(no subject)
somebody asked me today, "why are you so mean?" Im not a mean person. i say mean things or trash talk because im relaistic. I know that at some point people have done the same thing with me. I hate to think that my past has made me who i am today, but im sure that to a large degree that is the truth.
when i lived in stafford i was made fun of constantly. I was an object of ridicule. I was the "fat kid" in dodge ball. people would kick the ball to me, intentionally, or make it so that i woudl ahve to run to get it. for this they made fu of me.
jessica yanko used to tell me that being friends with me was damaging to her reputation. tiffany told me that she couldnt converse with me because people would make fun of her for being my friend. Our team in 6th grade was the manatees...this guy told me i should be the mascott because i was as fat as one. The only way i could be cool was to make ridicule someone else. I told this little fat kid all he needed was a beard and a red suite to be santa clause. It hurt me to say that because i could see the pain in his eyes. when i would try to sit with peopple on the bus they would move to the opposite end to get away from me. andrew lava dated me for a week, and avoided me the whole time, because he was dared by his friends. the only friend i had was noel. she had long nails, greesey hair, coke bottle glasses, tatterd clothes, and ancne. in 5th grade some ugly fat girl, but "cool" to everyone else said, "wow you finally wore something fashionable." It wasnt my fault my mom was a single parent and couldnt afford name brand clothing for us. Larry used to burry my face in the iced over snow til it blead. He used to pelt me with snow balls til i cried and ran inside. he came up begind me one day and tried to grab the back of my shirt to snap my bra. since i was wearing a sprots bra, there was nothing to snap....he called me the ugly flat chested girl.
girl scouts is supposed to be a positive experience right? i had a leader that smacked me in the face because i gave a girl a hint during a guessing game. the girls didnt want me to sleep in heir tent, so they set up a smaller one and put all their muddy shoes and bags in there. then set up a big one to put all their sleeping bags in, they said there wasnt enough room in there for me, so i had to sleep in the storage tent by myself. i got left at the top od a montain in timberline ski resort, unexperienced, because the girls didnt want to be seen helpling me down the slope.
people in church are supposed to be caring and accepting, right? the youth christmas play was supposed to have everyone in it. somehow i was the only kid in youth group without a part. when the sunday school teacher would leave the kids would crumple up their bulletins and throw them at me til she came back. they never got in trouble.
at school i sat alone during lunch. one day i had the guts to sit with my friend amy from focus art. they made me sit at the end of the table. i trued ti listen to the conversation. i wanted to feel included. this girl natalie turned to me and said "we dont want you to sit with us. youre not cool enough to talk to us, so leave." i looked at amy then got up and walked off in tears.
in third grade my teacher went out of her way to tell me i was fat, that i shouldnt wear skirts or shorts because of this. she told me i wasnt allowed to raise my hand because my answers were always wrong and that i was a constant disruption to class.
most people remember their childhood baby sitters fondly, right? janetter forbade me to play with her own children. she made me stand at the counter to eat breakfast and dinner- i wasnt allowed to sit at the table that sat 10, even though there were 6 seats left. if i would talk to anyone during a meal she would take my food from me and make me sit under the bird cage til i went to school or my mom came to pick me up. melissa made me scrub her walls. if i didnt do as i was told she would hit me with a wooden spoon. our only reward for this manual labor at the age of 6 were those hard candies filled with jelly, wrapped like a strawberry. i cant eat those today. sharon used to have her daughter purposely hit and provoke me so taht she could hit me with a ruler and separate me from her kids when i would defend myself or start to cry. renee made me watch the polterguist when i was 7. i tried to run away because i was scared, but she grabbed me and made me sit down and watch it. her husband stared at me the whole time, laughing, to make sure i kept my eyes open. she made me go to school after i had thrown up form the flu, with a temperature of 102. she told me i wasnt her problem. i asked her once if she could cook my scrambled eggs longer because i didnt like them that runny. she made me eat a raw egg.
i probly should have told my mom about these things, but for my whole life i was made to believe these things were done to me because of some fault of my own. i didnt see they were wrong then, so i never told her.
