(no subject)

Sep 07, 2009 02:16

I haven't posted to lj in quite some time. I find it amusing all the changes that have occured. An actual writer's block starter tag on my front page in particular. It reminds me of all those free writing exersizes I had to do in school. Didn't like them then either. I guess I figured if you had something to write why resort to something like Pick your favorite color and tell how it makes you feel. But I shouldn't knock what writer's have done for untold eons. Any way it's not the reason I came to lj tonight. Can't realy say why except maybe a feeling of nostalgia. An old resource for figuring things out in black and white. A self evaluation tool I use every so often. One of the many places I keep making lists or records of self progress, permonance, reaffirmation of existance. Nothing so deep. Sometimes I just feel like rambling. I feel - something. And I can't name it. It's been so long since I've felt something that I feel relief and can't seem to get beyond that. Things are starting to be interesting again. Even my boring cubicle job has importance to me now beyond the fact of gainfull employment. I can see making goals again and have actual hope of achieving them. It scares me as much to see a faint hope as it did to not see any. I guess that's it. Hope and fear. For so very long their was only fear and I wouldn't see it. Weak to be strong. Recognize fear to see hope. Serve in order to receive. Surrender that one may be empowered. I see it. I can almost believe it.
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