(no subject)
have you ever struggle with something so much, it almost does feel like there is a literal war going on inside you. Sometimes you're the good guy and sometimes you're the bad guy. But it always seems that you're on the losing side. I don't know, maybe its just me, but lately, my good guy has been put on the back burner and I've rather enjoy'd being the bad guy.
Well here it is. It's funny to me. I have had this thing since I started college. College. 4 years ago. That seems like a life time ago when I was moving into a cramped friley dorm room with marcus upchurch. Trying to get everything hooked up so we could play NCAA. Trying to also fit in. That awkwardness of finding out 'who' you wanted to be and trying to find a group of people you are comfortable with. Since I guess thats what it is all about, finding people you are comfortable with. Well I find my place there now. Except there is no marcus. There is really no one I know. I'm starting over again. Some people call it a blessing, some a curse. To me, I have found comfort in the new slate.
But doesn't mean that I forget all that I have learned up to this point. At least I hope not. What a waste that would be? What a waste I would be.
You know what I find so interesting. Is that life has brought me to a point where I am comfortable by myself. Today was just another day where I saw no one and didn't leave my apartment and I was ok with that. I am ok with not seeing anyone. Anyone who knows me from a previous life, would know thats not true. I wonder what changed? I guess some would call it maturity, but I don't think there is some list of 'maturity aspects' that being alone would fall under. I think the view of maturity is very relative, but thats another topic.
Death Cab came on. Lack of color.
I remember the first time I really 'listened' to this song. it was fall and the leaves where changing colors. I found that fitting. When he sang that there is a lack of color here and yet i was surrounded by this vast array of fall colors. That is something that I realized today. I miss the fall in Iowa. Bah, like I said, I never thought I would say that I would miss any part of Iowa, but fall, I do miss that.
you can only live in 90 degrees and sunny for so long, then it gets boring.
Well I'm going to make another empty promise to myself to keep this going again. I'm going to try. Try to update at least once a week and talk about whatever. So that the two maybe three people that still get on here can skip past it...or skim it.
Well here it is. It's funny to me. I have had this thing since I started college. College. 4 years ago. That seems like a life time ago when I was moving into a cramped friley dorm room with marcus upchurch. Trying to get everything hooked up so we could play NCAA. Trying to also fit in. That awkwardness of finding out 'who' you wanted to be and trying to find a group of people you are comfortable with. Since I guess thats what it is all about, finding people you are comfortable with. Well I find my place there now. Except there is no marcus. There is really no one I know. I'm starting over again. Some people call it a blessing, some a curse. To me, I have found comfort in the new slate.
But doesn't mean that I forget all that I have learned up to this point. At least I hope not. What a waste that would be? What a waste I would be.
You know what I find so interesting. Is that life has brought me to a point where I am comfortable by myself. Today was just another day where I saw no one and didn't leave my apartment and I was ok with that. I am ok with not seeing anyone. Anyone who knows me from a previous life, would know thats not true. I wonder what changed? I guess some would call it maturity, but I don't think there is some list of 'maturity aspects' that being alone would fall under. I think the view of maturity is very relative, but thats another topic.
Death Cab came on. Lack of color.
I remember the first time I really 'listened' to this song. it was fall and the leaves where changing colors. I found that fitting. When he sang that there is a lack of color here and yet i was surrounded by this vast array of fall colors. That is something that I realized today. I miss the fall in Iowa. Bah, like I said, I never thought I would say that I would miss any part of Iowa, but fall, I do miss that.
you can only live in 90 degrees and sunny for so long, then it gets boring.
Well I'm going to make another empty promise to myself to keep this going again. I'm going to try. Try to update at least once a week and talk about whatever. So that the two maybe three people that still get on here can skip past it...or skim it.