can you tell me im a mean person now? i idnt have a friend til 8th grade when i moved to alexandria. id like to think that im a pretty kind-hearted and forgiving person for what ive been through before. im sorry that anonymous person cant see it.
when i lived in stafford i was made fun of constantly. I was an object of ridicule. I was the "fat kid" in dodge ball. people would kick the ball to me, intentionally, or make it so that i woudl ahve to run to get it. for this they made fu of me.
jessica yanko used to tell me that being friends with me was damaging to her reputation. tiffany told me that she couldnt converse with me because people would make fun of her for being my friend. Our team in 6th grade was the manatees...this guy told me i should be the mascott because i was as fat as one. The only way i could be cool was to make ridicule someone else. I told this little fat kid all he needed was a beard and a red suite to be santa clause. It hurt me to say that because i could see the pain in his eyes. when i would try to sit with peopple on the bus they would move to the opposite end to get away from me. andrew lava dated me for a week, and avoided me the whole time, because he was dared by his friends. the only friend i had was noel. she had long nails, greesey hair, coke bottle glasses, tatterd clothes, and ancne. in 5th grade some ugly fat girl, but "cool" to everyone else said, "wow you finally wore something fashionable." It wasnt my fault my mom was a single parent and couldnt afford name brand clothing for us. Larry used to burry my face in the iced over snow til it blead. He used to pelt me with snow balls til i cried and ran inside. he came up begind me one day and tried to grab the back of my shirt to snap my bra. since i was wearing a sprots bra, there was nothing to snap....he called me the ugly flat chested girl.
girl scouts is supposed to be a positive experience right? i had a leader that smacked me in the face because i gave a girl a hint during a guessing game. the girls didnt want me to sleep in heir tent, so they set up a smaller one and put all their muddy shoes and bags in there. then set up a big one to put all their sleeping bags in, they said there wasnt enough room in there for me, so i had to sleep in the storage tent by myself. i got left at the top od a montain in timberline ski resort, unexperienced, because the girls didnt want to be seen helpling me down the slope.
people in church are supposed to be caring and accepting, right? the youth christmas play was supposed to have everyone in it. somehow i was the only kid in youth group without a part. when the sunday school teacher would leave the kids would crumple up their bulletins and throw them at me til she came back. they never got in trouble.
at school i sat alone during lunch. one day i had the guts to sit with my friend amy from focus art. they made me sit at the end of the table. i trued ti listen to the conversation. i wanted to feel included. this girl natalie turned to me and said "we dont want you to sit with us. youre not cool enough to talk to us, so leave." i looked at amy then got up and walked off in tears.
in third grade my teacher went out of her way to tell me i was fat, that i shouldnt wear skirts or shorts because of this. she told me i wasnt allowed to raise my hand because my answers were always wrong and that i was a constant disruption to class.
most people remember their childhood baby sitters fondly, right? janetter forbade me to play with her own children. she made me stand at the counter to eat breakfast and dinner- i wasnt allowed to sit at the table that sat 10, even though there were 6 seats left. if i would talk to anyone during a meal she would take my food from me and make me sit under the bird cage til i went to school or my mom came to pick me up. melissa made me scrub her walls. if i didnt do as i was told she would hit me with a wooden spoon. our only reward for this manual labor at the age of 6 were those hard candies filled with jelly, wrapped like a strawberry. i cant eat those today. sharon used to have her daughter purposely hit and provoke me so taht she could hit me with a ruler and separate me from her kids when i would defend myself or start to cry. renee made me watch the polterguist when i was 7. i tried to run away because i was scared, but she grabbed me and made me sit down and watch it. her husband stared at me the whole time, laughing, to make sure i kept my eyes open. she made me go to school after i had thrown up form the flu, with a temperature of 102. she told me i wasnt her problem. i asked her once if she could cook my scrambled eggs longer because i didnt like them that runny. she made me eat a raw egg.
i probly should have told my mom about these things, but for my whole life i was made to believe these things were done to me because of some fault of my own. i didnt see they were wrong then, so i never told her.
can you tell me im a mean person now? i idnt have a friend til 8th grade when i moved to alexandria. id like to think that im a pretty kind-hearted and forgiving person for what ive been through before. im sorry that anonymous person cant see it.