Beauty is Only Skin Deep
There's a blogger who's been getting a fair amount of love on FB lately. First he wrote an essay about being bullied in school. Then there was "You just broke your child. Congratulations." Both were hard to read.
And now there's "Worthless Women and the men who make them."
Okay. His heart is definitely in the right place. And he means well. But I kind of want to punch him in the arm and suggest that he toughen up a little. He's SO EARNEST. He just lays it on a little thick; to the point where I start to feel that growly, grouchy, snarky way that I feel when someone is being condescending to me.
It just goes on, and on, and ON. And on. About what a crime it is that women are held to an impossible standard based on the magazines and on the movies and all of that. About what a tragedy is it that we women catch our men looking at other women and at the magazines and movies and how it makes us feel so wretched about ourselves, like we'll never be good enough...
STOP. Just... shut up, please. Seriously. I KNOW the women in the magazines are airbrushed and Photoshopped into images of impossible perfection. I'm a grownup. It's stupid and disgusting, but I can handle it. But I'd have to have some serious emotional and mental problems to not be able to handle it if my husband looks at other women.
Hell, I look. I notice gorgeous women. I also notice gorgeous sunsets, and gorgeous butterflies, and THEY don't make me feel inadequate.
Maybe that's because I somehow managed to learn that looks just aren't that important. I value my heart, my mind, and my character. Somebody looks more beautiful than me and I honestly don't care. It doesn't make her or him a better person than me. Remember that old saying "Beauty is only skin deep?" Did anyone care that LadyBird Johnson was homely? It didn't stop her from changing the world. Hell, most women are younger than me (I'm 44) and better-looking than me. And yet I'm not suffering from low self-esteem. I'm busy focusing on what I think are more important things.
I'll admit that it took me a long time to reach that conclusion. I wish it hadn't taken so long; I wasted a lot of time and energy worrying about my looks. And not to brag, but I look pretty good... yet even when I was younger and fitter and prettier, I was still worried that I wasn't thin enough and pretty enough. Stupid.
I was born with these looks. I didn't work hard to look like I do. So why should I care? It's not like it's my fault I have mousy brown hair and thin lips and a rather big chin, just like I can't take credit for being tall and slim.
And by the way, all of this importance placed on beauty kind of helps the magazines and the fashion and cosmetics industries justify their existence, doesn't it? It cracks me up when shows like "How Do I Look?" lay on the emotional blackmail bullshit to convince busy women that they deserve to take care of themselves and take some time for themselves. Hey, sure, we all deserve a little time to indulge ourselves. So, what's a better use of "me" time -- sitting in a hairdresser's chair until my butt falls asleep, or climbing up the rigging of a tallship? I'll tell you which one is more fun, more thrilling and more satisfying to me.
Now, I do enjoy playing with makeup and clothes; to a point. I enjoy playing with my hair and my looks; again, to a point. It's not my life. Fashion and makeup to me are fun. Why not simply have fun with it? Why not lighten up a little and leave the self-esteem and emotional baggage out of it? It's putting way too much importance on this stuff when we act like it's going to save our lives or even transform them; it's not that important unless you let it be.
And honestly, after the glow of the makeover wears off, guess what? You're still left with your imperfect self. And if all you care about is your looks and outside validation, you're not going to be happy. Happiness has to come from within or you'll forever be chasing the next big thrill/life-changing experience.
I have a 2-year-old daughter. I have given a lot of thought to the matter of keeping her self-esteem intact in this ridiculously superficial world that we live in. Oh, when the people on "How Do I Look?" start preaching about how a mom should be a role model for their young children, it makes me want to scream. When I was growing up I didn't give a damn what my mother was wearing; I cared about whether she played with me and talked with me. (And she did. She was and still is a wonderful mom.)
At first I appreciated Dove's recent campaign to make all girls feel beautiful. Then I thought: maybe that's the wrong focus. Maybe the focus should be on the importance of being a whole person, someone worth knowing and loving.
So, Single Dad Laughing... I appreciate the support, and you seem like a really nice guy. So I'd like to suggest that maybe what we should all really focus on is not necessarily how to make everyone feel beautiful, but on reminding ourselves and others that while beauty is powerful, it is just one thing, not the be-all and end-all.
