of Gabriel's head and kissing him quick and dirty. Sam likes it rough, which is not something Gabriel would've guessed outta the bleeding heart, but hey, he likes surprises.
And the way Sam's lifting his hips to grind against Gabriel's ass? Definitely a surprise.
Then the kid goes in to kiss him again, and it's hot and mean, Sam's tongue forcing its way into Gabriel's mouth, doing whatever the hell it wants to before Gabriel himself is even able to think about mounting a defense. Then Sam's pulling back, pulling away, but Gabriel's not done yet. He catches Sam's bottom lip between his teeth, bites hard enough to remind Sam that, uh, hey, archangel here, this isn't just the Sam Winchester Is Horny Show.
Sam groans sharply, pulls a bit to feel Gabriel's teeth more. Gabriel takes the opportunity to suck Sam's lip into his mouth a little, lick at the marks he just made on it, press against the sensitive flesh. Sam rocks up against him, hands sliding down to slip under Gabriel's shirt, fingertips clutching hard enough at the soft skin there to bruise anybody who didn't happen to be divine.
Gabriel gives one last good nip as he wriggles down onto Sam, eliciting the most delicious grunt he's ever heard, then releases the kid's lip. Sam leans back, caged by Gabriel's arms where the archangel has been clutching the back of the seat for support, and his expression is a small part surprise and a huge part absolute lust.
"That's gonna cost you a couple points," he says, voice dark and heated.
"Oh damn," Gabriel retorts, and he will deny forever that he totally also sounds strung-out on desire. "Do I still have enough for that blowjob?"
Sam's hips keep up their staccato rhythm against Gabriel as he smirks, the action drawing Gabriel's attention straight back to his red and swollen lower lip. "Dunno, you might have to do me a favor first."
Oh yeah, and just to show you how much of a good guy Gabriel's really becoming, he finds he doesn't really mind that prospect.
------------
sam gets fun kennings like angel-bedder and serpent-insulter
Prompt: Supernatural, Sam/Gabriel + Jörmungandr, Sam doesn't speak sea-serpent, but he does his best.
--
Really, it's Sam's own fault that he ends up in the middle of the ocean in a distinctly unseaworthy dinghy. He had never learned to just leave things well enough alone. Thus, when he'd decided that he wanted to know more about the dude he'd been sleeping with (ridiculously often, in really fun and creative ways...), and Gabriel'd said "I really don't think you do," Sam had raised the banner and charged off into war.
"No, seriously," he'd frowned. "I think I deserve to know about your past."
Gabriel had given him a dubious look from where he was rooting through the room's minifridge, stark naked. That's the thing with Gabriel--he's pretty much entirely shameless, which is probably why he'd figured he could give Sam the runaround not ten minutes after fucking him six ways to Sunday. "That's awful funny coming from you, Sammy. Weren't you the one who had a live-in girlfriend you were gonna marry without ever mentioning that you used to waste Casper on a regular basis?"
"Yeah, and I learned my lesson from that experience," Sam had bitched.
"Right, sure, silly me. Aaaaanyway, I'm gonna pass on the heart-to-heart," Gabriel'd drawled, pulling out some of Dean's leftovers and sniffing them before wincing theatrically and shoving them back.
"Gabriel," Sam had glowered.
"Ah, time to make my great escape, it seems," the archangel had grimaced.
Sam had growled "this isn't over!" as Gabriel had snapped away. And it hadn't been. Every time Gabriel had deemed to reappear, Sam had managed to bring it up.
Sam Winchester is nothing if not tenacious.
Finally, Gabriel had thrown in the towel. "Fine! But we're doing this my way. And my way? Show and tell, kid."
Which is how Sam finds himself half-drenched in saltwater mere minutes later while Gabriel cheerfully rows between the swelling waves. Sam's busy clinging to his benchseat with white knuckles while the dinghy is buffeted to and fro.
"Here we are!" Gabriel chirps. How the hell he knows where here is escapes Sam, because everything looks exactly the same in every direction: gunmetal-grey water surging up to gunmetal-grey clouds infinitely. But this is apparently "the spot," because Gabriel puts two fingers in his mouth and whistles loudly.
For a long moment, nothing happens. Then the sea starts churning--and not that normal sort of churning it'd been doing up to this point, but the really awful sort that means something terrible is about to happen. A huge black shadow is growing bigger and bigger just under the murky surface of the water, and Sam feels that thrill of terror he usually gets when he's pretty sure he's gonna die.
