GippalxBaralai - You
Title: You
Setting: Around the ending of FFX-2
Theme + Number: #1 First
Pairing: GippalxBaralai
Rating: K+
Warnings: Sap
Summary: Baralai speaks of his feelings.
The first time I met you, you were completely aloof. All of Spira looked down on you, but you just sneered back and countered it with your own pride and your own contempt. I - dare I say it? - admired you for daring to come amongst us, to come into a situation where you would rely on us in battle, and where, maybe, some bigot would just, 'accidentally', end up betraying you.
Not that you ever needed us, but we were a team, and so you did have to work with us properly, just sometimes. We all had to rely on each other. I think I was reluctant to rely on you at first, because... well, you are Al Bhed. I wasn't sure if we could trust you. I didn't feel that way for long. I learned that you wouldn't be so petty to us, even if all of the rest of Spira were constantly, cruelly petty to you.
I took back every mean thought I'd ever had about your race. You proved that the Al Bhed weren't so bad - even if you did use machina.
Still, you never opened up to us. You would joke with us, and talk with us, but always I had a feeling that you were holding a large part of yourself aloof, still. I watched you, day and night, hoping for some sign that you weren't completely locked up inside. I wanted to talk to the real you, learn more about you. I wanted to be your friend, your confidante, not just your comrade in battle.
Well, with my eyes on you all the time, something more than just vague feelings of friendship started to emerge. I noticed how quick you were with your hands... imagined those hands on me, touching me, making me feel...
I pushed the feelings away, of course, feeling vaguely horrified that had I had even just imagined that. I shouldn't, not about my own comrade, not about someone who I would fight with. We were men, fighting side by side. Friends. I told myself that I shouldn't be thinking of a friend in that way.
It was after a battle where I finally got to see inside you, a little. Perhaps I saw things about you no other non-Al Bhed would learn. Maybe people just had to get close enough, interested enough, and you would let them see. Either way, I was honoured.
You were wounded. Just a little scratch, you said, but you pulled the shirt away to show a deep cut. I wouldn't let you leave it. I bandaged you with my own hands, apologising that my cure spells were so weak. How my heart jumped when I first touched you, how the butterflies fluttered violently in my stomach... You smiled at me, and to distract yourself, you talked about the Al Bhed. You spoke about machina, and although I knew they were forbidden, I couldn't help but be fascinated.
And you spoke about the desert, your home, and how you loved it. Bikanel Desert, Home. I imagined you speaking it with the words all capitalised, as if Bikanel Desert was the only Desert, the only Home.
You told me about your family, about the girl you loved back at Home. About how she had thrown water in your face the first time you tried to kiss her, and I laughed, and then, it didn't hurt.
But it did, later, when I thought about it. I was on watch while you, Paine and Nooj slept. It was a habit of ours to switch, throughout the night, and you came after me. You were sleeping curled up in your sleeping bag, like a child would when scared or cold. I didn't wake you. I took your shift, and thought, and stared at you.
In the morning, you didn't question me. The look you gave me then frightened me, it was as if you knew. Knew that last night I had taken your shift because I wouldn't be able to sleep, because I was too busy thinking of your hands on me. I wouldn't have thrown water in your face if you'd tried to kiss me.
We parted, eventually, of course, and it's only now that I dare to say it. I fell in love with you. Hopelessly. I took your shifts, whether it be sentry duty or cooking. I tended your wounds, even though Paine could bandage a lot better than me. I watched you sleep.
I would never have dared to tell you any of this. Even now, I'm just saying the words silently, to myself, as I stand by your side. We've been apart, since the Crimson Squad separated, and perhaps the feelings should have faded, but...
Even now, I still dream of you. Still wonder what it would be like to have you touch me. Even though I think I've moved on, the spark of love is still there. I hope your Al Bhed girl loves you as much as I did.
You were my first love, Gippal.
Setting: Around the ending of FFX-2
Theme + Number: #1 First
Pairing: GippalxBaralai
Rating: K+
Warnings: Sap
Summary: Baralai speaks of his feelings.
The first time I met you, you were completely aloof. All of Spira looked down on you, but you just sneered back and countered it with your own pride and your own contempt. I - dare I say it? - admired you for daring to come amongst us, to come into a situation where you would rely on us in battle, and where, maybe, some bigot would just, 'accidentally', end up betraying you.
Not that you ever needed us, but we were a team, and so you did have to work with us properly, just sometimes. We all had to rely on each other. I think I was reluctant to rely on you at first, because... well, you are Al Bhed. I wasn't sure if we could trust you. I didn't feel that way for long. I learned that you wouldn't be so petty to us, even if all of the rest of Spira were constantly, cruelly petty to you.
I took back every mean thought I'd ever had about your race. You proved that the Al Bhed weren't so bad - even if you did use machina.
Still, you never opened up to us. You would joke with us, and talk with us, but always I had a feeling that you were holding a large part of yourself aloof, still. I watched you, day and night, hoping for some sign that you weren't completely locked up inside. I wanted to talk to the real you, learn more about you. I wanted to be your friend, your confidante, not just your comrade in battle.
Well, with my eyes on you all the time, something more than just vague feelings of friendship started to emerge. I noticed how quick you were with your hands... imagined those hands on me, touching me, making me feel...
I pushed the feelings away, of course, feeling vaguely horrified that had I had even just imagined that. I shouldn't, not about my own comrade, not about someone who I would fight with. We were men, fighting side by side. Friends. I told myself that I shouldn't be thinking of a friend in that way.
It was after a battle where I finally got to see inside you, a little. Perhaps I saw things about you no other non-Al Bhed would learn. Maybe people just had to get close enough, interested enough, and you would let them see. Either way, I was honoured.
You were wounded. Just a little scratch, you said, but you pulled the shirt away to show a deep cut. I wouldn't let you leave it. I bandaged you with my own hands, apologising that my cure spells were so weak. How my heart jumped when I first touched you, how the butterflies fluttered violently in my stomach... You smiled at me, and to distract yourself, you talked about the Al Bhed. You spoke about machina, and although I knew they were forbidden, I couldn't help but be fascinated.
And you spoke about the desert, your home, and how you loved it. Bikanel Desert, Home. I imagined you speaking it with the words all capitalised, as if Bikanel Desert was the only Desert, the only Home.
You told me about your family, about the girl you loved back at Home. About how she had thrown water in your face the first time you tried to kiss her, and I laughed, and then, it didn't hurt.
But it did, later, when I thought about it. I was on watch while you, Paine and Nooj slept. It was a habit of ours to switch, throughout the night, and you came after me. You were sleeping curled up in your sleeping bag, like a child would when scared or cold. I didn't wake you. I took your shift, and thought, and stared at you.
In the morning, you didn't question me. The look you gave me then frightened me, it was as if you knew. Knew that last night I had taken your shift because I wouldn't be able to sleep, because I was too busy thinking of your hands on me. I wouldn't have thrown water in your face if you'd tried to kiss me.
We parted, eventually, of course, and it's only now that I dare to say it. I fell in love with you. Hopelessly. I took your shifts, whether it be sentry duty or cooking. I tended your wounds, even though Paine could bandage a lot better than me. I watched you sleep.
I would never have dared to tell you any of this. Even now, I'm just saying the words silently, to myself, as I stand by your side. We've been apart, since the Crimson Squad separated, and perhaps the feelings should have faded, but...
Even now, I still dream of you. Still wonder what it would be like to have you touch me. Even though I think I've moved on, the spark of love is still there. I hope your Al Bhed girl loves you as much as I did.
You were my first love, Gippal.