(no subject)
i had lived my life one way and i could just as well have lived it another. i had done this and i hadn't done that. i hadn't done this thing but i had done another. and so? it was as if i had waited all this time for this moment and for the first light of this dawn to be vindicated. nothing, nothing mattered, and i knew why. so did he. throughout the whole absurd life i'd lived, a dark wind had been rising toward me from somewhere deep in my future, across years that were still to come, and as it passed, this wind leveled whatever was offered to me at the time, in years no more real than the ones i was living.