said goodbyes lead to happy hellos. I guess.
What is is about saying goodbye that makes it so hard.
What is it that makes saying goodbye to your best friends, that mkaes it gutwrenchingly hard to put on that fake smile.
Why do i feel like im just going to wake up tommorrow and its all going to be just a big dream?
Non of this actually feels real. I dont feel like im moving tommorrow. I dont feel like i should be packing. But its really hard, because i just said goodbye to the people who ment the most to me. We've been through so much, literally....and they've always had my back. We might hate eachother at time, and bicker, but it doesnt mean they dont mean the world to me. I've been really trying to be apathetic, just so this wouldnt happen, but i feel horrible. I spent all this time complaining about hating it here, and getting out of here, but now im leaving i dont want to. I dont want to leave my friends. I dont want to get older, and loose touch...but i have this climbing feeling it just might. I keep glancing over at ruby tuesdays, wondering if my sisters there...remebering roughly three years ago, when mom and i got "evicted", because they needed to sale of the house we were in, and bounced from place to place (my uncles for two weeks, hotel, uncles, slept in the car and hotel agian} and finally breathing my sigh of relief, three years ago to this day, i was sitting in the exact same place, looking out this exact same door, wondering what my future held here. The next day mom and i got our house...on chincoteague. These last few years, have been crazy, and drama filled, but i wouldnt trade the world for them. I remeber meeting masters for the first time, as i look to the screen and see dagsboro on there....I remeber, getting saved, and how wonderful that was. I remeber everything. This place, has really shaped my life.
I dont want to loose my friends.
I miss them so much.
They have really been my support.
Im afraid. Not being in school and all
Of what my future holds
Masters. Everything.
Im afraid. I have no idea what im going to do, after high school.
Im nervouse, because this time im not in high school.
but ill be okay.
Ill be back here, in september,
and if i can raise enough
I just dont want to come home, and be forgotten.
Im so afraid of that.
It happens everytime. I go away, and people all say keep in touch, but when you come back, they dont care, you have your own life they have theirs. So the people you've been so happy to see, just leave you feeling dissappointed.
Im afraid im going to come back in three months, and everyones going to be going somewhere, and ills still be stuck in this stalemate.
Im afraid that all of this this stuff, that i've been doing with people, all the laughs and fun times, is just because they know im leaving. Like someone who's terminally ill, they know they'll never see me again, so they're being really nice.
Im just afraid of everything at the moment.
I really cant beleive i just said bye to krista and nina...
Ill be okay. Im just going to go sleep.