it's funny
the other day, I was musing about with headphones on, listening to older recordings that I thought would inspire me / make me laugh / make me want to record music again / make me want to do cool audio stuff again / whatever.
Instead, something amazing happened.
I think, for the first time in my life, I became blatantly aware of two things:
1) I'm really good at stating things I think are not obvious, but really are.
2) Because of this, most presumably, almost everything I do, even the few things that might actually be of some merit, are ignored by others. -- and as well they ought to be, given the first point. Seriously. I hate being bored by people. it makes sense.
But really. The recording in question was an interview with WKLT that was unedited. I was listening to the interview process and how everyone was answering questions or offering input. Clayton mostly, sometimes Jimmy, almost never Sammy, and then me. Me talking like I'm some big deal. Terri Ray moving on with life. Clayton and Terri talking about something. Some small reference to my camera, which for some reason I felt the need to make into a big deal - what the hell, me? seriously? don't be a douche. Then clayton and terri talking again. Which is fine. Then me interjecting to compliment clayton on being a brilliant lyricist, and then-- wait, what? I'm interrupted and overridden by the very person I just complimented?
And, then it's pretty much just Clayton and the interview continuing from there.
I think in the edited version, it was pretty much just the Clayton show, with the rest of us having a one-sentence introduction to a song, each.
Under most circumstances, that's fine.
but it was just a cayalyst for me recalling ... how I've been treated... everywhere.
Grade school. High school. College. Relationships. Work. Hobbies. there is NO FUCKING AREA OF MY LIFE in which I'm considered to be poignant, respected, or otherwise cared-for beyond that of my ability to serve as the compliment of a function. "He has a task, that task usually gets done, so let's allow the retard to stay a while longer."
I think at this point it's just wise that I've chosen to just slowly stop doing the things I used to do.
Hobbies: check.
Relationships: double check.
anything fun: check.
career development: check.
It's all been back-burnered-to-halted now. This is probably for the best.
Now all I need to do is learn to keep my mouth shut. The only thing better than doing nothing at all is doing nothing at all and not being noticed for doing nothing.
I'll get there soon. You'll know I'm there when this journal gets deleted. After all, leave no evidence.
-jre
Instead, something amazing happened.
I think, for the first time in my life, I became blatantly aware of two things:
1) I'm really good at stating things I think are not obvious, but really are.
2) Because of this, most presumably, almost everything I do, even the few things that might actually be of some merit, are ignored by others. -- and as well they ought to be, given the first point. Seriously. I hate being bored by people. it makes sense.
But really. The recording in question was an interview with WKLT that was unedited. I was listening to the interview process and how everyone was answering questions or offering input. Clayton mostly, sometimes Jimmy, almost never Sammy, and then me. Me talking like I'm some big deal. Terri Ray moving on with life. Clayton and Terri talking about something. Some small reference to my camera, which for some reason I felt the need to make into a big deal - what the hell, me? seriously? don't be a douche. Then clayton and terri talking again. Which is fine. Then me interjecting to compliment clayton on being a brilliant lyricist, and then-- wait, what? I'm interrupted and overridden by the very person I just complimented?
And, then it's pretty much just Clayton and the interview continuing from there.
I think in the edited version, it was pretty much just the Clayton show, with the rest of us having a one-sentence introduction to a song, each.
Under most circumstances, that's fine.
but it was just a cayalyst for me recalling ... how I've been treated... everywhere.
Grade school. High school. College. Relationships. Work. Hobbies. there is NO FUCKING AREA OF MY LIFE in which I'm considered to be poignant, respected, or otherwise cared-for beyond that of my ability to serve as the compliment of a function. "He has a task, that task usually gets done, so let's allow the retard to stay a while longer."
I think at this point it's just wise that I've chosen to just slowly stop doing the things I used to do.
Hobbies: check.
Relationships: double check.
anything fun: check.
career development: check.
It's all been back-burnered-to-halted now. This is probably for the best.
Now all I need to do is learn to keep my mouth shut. The only thing better than doing nothing at all is doing nothing at all and not being noticed for doing nothing.
I'll get there soon. You'll know I'm there when this journal gets deleted. After all, leave no evidence.
-jre