such a nice day, but feeling so blah...
FINALLY done with ASAP. hard to believe its been 10 weeks already. whatever, im never going back there. im nervous about a couple things i turned it. i would like to think theyre unfounded though because ive been really good during the entire process. i slipped once and smoked...i hated myself for it....very bad night even though it was my brother's birthday. so tonight im gonna hang out with matt again. dont really know what were gonna do, but whatever. probly just hang out and watch a movie. i wanted to smoke tonight, but i am not going to. i hate that i cant do what i want to. ive learned moderation, not something i grasped easily at first, but...fuck...i always learn the hard way. anyway, matt told me he didnt find anything, so that kinda made my stomach settle....i should just make the right decision and deal with the consequences of my actions until ive paid for them fully. in july
so i have a test on monday in geology. the material doesnt seem that hard, im hoping so. i got an A in the first part, last semester...but i got a C on this last test...wtf?! not that i try to find excuses for shit, haha, but i think it has something to do with the fact that i studied with brittney and not alone like i usually do. im nice to her...but i really hate how much she mooches. she NEVER comes to class, she asks for my notes when she doesnt. shes known since the beginning of the semester that we were supposed to go to the natural history museum to do this packet thing...she waited until around 5 yesterday to go. NO FUCKING SUPRISE she was only there for a half hour before they kicked her out. she calls me and shes like can i see your sheet thing please? what am i supposed to do? say fuck you. no. do your own work. well i probly should actually, but i cant always do the right thing when im supposed to. grr...she needs to start being a little more responsible, and i need to have the balls to tell her to do her own fucking work. still on the subject of geology....i saw boston for the first time since that date. WOW that was ackward. i tried to be as normal as possible, but my preception of normal when im thrown off gaurd is always scewed. he gave me cigarettes. i appreciated it, and almost told him no actually, but its not like he smokes them. i wish i could forget all together that he ever liked me and just go back to being a smart ass to him. not gonna happen, but whatever. hes fucked for the test, someone stole his book and a bunch a shit out of his car today. i told him he could come study with char and i on sunday night (AHH!!! Ggggrrrrr.....aslkdja;slkdja;slkdj;lkasjdsal;k). sometimes i feel like i have too many regrets.
i really want to fast forward to this time tomorrow. i want to be with him so i can stop the ridiculous train of thoughts inside me head. last nights talk really helped me sort things out in my head. im glad i can be as honest with him as i would like to be. i got the feeling a couple times he was skeptical about me, but i can only be who i am. cant wait until tomorrow.
so i have a test on monday in geology. the material doesnt seem that hard, im hoping so. i got an A in the first part, last semester...but i got a C on this last test...wtf?! not that i try to find excuses for shit, haha, but i think it has something to do with the fact that i studied with brittney and not alone like i usually do. im nice to her...but i really hate how much she mooches. she NEVER comes to class, she asks for my notes when she doesnt. shes known since the beginning of the semester that we were supposed to go to the natural history museum to do this packet thing...she waited until around 5 yesterday to go. NO FUCKING SUPRISE she was only there for a half hour before they kicked her out. she calls me and shes like can i see your sheet thing please? what am i supposed to do? say fuck you. no. do your own work. well i probly should actually, but i cant always do the right thing when im supposed to. grr...she needs to start being a little more responsible, and i need to have the balls to tell her to do her own fucking work. still on the subject of geology....i saw boston for the first time since that date. WOW that was ackward. i tried to be as normal as possible, but my preception of normal when im thrown off gaurd is always scewed. he gave me cigarettes. i appreciated it, and almost told him no actually, but its not like he smokes them. i wish i could forget all together that he ever liked me and just go back to being a smart ass to him. not gonna happen, but whatever. hes fucked for the test, someone stole his book and a bunch a shit out of his car today. i told him he could come study with char and i on sunday night (AHH!!! Ggggrrrrr.....aslkdja;slkdja;slkdj;lkasjdsal;k). sometimes i feel like i have too many regrets.
i really want to fast forward to this time tomorrow. i want to be with him so i can stop the ridiculous train of thoughts inside me head. last nights talk really helped me sort things out in my head. im glad i can be as honest with him as i would like to be. i got the feeling a couple times he was skeptical about me, but i can only be who i am. cant wait until tomorrow.