A letter to my brother in law for bailing on an in law family gathering
And yes, he has a "TOP GUN" costume that he wears for Halloween... it's two sizes too small.
By the power vested in me by the Never Leave Your Wingman clause of the In-law Solidarity Act and due to egregious abandonment of a wingman (me), I do hereby unilaterally revoke your privileges to wear your “TOP GUN” uniform. Rights to use any quotes involving the terms “Ghost Rider”, “Goose”, or the singing of “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling”, in whole or part, are hereby denied to you pending proper reconciliation with said left wingman. Reconciliation efforts should involve, at a minimum, cigars, alcoholic beverages bordering on toxic, being forced to listen to diatribes by your offended wingman, and the mandatory singing of said “Loving Feeling” song at appropriately loud volume in entirety with as many words as can be remembered. The use of excessive hair product, while discouraged, is not denied to you provided that you not create any hairstyles involving Air Force style pompadours or their equivalent, or combine the use of said excessive hair product with Ray Ban brand aviator style sunglasses. Violations of these terms could lead to sanctions such as: whiney emails, the provision of obnoxious toys or projectile weaponry to your children, publication of embarrassing childhood photographs, or the earth crashing into the sun.
Or in short…
Dude, I can’t believe you’re letting something like a worldwide recession and the need for continued employment to get in the way of supporting your wingman. Now me having to take my laptop with me and occasionally sneak off to work in West Virginia is going to go over like a fart in church. You SO owe me for this.