Some ways away, a wave explodes into a massive dark serpentine head. The head is followed by a neck--a neck that keeps going and going and going and...oh shit. Shit shit shit. That thing is impossibly big and Sam doesn't even have a proper firearm on him, just a hunting knife, and he's not even sure that'd pierce its scales.
The ripples from the monster's rising rock the boat, and Sam's pretty much paralyzed.
"Hey, bud!" Gabriel calls over the distance, and if Sam had any control over his limbs at this point he'd smack him.
The sea serpent swivels to look in their general direction, water pouring down the great length of its head and neck. As it starts twisting closer to them, it opens its vast mouth and makes this shrieking gurgling noise that fills the entire sky.
Gabriel beams. "How's my big guy, huh? Oil spills not getting you down, I hope?"
The monster makes a deafening screeching sound. Gabriel shoots a glance at Sam, then turns back to the approaching serpent. "Oh, him? No, you don't get to eat him. That's my job. Regularly."
A high-pitched warble burbles out of the monstrous beast as it finally reaches their dinghy.
"Oh, you're very cute," Gabriel snorts. "No, you can't call him Daddy Two."
"Oh ha ha," Sam says weakly. Both Gabriel and the huge fucking snake look at him silently, and suddenly Sam realizes this might not actually be some sort of massive joke at his expense. "You're not serious. Gabriel, tell me you're not serious."
More the-world-is-ending noises from the serpent. Gabriel clucks disapprovingly. "Be nice, I'm kinda breaking his brain at the moment. He's not really in top form. I think you'd like him normally."
Sam hadn't known it was possible for sea monsters to look dubious, but hey, you learn something new every day.
"So wait. Wait, hold up. Back this right on up," Sam splutters, only half a shade from hysterical. "This is actually Jörmungandr, the Midgard Serpent, and he is actually your offspring, which would make you actually Loki?"
"Well, he may not be particularly pretty or particularly clever, but you have to believe me when I tell you he's good in bed," Gabriel sighs to the serpent, who hisses in a way that sounds distinctly unimpressed.
Sam makes a distressed little sound. "Really?"
Gabriel rolls his eyes. "Yes, really. You're the one who wanted to know, Sam. So what better way to start off than meeting the kids?"
Sam lets this sink in for a moment. In the mean time, Gabriel and Jörmungandr squawk at each other affectionately and perhaps a little passive-aggressively about how often Gabriel actually visits. Then, swiftly, a realization falls on Sam.
"Oh my god, it's not biting its tail! Did we just inadvertently start Ragnarok so you could prove a point? Gabriel, I can't handle another apocalypse!"
Before the archangel can respond, Jörmungandr starts shrieking and thrashing around in a panic. Suddenly--a really disturbingly far ways away--a tail pokes up out of the water. The serpent arches itself over and grasps it in its mouth, then looks around at Gabriel for approval. When it sees the archangel laughing, it drops its tail and gurgles in a way that rather amazingly resembles a chuckle.
A few beats later, Sam hops on the clue bus. "Is it making fun of me?" he asks in something akin to awe.
"Yup," Gabriel replies simply. "Ragnarok's been off for a couple centuries now. Just like how the Judeo-Christian apocalypse just got nixed. You're welcome, by the way."
"Thanks?" Sam offers. "So, um. Huge sea-serpent. Your kid. That's...fascinating."
"Wait'll you meet the others," Gabe smirks. "Fenrir's been looking for a nice chewtoy, if you're not too attached to both of your hands."
"Oh, I've always gotten along pretty well with canines," Sam shrugs. "So at least I'll have a point of reference. Unlike, uh..." he makes a vague gesture toward Jörmungandr.
The serpent makes an angry clicking noise. Gabriel grimaces. "He didn't mean anything by it, champ, really. Nobody's saying Fenrir's bett--" he starts, but it's too late. Jörmungandr dives back below the sea, creating a wave that washes completely over the dinghy. The fact they don't capsize is likely one-hundred-percent due to archangel powers.
Sam spends the next few minutes hacking up saltwater. Gabriel is annoyingly dry, but sighs anyhow. "Drama queen," he tsks at the spot where Jörmungandr disappeared.
"I hate everything," Sam decides, shaking his head in a futile attempt to get his wet hair out of his face.
"Oh, Hel's gonna love you," Gabriel snorts.
Sam really can't decide if that's a good thing or not.