Dear Government
Thank you ever so much for your new requirement to verify my families dependent status in order to be allowed to continue to carry them on my insurance that is paid for by my company and I. I ever so much appreciate the need to make copies of a form THAT YOU GAVE ME as well as a joint tax return that I ALREADY SENT YOU, then redact identifying information other than my name and send them back to you. How very clever of you, as one government issued form that is copied, redacted and sent back to you could be falsified, BUT TWO OF THEM? Pure. Genius.
Also, I very much appreciate the need to verify joint ownership of something in order to qualify my wife for the insurance that I pay for. Not only can I understand why you need to be part of this financial transaction but I can see where proof of joint ownership is completely necessary to prove that I am in fact married. I mean, almost anyone can issue marriage certificates these days.
However, regarding the joint ownership requirement, sadly, the legalization of marijuana bill was defeated this year, as I'm sure that was the joint that you must have been referring to because it's totally inconceivable that two married people might not have documentation to prove joint ownership of a house, rental, car, auto insurance or car insurance. Clearly nobody who needs insurance for their dependents would follow that outdated paradigm that one person in the family pays for the house, car, as well as the auto and house insurance. Luckily we did actually file a joint tax return so that I can copy that form, redact all financial and identifying social security number information and attach that form to my marriage certificate so that I can prove to you that I'm married.
Thank you for defending my tax dollars by ensuring that no one with a simple copy machine could defeat your stringent requirements and thereby ensuring that no one may fraudulently carry a dependent on the insurance that they pay for. This divinely inspired policy will, no doubt save us billions in the years to come and I'm sure will really frustrate those evil insurance companies. Thanks for looking out for us and I'm so glad I finally got a chance to see what's really in the health care bill.
Glad to see my tax dollars are efficiently keeping you all employed. Thanks for letting me keep my insurance.