Sgt. Preston has no home
Twenty things I have learned from 200+ episodes of the radio serial, “Challenge of the Yukon.”
1. English Canadians are quiet and law-abiding, though there are some bad eggs.
2. French Canadians are funny and ineffectual, but maybe one in 50 is a bad guy.
3. LOOK FOR THE SMILING QUAKER MAN!
4. Americans are either crooks, well-meaning bumblers, or city-slickers who have a thing or two to learn about life in the north country.
5. QUAKER PUFFED WHEAT AND QUAKER PUFFED RICE ARE THE GIANTS OF THE CEREAL WORLD! (Repeat mantra three times.)
6. Britons are ineffectual for the first half of the episode, and hardcore in the last half.
7. Irish people get lost in the snow, unless they are priests.
8. QUAKER’S OAT AND MOTHER’S OATS ARE THE SAME!
9. Indians are basically children. They can’t read or write, and are easily led astray, generally by Americans or Half-Breeds.
10. Germans have funny little dogs and are never evil.
11. Half-breeds are always, always, always, always evil and a surprising number of them are named Blackie. Sgt. Preston can’t even say “half breed” without sneering.
12. Women named Kate are strong and independent.
13. All other women are helpless.
14. QUAKER PUFFED CEREALS RESTORE NATURAL GRAIN FOOD VALUE AMOUNTS!
15. Inuit are wise and seldom led astray by anyone.
16. If someone says they don’t like dogs, shoot them now and save time later.
17. Sgt. Preston should just stay in one place and let his lead dog King solve crimes.
18. QUAKER PUFFED WHEAT AND QUAKER PUFFED RICE ARE ACTUALLY SHOT FROM GUNS AND EXPLODED UP TO EIGHT TIMES THEIR NORMAL SIZE!
19. QUAKER PUFFED WHEAT! KAPOW! AND QUAKER PUFFED RICE! KAPOW!
20. *Ten minutes of howling wind and furious barking*
1. English Canadians are quiet and law-abiding, though there are some bad eggs.
2. French Canadians are funny and ineffectual, but maybe one in 50 is a bad guy.
3. LOOK FOR THE SMILING QUAKER MAN!
4. Americans are either crooks, well-meaning bumblers, or city-slickers who have a thing or two to learn about life in the north country.
5. QUAKER PUFFED WHEAT AND QUAKER PUFFED RICE ARE THE GIANTS OF THE CEREAL WORLD! (Repeat mantra three times.)
6. Britons are ineffectual for the first half of the episode, and hardcore in the last half.
7. Irish people get lost in the snow, unless they are priests.
8. QUAKER’S OAT AND MOTHER’S OATS ARE THE SAME!
9. Indians are basically children. They can’t read or write, and are easily led astray, generally by Americans or Half-Breeds.
10. Germans have funny little dogs and are never evil.
11. Half-breeds are always, always, always, always evil and a surprising number of them are named Blackie. Sgt. Preston can’t even say “half breed” without sneering.
12. Women named Kate are strong and independent.
13. All other women are helpless.
14. QUAKER PUFFED CEREALS RESTORE NATURAL GRAIN FOOD VALUE AMOUNTS!
15. Inuit are wise and seldom led astray by anyone.
16. If someone says they don’t like dogs, shoot them now and save time later.
17. Sgt. Preston should just stay in one place and let his lead dog King solve crimes.
18. QUAKER PUFFED WHEAT AND QUAKER PUFFED RICE ARE ACTUALLY SHOT FROM GUNS AND EXPLODED UP TO EIGHT TIMES THEIR NORMAL SIZE!
19. QUAKER PUFFED WHEAT! KAPOW! AND QUAKER PUFFED RICE! KAPOW!
20. *Ten minutes of howling wind and furious barking*