And now there's "Worthless Women and the men who make them."
Okay. His heart is definitely in the right place. And he means well. But I kind of want to punch him in the arm and suggest that he toughen up a little. He's SO EARNEST. He just lays it on a little thick; to the point where I start to feel that growly, grouchy, snarky way that I feel when someone is being condescending to me.
It just goes on, and on, and ON. And on. About what a crime it is that women are held to an impossible standard based on the magazines and on the movies and all of that. About what a tragedy is it that we women catch our men looking at other women and at the magazines and movies and how it makes us feel so wretched about ourselves, like we'll never be good enough...
STOP. Just... shut up, please. Seriously. I KNOW the women in the magazines are airbrushed and Photoshopped into images of impossible perfection. I'm a grownup. It's stupid and disgusting, but I can handle it. But I'd have to have some serious emotional and mental problems to not be able to handle it if my husband looks at other women.
Hell, I look. I notice gorgeous women. I also notice gorgeous sunsets, and gorgeous butterflies, and THEY don't make me feel inadequate.
Maybe that's because I somehow managed to learn that looks just aren't that important. I value my heart, my mind, and my character. Somebody looks more beautiful than me and I honestly don't care. It doesn't make her or him a better person than me. Remember that old saying "Beauty is only skin deep?" Did anyone care that LadyBird Johnson was homely? It didn't stop her from changing the world. Hell, most women are younger than me (I'm 44) and better-looking than me. And yet I'm not suffering from low self-esteem. I'm busy focusing on what I think are more important things.
I'll admit that it took me a long time to reach that conclusion. I wish it hadn't taken so long; I wasted a lot of time and energy worrying about my looks. And not to brag, but I look pretty good... yet even when I was younger and fitter and prettier, I was still worried that I wasn't thin enough and pretty enough. Stupid.
I was born with these looks. I didn't work hard to look like I do. So why should I care? It's not like it's my fault I have mousy brown hair and thin lips and a rather big chin, just like I can't take credit for being tall and slim.
And by the way, all of this importance placed on beauty kind of helps the magazines and the fashion and cosmetics industries justify their existence, doesn't it? It cracks me up when shows like "How Do I Look?" lay on the emotional blackmail bullshit to convince busy women that they deserve to take care of themselves and take some time for themselves. Hey, sure, we all deserve a little time to indulge ourselves. So, what's a better use of "me" time -- sitting in a hairdresser's chair until my butt falls asleep, or climbing up the rigging of a tallship? I'll tell you which one is more fun, more thrilling and more satisfying to me.
Now, I do enjoy playing with makeup and clothes; to a point. I enjoy playing with my hair and my looks; again, to a point. It's not my life. Fashion and makeup to me are fun. Why not simply have fun with it? Why not lighten up a little and leave the self-esteem and emotional baggage out of it? It's putting way too much importance on this stuff when we act like it's going to save our lives or even transform them; it's not that important unless you let it be.
And honestly, after the glow of the makeover wears off, guess what? You're still left with your imperfect self. And if all you care about is your looks and outside validation, you're not going to be happy. Happiness has to come from within or you'll forever be chasing the next big thrill/life-changing experience.
I have a 2-year-old daughter. I have given a lot of thought to the matter of keeping her self-esteem intact in this ridiculously superficial world that we live in. Oh, when the people on "How Do I Look?" start preaching about how a mom should be a role model for their young children, it makes me want to scream. When I was growing up I didn't give a damn what my mother was wearing; I cared about whether she played with me and talked with me. (And she did. She was and still is a wonderful mom.)
At first I appreciated Dove's recent campaign to make all girls feel beautiful. Then I thought: maybe that's the wrong focus. Maybe the focus should be on the importance of being a whole person, someone worth knowing and loving.
So, Single Dad Laughing... I appreciate the support, and you seem like a really nice guy. So I'd like to suggest that maybe what we should all really focus on is not necessarily how to make everyone feel beautiful, but on reminding ourselves and others that while beauty is powerful, it is just one thing, not the be-all and end-all.